Just shoot me

[gb2004]

Put me out of my misery. My mother-in-law is visiting and she spreads misery where ever she goes.:((

[mysticbeauty_nbeast]

Put me out of my misery. My mother-in-law is visiting and she spreads misery where ever she goes.:((

Oh, I know this game. I've been married for 25+ years now..and my MIL didn't like me from day one. 25+ years later..and I've got a new woman on my hands...who not only treats me well, but treats me as a close confident.

How we got here? Her hubby died in April. very traumatic event for her. I stepped up and began cleaning up her yard...which had been a rock in the shoe of her marriage...Hubby began doing all the honey do's that had built up over the years...taking her out to a nice restaurant for dinner on her birthday....and so on. Had you asked me a year ago, I would have told you that the relationship between my MIL and myself was non-existent. Now, she's the MIL I always dreamed I'd have.

What would I do differently? Well, first off, I wouldn't stand on respectful silence in lieu of a heart to heart. Get her to talk to you as to why she feels as she does. Make her feel as one of your own family when she visits you. Ask her questions about her life, her experiences and her opinions. Find something to agree on..and agree to simply disagree on those topics you don't see eye to eye on. Treat her in other words, as you would your own loved family members; as if your own mother. It may just be the opening to change your relationship with her...which trust me, pays off big time in the longer picture of your relationship with your spouse.

I wish you great success....and may you find the peace your looking for. ;)

~Mysty

[SFC(R)L]

smile and watch tv

[supreme_war_Pig]

Put me out of my misery. My mother-in-law is visiting and she spreads misery where ever she goes.:((

Wow. Grim.

[RTchoke]

My MIL is great. I really feel sorry for those of you who have a MIL from hell.

:(

[gb2004]

She was on the war path this morning. Had my sister-in-law in tears. Now the two of them aren't speaking. SIL says she's not driving MIL back home with her, and I'm thinking "well you're sure as hell not leaving her here." We may have to put her on a plane.

And this is only day 3 of a 5 day visit.:((

[mysticbeauty_nbeast]

She was on the war path this morning. Had my sister-in-law in tears. Now the two of them aren't speaking. SIL says she's not driving MIL back home with her, and I'm thinking "well you're sure as hell not leaving her here." We may have to put her on a plane.

And this is only day 3 of a 5 day visit.:((

War path huh? Causing destruction and death where ever she treads? :rolleyes: Ahhh....what can you do but hit her with pure unadulterated truth? It does work ya know. Something along the lines of "Mom..we do love you. Your being verbally and emotionally abusive, causing strife and pain in our home. We won't be tolerating it anymore as it's not healthy and your actions are destroying the strong family ties and bonds we all share. Now, would you like to discuss the issue? Or would you like to be escorted home? " And done..game over. Don't budge a inch on it. Either she complies or you show her the door. Period, end of story.

See, she's banking on all of you putting up with her war path rantings. She's counting on all of you not wanting to be rude or breach some silent family tolerance and etiquette. I call bull pucky on that thinking. Tell her and SHOW her you mean business. It may start off very uncomfortable...however it will set the boundaries for future visits and lays out exactly what your willing to accept and not accept as it pertains to her behaviors. Try it..I think you'll be amazed by the result of a little truth. Honesty..best and most reliable weapon I've ever wielded in my entire life. ;)

~Mysty

[Samm]

Put me out of my misery. My mother-in-law is visiting and she spreads misery where ever she goes.:((

You are targeting the wrong person... ;)

[ISYairio]

pew pew pew

[Army Wife]

Put me out of my misery. My mother-in-law is visiting and she spreads misery where ever she goes.:((

Ok here you go...BANG! :cool:

I am SO glad I had the greatest MIL on the Earth. Never had a hurtful word, a criticism, or intervention the whole time I knew her. We only had great respect for each other.

[angelicmadrigal]

Put me out of my misery. My mother-in-law is visiting and she spreads misery where ever she goes.:((

::blinks:: Evidently my paternal grandmother's come back from the dead....and she's at your house!

[ALBOB2]

Ok here you go...BANG! :cool:

I am SO glad I had the greatest MIL on the Earth. Never had a hurtful word, a criticism, or intervention the whole time I knew her. We only had great respect for each other.


All of the above AND she was a fantastic cook.

