Discussing weight in marriage

[traditional_woman]

How do you bring weight issues up w/out it sounding like your nagging?
I love my hubby dearly, and would love him even at 300 pounds, however we are in our 30's he's pre-hypertensive and it's time he start taking his health seriously. He's about 30 pounds over weight, and he mainly carries it all in his gut, giving him that beer belly appearance. In the past if a REALLY overweight guy walked passed us in public, he'd say, ''don't ever let me get that big''. When he got back from deployment he had cut 15 pounds and he looked really good! He stuck to his exercise regimen for about a week, along w/ his good eating habits, but then got right back into old habits. About the 3rd week, I said something like, I've noticed you stopped working out,he'd say...''I'll start PT back up again when i get of leave''. Well he's a shortimer(moving)so he hasn't done PT once since he's been back.

Maybe it's b/c I'm a health fanatic, that it bothers me watching himself let himself go?! I weigh myself daily(it's a habit, been doing it for 15 yrs) I workout 5x a week and eat in moderation. I weigh the same as when we married 14yrs ago(thats after having a ton of kids too lol) I do have a sweet tooth and treat myself when the need arises lol, but I don't let myself over do it for more than a few days a week or so. Anyway, any tips on how to bring this up w/ it it sounding like I'm judging or nagging?

[DRS]

My ex put on a lot of weight, I tried to not nag but suggested for her health that it would be good to lose weight I bought her gym memberships and even went in with her to help her get set up.

But in the end it has to be the desire of the person to do if for themself

[EmmanuelGoldstein]

I'd approach it gently, from the health angle. Not only is he risking hypertension, but with the extra weight around the gut he's risking diabetes too (especially if he has any other risk factors).

[Ninjacorpse]

You may have to come off as nagging, I do not think you can have it both ways unless you want to trick him into loosing weight. If it were me, I would just come out with it and be as truthful as possible sounds like you have been keeping your feelings from him and that is not the way to go. Look inside yourself and you will find the words ;)

[John2598]

How do you bring weight issues up w/out it sounding like your nagging?
I love my hubby dearly, and would love him even at 300 pounds, however we are in our 30's he's pre-hypertensive and it's time he start taking his health seriously. He's about 30 pounds over weight, and he mainly carries it all in his gut, giving him that beer belly appearance. In the past if a REALLY overweight guy walked passed us in public, he'd say, ''don't ever let me get that big''. When he got back from deployment he had cut 15 pounds and he looked really good! He stuck to his exercise regimen for about a week, along w/ his good eating habits, but then got right back into old habits. About the 3rd week, I said something like, I've noticed you stopped working out,he'd say...''I'll start PT back up again when i get of leave''. Well he's a shortimer(moving)so he hasn't done PT once since he's been back.

Maybe it's b/c I'm a health fanatic, that it bothers me watching himself let himself go?! I weigh myself daily(it's a habit, been doing it for 15 yrs) I workout 5x a week and eat in moderation. I weigh the same as when we married 14yrs ago(thats after having a ton of kids too lol) I do have a sweet tooth and treat myself when the need arises lol, but I don't let myself over do it for more than a few days a week or so. Anyway, any tips on how to bring this up w/ it it sounding like I'm judging or nagging?

You're not a health fanatic, you're a health-minded person. :rolleyes: By using the word "fanatic" you put yourself down and you shouldn't.

I'm sorry to hear that you have a sweet tooth because every time you eat sweets you're displacing nutritious food. For every 100 calories of sweets you consume, you could have had 100 calories of real food instead. Sometime, just for the heck of it, put 100 calories of sweets in a dish. Then put 100 calories of broccoli in another dish. See the difference? Sweets can cause inflammation etc. so just the fact of being normal weight doesn't mean you will avoid degenerative diseases as you get older.

Anyway, you can get rid of your sweet tooth if you would just stop eating sweets. It's a little like stopping the smoking habit. At first you will go through a terrible craving. You'll feel like you want sweets all the more. But eventually you will forget about it completely - after a few weeks or months. :wall: Then some day in the future you'll look back and wonder how you ever ate that garbage (that's what it is; it's garbage that will cause you to age faster and shorten your life).

As far as helping your husband, you might be able to help him without saying a word. Just don't keep any high calorie foods in the house. In otherwords, no processed desserts, baked goods, ice cream, soda, white rice, white potatoes and things like chips 'n' dips. Concentrate on low calorie natural whole foods like vegetables, limited amounts of whole grains, legumes, 3 servings of fruit per day, and limited amounts of nuts and seeds. Use a limited amount of extra virgin olive oil and vinegar as a salad dressing (and throw out all store-bought processed dressings). Also, lots of people think they can make a meal of pizza or spaghetti. Forget about it because they are both high calorie.

[AmericanMuscle]

"Anyway, any tips on how to bring this up w/ it it sounding like I'm judging or nagging?"

Let your words reflect the love that underscores them. Words from your physician may have an impact too.

Ultimately, for me, understanding that I can only truly control my own behavior has helped me tremendously when I have seen loved ones engage in self destructive behavior. (Not to say I haven't engaged in some of my own along the way! :wall:)

That's my opinion and I truly wish you and your hubby the best. He's blessed to have such a caring wife.

AM~

PS- TO ALL MEN. Do not, under any circumstance, tell your wife she is fat. According to the latest research, IT IS YOUR FAULT ANYWAY~ ;)

[Talk2Bill]

i try to never even mention the W-WORD.

[tislaw]

How about just stocking the house w/foods good for him and keep the bad stuff out of the house.

Addressing weight to the person is an issue that usually comes off as superficial.

I'm not saying don't be honest but also don't make it a sticking point because it'll cause resentment, hurt and anger. And will NOT help him be healthier.

If he notices the healthier food in the house, just say that you are taking care of BOTH of your healths and don't mention you are doing it to help him loose weight.

Weight is not so much the issue is as the food that is consumed that causes the weight gain.

[mysticbeauty_nbeast]

How do you bring weight issues up w/out it sounding like your nagging?
I love my hubby dearly, and would love him even at 300 pounds, however we are in our 30's he's pre-hypertensive and it's time he start taking his health seriously. He's about 30 pounds over weight, and he mainly carries it all in his gut, giving him that beer belly appearance. In the past if a REALLY overweight guy walked passed us in public, he'd say, ''don't ever let me get that big''. When he got back from deployment he had cut 15 pounds and he looked really good! He stuck to his exercise regimen for about a week, along w/ his good eating habits, but then got right back into old habits. About the 3rd week, I said something like, I've noticed you stopped working out,he'd say...''I'll start PT back up again when i get of leave''. Well he's a shortimer(moving)so he hasn't done PT once since he's been back.

Maybe it's b/c I'm a health fanatic, that it bothers me watching himself let himself go?! I weigh myself daily(it's a habit, been doing it for 15 yrs) I workout 5x a week and eat in moderation. I weigh the same as when we married 14yrs ago(thats after having a ton of kids too lol) I do have a sweet tooth and treat myself when the need arises lol, but I don't let myself over do it for more than a few days a week or so. Anyway, any tips on how to bring this up w/ it it sounding like I'm judging or nagging?

Ahhh yes...males and 30's....it's like a second puberty. My observation of men in this age bracket is this...they're far from old..but not young anymore either. They are in a routine by this age...job, kids, wife, relationships..stuck in a day to day trudge. In this mindset, men begin thinking heavily on what they have not yet accomplished..(ie dreams/goals)...their focus day to day more on what type of life they 'have' now. Being stuck in the not having what they think they want..and moving them into wanting what they've got is a true uphill battle of wills.....so don't even try to budge that boulder. Instead...communicate honestly and lovingly. Breaking any habit is difficult. Breaking a habit that has a emotional chaser is near impossible without some understanding of the greater issue that backs up that habit. ;)

Instigate something that fits into your lifestyle and time constraints with your hubby. For example..make a fit but satisfying dinner..and then ask him to take a walk with you afterward. or...burn some calories in some 'private' time with him....or ask him to go to the gym with you to keep you company. Guise it as you wish...but get him involved with your active healthy lifestyle...physically, mentally and emotionally...:mrgreen:

In the end however, it must be his choice to become fit. We may want the best for our partners...but they have to want it as well in order to make it happen.

