relationships and marriage

[mlisarules]

I ask this to all the older people in this forum, who has a lot more experience than people my age. With all the interpretations of celebrity relationships by the media (jon and kate/david letterman,etc) , how do you sustain a long lasting relationship that will end up to becoming a long term marriage? I am getting scared about how I perceive the changes and now the generalization of marriage over here: cheating, divorce rates are up, abuse, etc. I for one do not believe in divorce, my parents divorced when I was 14 and that took an emotional impact on me. I feel like family life and values is slowly dimminishing and bad influences are plaguing our society. I mean I desire to have the long marriage for more than 20 years, that is why I am working my butt off with college now to make sure I have a stable job in the future. So that both me and my "one" (that I am patiently waiting for) to be financially secured for our future. I want to have my right hand supportive man (my Todd Palin) standing with me right by my side when I run for politicial positiions in the future.

I mean I guess I am in that age where I want to have a serious relationship with someoene to love me and for me to love him back with commitment . Right now, I feel lonely and confused. So any advice would be great. Thanks.

[Ninjacorpse]

Anymore you are going to need a good deal of patience finding someone if you really wish to find someone that you feel you can spend your life with. You are young their is plenty of time to find someone after you get your life in order. Just do not fall in love with the idea of falling in love and having a family, that can cloud your judgment be sure that the feelings you get from possible mates are genuine and not just a byproduct of a desire to just be with someone.

[JenyEliza]

I don't have a lot of advice to give you, I'm 46 and divorced, but I do know that long-term marriages exist.

My parents 50th wedding anniversary is next week. They were 16 and 21 when they married. And...."they" said it would never last.

50 years. That's some milestone! :D

[Ninjacorpse]

One more thing, having had my biological parents divorce at a young age and watching the affect it has had on my older siblings, I will say that you cannot let your parents mistakes and mistreatment of each other cause doubt in how your relationships will turn out.

[khigh]

I ask this to all the older people in this forum, who has a lot more experience than people my age. With all the interpretations of celebrity relationships by the media (jon and kate/david letterman,etc) , how do you sustain a long lasting relationship that will end up to becoming a long term marriage? I am getting scared about how I perceive the changes and now the generalization of marriage over here: cheating, divorce rates are up, abuse, etc. I for one do not believe in divorce, my parents divorced when I was 14 and that took an emotional impact on me. I feel like family life and values is slowly dimminishing and bad influences are plaguing our society. I mean I desire to have the long marriage for more than 20 years, that is why I am working my butt off with college now to make sure I have a stable job in the future. So that both me and my "one" (that I am patiently waiting for) to be financially secured for our future. I want to have my right hand supportive man (my Todd Palin) standing with me right by my side when I run for politicial positiions in the future.

I mean I guess I am in that age where I want to have a serious relationship with someoene to love me and for me to love him back with commitment . Right now, I feel lonely and confused. So any advice would be great. Thanks.

I might be your age (23), and not "old and wise", but I have been married for almost 3 years. Almost 2 of those years we have been separate from each other. Basic training for Army, then AIT, and then Iraq- June will be Afghanistan for another year, so then it will be 3 years apart out of 5 years of marriage.

Trust and honesty are the two biggest things you need in a relationship. I won't say "don't screw up" because that is impossible, however, I will say to admit when you do screw up. If you are a dependent personality, which it sounds like you might be, do NOT marry into the military. It is a rewarding lifestyle, but you could be faced with spending half or more of your marriage in two different places across the world.

Have friends, be independent, and TALK. Talking things through is the biggest thing in any relationship. We have had our fights and our troubles, but we work through them.

[Hoobeedoo Bejesus]

Just give.

Simply give.

It's not work when you just give.

[ISYairio]

Don't rush into a relationship - by which I mean don't meet someone, move in with them, and marry them all in a years time or less.

Don't be petty, be mature - by which I mean don't mouth off, demean, ambush resurrect an old issue, etc.

Be supportive - by which I mean if you are with them, be with them! No-no IE: don't essentially egg on a 2 year olds bad behavior by saying she isn't your kid and then get upset when something happens because you failed to contribute to monitoring her while also saying you looooove her.

Don't sabotage your own relationship - by which I mean don't privately and secretly associate, especially in certain ways, with individuals you know the person you are currently supposedly with be immediately suspicious of.

Be a couple but also individuals - don't freak out or cling to the other if they make plans to do something themselves or with friends, say going golfing or something, but also be sure to make time of some kind for each other, even if you work a lot.

Be patient and reasonably tolerant - you are both flawed humans and your own individuals. The ideal just... isn't.

Don't tolerate any ****ing abuse - if for whatever damned reason you see the other as a viable companion, nip that then and there because it can get worse or you can get in a mental state scary to others about what you tolerate and make excuses for. Otherwise, bye-bye!

Beyond that... don't solely or too greatly value yourself on the success or failure of your search for a significant other, etc.

IMHO.

That is what came to mind when I read your post, from observing the relationships of my parents and sister. But then again I am 20 and don't date so ?????. http://www.instantsmileys.com/smileys/goofy-smiley-06.gif (http://www.instantsmileys.com)

[jimjames418]

The biggest threat to a young person is not knowing, or understanding, the difference between love and passion.

I have been married for over 50 years to the most wonderful woman in the world (most of the time). Understand that marriage is a full time job which requires constant work to make it work. Unless you both work on making it work it will fail.

We have had our disagreements but one thing we have always been able to do, never go to bed without finishing the business and saying (and meaning) I love you.

One thing we learned early in our marriage, and it almost caused us to split, was never, under any circumstance, tell friends or relatives anything negative about the other. It always gets back, and it is always in a form that makes it much worse than it really is.

[JediMindTrick]

Divorce doesn't have to be the end of the world.

My parents divorced when I was only 3 and I don't really remember a time they were together. My father was mostly absent during my childhood which knowing what I know now is a good thing.

I myself got divorced five years ago and the five years since have been the happiest of my adult life.

Make sure when you get married you get married for the right reasons not because you think its time or all your friends are getting married. And if after your married you feel its not working out then don't be afraid to bail on the marriage as your only harming yourself and possibly children if you force a bad thing to continue.

[janer]

[QUOTE=mlisarules;62201861]I ask this to all the older people in this forum, who has a lot more experience than people my age. With all the interpretations of celebrity relationships by the media (jon and kate/david letterman,etc) , how do you sustain a long lasting relationship that will end up to becoming a long term marriage?

We celebrated our 37th anniversary in September. First and last marriage for both of us. At the time, I posted my rules for a long marriage - don't divorce him, don't shoot him.
But kidding aside - I remember an interview with Alan Alda many years ago - at the time, he had been married nearly 20 years, working in a profession where there is a high infidelity and divorce rate. He was asked what was the "secret" of a happy, long term marriage, why he didn't stray and he said, "Because that's the deal". That's it - for better or worse, until death parts us, that's the deal.

[angelicmadrigal]

I'll just point out that not every solid long term relationship ends in marriage. However, that seems to be your goal so I'll give you some advice that's applicable to the situation.

- make sure you don't have any HUGE ideological differences for example: how to spend money, how to raise children, if you even want children, etc....

- have at least 1 or 2 common interests that you can do TOGETHER. You don't need to be together 24/7, but every couple needs to have something substantial in common.

Personally the whole idea of someone swoonging over "the one", just makes me gag.

[jeepers]

Just give.

Simply give.

It's not work when you just give.

A dangerous thing to advise a young woman unless she has the right partner. If you don't have that, then you will only be a doormat. The key is in the picking of the mate. If you choose wisely, then your advice is perfect. If you choose badly, it's a recipe for heartbreak.

