A joke

[Dual867PowerMac]

Bob went on a vacation to the Middle East with some of his family, including his mother-in-law. While they were visiting Jerusalem, Bob's mother-in-law died.

With the death certificate in hand, Bob went to the American embassy and asked an official to make arrangements to send the body back to the States for proper burial.

The official told Bob that sending a body back to America would be very expensive.

"At least $5,000," he said. But also offered Bob an alternative: burying his loved one in Jerusalem.

"That's far, far less."

Bob immediately refused. "I want her buried back in America! I don't care how much it'll cost to send her body back."

The embassy official gushed. "My, you must have loved your mother-in-law very much to be willing to pay that much money to have her buried at home."

"No, it's not that," Bob replied. "You see, I know of a case many years ago of a person that was buried here in Jerusalem and came back from the dead three days later. I'm not gonna take any chances!"

[coolidge]

a young lawyer slowed down at a stop sign but never stopped. A police officer witnessed this and pulled him over. The young lawyer thought man I got this beat. The officer approached the car and the lawyer asked "Officer is there a problem" to which the officer replied "you slowed down but never stopped at the stop sign"
The lawyer with a smug look on his face said "Officer if you could point out, to me, the difference of stopping and slowing down"
The officer said " sir please step out of the car" the lawyer did and the officer proceeded to beat the hell out of him with his baton and asked "do you want me to stop.....or just slow down?"

[gdoane]

An old farmer's barn went up in smoke.
When he tried to collect money from the insurance company, the agent said "Sorry, read your policy and you'll see we can't give you money, we can only build you another barn just like you had."

The farmer looked at the agent and said, "Well, if that's the case then I'm dropping your policy on my wife!"