~Mysty

[CMike11]

I agree with Tislaw.

You risk hurting him.

It ultimately has to be his desire.

You can influence it by stocking the food with healthy food.

[traditional_woman]

We always have fruits and veggies in the house, and sometimes we have snacks too. I feel if you NEVER allow yourself treats you are just setting yourself up to fail/rebel. Rarely do we have things like choc cookies, but i do have kids, and we have things such as 'movie night' where we pop pop corn and eat it. I have learned not to buy cookies(creme filled) for the kids b/c he'll eat them all in two days any way. I walk the dog regularly, and have invited him along, but he'd rather not, or he'd rather walk slow, whereas I like to power walk. He says walking the dog shouldn't be exercise but a pleasure walk. I've invited him to the gym w/ me, but he's not interested. I do make healthy dinners, it's all about portion control though, and not eating late at night. He will eat cookies(which is why i rarely get them anymore, but hey, he knows how to go to the store) dipped in milk @10pm at night. When i tell him it's just gonna sit in his stomach or that it's too late to be eating, he gets really defensive.

[traditional_woman]

Ahhh yes...males and 30's....it's like a second puberty. My observation of men in this age bracket is this...they're far from old..but not young anymore either. They are in a routine by this age...job, kids, wife, relationships..stuck in a day to day trudge. In this mindset, men begin thinking heavily on what they have not yet accomplished..(ie dreams/goals)...their focus day to day more on what type of life they 'have' now. Being stuck in the not having what they think they want..and moving them into wanting what they've got is a true uphill battle of wills.....so don't even try to budge that boulder. Instead...communicate honestly and lovingly. Breaking any habit is difficult. Breaking a habit that has a emotional chaser is near impossible without some understanding of the greater issue that backs up that habit. ;)

Instigate something that fits into your lifestyle and time constraints with your hubby. For example..make a fit but satisfying dinner..and then ask him to take a walk with you afterward. or...burn some calories in some 'private' time with him....or ask him to go to the gym with you to keep you company. Guise it as you wish...but get him involved with your active healthy lifestyle...physically, mentally and emotionally...:mrgreen:

In the end however, it must be his choice to become fit. We may want the best for our partners...but they have to want it as well in order to make it happen.

~Mysty

True.

I would hope that he would encourage me if I was going in the direction he was going. I know that men are visual, and i know if i gained 30 pounds he would not be as attracted to me as he is now. He would definitely still love me but he wouldn't find me iresitisable, or yummy as he would say. I know i like to look good for myself, but for him as well, that's just a secondary benefit. I never did understand the ''I'm married now, i can let myself go'' mentality. I've taken care of middle aged and the elderly, I don't want him nor i to end up dependent upon others at the age of 60 b/c of ''consistently''eating all the wrong foods and lack of excercise

[smyrna]

How do you bring weight issues up w/out it sounding like your nagging?
I love my hubby dearly, and would love him even at 300 pounds, however we are in our 30's he's pre-hypertensive and it's time he start taking his health seriously. He's about 30 pounds over weight, and he mainly carries it all in his gut, giving him that beer belly appearance. In the past if a REALLY overweight guy walked passed us in public, he'd say, ''don't ever let me get that big''. When he got back from deployment he had cut 15 pounds and he looked really good! He stuck to his exercise regimen for about a week, along w/ his good eating habits, but then got right back into old habits. About the 3rd week, I said something like, I've noticed you stopped working out,he'd say...''I'll start PT back up again when i get of leave''. Well he's a shortimer(moving)so he hasn't done PT once since he's been back.