So my advice is to take the time to find the right partner. Don't sport date if you seriously want a serious mate. Dont' try to turn a casual date into a long term committed relationship. Date only those who are looking for mates. Ignore completely the guys that are like 'uhh, not sure'...or 'uhh, maybe someday'... SEE YA!

I'm really serious here. And once you think that you've found this person, do not get married until you've seen them in hot water. You might have to wait a long time for that, but trust me, it's worth it. You will see their character. See what they do when no one is looking. Integrity. Values.

It can be really easy when life is easy. It's only under stress where you see who a person really is. Look at their parent's marriage and see what they've learned from it. If that marriage sucks but the person cannot see that or else, they make excuses for it, then RUN FOR THE HILLS. History repeats itself with unaware people. Not only with individuals but intergenerationally.

Better to wait for the right person than to get married to the wrong person.

Looks fade, but character doesn't. If you've picked a really good person, then GIVE.

[Vic Daring]

What ISYairio said.

Pop culture has taught us that Relationship = Drama. If you can forget that, figure out that pretty much the opposite is true, and find someone else who has figured it out too, you'll have a pretty good shot.

[angelicmadrigal]

Look at their parent's marriage and see what they've learned from it. .

I learned don't get married.


There really is no logical reason to get married other than financial benefits (sharing insurance, pension, etc...) or legal issues involving property or children.

[traditional_woman]

One thing I think every married (women especially) should know, that most ppl leave out is this;

It is normal to feel like you don't love your mate at times. Someone once said I fall in and out of love with my spouse twice a day. We are human and when you live with someone they will get on your nerves from time to time, or say things that get under your skin. You don't particularly feel that honeymoon love for them when that happens, but logically you DO know deep down that you are still in love. We get too hung up on feelings sometimes and unfortunately it gives us an unrealistic view of many things.

[angelicmadrigal]

One thing I think every married (women especially) should know, that most ppl leave out is this;

It is normal to feel like you don't love your mate at times. Someone once said I fall in and out of love with my spouse twice a day. We are human and when you live with someone they will get on your nerves from time to time, or say things that get under your skin. You don't particularly feel that honeymoon love for them when that happens, but logically you DO know deep down that you are still in love. We get too hung up on feelings sometimes and unfortunately it gives us an unrealistic view of many things.

Reminds me of the song from Avenue Q "The more you love someone the more you want to kill them"

[Stream77]

I've been married 20 years, and the other posters here have pretty much nailed it. I, too, would emphasize taking your time. I married when I was 32 and I still consider that one of the best decisions (to wait) that I've ever made. As was also stressed, everyone has faults. Acknowledge them but don't sweat the small stuff (putting the cap back on the toothpaste, etc.), and married life will be much more worry-free. Take advice from family and friends but in the end trust yourself to make the right decisions for YOU, especially when it comes to children (when or if to have and how many).

And last but not least: communication. A marriage has as much chance of surviving without it as does a plant without water.

[Apatriot]

I ask this to all the older people in this forum, who has a lot more experience than people my age. With all the interpretations of celebrity relationships by the media (jon and kate/david letterman,etc) , how do you sustain a long lasting relationship that will end up to becoming a long term marriage? I am getting scared about how I perceive the changes and now the generalization of marriage over here: cheating, divorce rates are up, abuse, etc. I for one do not believe in divorce, my parents divorced when I was 14 and that took an emotional impact on me. I feel like family life and values is slowly dimminishing and bad influences are plaguing our society. I mean I desire to have the long marriage for more than 20 years, that is why I am working my butt off with college now to make sure I have a stable job in the future. So that both me and my "one" (that I am patiently waiting for) to be financially secured for our future. I want to have my right hand supportive man (my Todd Palin) standing with me right by my side when I run for politicial positiions in the future.

I mean I guess I am in that age where I want to have a serious relationship with someoene to love me and for me to love him back with commitment . Right now, I feel lonely and confused. So any advice would be great. Thanks.

First, the divorce rate is exaggerated by people who get multiple divorces. Of first marriages, more than 50% succeed.