R.I.P. Mom. Love you. :pray:

[SFC(R)L]

An old Jewish couple, married many years, decided to take a pilgrimage to Israel. They were there for a few days when the old wife suddenly died of a heart attack. In keeping with Jewish custom, the burial was quickly arranged, and a lot of red tape cut to make it happen. The husband would have none of it. He wanted his wife sent back to the US for final burial. The embassy staff tried desperately to get him to change his mind. They brought up Jewish traditions, the trouble already spent arranging the burial, and the sheer expense of such a proposition. "No," said the old man. "They buried Jesus here and 3 days later he rose from the dead. I'm not taking any chances."

[gb2004]

War path huh? Causing destruction and death where ever she treads? :rolleyes: Ahhh....what can you do but hit her with pure unadulterated truth? It does work ya know. Something along the lines of "Mom..we do love you. Your being verbally and emotionally abusive, causing strife and pain in our home. We won't be tolerating it anymore as it's not healthy and your actions are destroying the strong family ties and bonds we all share. Now, would you like to discuss the issue? Or would you like to be escorted home? " And done..game over. Don't budge a inch on it. Either she complies or you show her the door. Period, end of story.

See, she's banking on all of you putting up with her war path rantings. She's counting on all of you not wanting to be rude or breach some silent family tolerance and etiquette. I call bull pucky on that thinking. Tell her and SHOW her you mean business. It may start off very uncomfortable...however it will set the boundaries for future visits and lays out exactly what your willing to accept and not accept as it pertains to her behaviors. Try it..I think you'll be amazed by the result of a little truth. Honesty..best and most reliable weapon I've ever wielded in my entire life. ;)

~Mysty

Wish it were that easy. She's nearly deaf (refuses to wear a hearing aid), and has (I think) a little bit of dementia. It's like talking to a brick wall. How much of it is real??? I dunno.

I made excuses for her the first couple of days she was here. But after day three of her obsessing over her bag of Depends that her daughter accidently left at home............They've been replaced. Let it go already.

[gb2004]

::blinks:: Evidently my paternal grandmother's come back from the dead....and she's at your house!

:)):))

[AmericanMuscle]

Put me out of my misery. My mother-in-law is visiting and she spreads misery where ever she goes.:((


God help you. I feel your pain. The last time I saw my mil , a few months ago, she told me she hated me from the day she met me- 25 years ago and has hated me ever since. She also said she hated our beautiful 12 year old daughter. She told me I was a horrible mother. She did this in front of my own mother and daughter.

:(( (not really enough cryilies for this one)

I was able to hold it together and I told her I loved her anyway and would keep her in my prayers. I still can't believe I was able to do that.

[gb2004]

God help you. I feel your pain. The last time I saw my mil , a few months ago, she told me she hated me from the day she met me- 25 years ago and has hated me ever since. She also said she hated our beautiful 12 year old daughter. She told me I was a horrible mother. She did this in front of my own mother and daughter.

:(( (not really enough cryilies for this one)

I was able to hold it together and I told her I loved her anyway and would keep her in my prayers. I still can't believe I was able to do that.

Wow. That was certainly big of you.

[F9thRet]

Man I miss my Mother in Law something horribly. She was killed in Vegas , when a Drunk driver in a Ryder truck ran her over, when she was returning from her church having taught kids about Communion.

Of course the guy posted Bail, and has not been heard of since. a finer woman there never was. Always had something nice to say about anything.

Stephen

[smyrna]

My mother in law gave me one of the greatest gifts...her daughter. I am eternally greatful.

[AmericanMuscle]

Wow. That was certainly big of you.

I meant it. I have failed many times at many things but this was one instance in which I did not take something bad and make it worse~ thank God! I also was able to teach my daugter by example which is also somthing I have failed at often.

I opened the bible to a random page the very next morning and could not believe the passage I opened to. It was about how although we have enemies that may spit in our eye, as long as we have Jesus we are safe.

I hope things go well for you~

[mysticbeauty_nbeast]

Wish it were that easy. She's nearly deaf (refuses to wear a hearing aid), and has (I think) a little bit of dementia. It's like talking to a brick wall. How much of it is real??? I dunno.

I made excuses for her the first couple of days she was here. But after day three of her obsessing over her bag of Depends that her daughter accidently left at home............They've been replaced. Let it go already.

Ahhhh...the elderly....who can, if left to it, can behave like a spoiled 3 year old. :hand: My solution in my previous post to you will still work...just needs a bit of tweaking. First off you must understand she's old. I mean come on...the old adage of you can't teach an old dog new tricks isn't necessarily a fallacy. Second...she's banking on being able to act out and have no response but genuflection towards her. The more you genuflect to her wants and needs..the worse the behavior becomes. :shhh: Right? I get it...really, I do.