Maybe it's b/c I'm a health fanatic, that it bothers me watching himself let himself go?! I weigh myself daily(it's a habit, been doing it for 15 yrs) I workout 5x a week and eat in moderation. I weigh the same as when we married 14yrs ago(thats after having a ton of kids too lol) I do have a sweet tooth and treat myself when the need arises lol, but I don't let myself over do it for more than a few days a week or so. Anyway, any tips on how to bring this up w/ it it sounding like I'm judging or nagging?

Some of my best conversations are, "pillow talk". There is a time when you go to bed but aren't asleep yet that you talk. It is quiet. No disturbances. No one else can hear. Very intimate and personal...reserved for a husband and wife. I would speak my concern then.

[CMike11]

True.

I would hope that he would encourage me if I was going in the direction he was going. I know that men are visual, and i know if i gained 30 pounds he would not be as attracted to me as he is now. He would definitely still love me but he wouldn't find me iresitisable, or yummy as he would say. I know i like to look good for myself, but for him as well, that's just a secondary benefit. I never did understand the ''I'm married now, i can let myself go'' mentality. I've taken care of middle aged and the elderly, I don't want him nor i to end up dependent upon others at the age of 60 b/c of ''consistently''eating all the wrong foods and lack of excercise

Ultimately it's his decision. If you harp on him about it you are just going to **** him off.

How much is it worth damaging your marriage for?

[tblaze]

I don't see why you would think of it as nagging. If you are married you should be able to talk about anything, but that is my opinion on it. It wouldn't bother me at all for you to come right out and say it, but that is the type of people I hang around, straight forward and honest. I'd rather have that than someone tip toeing around or trying to be nice about it. Just say how you feel, what is wrong with that ? Everyone wants to approach things so sensitively anymore, what happened to being able to say what's on your mind.

In the end it will be up to him whether he wants to do anything about it or not, he might decide just to keep increasing girth year after year. He might decide to listen to you.

It's up to you but like I said I'd rather have my partner just flat out say what's on their mind.

[jimjames418]

How do you bring weight issues up w/out it sounding like your nagging?
Do what my wife did to me those many years ago. I was a size 34 waist, went to a 36 and complained my pants were getting tight. She bought some size 32 pants and mixed them in with mine. (I was a size 32 when we met). I got the message and brought my weight (and beer belly) down. :doh:

[captusa]

How do you bring weight issues up w/out it sounding like your nagging?
I love my hubby dearly, and would love him even at 300 pounds, however we are in our 30's he's pre-hypertensive and it's time he start taking his health seriously. He's about 30 pounds over weight, and he mainly carries it all in his gut, giving him that beer belly appearance. In the past if a REALLY overweight guy walked passed us in public, he'd say, ''don't ever let me get that big''. When he got back from deployment he had cut 15 pounds and he looked really good! He stuck to his exercise regimen for about a week, along w/ his good eating habits, but then got right back into old habits. About the 3rd week, I said something like, I've noticed you stopped working out,he'd say...''I'll start PT back up again when i get of leave''. Well he's a shortimer(moving)so he hasn't done PT once since he's been back.

Maybe it's b/c I'm a health fanatic, that it bothers me watching himself let himself go?! I weigh myself daily(it's a habit, been doing it for 15 yrs) I workout 5x a week and eat in moderation. I weigh the same as when we married 14yrs ago(thats after having a ton of kids too lol) I do have a sweet tooth and treat myself when the need arises lol, but I don't let myself over do it for more than a few days a week or so. Anyway, any tips on how to bring this up w/ it it sounding like I'm judging or nagging?

You are speaking from the disstaff point of view.
A man must know how not to answer the question "Does this dress make me look fat ?" no matter what the facts might be.