Second, part of any long term relationship is being upfront about the fact that the relationship will change. The passion of the first few years dies down. Hopefully by that point, you have a strong friendship and deeper love that will sustain it.

Third, part of a relationship is that you have to work to keep it going, and you have to recommit yourself to it every day.

[traditional_woman]

Reminds me of the song from Avenue Q "The more you love someone the more you want to kill them"

There was a similar discussion on another forum where a man stated that he and his wife had been married 40 yrs and have never had an argument. It had become one of those I love my spouse more than you 'contests'. So many ppl bought it, but i didn't. There are no perfect marriages, and when he said that, to me he was saying he had a perfect marriage. It reminds me of some of those couples who hang all over each other, and dote all over each other in PUBLIC, but behind closed doors they are 2 armlengths apart. I don't trust ppl who put on a front.

[JenyEliza]

I might be your age (23), and not "old and wise", but I have been married for almost 3 years. Almost 2 of those years we have been separate from each other. Basic training for Army, then AIT, and then Iraq- June will be Afghanistan for another year, so then it will be 3 years apart out of 5 years of marriage.

Trust and honesty are the two biggest things you need in a relationship. I won't say "don't screw up" because that is impossible, however, I will say to admit when you do screw up. If you are a dependent personality, which it sounds like you might be, do NOT marry into the military. It is a rewarding lifestyle, but you could be faced with spending half or more of your marriage in two different places across the world.

Have friends, be independent, and TALK. Talking things through is the biggest thing in any relationship. We have had our fights and our troubles, but we work through them.

Excellent insight and advice for such a young age! I am impressed!

Looking back over the 25 years I have known my (now) ex husband, I would say the biggest single mistake I made in our relationship is failing to admit when I was wrong and failing to apologize and take responsibility when I was wrong.

Now that we have been divorced many years and have teenaged children, I see where I went wrong and I wish I could go back and change what I failed to do. I don't know that it would have saved our family, because by the time the children were born he had already moved on from me emotionally and physically (ie, an affair with our neighbor who he is now married to).

But who knows? Maybe if I had been less rigid and more flexible and willing to say "I'm sorry" and "I'm wrong, you're right" more often, things might have been different?

I do know this now at 46 (almost 47)---it is WAY more important to be happy than to be "right". WAY more important!

If saying "I'm sorry" or "I'm wrong" means I will end up happy, then I'm gonna do it. Whether or not I am the person who really owes the apology or admission of wrong doing.

[Koushi Shinigami]

I ask this to all the older people in this forum, who has a lot more experience than people my age. With all the interpretations of celebrity relationships by the media (jon and kate/david letterman,etc) , how do you sustain a long lasting relationship that will end up to becoming a long term marriage? I am getting scared about how I perceive the changes and now the generalization of marriage over here: cheating, divorce rates are up, abuse, etc. I for one do not believe in divorce, my parents divorced when I was 14 and that took an emotional impact on me. I feel like family life and values is slowly dimminishing and bad influences are plaguing our society. I mean I desire to have the long marriage for more than 20 years, that is why I am working my butt off with college now to make sure I have a stable job in the future. So that both me and my "one" (that I am patiently waiting for) to be financially secured for our future. I want to have my right hand supportive man (my Todd Palin) standing with me right by my side when I run for politicial positiions in the future.

I mean I guess I am in that age where I want to have a serious relationship with someoene to love me and for me to love him back with commitment . Right now, I feel lonely and confused. So any advice would be great. Thanks.

1 cor 7:1
1 cor 7:8
1 cor 7:25-26
1 cor 7:40


http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20cor%207&version=NIV

[SFC(R)L]

I have been married for 27 years. To the same woman.

Real men treasure their wives; real wives treasure their husbands. They are friends and partners; the very thought that I might hurt or lose the love of that gentle creature is more than I could stand.

[Koushi Shinigami]

Just give.

Simply give.

It's not work when you just give.

There is no simple answer.