So..when a rant or behavior you don't wish to deal with comes up..it's quit simple...deaf or not...you communicate her abusive behavior is not going to be tolerated. You communicate her needs and best interest are at heart....and most importantly...ask her what's wrong. She's acting out in part as a way to be center of the family visit. To not be forgotten or something that has to be maintained. Nothing worse then beign on the outside looking in. Your all younger, full of life..and she's ...well she's old and not able to participate in what you all are doing. Depends?...oh god :rolleyes:...whole new issue right there. Can you imagine being her? Can you imagine having to be dependent upon someone else for something as simple as bathroom usage and management? :redface:

Apply the same guidelines that I gave to you earlier in how to deal with her behaviors...make sure the entire family is applying it as well..so no matter what home she's in your all on the same page...that's the first big step...a unified and consistent front on what is and what is not acceptable behavior is paramount. Next, I would advise a medication review with a medical doctor. Sometimes these behaviors can be caused by an improper dose of medication. Sometimes the behavior can be corrected by an addition of medication. Either way, she should be checked out. Lastly...be tender with her..be loving..even when she's being absolutely stone cold...wrap your family's love around her so she knows she is still important part of your family unit. That in and of itself can help soften some of the other issues. Stay firm on what you will and won't accept...be clear in your communications with her and don't sway on any given scenerio.

I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Please pass along to you sister in law that there are help orgs out there to help her manage her mothers needs as well as her own. Visit is almost over...so hang in there...have a family meeting and discuss what can be done and what needs to be done so that this type of family stress doesn't happen again.

Good luck honey...hang in there...your in my thoughts....

~Mysty

[gb2004]

Ahhhh...the elderly....who can, if left to it, can behave like a spoiled 3 year old. :hand: My solution in my previous post to you will still work...just needs a bit of tweaking. First off you must understand she's old. I mean come on...the old adage of you can't teach an old dog new tricks isn't necessarily a fallacy. Second...she's banking on being able to act out and have no response but genuflection towards her. The more you genuflect to her wants and needs..the worse the behavior becomes. :shhh: Right? I get it...really, I do.

So..when a rant or behavior you don't wish to deal with comes up..it's quit simple...deaf or not...you communicate her abusive behavior is not going to be tolerated. You communicate her needs and best interest are at heart....and most importantly...ask her what's wrong. She's acting out in part as a way to be center of the family visit. To not be forgotten or something that has to be maintained. Nothing worse then beign on the outside looking in. Your all younger, full of life..and she's ...well she's old and not able to participate in what you all are doing. Depends?...oh god :rolleyes:...whole new issue right there. Can you imagine being her? Can you imagine having to be dependent upon someone else for something as simple as bathroom usage and management? :redface:

Apply the same guidelines that I gave to you earlier in how to deal with her behaviors...make sure the entire family is applying it as well..so no matter what home she's in your all on the same page...that's the first big step...a unified and consistent front on what is and what is not acceptable behavior is paramount. Next, I would advise a medication review with a medical doctor. Sometimes these behaviors can be caused by an improper dose of medication. Sometimes the behavior can be corrected by an addition of medication. Either way, she should be checked out. Lastly...be tender with her..be loving..even when she's being absolutely stone cold...wrap your family's love around her so she knows she is still important part of your family unit. That in and of itself can help soften some of the other issues. Stay firm on what you will and won't accept...be clear in your communications with her and don't sway on any given scenerio.

I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Please pass along to you sister in law that there are help orgs out there to help her manage her mothers needs as well as her own. Visit is almost over...so hang in there...have a family meeting and discuss what can be done and what needs to be done so that this type of family stress doesn't happen again.

Good luck honey...hang in there...your in my thoughts....

~Mysty

:hug:

[Army Wife]

All of the above AND she was a fantastic cook.

R.I.P. Mom. Love you. :pray:

She could make a mean pot roast and fried chicken that would make you want to cut your arm off to have another chicken leg...I could/can cook just about anything but I finally after years of trying had to have her teach me how to make FC...bad thing is it has been so long since I have made FC I don't remember how she did it. :((


:evil:
Thanks ALBOB now I want her fried chicken and I can't have it since she passed away 10 years ago. Come here and let me pop you in the back of your bald head for that!

[gb2004]

Things were better today. No fighting, no tears. My MIL seems completely oblivious to the pain she caused my SIL.

They're talking about leaving a day early.

[Samm]

God help you. I feel your pain. The last time I saw my mil , a few months ago, she told me she hated me from the day she met me- 25 years ago and has hated me ever since. She also said she hated our beautiful 12 year old daughter. She told me I was a horrible mother. She did this in front of my own mother and daughter.

:(( (not really enough cryilies for this one)

I was able to hold it together and I told her I loved her anyway and would keep her in my prayers. I still can't believe I was able to do that.

Good for you... and you can find more strength in realizing that you will likely be the one who picks out her nursing home one day. :twisted:


;)

[AmericanMuscle]

Good for you... and you can find more strength in realizing that you will likely be the one who picks out her nursing home one day. :twisted:


;)

:shhh:

;)

[AmericanMuscle]

Things were better today. No fighting, no tears. My MIL seems completely oblivious to the pain she caused my SIL.

They're talking about leaving a day early.

A blessing! You might smell the sulfer for quite some time. Holy water might help! Apply liberally! :cool: I hear buring sage has benefits too.

Whatever sulfuric stench still lingers by Thanksgiving should be obliterated by the smell of turkey and pumpkin pie!

Buenas Suerte!

[gb2004]

They left this morning.

Hallelujah, Hallelujah,
Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah

And please, God, when I'm old, don't let me talk about the frequency and consistency of my bowel movements to anyone other than my doctor.

[mysticbeauty_nbeast]

They left this morning.

Hallelujah, Hallelujah,
Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah

And please, God, when I'm old, don't let me talk about the frequency and consistency of my bowel movements to anyone other than my doctor.

lol...seems to be a marker of age to talk about 'regularity'. :shhh: Tell you what though...you can't 'go'...your miserable..I mean down right miserable and sicker then a dog. Young people don't want to hear that though. So how does she equate with you unless you open another topic? It's uncomfortable at best for both sides to learn how to bridge the gap between the generations...how any of us manage it is truly a miracle.

May I make a suggestion? Call SIL later on today...let her get out the visit and her frustration. Tell her how grateful you are to have her in your life...how you understand the difficulties involved. Maybe suggest a respite nurse to give her a day here and there for a break? Usually medicare pays for it..so no cost to the family. ;)

You made it through....glad your house is at peace again..take a deep breath...take a long shower or hot soak in a bath...have a nice quiet cup of joe and let it all go.

~Mysty

[sircharliebrown]

Kill 'em with kindness.

I'm still learning this one myself, but it's so true.

Glad you made it through the visit.

:hug:

[gb2004]

lol...seems to be a marker of age to talk about 'regularity'. :shhh: Tell you what though...you can't 'go'...your miserable..I mean down right miserable and sicker then a dog. Young people don't want to hear that though. So how does she equate with you unless you open another topic? It's uncomfortable at best for both sides to learn how to bridge the gap between the generations...how any of us manage it is truly a miracle.

May I make a suggestion? Call SIL later on today...let her get out the visit and her frustration. Tell her how grateful you are to have her in your life...how you understand the difficulties involved. Maybe suggest a respite nurse to give her a day here and there for a break? Usually medicare pays for it..so no cost to the family. ;)

You made it through....glad your house is at peace again..take a deep breath...take a long shower or hot soak in a bath...have a nice quiet cup of joe and let it all go.

~Mysty

SIL and MIL don't have to live together (probably a good thing). MIL has an apartment in an assisted living place. I don't think SIL will be taking MIL on any more car trips. LOL

[Mortis]

My ex-wife is your mother-in-law?

My ex-wife called me this week, and asked me how to spell the word 'fantasy' so she could finish writing a letter to her new boyfriend.

Beat that.

[Army Wife]

My ex-wife is your mother-in-law?

My ex-wife called me this week, and asked me how to spell the word 'fantasy' so she could finish writing a letter to her new boyfriend.

Beat that.

:think:
That takes the cake there Mortis...

[Kazsirk]

my mother in law is a tough person. She raised my wife and her two siblings brooking very little nonsense. my Father in law was an alcoholic but not abusive except to himself. she ran the house and the bills and him. he died early.

she always liked me. I think she fell for me in a way like my wife did. in a way I think she is in love with me because I love her daughter. I have seen her mad as a hornet at others but she is not that way to me.

She can be hard but always fair, and she is generous and giving. My own mother is not so good to my wife. At best it is like two cats in a room. but deep down they do get along.

nothing is perfect but some things are better than you expect them to be.

[mysticbeauty_nbeast]

SIL and MIL don't have to live together (probably a good thing). MIL has an apartment in an assisted living place. I don't think SIL will be taking MIL on any more car trips. LOL

I agree its probable a good thing that MIL has her own place...it can be to much for one person to take on. However, having MIL in her own little apartment may explain allot more then you realize. I don't relish the idea of becoming so old that I become a burden upon my children. Then again, I've been so sick in my life that I've already been a burden in many ways upon my family. I've been blessed however...I've a loving husband and three lovely and loving daughters. We've already had 'those' talks before I even hit 40 as our feelings, our love for one another, being honest and open with one another. We're far from perfect mind you..but the stuff that is usually difficult in one's life (like end of life or old age issues) have already been dealt with.

