Still thinking of Rhet

[mryukon]

gotta disagree with you, dear one

I find your statements crisp and clean and as simple to understand as a steak is to chew and digest -- easy to chew, with lots of nourishment to make hearts and bodies happy, and flavor worth the work of the chewing -- without all the fuss a French chef would put into some dish far more complicated -- and far less refreshing.

Thanks

[Long Island Bob]

January, 1974 --at the peak of the Hippie games -- and yes she was an integral part of that revolt against My Father's Dreams -- Mama never recovered from it, grieved to the day she died

and so did Daddy -- he just hid his hurt a little more than she did

they bought four burial plots that winter

their graves are at the top, next to each other

her's is at their feet -- with one more reserved for my little brother, who has physically survived the Drug Culture -- though it did permanent and unfixable destruction to his entire life

I never go out there because of the pain it causes -- but I begin the tale of my sister and the beginnings of our own time of agony by describing those three graves with the 4th one waiting -- for over 40 years my little brother has paid one hell of a price for his so-called New Age resistance to everything my father stood for.

There were four of us -- my older brother and I escaped the New Age because we lived for Mom and Dad's approval -- their praise was the essence of victory inside our own heads -- but the youngest two were very literally destroyed because they wanted friends and so tried to destroy what our father had dreamed of creating just so their classmates would like them.

That's the message I want to deliver: what my Dad stood for is the difference between living and destroying yourself -- friends are nice, yes, and we all want others to like us, that's natural -- but when friends demand the destruction of honor and integrity, they sucker punch fools into our own deaths

It was honor and integrity that got my Dad and Mom through the Depression and the war years -- and honor and integrity that got them through all the crap that followed -- and the way to their praise was to show that same honor, that same integrity in our own dealings with whatever life threw at us -- no lies, no cheating, no stealing, no weaseling out of a hard and unpleasant task -- because such betrayal OF OURSELVES was the essence of self-destruction. Jonathan Edwards and Bernie Madoffs exist only because they never accepted the principle of honor, never understood that "integrity" means being strong enough to refuse the easy way out, refusing the dishonorable cheater's way out.

Jenny died because she could not tell her lying, cheating, weaseling COWARD friends to take a hike. Because she chose dishonor just to please others and destroyed her own integrity in the process.

and it was that dishonor, that loss of integrity which hurt my Dad more than even her death -- he was shamed by her actions, by her values, shamed that HE HIMSELF had failed to teach her and our brother to live by the same honor code which had made him one of the most respected and loved men in the county

The only reason I'm still fighting to find a reason to get up in the morning is the honor my father taught us -- and refusing to betray Bear's own integrity -- Bear would want me strong and true to myself, just like Daddy taught me.

The whole purpose of Bell Jar is just that: to show how the loss of honor caused us to lose our own integrity, to become weaklings unable to withstand the hard times, unable to endure, UNABLE to be true to our own potentials. The loss of integrity caused by the loss of honor -- and the loss of honor caused by the "addiction to mediocrity," the need to conform and be just like everybody else, just because we so insanely crave the approval of others, which is always false and treacherous, here today and blown away in the winds of whatever negatives are blown at us tomorrow -- when instead we should crave the approval of only one person, ourselves, approval based on the knowledge that we stood firm and fought back, doing our level best to not cave in, not to seek the easy way out -- honor and integrity -- not acting like a mindless animal, doing whatever seems convenient at the moment, and having the strength of heart and mind to find positive and noble, honest, true, faithful and trustworthy solutions to whatever problems each of us faces.

"Life has no guarantees except the guarantee we write for ourselves, one person at a time, one day at a time, one challenge at a time -- and those who refuse to guarantee their own honor, their own strength of heart and mind inside their own souls, guarantee written by Self to Self -- well, the dishonorable cheat themselves first of all -- and reduce their own humanity to way less than even a pack of wolves could endure."

That last is a line I wrote a few days ago at the end of the preface. Needs maybe a tiny bit of work yet, but I think the idea is clear. I hope it is.

Your song illustrates exactly that: two cars side by side -- and nobody gets hurt if both people have the honor and the integrity required to cherish the folks in the other car because they cherish themselves too much to act like rabid animals in heat.

That's good, that's very good. But (and maybe my opinion is wrong), I would add phrase to bring it full circle and make it about "The American experience."

People don't like to be taught moral lessons, but they are willing to see how far we have come, what we went through, or how far we have fallen, and gain the same moral lesson by reflecting on that. It's your book do it your way. I'm just giving free advice and will continue to do so.

[rhet 2]

That's good, that's very good. But (and maybe my opinion is wrong), I would add phrase to bring it full circle and make it about "The American experience."

People don't like to be taught moral lessons, but they are willing to see how far we have come, what we went through, or how far we have fallen, and gain the same moral lesson by reflecting on that. It's your book do it your way. I'm just giving free advice and will continue to do so.

all advice is more than welcome

I don't want to preach morality -- I want to show morality: the difference between my father's way of life and what happened to my generation -- and the generation after that -- and let people draw whatever philosophical conclusions they themselves can find from the pictures I want to draw with words

[Long Island Bob]

all advice is more than welcome

I don't want to preach morality -- I want to show morality: the difference between my father's way of life and what happened to my generation -- and the generation after that -- and let people draw whatever philosophical conclusions they themselves can find from the pictures I want to draw with words

Good.

More advice:
make your book "an american story" title exactly as you have, write it 99% as you are planning, but emphasize that these are not things that happened in bird's life, these are not lessons Rhet is trying to teach you, this is the story of America. This is what happened. This is our story.

I might have a completely incorrect mental picture about The Bell Jar, but I sense that watching "Same Time Next Year," and "Avalon" and thinking of Roots, would be positive inspirations.

[rhet 2]

Good.

More advice:
make your book "an american story" title exactly as you have, write it 99% as you are planning, but emphasize that these are not things that happened in bird's life, these are not lessons Rhet is trying to teach you, this is the story of America. This is what happened. This is our story.

I might have a completely incorrect mental picture about The Bell Jar, but I sense that watching "Same Time Next Year," and "Avalon" and thinking of Roots, would be positive inspirations.

Along those lines, yes -- my story is only one of thousands exactly like it -- which is a continuous theme: what happened to us happened to others -- and yet there were differences, too -- the differences are what make this nation unique, that we celebrated uniqueness -- and that got perverted into Hippie-isms as the Greatest Generation raised the Me Me Me Generation -- and now the Me Me Me's are raising the Totally Lost Ones who haven't got a clue about what is and is not positive and desirable behaviors -- and at the same time, so many did NOT fail, but held onto honor and integrity and, just like my Bear did, busted their butts just like their fathers and their grandfathers and never once took the easy way out by cheating. These are NOT the ones on the t.v. -- they're the average guy out there quietly doing what his family needs done, the ones who face an ever-increasing "bad mess" and still fight to never give in, never give up, keep on keeping on because if they do quit, if they do cheat and lie and steal, they know they'll destroy the people who depend on them personally.

America never was about conformity and "fitting in" -- it was about extreme individualists who COULD NOT be like others and wound up leaving the others behind to strike out and find their own unique and special paths, about defying the "social norms" and daring to be true to themselves, honest with themselves, daring to risk literally dying because they could not betray their own unique Personhood. When Jenny caved in to peer pressure, she lost her own uniqueness -- all the time she was yelling about being unique, not conforming to my Dad's way of life, she was letting others dictate who she was and how she should live and conforming to a very different sort of pressure to be exactly like everybody else -- and that got her killed, literally. Others got killed figuratively, becoming lost souls with no idea where to go and how to live, trapped in their own self-induced submission to the mandates of others without a clue how to find the strength to break loose and just be themselves as best they can regardless of crap like bills and money and the things money can buy so the neighbors will approve.

[Long Island Bob]

Along those lines, yes -- my story is only one of thousands exactly like it -- which is a continuous theme: what happened to us happened to others -- and yet there were differences, too -- the differences are what make this nation unique, that we celebrated uniqueness -- and that got perverted into Hippie-isms as the Greatest Generation raised the Me Me Me Generation -- and now the Me Me Me's are raising the Totally Lost Ones who haven't got a clue about what is and is not positive and desirable behaviors -- and at the same time, so many did NOT fail, but held onto honor and integrity and, just like my Bear did, busted their butts just like their fathers and their grandfathers and never once took the easy way out by cheating. These are NOT the ones on the t.v. -- they're the average guy out there quietly doing what his family needs done, the ones who face an ever-increasing "bad mess" and still fight to never give in, never give up, keep on keeping on because if they do quit, if they do cheat and lie and steal, they know they'll destroy the people who depend on them personally.

