Are your compliments genuine?

[traditional_woman]

Let's say a friend colors their hair a color you are not fond of and you can tell they aren't fond of it either, do you still say it looks nice?

Let's say they got an ugly perm, and you really don't know what to say, and she's waiting for you to comment, do you say it looks good?

Please answer honestly.

[mysticbeauty_nbeast]

Albeit said with a great amount of sensitivity, I always tell my girlfriends, if asked, the truth. All my friends can depend upon me to tell them what I really think ...if asked. Doesn't make me really popular sometimes...but then again, they keep me around due to my honesty.

I usually will do the girlfriend extra step...take said girlfriend with said horrific hair cut/style and do an asap (same day or next day) appointment for them with my stylist. (Have to brag...my girl is amazing!) It's the least I can do to help out a friend in need. Nothing worse then having to put up with a bad cut for six to eight weeks....:(( Been there myself...done that. It sucks.

Ugly outfits to pants that do make the bum look to big...I'm your gal. I won't just put it out there though without a solution or offering help to the problem at hand. Heck, it's what your best girlfriends should do right? Help you out of a fix? Right?.....right!

~Mysty

[F9thRet]

I'm perfectly fine with whatever you lady folk agree with. ;)


Stephen trying to slip in yet another white lie. :D

[StoneScratcher]

Let's say a friend colors their hair a color you are not fond of and you can tell they aren't fond of it either, do you still say it looks nice?

Let's say they got an ugly perm, and you really don't know what to say, and she's waiting for you to comment, do you say it looks good?

Please answer honestly.

I tell the truth. In other words, if someone's butt looks big in those jeans and they ask, I tell them the truth.

If it is someone who doesn't like me, they probably wouldn't ask my opinion anyway (and they may not like me because I never lied about how they looked, if they asked me).

I'd rather not be around people who cannot accept my honest opinion. Walking on egg-shells over what is said around people who are overly sensitive to criticism is sort of like living with a bunch of VICTIMIZATION-addicts, who bleet out (boohoo) "I am a VICTIM" at every whim. I can't stand people like that.

I like solid-down-to-earth people, who can laugh at themselves and can join in as I laugh at myself over the silly things we deal with day-to-day.

[Army Wife]

I always tell people who ask "If you don't want my opinion don't ask because I won't sugar coat my answer."

[nortman]

Sometimes the truth isn't worth the hurt feelings.


BTW, Traditional woman, I have found the threads that you start very thought provoking and worthy of intense discussion.








:mrgreen:

[LouC]

Let's say a friend colors their hair a color you are not fond of and you can tell they aren't fond of it either, do you still say it looks nice?

Let's say they got an ugly perm, and you really don't know what to say, and she's waiting for you to comment, do you say it looks good?

Please answer honestly.

I tell the truth.

But if it is going to hurt I ask them for permission first.

[DougBH]

Are your compliments genuine?


What compliments?

[MarkyS]

I only compliment folks when I notice something I like, so if I don't like it I will not say a thing.

M

[smyrna]

Let's say a friend colors their hair a color you are not fond of and you can tell they aren't fond of it either, do you still say it looks nice?

Let's say they got an ugly perm, and you really don't know what to say, and she's waiting for you to comment, do you say it looks good?

Please answer honestly.

I'd like to compliment you on a great question.:mrgreen:

[Tulsa]

I've been both brutally honest and I've lied my ass off. Lying reaps better rewards every time.

[StoneScratcher]

I tell the truth.

But if it is going to hurt I ask them for permission first.

How do you do that?

"I don't want to hurt you, but may I tell you something?" sort of like that?

[StoneScratcher]

I've been both brutally honest and I've lied my ass off. Lying reaps better rewards every time.

Oh no! You aren't a politician, are you?

[Tulsa]

Oh no! You aren't a politician, are you?

No, a husband...

[jeepers]

Let's say a friend colors their hair a color you are not fond of and you can tell they aren't fond of it either, do you still say it looks nice?

Let's say they got an ugly perm, and you really don't know what to say, and she's waiting for you to comment, do you say it looks good?

Please answer honestly.


I have a small group of women that I am incredibly close to. If not only asked, but pressed, I will offer up a kind but real opinion.

