Dealing with Loved One's Mental Illnesses

[janine11]

I am rarely one to post anything too personal but I was wondering if anyone had any wise words for dealing with a person you care about's mental illnesses.

I've done a lot of reading on the topic (once dated a bipolar guy for 8 years) but there seems to be conflicting advice about whether to remain in their life or just cut off contact and let them be.

I tend to be a little too compassionate in my personal dealings and I'm wondering if this is one time where I need to learn to be a bit selfish and cold-hearted.

Any prayers you could send the person's way would be also appreciated!

[Hoobeedoo Bejesus]

You can't help those who are not willing to help themselves.

But you can be available and willing for when that point is reached.

Even if they are seeking help, there will be times when they fail.

Check out the tenants of al-anon, it is very similar when dealing with someone with mental illness.

[janine11]

Thank you :)

They do see a psychiatrist but it seems that all they do is prescribe meds rather than deal with actual therapy.

[melinda]

I am rarely one to post anything too personal but I was wondering if anyone had any wise words for dealing with a person you care about's mental illnesses.

I've done a lot of reading on the topic (once dated a bipolar guy for 8 years) but there seems to be conflicting advice about whether to remain in their life or just cut off contact and let them be.

I tend to be a little too compassionate in my personal dealings and I'm wondering if this is one time where I need to learn to be a bit selfish and cold-hearted.

Any prayers you could send the person's way would be also appreciated!

Ultimately, I think only you can decide whether you are willing to remain in this person's life or not. Only you know how this person's mental illness is affecting you and your life.
I've had very many dealings with mental illness ... I promise, I understand.
I also noticed you didn't mention what type of mental illness this person has .... that might make a difference in what books to read.

[jwil59]

I am rarely one to post anything too personal but I was wondering if anyone had any wise words for dealing with a person you care about's mental illnesses.

I've done a lot of reading on the topic (once dated a bipolar guy for 8 years) but there seems to be conflicting advice about whether to remain in their life or just cut off contact and let them be.

I tend to be a little too compassionate in my personal dealings and I'm wondering if this is one time where I need to learn to be a bit selfish and cold-hearted.

Any prayers you could send the person's way would be also appreciated!

You both have my prayers and best wishes. hang in there

[janine11]

Sorry that I didn't get back to the forums. Thanks for the good thoughts.

Melinda - diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder and acute Bipolar Disorder but I believe the person actually suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder.

[EmmanuelGoldstein]

Thank you :)

They do see a psychiatrist but it seems that all they do is prescribe meds rather than deal with actual therapy.

That's pretty much all they're allowed to do (if they want reimbursement by insurance, that is).

The psychiatrist I saw back when I was dealing with issues surrounding my daughter and also my mother's cancer and death was so good to me. He wasn't supposed to provide therapy sessions, but he did so and never billed insurance or me for it. Great doc.

[EmmanuelGoldstein]

You can't help those who are not willing to help themselves.

But you can be available and willing for when that point is reached.

Even if they are seeking help, there will be times when they fail.

Check out the tenants of al-anon, it is very similar when dealing with someone with mental illness.

http://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/0894864025

[samurai7]

You can't help those who are not willing to help themselves.

But you can be available and willing for when that point is reached.

Even if they are seeking help, there will be times when they fail.

Check out the tenants of al-anon, it is very similar when dealing with someone with mental illness.

What great advice. :clap:

[janine11]

That's pretty much all they're allowed to do (if they want reimbursement by insurance, that is).

The psychiatrist I saw back when I was dealing with issues surrounding my daughter and also my mother's cancer and death was so good to me. He wasn't supposed to provide therapy sessions, but he did so and never billed insurance or me for it. Great doc.

Why wouldn't they be allowed to? My ex-BF was bipolar and was very unstable until he found a psychiatrist who provided both therapy and medication treatment. The psychiatrist he had first had only saw him for 15 mins to check his meds and then he found this really great doc and he would have actual therapy sessions with her and he was stable for over a decade after seeing her. Then she retired. He's still pretty much stable though.

[EmmanuelGoldstein]

Why wouldn't they be allowed to? My ex-BF was bipolar and was very unstable until he found a psychiatrist who provided both therapy and medication treatment. The psychiatrist he had first had only saw him for 15 mins to check his meds and then he found this really great doc and he would have actual therapy sessions with her and he was stable for over a decade after seeing her. Then she retired. He's still pretty much stable though.
My doc told me insurance won't pay for an MD to provide therapy sessions, only medication review. I suppose because they (generally) charge more.

It always comes down to the bottom line, after all. And that's a real shame, because as with any illness it's important to have that trust and respect, regardless of the letters behind their name.

[janine11]

I suppose it would depend on the doctor and the insurance then because my ex had really good insurance through his union and like I said, he was seeing a psychiatrist for therapy session for years.

[jwil59]

Why wouldn't they be allowed to? My ex-BF was bipolar and was very unstable until he found a psychiatrist who provided both therapy and medication treatment. The psychiatrist he had first had only saw him for 15 mins to check his meds and then he found this really great doc and he would have actual therapy sessions with her and he was stable for over a decade after seeing her. Then she retired. He's still pretty much stable though.

I am still in prayer for you and your loved one.

God bless you both

[Calibabe]

I am rarely one to post anything too personal but I was wondering if anyone had any wise words for dealing with a person you care about's mental illnesses.

I've done a lot of reading on the topic (once dated a bipolar guy for 8 years) but there seems to be conflicting advice about whether to remain in their life or just cut off contact and let them be.

I tend to be a little too compassionate in my personal dealings and I'm wondering if this is one time where I need to learn to be a bit selfish and cold-hearted.

Any prayers you could send the person's way would be also appreciated!

I commend you for wanting to help someone that has a condition like bipolar disorder. Many people shy away from people with mental illness and that most surely pushes them back into the foreground.

If this person that you are speaking of is not wanting to listen to you or those around him/her and do what is ordered not only by the medical professionals that are treating them but also by the people that care about them, then unfortunately there really isn't anything that you can do other then letting them know that when they are willing to be an active participant in their care that you will be there for them. They have to be willing to take responsibility for that care.

The prayers will be forthcoming. Nothing to worry about there.

I hope that all goes well for you and the person you are concerned about.

[blazer]

praying and think about you and your family!