Anger Issues during a Happy Time.

[bitterclinger84]

(Forgive me in advance, this is somewhat complicated.)

I live in Pittsburgh, PA but I'm originally from the Baltimore, MD area. My fiance and I were planning on getting married there in October, because we knew that my mom wouldn't be able to make it up here for a wedding.

She has diabetes and is extremely overweight and has very bad arthritis in her knees. She needs a knee replacement, but she can't have one until she loses a significant amount of weight. Needless to say, she's in a goodly amount of pain every day.

So she basically told me that even if the wedding is back home, she won't be able to make it. On top of that, things were getting very complicated with trying to plan a wedding from over 4 hours away. Both of my parents encouraged me to have the wedding here, instead.

In reality, it's easier this way. But I can't help but feel angry over the whole situation. I feel like my parents should be helping me to have the wedding that I want, instead of pushing me to have a wedding where most of my family won't be able to come. My grandfather just had a knee replacement, so he most likely won't make it up here.

Underneath of it all, as much as I understand my mom's situation, I really want her at my wedding. I'm sad and angry that she won't be able to make it. Then I feel like a horrible daughter for feeling that way. :confused:

I could just use some encouragement and prayers.

[blazer]

You have it sweetie! I understand. My daddy refused to walk me down the aisle.

[stoked]

You know, it just doesn't sound like your folks are physically capable of taking on the responsibility of planning a wedding. I think you should have it where you want but don't expect any help from your folks. If they make it, they make it, but you're going to have to carry the ball on this one.

[EmmanuelGoldstein]

You know, it just doesn't sound like your folks are physically capable of taking on the responsibility of planning a wedding.
Exactly.

No offense, but why would you feel it's their place to plan your wedding? And if having the family present is that important to you, why not have a simple ceremony in their home? Just you and your groom and your parents/grandparents?

[bitterclinger84]

Exactly.

No offense, but why would you feel it's their place to plan your wedding? And if having the family present is that important to you, why not have a simple ceremony in their home? Just you and your groom and your parents/grandparents?

Wow, talk about rubbing salt in a wound. Did I say I wanted them to plan the wedding? And my father is in perfect physical health. But there are other issues there, between him and me.

I don't really think it's unreasonable to ask for a little help. Jeez.

[EmmanuelGoldstein]

Wow, talk about rubbing salt in a wound. Did I say I wanted them to plan the wedding? And my father is in perfect physical health. But there are other issues there, between him and me.

I don't really think it's unreasonable to ask for a little help. Jeez.
I didn't say it was unreasonable. I'm just asking what your priorities are; if having a big wedding is important, that's fine. Nothing wrong with that, but it would appear that you'll end up without some of your family present. If having them present is important, then a small, private ceremony in your home would seem appropriate.

She has diabetes and is extremely overweight and has very bad arthritis in her knees. She needs a knee replacement, but she can't have one until she loses a significant amount of weight. Needless to say, she's in a goodly amount of pain every day.

So she basically told me that even if the wedding is back home, she won't be able to make it. On top of that, things were getting very complicated with trying to plan a wedding from over 4 hours away. Both of my parents encouraged me to have the wedding here, instead.

In reality, it's easier this way. But I can't help but feel angry over the whole situation. I feel like my parents should be helping me to have the wedding that I want, instead of pushing me to have a wedding where most of my family won't be able to come. My grandfather just had a knee replacement, so he most likely won't make it up here.



Your mother is ill and in pain. I can understand why she doesn't feel she could attend a church wedding.

A small intimate private ceremony would allow her to be present. That's all I'm saying.

[bitterclinger84]

I didn't say it was unreasonable. I'm just asking what your priorities are; if having a big wedding is important, that's fine. Nothing wrong with that, but it would appear that you'll end up without some of your family present. If having them present is important, then a small, private ceremony in your home would seem appropriate.



Your mother is ill and in pain. I can understand why she doesn't feel she could attend a church wedding.

A small intimate private ceremony would allow her to be present. That's all I'm saying.

Their house isn't conducive to a wedding of any size, truthfully. And my fiance wants a big wedding.

I said that I understand why she can't make it, regardless of where it is.

Nevermind. I don't know why I brought it up with this crowd. I should have known better.

[stoked]

"I feel like my parents should be helping me to have the wedding that I want..."

What does that sound like? Then we get this:

"Did I say I wanted them to plan the wedding?"

Followed by:

"I don't know why I brought it up with this crowd. I should have known better."

Just so you know, life will have more hardships in store for you than where you plan your wedding. The sooner you learn that the better off you will be.

[EmmanuelGoldstein]

Their house isn't conducive to a wedding of any size, truthfully. And my fiance wants a big wedding.

I said that I understand why she can't make it, regardless of where it is.

Nevermind. I don't know why I brought it up with this crowd. I should have known better.

I pray it turns out ok for you.

[blazer]

I do too! :hug:

[bitterclinger84]

"I feel like my parents should be helping me to have the wedding that I want..."

What does that sound like? Then we get this:

"Did I say I wanted them to plan the wedding?"

Followed by:

"I don't know why I brought it up with this crowd. I should have known better."

Just so you know, life will have more hardships in store for you than where you plan your wedding. The sooner you learn that the better off you will be.

I love how people just jump in and assume that because someone is struggling with something that they haven't struggled with something bigger before. :rolleyes:

I don't see saying that I thought they should be more helpful as being NEARLY the same thing as saying that they should plan the whole freaking wedding. Emotional support goes a LONG way.

[bitterclinger84]

I pray it turns out ok for you.

I do too! :hug:


Thanks. That's really all I was asking for. :hug:

[EmmanuelGoldstein]

I love how people just jump in and assume that because someone is struggling with something that they haven't struggled with something bigger before. :rolleyes:

I don't see saying that I thought they should be more helpful as being NEARLY the same thing as saying that they should plan the whole freaking wedding. Emotional support goes a LONG way.
You're (understandably) stressed out. I imagine your Mom is too.

I have seen this happen time and again with friends and family. That's why I never understood why anyone would spend so much money for a wedding. Starting out in marriage is stressful enough, why add all this drama?

But I'm old and cynical lol. Don't mind me ;)

[bitterclinger84]

You're (understandably) stressed out. I imagine your Mom is too.

I have seen this happen time and again with friends and family. That's why I never understood why anyone would spend so much money for a wedding. Starting out in marriage is stressful enough, why add all this drama?

But I'm old and cynical lol. Don't mind me ;)

LOL trust me, if I could get around it, I wouldn't be doing it. But there are a few reasons why we're doing the "big" wedding thing. First of all, HE really wants a big wedding. He says he's been to all of his friends' weddings and now it's his turn, lol. Second, I'm my grandmother's first grandchild to get married. She's been waiting a LONG time for one of us to get married and I don't want to deprive her of the enjoyment of a real wedding.

Me? I was all up for running away to Vegas :D

[EmmanuelGoldstein]

My brother got married a few years ago. First time for both, and both in their early 40s. Her Mom had obviously been saving up and planning this for many, many years :lol:

OMG. What an extravaganza. I don't even want to know how much it cost.

[bitterclinger84]

My brother got married a few years ago. First time for both, and both in their early 40s. Her Mom had obviously been saving up and planning this for many, many years :lol:

OMG. What an extravaganza. I don't even want to know how much it cost.

Yea....I know how much some of them cost :eek: Although we're inviting a good amount of people, we're keeping it relatively simple. And we have a lot of people in our congregation willing to help us out with planning and setting up, etc. A lot of DIY projects lol.

[EmmanuelGoldstein]

Well, as far as 'anger issues' that you mention in the op here, just let it slide. You can't force people to do what they won't do. No sense in adding to the stress you're already going through.

[jwil59]

I am praying for you my friend

[stoked]

Well, I'm sorry that your folks aren't as engaged and supportive as they should be. I know there were times I wish we had just run off to get married (because we had our own issues) but then I would have missed having so much family all together in one place at one time. I would just have your wedding where you want, it's your day and you shouldn't let anyone stand in the way. I know at my sister-in-law's wedding to my bro, her grandfather, who was in his 90's, took a train all the way from the East Coast to be there. There's no reason why your family couldn't do the same (those who are able). But I would just do it where you will get the best support because you will need all the help you can get. Let those that don't want to participate go through all the turmoil of their indecision (and/or laziness).