I guess what I'm trying to say is MIL is at the point in her life where she's not only removed from the family but is also aging/aged. Tough spots to get through emotionally and spiritually. Being dependent upon someone else isn't exactly a thrilling prospect either..especially within a independent personality that is used to taking care of themselves. In away, they know that no one is going to challenge an elder...and they can push it if they so choose as a way to get attention. Think of it like a child trying to get attention....if you can't get positive attention, then negative attention is better then no attention at all. Know what I mean? ;)

Little personal side note: my MIL hated me..I mean really disliked me and made it clear for the last 24+ years that I've been married to her eldest son. Her husband died this last April. Thankfully I was of some help through that process..being a retired nurse. Anyway...since then, she has treated me with love, respect and true tenderness. She's become the MIL I'd always hoped I'd have. She's allowed me to help her, be a confident and openly love her as I would my own mother. Weird how life throws little unexpected surprises at you huh? :shhh:

Take a deep breath...take a step or two back...re-evaluate the situation...maybe make a rotating list so no one person in the family is stuck with all the carrying back and forth...and call MIL a few times a month for 'just cuz'. Might help make things a bit smoother for the upcoming holidays? Just a suggestion.

Remember...just breath honey...sometimes it's all that stops the screaming...lol

~Mysty

[doodle5]

I had one that was so abusive to everyone I refused to go at all forever!!

I enrolled in LBCC met lovely weomen and professors. Son did everything the rest of the older weomen in his family did nothing Lena signed guest book and left at the funeral.

Husband says she would argue with a fence post!!

My mother was very talented with her hands!! seamstress, excellent cook, received her AA from city College when I was nineteen and her youngest sister. Other aunt had teacher credentials. My grandfather insisted on the three daughters getting an education. He had one rule you don't work you don't eat!! He taught them manual work, I am the same way.

I took the state Real Estate Exam and passed in 2005 and renewed in July.
I study investing and business and economics.
All sons except one are excellent in Math like father, husband and I love to read, study and walk and I bike late at night at 24 hour fitness.

Find hobbies something you love to do!!

Place her in the hands of God completely!!
Read Ps.1 love that chapter.

The last time we went to see mil I taught her Spurgeon's Holy Spirit and she memorized all of it!!
She told me I thought I couldn't memorize.

Later on we parted peacefully, we didn't have much in common at all.

My prayers

Carlene

[ALBOB2]

My ex-wife is your mother-in-law?

My ex-wife called me this week, and asked me how to spell the word 'fantasy' so she could finish writing a letter to her new boyfriend.

Beat that.


Of course you told her, D-I-V-O-R-C-E, right? :twisted:

[supreme_war_Pig]

My ex-wife is your mother-in-law?

My ex-wife called me this week, and asked me how to spell the word 'fantasy' so she could finish writing a letter to her new boyfriend.

Beat that.

Wow, she doesn't know how to use a dictionary? Seriously, you know that she did that just to get under your skin, right?

[Samm]

My ex-wife is your mother-in-law?

My ex-wife called me this week, and asked me how to spell the word 'fantasy' so she could finish writing a letter to her new boyfriend.

Beat that.

She could have asked you how to spell "fellatio." ;)

[Mortis]

Wow, she doesn't know how to use a dictionary? Seriously, you know that she did that just to get under your skin, right?

I don't think it worked, because my girlfriend was on my lap laughing her ass off.

[Mortis]

She could have asked you how to spell "fellatio." ;)

She doesn't even know that word exists.

[Samm]

She doesn't even know that word exists.

... didn't know... :razz:

[nortman]

Put me out of my misery. My mother-in-law is visiting and she spreads misery where ever she goes.:((

It sucks to be you. My mother in law is a joy to be around. She is just a fantastic person..............once you get past that whole "Pittsburgh Steelers fan" thing.

[nortman]

My mother in law gave me one of the greatest gifts...her daughter. I am eternally greatful.
Aw, that's like nauseatingly sweet. Let us know if you get some after she reads your post. :mrgreen:

[nortman]

My ex-wife is your mother-in-law?

My ex-wife called me this week, and asked me how to spell the word 'fantasy' so she could finish writing a letter to her new boyfriend.

Beat that.Did you tell her that it's spelled **** ***?