[Old_Mil]

I mean I guess I am in that age where I want to have a serious relationship with someoene to love me and for me to love him back with commitment . Right now, I feel lonely and confused. So any advice would be great. Thanks.

Selfishness murders more marriages than perhaps anything else I can think of. If you find someone who will walk a mile in your shoes as you walk a mile in his you're 90% of the way to till death do you part.

[Sinister Rouge]

I wonder how old the OP is.
If she's less than 25 or so, I would tell her to relax.
Date casually.
Don't think of every relationship as an audition for marriage.
Enjoy yourself.
There is still a lot of time for you to find a serious person. Right now you need to find out who you are.

If you go into every relationship with expectations of marriage, you are going to be disappointed. There are certain things you'll learn in relationships that you can't learn anywhere else. Some of these will be about you, some will be about what you look for in another person, and some will be about life in general. I have ex-girlfriends that I've learned quite a deal from, even though we are no longer on speaking terms. I've used those lessons to build stronger relationships later on.
I'm also still friends with a few old girlfriends (one of whom introduced my to my current girlfriend). And while we've had our fair share of disagreements, we're on good terms now.

I've had a few friends get married young--several of them are divorced now. There's no point in rushing the most important decision of your life. Date casually, build friendships, and explore yourself. Date a variety of people, you never know what traits and personalities you will find. And don't be afraid to reach outside your comfort zone with people. For example, my girlfriend is a Japanese-American former cheerleader who hunts--none of which would have interested me before I met her.







But the most important thing is that there are no simple rules.

[WorldWatcher]

>


Don't sweat the little stuff.

Once you find the right person, as long as you both concentrate on the "we" instead of the "me" then you'll do just fine.


>>>>

[Koushi Shinigami]

:)) :)) :)) :)) :)) :)) :)) :)) :)) :))

[JediMindTrick]

If your a woman don't get married and then suddenly expect that the husband is going to change to abide by your rules. You knew who he was before you married him so don't think you suddenly have the right to make him into someone else. If he watches football on Sundays before you get married then he's going to do so after wards too and your just being selfish if you suddenly expect him to stop. Basically if you don't like his habits then don't marry him to begin with.

[Koushi Shinigami]

Men always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!


1
Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us bitching about you leaving it down.


1
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!


1
Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.


1
Don’t cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you’re stuck with her.


1
Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.


1
Crying is blackmail.


1
Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints don’t do it!


1
We don’t remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.


1
Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?


1
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.


1
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.


1
Check your oil! Please.


1
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.


1
If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We refuse to answer.


1
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.


1
Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it’s genetic.


1
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.


1
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.


1
Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.


1
The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it and quit whining to your girlfriends.


1
ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.


1
If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.


1
We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.


1
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.


1
If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.


1
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.


1
Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the offside rule, investments or cars.


1
You have enough clothes.


1
You have too many shoes.


1
Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it’s Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn’t really matter what the hell they’re saying anyway.)


1
It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn’t matter which quiz.


1
BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.


1
I’m in shape. ROUND is a shape.



Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don’t mind that, it’s like camping.

[MarkyS]

I don't have a lot of advice to give you, I'm 46 and divorced, but I do know that long-term marriages exist.

My parents 50th wedding anniversary is next week. They were 16 and 21 when they married. And...."they" said it would never last.

50 years. That's some milestone! :D

Hah! Pikers!! My folks just passed their 60th. Their secret? They had 8 kids, and couldn't afford to break up the marriage because of the higher cost of raising a broken family.

Seriously, they still fight all the time, but they also cuddle and coo all the time. It's remarkable. They are their own best friends, for sure, and they raised a very tight family. We all get along great.

M

[sgdp]

I don't ever plan on getting married. There's no point. You can gain most all the legal benefits without a marriage license, and I'm not religious, so I don't want a ceremony.

That being said, I've never been in a relationship, so I don't know how others feel about that.

[Sinister Rouge]

I've been thinking about this topic...
And I decided to make a list of things I look for in a girl. In no particular order.


1. Sense of humor.
2. Sense of humor.
3. Adventurous.
4. Sporty.
5. Smart.
6. Tolerant of football. Doesn't necessarily have to be a fan, but has to understand that on a Saturday when the Noles are on, THAT is what we are doing.
7. Class. Must be a lady on the street.
8. Sexy. Must be a freak in the bed.
9. Strength. My all time favorite female fictional character is Ellen Ripley.
10. Dorky.
11. Sense of humor.
12. Taste. I'm not saying a girl and I have to like every single movie/show/band what-have-you, but I'm not putting up with a girl who listens to Miley Cyrus and reads Twilight.
13. Integrity.
14. Honesty.
15. Sense of humor.

[JediMindTrick]

I've been thinking about this topic...
And I decided to make a list of things I look for in a girl. In no particular order.


1. Sense of humor.
2. Sense of humor.
3. Adventurous.
4. Sporty.
5. Smart.
6. Tolerant of football. Doesn't necessarily have to be a fan, but has to understand that on a Saturday when the Noles are on, THAT is what we are doing.
7. Class. Must be a lady on the street.
8. Sexy. Must be a freak in the bed.
9. Strength. My all time favorite female fictional character is Ellen Ripley.
10. Dorky.
11. Sense of humor.
12. Taste. I'm not saying a girl and I have to like every single movie/show/band what-have-you, but I'm not putting up with a girl who listens to Miley Cyrus and reads Twilight.
13. Integrity.
14. Honesty.
15. Sense of humor.

A pulse is the #1 deal breaker for me. If she doesn't have that then its just not going to work.

[Sinister Rouge]

A pulse is the #1 deal breaker for me. If she doesn't have that then its just not going to work.


Lol. Maybe you should google the Moonlight Bunny Ranch...

[Rankandfile]

Look at how a man treats his mother and his sisters. He will treat you the same way.
Marry your "best friend". Don't get caught up in "romance". My husband will never send me flowers for my birthday, or give me a piece of nice jewelry for Christmas. But, the car is always filled with gas, everything in the house is fixed, I have a cup of hot tea brought to me in bed every morning, he washes the dishes after dinner, and he does his own laundry. That aside -- one thing I looked for in a man to marry was -- would someone do business with this man on a handshake? For some reason, that was important to me -- how honest he was in his dealings with others would be a very good indication of how honest he would be in his dealings with me.
You cannot have a long marriage to someone you don't respect. That lack of respect will eat away at you.
You and your partner must be on the same page about issues that all couples face.
It doesn't matter how much money you have or don't have as long as you agree on how you are going to spend it. If you can't get along with his family, or he can't get along with yours, forget it. (unless you are willing to forever have to "choose" or sneak around to see your mom).
Both you and your partner have to be willing to let go of the "image" you have of what a marriage "should be", and work with what your marriage "is". One of the few things Hillary ever said that I liked was "There are only two people in a marriage". Don't try to have a marriage that is like anyone else's. Your marriage is your marriage. Decide early on what the boundaries are going to be -- your boundaries -- not your sister's, not your best friend's -- in the marriage and live within those boundaries.
Your marriage and your home should be a safe haven from the world, no matter where "home" is -- a van in a Wal-Mart parking lot, or a large home in the suburbs.
Decide that being right is not as important as being loved.
Also, remember the 80/20 rule. 80% of your partner's personality will be pleasing to you, and 20% will not. Focus on the 80%, and let the 20% shrink in comparison.
The 80/20 rule works both ways -- 20% of your personality probably bugs him, too.
Don't get involved with an addict. Your life will be hell.
After marriage, good qualities you liked in your mate will seem better as time goes on.
Not-so-good qualities will seem worse as time goes on. Figure out what you can live with, because the men aren't going to change.

[jeepers]

Reminds me of the song from Avenue Q "The more you love someone the more you want to kill them"

:))

If you've never wanted to kill your spouse, you ain't married!

[Koushi Shinigami]

:))

If you've never wanted to kill your spouse, you ain't married!

Brings to mind a GNR tune...

[jeepers]

I've been thinking about this topic...
And I decided to make a list of things I look for in a girl. In no particular order.


1. Sense of humor.
2. Sense of humor.
3. Adventurous.
4. Sporty.
5. Smart.
6. Tolerant of football. Doesn't necessarily have to be a fan, but has to understand that on a Saturday when the Noles are on, THAT is what we are doing.
7. Class. Must be a lady on the street.
8. Sexy. Must be a freak in the bed.
9. Strength. My all time favorite female fictional character is Ellen Ripley.
10. Dorky.
11. Sense of humor.
12. Taste. I'm not saying a girl and I have to like every single movie/show/band what-have-you, but I'm not putting up with a girl who listens to Miley Cyrus and reads Twilight.
13. Integrity.
14. Honesty.
15. Sense of humor.

The only thing that I could quibble with is #6. Bear with me...

One really dramatic thing that I got when we had our first child is that whole 'this is what I like to do in my downtime' ...just plain flies out the window with children.

Which leads me to: discussion about being a parent BEFORE MARRIAGE.

So I would say 'yeah sure, support his football' but find out how involved he wants to be in parenting the kids. Becuase if you've got a guy that REFUSES to get off the couch becuase the X are playing and he HAS to watch, he wont' be taking Junior to his own game. MOM will be doing it. She also won't be sitting next to him on the couch...

This sets up a situation where Mom is raising kids and being involved in their lives and Dad is doing his thing. If Mom was looking for a real partner in parenting, this coudl come as a badly rude awakening. 'And that's when the fight started..." But if you are saying 'this guy really loves football, respect it' as well as 'he's not going to put football before his marriage and kids' then FINE.

Our personal interests as parents many times take a backseat to kid raising. It's the nature of the beast. It's part of that growing up process where you're putting the needs of the family ahead of yourself. I would also say that this absolutely applies to things like 'lunch with your girlfriend' and whatever stuff that women enjoy, too.

Btw, I have to put 'listening to Miley Cyrus and reading Twilight' in the same category as 'constantly watching football'. :D

I would file both under 'harmless activities' unless either of them mean that #5 isn't true. Number five matters. "Smart people" know how to prioritize commitments and adapt to changing conditions.

[Sinister Rouge]

The only thing that I could quibble with is #6. Bear with me...

One really dramatic thing that I got when we had our first child is that whole 'this is what I like to do in my downtime' ...just plain flies out the window with children.

Which leads me to: discussion about being a parent BEFORE MARRIAGE.

So I would say 'yeah sure, support his football' but find out how involved he wants to be in parenting the kids. Becuase if you've got a guy that REFUSES to get off the couch becuase the X are playing and he HAS to watch, he wont' be taking Junior to his own game. MOM will be doing it. She also won't be sitting next to him on the couch...

This sets up a situation where Mom is raising kids and being involved in their lives and Dad is doing his thing. If Mom was looking for a real partner in parenting, this coudl come as a badly rude awakening. 'And that's when the fight started..." But if you are saying 'this guy really loves football, respect it' as well as 'he's not going to put football before his marriage and kids' then FINE.

Our personal interests as parents many times take a backseat to kid raising. It's the nature of the beast. It's part of that growing up process where you're putting the needs of the family ahead of yourself. I would also say that this absolutely applies to things like 'lunch with your girlfriend' and whatever stuff that women enjoy, too.

Btw, I have to put 'listening to Miley Cyrus and reading Twilight' in the same category as 'constantly watching football'. :D

I would file both under 'harmless activities' unless either of them mean that #5 isn't true. Number five matters. "Smart people" know how to prioritize commitments and adapt to changing conditions.


Fair enough. But I don't have kids, so I don't have that perspective yet. My advice was only for relationships, I would be unqualified to give parental advice.