Look, no woman on the planet needs my advice to tell her that her butt looks fat. She ALREADY KNOWS. If yer fat, yer fat. Does she need me to say 'did you know that your butt looks fat?' That's sort of like asking me, who was sick with morning sickness during one pregnancy that last the ENTIRE time, "hey have you tried crackers?"

As to a bad perm? My piling on isn't going to make her perm go away. Again, if asked, I will come from a solution place 'you know, if you cut your hair this way, this might look good". If she doensn't like her hair color and I don't like it either, I will respond to her and support HER in what she wants to do about it.

That latter happened once. Brown haired friend highlighted her hair at home with too heavy of a hand. She looked BLONDE. This was not good. She didn't like it. I wasn't thrilled but again, it's her head. It was sort of obvious that she needed to see a professional to repair this. I agreed that she needed to do this and was her ear with regards to the progress of her once again being happy with her head.

BUT if she likes it? I'm not commenting. It's her head, her look, rock on. I didn't make friends with these women because of what they look like, we're friends because of who we are to each other. So that aspect of it seems trite, irrelevant.

The only time that I can recall that I've commented on a potential accessory was a friend who bought a little dog that she was over indulging. I told her 'I can put up with our differences in lifestyles and politics, but the one thing that I cannot do is be friends wtih a woman that carries her dog around in a purse. If you put that dog in a tote like Paris Hilton, I'm going to have to seriously rethink our relationship".

And then we laughed our butts off. Even funnier, she refused to commit to not carrying the thing in a purse.

In general, I'm not one to offer up criticism of clothing. I'll compliment someone if they look good. I'll ignore the whole category of conversation if I think that they don't. If they're freaking out over something that isn't that bad, I'll tell them that it's not that bad. Or 'yes, I liked it better before'. Not, OMG YOU LOOK LIKE A (perjorative).

Could I possibly go to 'what were you thinking?' land? I suppose that I could, but it would have to be so dramatically bad or inappropriate that I couldn't stop myself. And even then, it would be to save them from serious embarrassment. But I would be saying it to save them, not to just offer up my thoughts.

Again, it's their head, their body, their fat, their butt and ultimately, their choice.

I would say not a word if this was only an aquaintance. Then that definitely fits the none of my business, category. If you're not invited in to someone's personal life, I think that is rude. If you're invited into their lives and you spend your time talking about things like the state of marriages, concerns about children, jobs, and the WHOLE shebang...if you're already comfortably ensconced into each other's world, then this would be just one more category.

So level of intimacy in the relationship would be the defining factor. If we know each other's deepest thoughts, hair is sort of minor.

JMO

[traditional_woman]

I have a small group of women that I am incredibly close to. If not only asked, but pressed, I will offer up a kind but real opinion.

Look, no woman on the planet needs my advice to tell her that her butt looks fat. She ALREADY KNOWS. If yer fat, yer fat. Does she need me to say 'did you know that your butt looks fat?' That's sort of like asking me, who was sick with morning sickness during one pregnancy that last the ENTIRE time, "hey have you tried crackers?"

As to a bad perm? My piling on isn't going to make her perm go away. Again, if asked, I will come from a solution place 'you know, if you cut your hair this way, this might look good". If she doensn't like her hair color and I don't like it either, I will respond to her and support HER in what she wants to do about it.

That latter happened once. Brown haired friend highlighted her hair at home with too heavy of a hand. She looked BLONDE. This was not good. She didn't like it. I wasn't thrilled but again, it's her head. It was sort of obvious that she needed to see a professional to repair this. I agreed that she needed to do this and was her ear with regards to the progress of her once again being happy with her head.

BUT if she likes it? I'm not commenting. It's her head, her look, rock on. I didn't make friends with these women because of what they look like, we're friends because of who we are to each other. So that aspect of it seems trite, irrelevant.

The only time that I can recall that I've commented on a potential accessory was a friend who bought a little dog that she was over indulging. I told her 'I can put up with our differences in lifestyles and politics, but the one thing that I cannot do is be friends wtih a woman that carries her dog around in a purse. If you put that dog in a tote like Paris Hilton, I'm going to have to seriously rethink our relationship".

And then we laughed our butts off. Even funnier, she refused to commit to not carrying the thing in a purse.