America never was about conformity and "fitting in" -- it was about extreme individualists who COULD NOT be like others and wound up leaving the others behind to strike out and find their own unique and special paths, about defying the "social norms" and daring to be true to themselves, honest with themselves, daring to risk literally dying because they could not betray their own unique Personhood. When Jenny caved in to peer pressure, she lost her own uniqueness -- all the time she was yelling about being unique, not conforming to my Dad's way of life, she was letting others dictate who she was and how she should live and conforming to a very different sort of pressure to be exactly like everybody else -- and that got her killed, literally. Others got killed figuratively, becoming lost souls with no idea where to go and how to live, trapped in their own self-induced submission to the mandates of others without a clue how to find the strength to break loose and just be themselves as best they can regardless of crap like bills and money and the things money can buy so the neighbors will approve.

I think you've got it.

Your family's stories are in a way unique. but people want to read them, want to know them because people can relate to them.

Like the (fictitious) Forrest Gump. None of us went through what he supposedly went through, but all of us loved the story because it told the story of us all.

[pennysworth56]

Rhet I am sorry for your loss first.

Now I know why I like reading your posts. They are from the heart, which I always felt they were.

I am a long time lurker mostly, some times I post in something that I feel strongly about, but not too often as I know I am not as good with words as the others are.

But I have learned a lot of stuff since I found this site and follow most links that are posted to learn more.

Thank you and keep posting no matter what anyone says because there are some of us that like to read them.

penny

[rhet 2]

Rhet I am sorry for your loss first.

Now I know why I like reading your posts. They are from the heart, which I always felt they were.

I am a long time lurker mostly, some times I post in something that I feel strongly about, but not too often as I know I am not as good with words as the others are.

But I have learned a lot of stuff since I found this site and follow most links that are posted to learn more.

Thank you and keep posting no matter what anyone says because there are some of us that like to read them.

penny

I am so very glad to "make your acquaintance" -- and, as a retired English prof, I sincerely find no flaws in your discourse, none whatsoever.

Think of it this way: if we all had the same writing style, wouldn't that just be another way to deny our own individuality? Each of us is different, thank God! So each of us requires our own unique communication style, too. And it's the differences that make communication both more challenging and more fun.

[Long Island Bob]

Rhet I am sorry for your loss first.

Now I know why I like reading your posts. They are from the heart, which I always felt they were.

I am a long time lurker mostly, some times I post in something that I feel strongly about, but not too often as I know I am not as good with words as the others are.

But I have learned a lot of stuff since I found this site and follow most links that are posted to learn more.

Thank you and keep posting no matter what anyone says because there are some of us that like to read them.

penny

I am glad you have recognized Rhet (aka "bird" aka "marshmallow") for the quality woman that she is. She is one of the best.

pennsysworth,
I will notice your posts in the future (that's a pretty high compliment)

[Long Island Bob]

Hmmm,
marshmallows

[rhet 2]

Hmmm,
marshmallows

toasted? or melted over something? LOL --

I'm getting about 3 good keep-able pages a day -- Rex Stout got 10

if I emailed you the preface in bits and pieces, would you proofread and critquie? in return for a mention in the foreword, of course

[Long Island Bob]

toasted? or melted over something? LOL --

I'm getting about 3 good keep-able pages a day -- Rex Stout got 10

if I emailed you the preface in bits and pieces, would you proofread and critquie? in return for a mention in the foreword, of course

Not at the moment dear.

I take my responsibilities seriously. I sometimes make commitments i cannot keep but I kick myself HARD for doing so.

I would LOVE to help you with this project. I really would, but I'm not able to make any commitments for the next few weeks.

If you ask again then, I will probably be able to make the commitment you need. For now, it would be dishonest of me to say "yes."

[rhet 2]

Not at the moment dear.

I take my responsibilities seriously. I sometimes make commitments i cannot keep but I kick myself HARD for doing so.

I would LOVE to help you with this project. I really would, but I'm not able to make any commitments for the next few weeks.

If you ask again then, I will probably be able to make the commitment you need. For now, it would be dishonest of me to say "yes."

That's one of the things i so cherish about you, dearest. Understood, my friend, with fullest sympathies.

[Long Island Bob]

That's one of the things i so cherish about you, dearest. Understood, my friend, with fullest sympathies.

Thank you j,

No sympathies needed. It's just that I have taken on projects (for friends) half-heartedly before. the result was an unfinished project and a damaged relationship.

I'll probably screw up that way once or twice more before this race is done, but I do try to avoid making commitments unless I truly can follow-through.

Ask me again in a few weeks, really.

[Long Island Bob]

Check your PMs Bird.

this new format doesn't tell you automatically when you have one.