In general, I'm not one to offer up criticism of clothing. I'll compliment someone if they look good. I'll ignore the whole category of conversation if I think that they don't. If they're freaking out over something that isn't that bad, I'll tell them that it's not that bad. Or 'yes, I liked it better before'. Not, OMG YOU LOOK LIKE A (perjorative).

Could I possibly go to 'what were you thinking?' land? I suppose that I could, but it would have to be so dramatically bad or inappropriate that I couldn't stop myself. And even then, it would be to save them from serious embarrassment. But I would be saying it to save them, not to just offer up my thoughts.

Again, it's their head, their body, their fat, their butt and ultimately, their choice.

I would say not a word if this was only an aquaintance. Then that definitely fits the none of my business, category. If you're not invited in to someone's personal life, I think that is rude. If you're invited into their lives and you spend your time talking about things like the state of marriages, concerns about children, jobs, and the WHOLE shebang...if you're already comfortably ensconced into each other's world, then this would be just one more category.

So level of intimacy in the relationship would be the defining factor. If we know each other's deepest thoughts, hair is sort of minor.

JMO

You're sweet. I take this approach 99% of the time too.

[NascarGirl2448]

Sometimes you just have to tell a little white lie, or risk hurting someone's feelings. I would rather not risk hurting someone's feelings.

[Claymore]

"Nice tie."
WJC

[Claymore]

bump for anyone that gets it

[Samm]

Let's say a friend colors their hair a color you are not fond of and you can tell they aren't fond of it either, do you still say it looks nice?

Let's say they got an ugly perm, and you really don't know what to say, and she's waiting for you to comment, do you say it looks good?

Please answer honestly.

I never compliment someone unless they deserve it.

And might I add... The OP is the most intelligent, insightful, thought provoking post I have ever seen here in the Hannity Forums.


Oh... and those skin tight stripped slacks look great on you. :razz:

[traditional_woman]

bump for anyone that gets it

Ok, Clay,what does it stand for?

[traditional_woman]

I never compliment someone unless they deserve it.

And might I add... The OP is the most intelligent, insightful, thought provoking post I have ever seen here in the Hannity Forums.


Oh... and those skin tight stripped slacks look great on you. :razz:

Aww, i do 't know whether to believe you or not, so I'll just say ''thank-you''. Hehhee

[Claymore]

Clinton, when he had to say something to someone he'd rather not meet would say, "Nice Tie.".
It's an insincere, sarcastic compliment.

[traditional_woman]

Clinton, when he had to say something to someone he'd rather not meet would say, "Nice Tie.".
It's an insincere, sarcastic compliment.

Really, he admitted that? Most ties aren't ugly, unless they have pig, or fairie patterns on them.

[Samm]

Aww, i do 't know whether to believe you or not, so I'll just say ''thank-you''. Hehhee

Well, I am just imagining (fantasizing?) about the skin-tight slacks. ;)

[super cool ski instructor]

I always tell the truth...which is why my friends want me to go bathing suit shopping with them :D

[Greyclouds]

Not a big fan of lying, but I would give a friend a white lie rather than the truth in certain circumstances. Actually, it really depends on HOW they ASK the question! (Please note: these only apply to a female friend. I will tell a male friend the absolute truth every time)

Situation 1

Friend is smiling: "How do you like my haircut?"

I'm not a big fan: "Looks good!"

Situation 2

Friend has a neutral face; hard to read: "How do you like my haircut?"

I'm not a big fan, but I try to find a positive thing about it: "It frames your face very well."

Situation 3

Friend is clearly upset: "I'm really upset with my haircut!"

I'm also not a big fan: "Everything's ok. Sure, it isn't the best, but the left side will regrow really fast and you'll be able to get a new one (from a new hair stylist) soon!"


Why do I reserve sympathy and white lies for female friends rather than male friends? The repercussions of blatant, "inappropriate" honesty are far worse with my female friends.

[AutoRacer55]

I just say she looks great. It also helps that I like fat girls as much as I do skinny ones.

[PredFan]

I would much rather lie and avoid hurting the feelings of those I care about. If possible, I will say nothing.

[jeepers]

I always tell the truth...which is why my friends want me to go bathing suit shopping with them :D


Aint no one coming into that dressing room with me. Perhaps it's the AGE thing.

At 25 I would have said 'come on in'. At 48 I would say 'you're out of your gourd'.

eek! :lol: