Prayers for Itsrea, Please!

[rhet 2]

I won't go into details without her consent, but I got a pm with very sad news.

She needs our prayers, my friends. big time

The LORD knows the crisis. All He wants is our intercession on her behalf.

Our Father, Who IS in heaven,
Hallowed by Your Name,
On earth even as it is in heaven.

Give our Rea this day her daily strength,
In heart and mind and body

That she may endure with grace what is unendurable
To sustain her faith and trust in You her LORD
and find comfort where comfort seems gone forever.

Wisdom and loving arms to hold her close, companions to cherish her and care for her, that she may be served with loving kindness, rich and sure and never failing.

Comfort and sustain, protect and provide her every need.

Give her this day her daily bread, bread for heart and mind, body and soul.

And let her know the feel of Your Own Absolute and Perfect Love this day and forever.

For Yours is the Kingdom, now and for all time, without end, a pasture of still waters and green meadows for all our souls to shelter.

And in this Perfect Love and provision for our every need is Your glory and honor for all eternity.

Let Your Mercy and Your Compassion and Your Love abound for our sister, we pray.

In the Name of Your Son, Jesus the Christ, we pray.

Amen.

[blazer]

I won't go into details without her consent, but I got a pm with very sad news.

She needs our prayers, my friends. big time

The LORD knows the crisis. All He wants is our intercession on her behalf.

Our Father, Who IS in heaven,
Hallowed by Your Name,
On earth even as it is in heaven.

Give our Rea this day her daily strength,
In heart and mind and body

That she may endure with grace what is unendurable
To sustain her faith and trust in You her LORD
and find comfort where comfort seems gone forever.

Wisdom and loving arms to hold her close, companions to cherish her and care for her, that she may be served with loving kindness, rich and sure and never failing.

Comfort and sustain, protect and provide her every need.

Give her this day her daily bread, bread for heart and mind, body and soul.

And let her know the feel of Your Own Absolute and Perfect Love this day and forever.

For Yours is the Kingdom, now and for all time, without end, a pasture of still waters and green meadows for all our souls to shelter.

And in this Perfect Love and provision for our every need is Your glory and honor for all eternity.

Let Your Mercy and Your Compassion and Your Love abound for our sister, we pray.

In the Name of Your Son, Jesus the Christ, we pray.

Amen.
Lord please help our dear sister whatever the need is! :pray:

[JenyEliza]

rea, please reach out if you need anything. I will hold you and Rick up in prayers. You have certainly had more than your fair share of burdens to bear lately.

Sending up prayers on your behalf and sending you more love than you can imagine.

:hug: :pray: :hug: :pray:

Love you,
Jeny

[johnrocks]

Itsrea is a sweet person, I sense that, whatever troubles her I pray that the right answer to end her suffering and worries come soon.

[repchick]

I won't go into details without her consent, but I got a pm with very sad news.

She needs our prayers, my friends. big time

The LORD knows the crisis. All He wants is our intercession on her behalf.

Our Father, Who IS in heaven,
Hallowed by Your Name,
On earth even as it is in heaven.

Give our Rea this day her daily strength,
In heart and mind and body

That she may endure with grace what is unendurable
To sustain her faith and trust in You her LORD
and find comfort where comfort seems gone forever.

Wisdom and loving arms to hold her close, companions to cherish her and care for her, that she may be served with loving kindness, rich and sure and never failing.

Comfort and sustain, protect and provide her every need.

Give her this day her daily bread, bread for heart and mind, body and soul.

And let her know the feel of Your Own Absolute and Perfect Love this day and forever.

For Yours is the Kingdom, now and for all time, without end, a pasture of still waters and green meadows for all our souls to shelter.

And in this Perfect Love and provision for our every need is Your glory and honor for all eternity.

Let Your Mercy and Your Compassion and Your Love abound for our sister, we pray.

In the Name of Your Son, Jesus the Christ, we pray.

Amen.


AMEN and AMEN :hug:

[JenyEliza]

Please let us know if you hear back from Rea. Tell her we're thinking of her and praying for her and her family. :hug: :pray:

[USMCmom]

Rea...you are in my prayers and if there is anything at all that we can do to help please let us know.:hug:

[stoked]

May God comfort you and give you peace Itsrea.

[doodle5]

Rea,

May Christ surround you with HIS peace and comfort your heart!!

Carlene

[JenyEliza]

Praying for you, Rea. :hug:

Sending love, hope and prayers out to you tonight. :hug: :pray: :pray:

May God provide comfort to you as you weather these trying times.

Love,
Jeny

[Remus Lupin]

Done!

[mgifford]

I won't go into details without her consent, but I got a pm with very sad news.

She needs our prayers, my friends. big time

The LORD knows the crisis. All He wants is our intercession on her behalf.

Our Father, Who IS in heaven,
Hallowed by Your Name,
On earth even as it is in heaven.

Give our Rea this day her daily strength,
In heart and mind and body

That she may endure with grace what is unendurable
To sustain her faith and trust in You her LORD
and find comfort where comfort seems gone forever.

Wisdom and loving arms to hold her close, companions to cherish her and care for her, that she may be served with loving kindness, rich and sure and never failing.

Comfort and sustain, protect and provide her every need.

Give her this day her daily bread, bread for heart and mind, body and soul.

And let her know the feel of Your Own Absolute and Perfect Love this day and forever.

For Yours is the Kingdom, now and for all time, without end, a pasture of still waters and green meadows for all our souls to shelter.

And in this Perfect Love and provision for our every need is Your glory and honor for all eternity.

Let Your Mercy and Your Compassion and Your Love abound for our sister, we pray.

In the Name of Your Son, Jesus the Christ, we pray.

Amen.

In the "Name of Jesus" Amen

[rhet 2]

Okay, with Rea's permission, I now share what is known.

Saturday, Rick took his own life.

He had attended a Men's Retreat and returned in good spirits, cheerful and full of joy.

Rea went for a walk and came back to find him in their yard.

A memorial will be held at their church this coming Saturday, with an honor guard from the National Guard, the flag to be given to his eldest son.

His sons will take his ashes to the waters by San Clemente.

At this time, two of her sons have arranged to be there for Rea during the memorial.

She is understandably unable to post herself at this time, but I know that all of us who cherish her soul so dearly shall hold her in our hearts and minds, cushioned by our prayers and our loving devotion for the rest of time itself.

God has given Rick peace at last, his heavy sorrows laid to rest, his heart free to rejoice with the Saints whom he has joined.

May He now give to our dearest sister in faith His ever-strong support to see her through so heavy a trial and smooth her path through the days to come.

:pray: Be her Comforter and constant Companion, dear LORD, we pray. Let her tears fall gently, her heart be strong. Hold despair far from her, and let her know that she is not ever alone but cherished by the ONE Who Is, yesterday, today, and for all eternity, the ONE Who endured the agony of the cross to set us all free from the sorrows brought upon us by Adam's sin.

And let her see and know the love which is born in us by the Grace of Christ our LORD.

We are hers, and she is ours, for we are Christ's inheritance in the Saints, called according to His purpose, made one by His gift.

Amen and amen.

Until the Day of Victory when the KING shall take His throne, and death and sorrow shall no more walk this earth, as He Spoke, so let it be.

May the Day of the Resurrection come quickly, Father, that we may all be joined together to feast in His eternal love.

[doodle5]

My goodness!!!!

My prayers!!! for Itsrea and all her family!!!

When Itsrea comes to this board again...

Judges...1:9 Be of good courage, basically it says Christ will lead us all the way of our life here on the earth.

Rea,

God has something special for you still!! He is still your God and still on the throne and He is still answering prayers of his people!!

Take a minute and take in the beauty where you are!!! Washington is gorgeous!!!

Carlene

[blazer]

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:My precious sister itsrea! I love you and I am so sorry for this! Know I am here for you and praying for you! :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

[CHUG]

Oh my, Rea is in our thoughts and prayers.

[Hadassah]

Oh God, my heart is broken for you, rhea. I weep with and for you. I am praying for you and yours. :hug::hug::hug:

[rhet 2]

Update from Itsrea:

"My thanks to all of you.

I'm so very blessed by the concern so many people have expressed and the prayers so many people have offered and are offering.

Most of the time I don't know what I'm feeling. Mostly it's just a great big WHY?? or a scream that says NOOOOOO!! This is not right - no more laughter or dancing or jokes? no more smells of bacon in the morning? or his mess in the bathroom? How can this be? It all can't be ended this fast. I must have told the police a zillion times he didn't mean to do this.. it was just one of those overwhelming, fleeting bits of darkness he gets, he would wake up if he could and he'd be ok.. pleasepleaseplease fix this so he can.

Those poor guys.

My oldest Shannon will be here tomorrow afternoon and will stay till Sunday. Justin (the young man so many of you prayed for a little over a year ago) will be here Friday and will stay till Tuesday I think. Both boys are taking this hard, they knew and loved Rick and are so hurt. My sister Vicky has asked to come when the boys clear out, but her life is such a turmoil now that I'm not sure it would be wise for either of us. Rick's sons seem hesitant about coming, and I completely understand why. It can't be easy for them to come face where Dad was and is no longer.

I would rather nothing happen, but I understand our friends need to say goodbye, so the church is having a memorial service for Rick Saturday at 10 A.M.

The police wouldn't let me touch him until the coroner released him so Lonetta and Susie drove me down to see Rick yesterday... As you can imagine I didn't get any answers.. but at least I got to say goodbye. The funderal home is handling how to pay for Rick's cremation and has arranged for the honor guard to present the flag to his sons duing the memorial service (if they are able to come). I've asked that they take his ashes home with them and spread them on his beloved fishing grounds.. he spread Colleen's there and it blesses me to know he is with her now, no longer tormented by the demons that has tormented him his entire adult life. He always said he and Aubrey would have liked each other and I always thought they would too, so maybe they are fishing and telling each other jokes now.

Susie stayed with me last night and Lonetta will be back this morning sometime and I'm hoping to talk Susie into going home for awhile.. she has been here 24/7 since this happened. Rick's best friend Paul is beside himself with anger (as are some others) and I imagine that will come for me too, but gratefully not yet - I don't want the first thing I feel to be anger.

For the first time since I found Rick I got some sleep last night, and I had a slice of pizza with them all yesterday evening - Susie's husband, John, mowed the whole acre and a half yesterday evening, and Lonetta's husband, Curtis, took all the boxes of stuff Rick was going to sell at his yearly yard away for me - this lets me have some room out there so, when I'm able, I can start sorting.

I guess life goes on although for the life of me I can't see where to begin. Maybe that will come tomorrow. "

[blazer]

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

[roger teekell]

Itsrea I am so sorry to hear of your loss...

I am praying that the Lord will deliver comfort and undrstanding to you and your family during this time..

We love you and will be here if you need us...

[Rupperov91]

God please grant Itsrea and her family your comfort and grace. Amen.

[tislaw]

Oh, Rea, I'm so sorry. My condolences and prayers to you and your family.

May Heavenly Father grant you and yours comfort in this tough time.


Love

T

[USMCmom]

Rea...my heart aches for your loss.:frown: Please know that you my dear friend are in my prayers...as for Rick he is now at peace. Am praying for your family and friends...that they will find comfort with the good memories that are left of this wonderful man.

To Rick..."Semper Fi"
Rea...God Bless and if there is anything at all that we can do please let us know.:hug:

[mysticbeauty_nbeast]

Update from Itsrea:

"My thanks to all of you.

I'm so very blessed by the concern so many people have expressed and the prayers so many people have offered and are offering.

Most of the time I don't know what I'm feeling. Mostly it's just a great big WHY?? or a scream that says NOOOOOO!! This is not right - no more laughter or dancing or jokes? no more smells of bacon in the morning? or his mess in the bathroom? How can this be? It all can't be ended this fast. I must have told the police a zillion times he didn't mean to do this.. it was just one of those overwhelming, fleeting bits of darkness he gets, he would wake up if he could and he'd be ok.. pleasepleaseplease fix this so he can.

Those poor guys.

My oldest Shannon will be here tomorrow afternoon and will stay till Sunday. Justin (the young man so many of you prayed for a little over a year ago) will be here Friday and will stay till Tuesday I think. Both boys are taking this hard, they knew and loved Rick and are so hurt. My sister Vicky has asked to come when the boys clear out, but her life is such a turmoil now that I'm not sure it would be wise for either of us. Rick's sons seem hesitant about coming, and I completely understand why. It can't be easy for them to come face where Dad was and is no longer.

I would rather nothing happen, but I understand our friends need to say goodbye, so the church is having a memorial service for Rick Saturday at 10 A.M.

The police wouldn't let me touch him until the coroner released him so Lonetta and Susie drove me down to see Rick yesterday... As you can imagine I didn't get any answers.. but at least I got to say goodbye. The funderal home is handling how to pay for Rick's cremation and has arranged for the honor guard to present the flag to his sons duing the memorial service (if they are able to come). I've asked that they take his ashes home with them and spread them on his beloved fishing grounds.. he spread Colleen's there and it blesses me to know he is with her now, no longer tormented by the demons that has tormented him his entire adult life. He always said he and Aubrey would have liked each other and I always thought they would too, so maybe they are fishing and telling each other jokes now.

Susie stayed with me last night and Lonetta will be back this morning sometime and I'm hoping to talk Susie into going home for awhile.. she has been here 24/7 since this happened. Rick's best friend Paul is beside himself with anger (as are some others) and I imagine that will come for me too, but gratefully not yet - I don't want the first thing I feel to be anger.

For the first time since I found Rick I got some sleep last night, and I had a slice of pizza with them all yesterday evening - Susie's husband, John, mowed the whole acre and a half yesterday evening, and Lonetta's husband, Curtis, took all the boxes of stuff Rick was going to sell at his yearly yard away for me - this lets me have some room out there so, when I'm able, I can start sorting.

I guess life goes on although for the life of me I can't see where to begin. Maybe that will come tomorrow. "

Rea...my mind is awash in what words would give you comfort right now...and I know there are none.

I hear the small voice in the back of my head that everything has a purpose. God, in his infinite wisdom knows all, and what will be and what was. We must have perfect faith in what He has planned for us.

My heart breaks for you in your time of need. My thoughts and prayers are of course with you dear heart. Cry when needed, get mad when warranted, and laugh whenever you can...and you will get through this honey..I promise you. :hug::hug:

Take your time in the day to day going on in the home. This is not a race...there is no time line that must be met...so you can take your own sweet time and slowly adjust yourself to your new life.

Praying for you and your family...sending you hugs too,

~Mysty

[rhet 2]

Dearest Rea,

I have thought long and prayed hard for wisdom to know how to comfort you.

And come to only one conclusion: words cannot give you any comfort at all. Only a shoulder to cry on and arms to hold you tight can do that. And even that wouldn't be enough.

But I thank God most heartilly for Suzie, Lonetta, and Paul, especially. Lean on them, dear heart, for in the leaning they too shall be blessed by the LORD -- and by the love you shall share between you.

Know this, too: I hear your pain, your shock, your total heartfelt plea for this nightmare to go away, prove itself false, not reality. We all hear it and send out our hearts to cherish you with arms that cannot be felt but are just as real as those who wrap your shoulders in fierce and gentle hugs.

This shock is normal, I think. Perhaps it is a gift of the LORD to numb your heart and mind for just a space of time while your soul slowly builds up the strength it needs to deal with the reality of what as happened.

There is this, too, that cycles constantly through my heart.

Rick was hurting long before the LORD led him into your path.

Why he took such desperate measures to end that hurt only he and the LORD can know.

But of this I am sure: the LORD knew the day would come when the grief and pain he endured grew too great for him to endure.

And He led Rick to you for those last days, that he should also know the laughter, the joys and the hopes and dreams, the love of one woman made in the Image of God, a true and loving care-giver who walks in the Path of Righteousness.

Through your loving, the LORD gave Rick great comfort, memories of joy he treasures now in the House of the LORD, where he rests at last, memories of laughter and joy now unmixed with tears, purified of pain.

Above all, the LORD used the gift of your love to Rick to lead him to our Savior, to the Resurrection and the Life that is now his for all eternity, worlds without end.

Why the LORD placed so heavy a trust in you, when you'd already suffered so much pain of your own, I cannot say.

Yet, He trusted you to cherish His poor lost child, Rick, because He knew you could and would, knew you are able to give so great a gift, the gift of your own sweet loving soul to one hurt beyond endurance.

Satan shall surely tempt you to believe you fought and lost a battle.

But you didn't lose at all.

You won.

You gave to Rick the greatest gift of all, love. And he did not leave you because you failed him. He left you only because his strength was used up, and he simply did not have the energy to continue his own battles. The LORD took him off the battle lines to rest and restore that strength. And now he prays for you and for others, serves our LORD in a new way, behind the lines at the High Command.

He waits for you -- and for me -- and for the thousands that yet remain in combat on this earth.

His battles are finally done.

Yours remain to be fought in days to come, for there are other lost and hurting souls to be fished out of the sewers that Adam made of the LORD's Garden.

And you have the faith, the strength, the energy and wisdom to yet serve as His warrior on this earth, reaching out to those hurting hearts, even as Suzie and Lonetta reach out now in your own hour of great need.

Know this: you won a great battle fought with every ounce of courage and skill you could muster. Rick is safe because of you, his last days lightened because of you, his grief assuaged by the love you showered on him so generously.

Yes, he and Aubrey probably are fishing together. With the LORD Himself, the Fisher of Souls, beside them to hear their prayers for you and for their children and for all whom they loved who remain to fight still further battles for His Glory and Honor on this earth, fight to pull still more hurt, lost souls out of misery and grief and torment.

You'll make it through this, too, sweet Child of God. He Who IS stands beside you, even now, when all is darkest. When the grief and anger and fear well up in your heart, look to the mountains and see His Hand reaching down to pull you up out of the mire to stand sure-footed beside Him.

Remember the laughter and the joy. And know that the Day comes when all who have placed their trust in Him shall gather beside Him on that mountain to rejoice in the end of death and misery, pain and unendurable grief forevermore.

And on that Day, I shall be proud to stand beside you at long last, to look upon your sweet face and cherish your heart and proclaim with Him, "Well done, my Sister in Christ. Oh, well done!" For you bring comfort and peace and renewed strength to those blessed by knowing you.

[blazer]

Rhet's words brought tears to my eyes. Her words are such a blessing and a comfort to us all. We all love you so much rea!

[bella-day]

Oh Rea,

My heart breaks for your lose. Reading your words brings tears to my eyes.

I wish I had the words that would remove the pain that you carry in your heart right now.

All I can offer is my friendship and prayers in your behalf.

It is good read that you are surrounding by friends, family, and your church family. People who love you and only want to help any way they can.

I pray the God carries you through these dark days. Lean on him hun. He will bring you peace, comfort, strength, and understanding.

My deepest condolences my dear friend.

[Samm]

Rhea,

I am so sorry for your loss. I now regret more than ever not being able to meet you and Rick when I was in Seattle last year. You were one of my first real friends in this Forum and I feel your loss as though you were my neighbor next door.

You and your loving family will get through this; together you will survive. You are all in my heart.

[stoked]

I am so sorry Itsrea for you have gone through what no one should ever have to go through. You are on my mind and in my prayers sweetheart. :pray:

[CID_0687]

Rea,

I am sorry for your loss. You and your family are in mine and my families prayers.

Father God, we humbly come before You, and pray for peace and comfort to come to Rea and her family in this time of great sorrow. Lord we know that everything in this life has a purpose, and right now no one may not understand this, but in Your time dear Lord we know that all things will be revealed to us. Protect this family Father, send your Comforter to their door, wrap them in your Holy Agape Love....Your word says that you will not put anymore on us than we can handle, Lord I know you can give this family strength to get trough this.

We pray this in the name of Your Son, Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

:pray:

[Rhonda]

Rea, darlin, I am so sorry. :cry:

I have no words of wisdom. My deepest and most heartfelt condolences

May the Peace of the Lord that goes beyong all understanding embrace you. And carry you through the pain of your loss

You have been through so much, and you have helped me, even though I never told you. I am telling you now. Thank you Rea, from the bottom of my heart

I am overwhelmed with emotion for you, I hope you know that I understand the depth of your loss. No words can begin to articulate it.

[mryukon]

Rea, words escape me right now, but please know, I am praying for you and your family. I can't begin to imagine the sorrow you must feel, and pray the Good Lord will ease your pain.

[ExDem]

I am so sorry, Rea. So sorry. You will not believe me now, but there will be a day in the future when you will be happy again. You will smile again. You will again live your life instead of just going through the motions of living. There will come a day that you will be able to think of him without the stabbing pain in your heart and stomach. It won't be tomorrow or next week or next year. But you will make it through this. You will be happy again one day. I just wish you didn't have to go through this. Love and prayer to you and your family.

[GOP_FAN]

I am very sorry for your loss, my deepest condolences. You are in my prayers.

[Seanachie]

Hello Rea,

My deepest regrets and condolences to you on Rick's passing. Knowing that Rick is with the Good Lord now and relieved of his suffering is a consolation for You and all of your Familys'. This will try your own Faith but I know that your Faith is deep seeded in you and strong enough to help get you through this. When I need guidance in my own Faith I come here to the OO. You and many others here have helped me to get my Faith back in touch with my Soul.

We Irish display an uncanny morbid attitude about death and one thing we do is to celebrate the life of one who has passed. What you are going through now will be one of the most devastating times in your life. I pray to the Good Lord that he send you the strength in your Faith in Him to know that your own mortality will come one day and you will be reunited with all those who have passed to that Greater Kingdom. Celebrate Rick's life if you can find it in your heart to do so.

I have seen and experienced your great big heart and I have Faith in your Faith in God. He will be right beside you as you walk through this sad valley right now on your own way to His light on the Hill.

Please be as well as you can be Lady. My heartfelt prayers to the Good Lord are with you.

Jim

[rhet 2]

Update from Rea:

"Please thank the prayer warriors for the kind and caring pm's and for their prayers.

Please explain I cannot answer now.

Please check to see if Jeff/Jwil is ok?"

HAS anyone heard from Jeff? I, too, begin to be concerned.

And I know Rea does read the OO threads, is faithful in her prayers for others, even in the midst of her own deep sorrow. And she can answer -- or not -- as she feels able to do. Me, I could care less whether or not she acknowledges our love for her. She's getting my prayers and my love anyway. :))

She does sincerely thank each and every one of you for your abiding love for her and hers.

So do I.

:hug: and :pray: and :hug: and :pray: some more, "pray without ceasing," because this "is the will of the LORD" for us, that we "love one another even as Christ first loved us."

[blazer]

We understand and we love you Rea! :hug:

[Seanachie]

Hello again Rea,

My earlier post spoke of how we Irish 'celebrate' the loss of a loved one. I remember this past Winter a post you made on Rick and the dogs. One of the funniest things I've ever read. So I went back to find it and I will post it below. This is what I meant about the Irish morbid sense of humor about the parting of lives.

So, please forgive me, I felt the need to celebrate Rick's life by reading your very own words and descriptions while offering up my prayers for Rick's immortal Soul to the 'Big Guy'. Your own Soul is in those prayers as I offer them up.

:hug: hi everyone :hug: A short break on the extension cord..

I just shoveled a three (well maybe it's two feet) path out to the firepit because Rick is tired of shoveling snow and decided to dump the ashes from the wood stove next to the deck.. where (I claim and he denies) the wind could blow hot coals up under the deck.. when I was all done I thought it would be fun to make a snow angel out there where the snow is so pristine that it looks blue, so I fell over backwards into the snow and started fanning my arms.. which (I guess) my two over 75 pound dogs thought was either an invitation or a move for help so they both jumped off the deck, clearrrrr through the air, landing directly on me, pushing me a good foot into the snow.. I started yelling at them to stop! stop! but I guess they thought it was fun and started using me as a spring board.. off mom into the snow, turn around, jump onto mom and off mom into the snow on the other side of mom - one dog going one way, the other going the other way...

So I start yelling for Rick, who is over in the wood shed, chopping wood, to call the dogs.. and Rick (being a man) yells back WHY? And I say cause the dogs won't get off me! and he yells back (being a man) why are the dogs on you? And I'm yelling back (all the while the dogs are continuing to use me for a springboard) CALL THE DAMNED DOGS Rick!!!!!!! before they hurt me! And he yells back (being a man) where are you?

And I yell back CALL THE DAMNED DOGS RICK !!!!!!!!

And he yells back (being a man) WHY? They look like they're having fun!

And I yell back cause they are trying to kill me - call the damned dogs over to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Which he does not do.

Granted my calls/yells to him might be a bit muffled, but what he DOES do is he staggers through half an acre of yard in two feet powder that covers the whole back part of our property till he can see me (me, now over a foot buried in snow) STILL being used as a springboard by these elephants and what does he do???? He bends over laughing and slapping his knees with tears running down his face.

Whereby I start doing what any good little Christian wife would do.. I start cussing at him too. Which makes the buttface laugh even harder. Every time he tries to tell the dogs to stop he starts laughing again.. finally he is able to talk and instead of yelling at the dogs (who are STILL JUMPING ON AND OFF OF ME) gasps out: did you fall down in there?

I am STILL pushing on dogs, trying to roll over, and STILL being jumped on by these behemoths, STILL trying to get out of the hole, yelling at the dogs, cussing at Rick, and by now I am wet through and through with snow, snow which has begun to pack down my neck and into my snow boots, and down my mitts, and HE WANTS TO CARRY ON A CONVERSATION WITH ME ABOUT HOW I GOT THERE???????
:eh: :doh:

Lord, save me from men, pleaseeeeeeeeee.

:snooty:



:clap:Rick broke down and hired a guy to come plow the road, drive and a path to the woodshed... we can actually see bare gound in some spots and I could not believe the amount of snow that guy picked up and dumped off to the side.. hopefully we can keep up with it all now.

:clap:

We have an electrician coming tomorrow that is supposed to know what he's doing - I'm hoping he brings supplies cause there is nowhere around here to buy the kinds of breaker boxes that are in the panel, and nowhere to buy the connectors used to connect the three units of this manufactured home.

:pray: Pray God lay His hands on our home and our repairman please.


This quote is from the My Rick's Grandson (http://forums.hannity.com/showthread.php?t=1182991) thread here in the OO for those who haven't had the opportunity to read the thread.

Be well Lady. I hope your story will be reminiscent of just one facet of the celebration of life even when that life has passed beyond us.

Jim

[poorjohn]

itsrea power is going out because of a test the power company is doing on the line. If you call don’t worry it will be back on shortly.

[countmein]

I am so sorry to hear this Rea. You and your family are in my prayers.

[jwil59]

I am sorry I have been away but we had an emergency situation Sunday and my mom was admitted to the hospital and we have been there until today.

Rea I am so sorry to hear about this. I did not see this comming, and I guess nobody else did either. I wish I knew why God chose these roads for the people that love Him so, but we are called to lean not on our own understanding and trust Him. I am praying for you my dear sister. Geez I wish I knew what to say. I love you my friend

[Hadassah]

Rea, my son wrote a poem for you:


You were the butterfly
He was the wind that carried you
It's okay to cry
cause he'll be in your heart through and through.

[EmmanuelGoldstein]

Oh, Rea... I am so very sorry. My prayers are with you.

[Miss America]

Rea, May the Good Lord comfort, bless you and guide you through this time. I'm saddened to hear of your terrible loss, know that you and yours are in my prayers.

[spinach]

Am praying for Rhea.
May God give strength, in Jesus Name, amen.

[Chuangtzu]

I cannot offer you prayer, Rea - but you have my truest hope that you find the strength to persevere, the wisdom to understand and the friendship to carry you through.

[Stuball]

I hope the Mods dont mind if I say that I and many former Hannity members send their condolences and their prayers

[super cool ski instructor]

Father God please wrap your loving and comforting arms aroud Rea as well as everyone whose life was touched by Rick.

Rea...I am so sorry, I don't even know what to say.

[jwil59]

Rea, I am praying for the Grace to see you through tonight

[jwil59]

Rhet posted something yesterday that struck my heart when I read it, something that I can provide a real life example of.

Everyone who has been in Mitch's tread from the beginning knows that my sister Joni is my hero. A woman of great faith who has dedicated her life to helping kids know, love, exalt, and obey Jesus Christ. By trade she is a chemical engineer who gave up a very sucessfull career. early in her career with 3M she met her first husband Randy, who died of Leukemia in his mid-twenties. They had been married a few years and she was expecting their first child when he was diagnoised. When they met, Randy had never even been to a Church in his life. God used Joni to call Randy to Himself, like he used Rea for Rick (as Rhet said). When Randy dies he was a strong Christian and a Bible student. His favorite verse was Nahum 1:7 and it is inscribed on his gravesite:

Nahum 1:7 (New International Version)

The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble.
He cares for those who trust in him,

The same can be said for Rick, as he was hungry for God's Word too. That is evidenced by his desire to go to that retreat, as well as other stuff that we have all read about in the past


I don't know why God choose for Rea and Joni to feel that pain for His purpose, all I know is that the purpose is perfect. Will either one of them or us know what that purpose is this side of heaven, probably not. He does teach us that purpose is good and perfect, and for our own well being.


Rea and Joni both chose to be a channel of His love for Rick and Randy, and for that their hearts were broken. Most of us Christians will never be called to endure that pain for His purpose. Rea and Joni are two of the true heros of the Christian faith.

[blazer]

so true brother!

[rhet 2]

New Update from Rea:

"
I woke at six this morning and have been awake for a 100 hours since. I spent the morning on the phone, calling his creditors, getting accounts frozen till I can get a death certificate to them.. making arrangements for the bank to come get his truck, talking to the lawyer, the funeral home, his sons, my sons.

One of his boys is soooo angry and says he needs closure and asked me for it by way of describing his father (how he fell, how much blood there was, etc) and refused to sing for the cremation until I told him - I told him then you pay for your father to lay on that slab while you find closure because I don't have the money - he tried again and I told him to call the police and ask for their report.. he signed for the cremation. He's not angry at me - I'm just getting the backlash and I have no patience for it.

The ladies will be bringing dinner until all the kids are gone.. tonight was an excellent pot roast and a cake.

Shannon is here and a great comfort. Allen and Justin and Allen's fiance leave tomrrow morning and should make quick work of the drive from norther ca... I'd ask for travelers prayers for them.

Jeff and Greg will leave Thursday morning from Southern Ca and will be here Friday. I ask for prayers for them too..

One of Rick's boys can't come because of a new job, so prayers for him and the anger he feels please.

Tomorrow I have to drive to puyallup then to chehalis for a appt with the lawyer then the funeral home for the death certificates.

I still do not know how I feel. I fluctuate.. I can't look out back or go out back to where he was laying when I found him, and yet I speak of him like he is off to the store and will be right back. I cry when I go out for a piece of wood for the fire because I know he will never split wood for me again, then I creep out of bed to go to the bathroom so I don't wake him. Just like when he was alive the last thing I say at night and the first thing I say upon waking is a whispered "I love you Rick".

My heart cannot yet grasp that he is not going to wake up ok, or that I am not going to wake to find this all a bad dream.. I am convinced that if he could take it back he would.. so about the only other thing I ask is oh Rick what have you done?"

[blazer]

Oh precious Rea! I feel your pain. I love you! :hug:

[rhet 2]

If my heart ****ters for Rea's grief, then how much more so must our LORD's?

:pray:

Father in Heaven, hallowed be Thy Name.

I do not know Your purpose in allowing this tragedy. I do know You, for Your power and glory, majesty and honor, love and tender mercy are visible all around me, in the clouds above my head and in the grass beneath my feet, in the mountains on my right hand and in the seas on my left.

In Your Mercy, let the anger be assuaged and set aside. Let the hurt and confusion and pain be softened.

Replace the hurt with love, Your own LOVE, perfect and complete, never failing, so that Your holy peace may abound in hearts torn by death brought down upon our heads by Adam's sin and the devil's own rebellious pride.

And then there are the technicalities and legalities and the money, curse of Satan himself, to twist and tie knots in souls already torn and tortured by so sudden and tragic a loss of dreams and hopes. Visions of what might have been -- and should have been, had this world never been twisted out of alignment with Your holy ways -- those hopes and dreams have crashed upon the rocks of Rick's mortality and limitations, been trashed and turned to dust.

Give our precious Rea now new visions of what may be, new hope, to set her free from the dust of yesterday, free to see again the clouds above her head, feel the grass beneath her feet, free to again rejoice in the breeze from the sea upon her cheek, free to again see the power and majesty and to again rejoice in the Hope of Our Salvation Whose Holy Feet, pieced by the nails of our deliverance from evil, walk the mountains above her, not yet visible to our naked eyes, yet present and sure to souls who seek His Face and yearn for His Day of Glory.

And, through Rea, bring comfort to Rick's sons, that they too shall put aside the visions of this world and look up to see the Vision that comes only from and through our Refuge and our Fortress, Jesus the Christ, the Alpha and the Omega, the Deliverer Who led death captive to set us all free from the power of evil and the despair of a godless world.

And let his sons set aside bitterness and anger to bring comfort to Rea in turn, to love her in their father's place, even as their father would have them do.

The world is filled with too much destruction, bitterness, anger -- and grief -- as it is.

Please, in the Name of Your Son, Jesus my LORD, I beg you to still the waters in this one small corner of the universe, quiet the storm, and bring back hope, secure peace and tranquility in torn hearts.

Please.

[smibbo]

Oh Rhea... I'm so sorry... I know how torturous this can be... having lived through three suicides (one relative, two friends) I can honestly say that the only thing I ever came away with was the certainty that, yes, they don't realize what they are doing... they don't know, can't know how painful their actions are going to be... like you say, its a moment, a flash of blindness that they succumb to and I truly believe, as you do, that if they could have made it through that moment, they wouldn't have done it.

*warm hugs*

[Hadassah]

Hear my cry O Lord
attend unto my prayer
From the end of the earth
will I cry out to Thee.
When my heart is overwhelmed
Lead me to the Rock
that is higher than I
That is higher than I.
For Thou hast been a shelter for me
and a strong tower,
from the enemy.
When my heart is overwhelmed,
Lead me to the Rock
that is higher than I
That is higher than I.



I wish I could hold you and sing this for you, to give you some comfort and peace. Since I can't, know that this is my prayer for you, that the Lord will be a Shelter for you. :hug:

[jwil59]

I am praying for my sister in Christ Rea today

[JenyEliza]

Rea,

Praying for you so hard. My heart is broken to pieces for you. Mere words do not suffice. There is no way to comfort you or give you what your heart desires...your Rick back safe and sound.

As you go through the motions in a cloud of sorrow, know that the good folks here at Hannity hold you up in prayer in the darkest hour. And we will continue to hold you up to the Lord, that He will care for you and show you the way. Because He will. I believe that will all my heart.

If there is anything---anything--I can do to ease your pain, to offer comfort to you in even the smallest way, just say the word. I will muster all my strength on your behalf.

You, dear friend, are loved beyond measure. We will be here for you now--and in the future.

Love and God's Blessings to you and your family,

Jeny :hug:

[JenyEliza]

Thinking of you today, Rea.

Sending you my love and prayers. :hug:

[rhet 2]

Rea,

Praying for you so hard. My heart is broken to pieces for you. Mere words do not suffice. There is no way to comfort you or give you what your heart desires...your Rick back safe and sound.

As you go through the motions in a cloud of sorrow, know that the good folks here at Hannity hold you up in prayer in the darkest hour. And we will continue to hold you up to the Lord, that He will care for you and show you the way. Because He will. I believe that will all my heart.

If there is anything---anything--I can do to ease your pain, to offer comfort to you in even the smallest way, just say the word. I will muster all my strength on your behalf.

You, dear friend, are loved beyond measure. We will be here for you now--and in the future.

Love and God's Blessings to you and your family,

Jeny :hug:

You speak my own heart.

I am with you in heart and mind in those prayers.

[Trinka]

Rea,
There are No Words...

Only feelings...Love...and a broken heart...

There is One thing I've learned from brokeness...when your heart breaks...all those lil pieces go Out...and every person who grasps a lil piece of that brokeness is touched and blessed...You and Your Dear Rick have touched soooo many lives..I can see that just from the prayers and wishes and thoughts on here. God picks up ALL those lil pieces and mends them all back together and all those touched are drawn a lil closer in your heart and His.

I too ask He give You grace and strength that only He can give. I ask He bless You and Yours, and Rick's. May You feel all the love that flows through each of us back to You. I ask He fill the void in your lives as only He can. That He give us the right words to give and a hug and love when we don't know what to say.
In Jesus' Name, Amen

[doodle5]

I wrote Rea a private message.

all of you have been so good to respond to her in time of need comfort. It takes time sometimes longer.

All our prayers Rea!

Carlene

[JenyEliza]

You speak my own heart.

I am with you in heart and mind in those prayers.

I am with you in heart and mind as well. Together we'll get through these tough days.

Love and God's blessings to you too, Rhet. I'm so glad you found a way to get back online.

Jeny :hug:

[rhet 2]

Rea sent me the following link and thinks you all should see the days of joy before the tradgedy struck our poor sister and her beloved.
http://www.thisisreasplace.com/r'n'r.htm

She sends her most heartfelt thanks for all the love and solace you all have offered her.

And I stand in awe of the outpouring of love and loyalty I'm seeing. Just as with Mitch and with a dozen other crises, you folks are INCREDIBLE!

[JenyEliza]

Rea....thinking of you this evening and hoping the loved ones surrounding you this evening provide a great dealof comfort and love.

You continue to be in my prayers. :hug: :pray:

God bless you,
Jeny

[JenyEliza]

Rea sent me the following link and thinks you all should see the days of joy before the tradgedy struck our poor sister and her beloved.
http://www.thisisreasplace.com/r'n'r.htm

She sends her most heartfelt thanks for all the love and solace you all have offered her.

And I stand in awe of the outpouring of love and loyalty I'm seeing. Just as with Mitch and with a dozen other crises, you folks are INCREDIBLE!

I love this quote from Rea's quote page.....I think it is appropriate to share, and hope she won't mind.

"You can't die cured, but you can die healed.
Healing is about a sense of wholeness as a person, and that wholeness includes understanding our mortality,
our place in the world and that death is not a betrayal of life, but a part of it."

Rabbi Arnold Gluck

I know these words are cold comfort for Rea now, but one day I hope they will comfort her as they did once before.

God bless you, Rea. I continue to pray for you and Rick and your familes.

Love and hugs....
Jeny :hug:

[Hoobeedoo Bejesus]

I'm so sorry, Rea.

I pray for you to make it through with peace.

:hug:

[jwil59]

Rea sent me the following link and thinks you all should see the days of joy before the tradgedy struck our poor sister and her beloved.
http://www.thisisreasplace.com/r'n'r.htm

She sends her most heartfelt thanks for all the love and solace you all have offered her.

And I stand in awe of the outpouring of love and loyalty I'm seeing. Just as with Mitch and with a dozen other crises, you folks are INCREDIBLE!

yes it is incredible to say that least.

I pray with all my heart that Rea is feeling the same comfort and love as my family has from this forum.

I am praying for Rea, all day every day.

[Remus Lupin]

So sorry to hear this, Rea.
I will most certainly say a prayer for you and your family.

[JenyEliza]

Thinking of you this afternoon, Rea. Thank you for keeping Rhet updated....and through her, us.

If you need a thing, just say the word.

All my love and prayers,
Jeny :hug:

[rhet 2]

Rea sent me this link to Rick's obituary, for those who want to know:

http://www.chronline.com/articles/2009/05/19/obituaries/doc4a12eeca8f198108085280.txt

" • RICHARD OSBORNE, 64, Packwood, died Saturday, May 16, at home. A military memorial service will be held at 10 a.m. Saturday at the Family Worship Center, Randle. Arrangements are under the care of Cattermole Funeral Home, Winlock."

May Rick now know nothing but the joy and thanksgiving in the LORD which is the Gift of God to all who put their trust in Him.

And may the LORD give peace and comfort to all on this earth who miss him so much.

[jwil59]

I am praying for my sister Rea today, all day.

[jimjames418]

Rea,
You will be in my prayers until your heart heals. I feel so inadquate in using words, but please know that I wish the best for you and yours.

[Hadassah]

Prayer of Comfort

Grant unto us, Almighty God, in all time of sore distress,
the comfort of the forgiveness of our sins.
In time of darkness give us blessed hope,
in time of sickness of body give us quiet courage;
and when the heart is bowed down, and the soul is very heavy,
and life is a burden, and pleasure a weariness,
and the sun is too bright, and life too mirthful,
then may that Spirit, the Spirit of the Comforter, come upon us,
and after our darkness may there be the clear shining of the heavenly light;
that so, being uplifted again by Thy mercy,
we may pass on through this our mortal life
with quiet courage, patient hope, and unshaken trust,
hoping through Thy loving-kindness and tender mercy
to be delivered from death into the large life of the eternal years.
Hear us of Thy mercy, through Jesus Christ our Lord - Amen. --George Dawson

[JenyEliza]

Rea sent me this link to Rick's obituary, for those who want to know:

http://www.chronline.com/articles/2009/05/19/obituaries/doc4a12eeca8f198108085280.txt

" • RICHARD OSBORNE, 64, Packwood, died Saturday, May 16, at home. A military memorial service will be held at 10 a.m. Saturday at the Family Worship Center, Randle. Arrangements are under the care of Cattermole Funeral Home, Winlock."

May Rick now know nothing but the joy and thanksgiving in the LORD which is the Gift of God to all who put their trust in Him.

And may the LORD give peace and comfort to all on this earth who miss him so much.

God bless Rea. I'm holding her close and keeping her in my prayers. :hug: :hug:

Jeny

[rhet 2]

Today is the day of Rick's memorial -- Memorial Day weekend.

How very fitting it seems to remember Rea's trooper on this day.

Let us pray the services go smoothly and bring sweet comfort to Rea and all who cherish Rick and were blessed in sharing his life with him.

And let us all remember what this nation has endured, what it is supposed to be all about, to love one another and seek a better world where all men and women and children may live in freedom, safe, content and able to fulfill the wishes and dreams of their hearts without damage to anyone else and without harm from anyone else.

Rick has at last found the Peace of Christ that passes all understanding.

May that same Peace fill Rea's heart this day, to still her grief and her tears and bring back joy in the simple pleasures of this world, that she may go on to new labors with strength and hope and smiles instead of tears.

So may that same Peace come to all Rick's friends and family.

So may that same Peace come to all Rick's countrymen, that we, too, shall see hope restored, purpose renewed, strength and courage and energy to face tomorrow, whatever it may bring, with grace and compassion for all.

[JenyEliza]

Sending love, hugs and prayers your way today Rea. :hug: :hug: :hug:

Jeny

[Trinka]

Amen and Amen...Rhet

May they be tears of inner peace today...

Joy comes in the morning.....

[blazer]

:hug: :pray:

[repchick]

:pray::pray:

[USMCmom]

:pray::pray:
Am keeping you in my prayers Rea....

[rhet 2]

Latest from Rea:

"It hardly seems possible that a week ago this evening we were dancing around the kitchen one minute and he was lying dead in the back the next.

I don't honestly know how I'm doing. My options get smaller and smaller each day - his life insurance policy seems to not be as large as he thought and so there is not enough to pay off his debt - several of his debtors are going to go against his share of the property to get their money. I see the lawyer Monday.

So I've been dealing with that.

His oldest son has been calling insisting I tell him all the gory details saying he needs closure, and although I did explain the events leading up to me finding his father, I keep refusing on what else he's asking. I told him he can get a police/coroners report. So his goal has became the will. I willingly made him a copy, have read it to him at least three times and yet he called last night and insisted I give it to his brother so HE could read it to him - as if I am cheating him. I blew up.

My boys were immediately defensive for me, expecting the two of Rick's sons that are here to be defensive for their brother, but they were not.. they told the brother on the phone to sober up and not to call back till he was, and hung up on him. Although there was a time last week when I thought he MAY be drunk I didn't have a clue he has not only been drunk since the news of his father's death, but he is also using drugs. I told his sons I don't need this crap and his boys agree.

Today is the memorial and it sounds like the ladies have done a wonderful job.. and then I'll sit down with the two boys and go over the will with them, making sure they get what Dad bequeathed them BEFORE the willl enters probate. If the lawyer asks I'm just going to play dumb. What he left all the boys (my sons included) won't put a drop in the bucket when it comes to paying off his debt, so I am determined they get what Dad left them."

God give her victory, for she seeks to do what is just in the eyes of the LORD.

Also, she informs me that four others in their area took their own lives on the same night.

I pray for those families, too.

I know that Christ has "led death captive" so that it no longer rules over us.

I just wish He'd do something to eliminate the despair we all feel from time to time, too. It's so easy to fall into what Repchick calls a "Black Hole" -- and so hard to crawl out of again. :((

[Hoobeedoo Bejesus]

Hang in there Rea. We are all here praying for you.

[jwil59]

I am praying for Rea on this Lords Day.

Hang tough my dear sister. You are handling all this in a Godly way and I am thankful for that example

[JenyEliza]

Praying for you that the Lord is holding you close and caring for you as you continue to work through the tough days ahead.

Thank you for keeping us updated. We love you and will be here for you always.

:hug:

Jeny

[repchick]

I'm praying you don't fall into a Black Hole. Me, Rhet and Jeny have had to crawl out of those black holes. It is a very bad place to go . I will be praying very hard you never go there. :pray::pray:

:hug::hug:

Becky

[JenyEliza]

Very familiar with the black hole--a place I've been to several times. Not a good place, and hope you never find yourself there.

Praying for you Rea. :pray:

[bella-day]

Rea,
I just wanted you to know you have not been far from my mind and that prayers are still going up in your behalf.

You will get through all of this.

[itsrea]

I spent most of yesterday alone. Rick's sons left about 10 a.m. and my kids left about 11. Allen and Heather dropped Shannon off at the airport on their way through Portland.

I'd started some things before they left, so had some things to do that kept me going (hanging out laundry, etc) - I even smoked the one cigarette someone left on the table on the deck.. thought to myself I'm going to get a cup of coffee and put my feet up in the sunshine and just smoke this puppy. I got sick as a dog, and everything else caved in on me and the day was downhill from there...

Now that I'm alone it is impossible for me to go out the back without seeing him lying there. And every single part of that image is still so clear in my mind's eye that I become physically ill.

I don't know how to live this. Losing Aubrey was different.. he didn't leave me on purpose, he died because of an illness and he regretted that he would have to leave me more then anything else he was leaving behind.

Rick chose to leave me with these memories and this void. And even tho I know I will never get answers every part of me takes apart every single shred of that evening, attempting to figure it out on my own. I've come to the conclusion that he was simply more fragile then I knew - I'm not blaming myself - I refuse to take any blame - so even this knowledge doesn't help because it is as if nothing about my love or our life could keep him anchored here and happy. I will never understand nor accept that he didn't turn TO me with whatever was hurting him instead of turning away by taking his own life.

John and Susie came over yesterday evening and we talked and talked and talked and nothing helped other then that I was not alone. John is the friend you all prayed for last September that had that stroke so bad no dr would treat him until one came along and said I'd like to try and did surgery and saved his life. They had three sons until their youngest was shot during a drug deal gone bad, and feel that they are best able to help me deal with this tragic kind of grief... John showed me how to start the mower and put in gas, and where to put the oil, then he mowed the front. He'll come back to mow the back today - he needs to do this - he and Rick roomed together at the rertreat, stayed up almost all night talking, and he says the feelings will hit him any day now and he knows that doing these things will help him deal with them.

I forgot today is a holiday so called the lawyer and left a message if he was not planning on having his office open before I asked for an appt today to call me and we'll reschedule. I hope he gets the message on time.

The dogs won't eat. They smelled Rick out back when the boys forgot and let them out that door. Ruby immediately ran and sat all huddled over near where the kids were sitting by the campfire Allen built, ears back and shaking.. Rusty smelled all over then marked the spot. Neither has eaten since except for a bit of table food here and there that the kids shared with them. I can't feed them something from the table because they get upset tummies and mess on the carpet.. I had to pay to have the carpets shampooed last time it happened and do not have the money for that now.

Since SS pays a month behind I transferred all but a pittance of money from Rick's account over to the household account and then the bank called saying they had a wire - SS wanted the money back so the kids had to drive me in so I couple deposit the money right away. The next day SS deposited Obama's $250 and then pulled that out later in the day. I'll have to have the lawyer get in touch with them.

Today is our town holiday. Town is packed with thousands of people for the holiday yard sale that happens every year.. there must be 500 vendors with stalls selling everything imaginable. I can't bring myself to go in - I can't even go after the mail. I can't go to the store. I can't get gas. The kids did that for me while they were here because all those people Rick saw and spoke to on a daily basis and I don't know how I feel and can't get through the three miles in and the three miles back if I'm going to have to contend with their condolences.

So I just stay here.

[JenyEliza]

Rea.....

I can't say I understand how you're feeling, but I want you to know you have not left my thoughts since this happened.

I am praying hard that God grant you the strength you need to get through all of this and to somehow make your way in the world without your dear Rick.

We are here for you. The nice thing about Hannity is that it's open 24/7/365, and there's always someone around to "talk" to. :D

If I can help...you just say the word. I'll do whatever I can to lend a hand.

Love,
Jeny :hug:

[doodle5]

This will take time Rea!!! Don't rush it.

My prayers!!

Carlene

[Rhonda]

I spent most of yesterday alone. Rick's sons left about 10 a.m. and my kids left about 11. Allen and Heather dropped Shannon off at the airport on their way through Portland.

I'd started some things before they left, so had some things to do that kept me going (hanging out laundry, etc) - I even smoked the one cigarette someone left on the table on the deck.. thought to myself I'm going to get a cup of coffee and put my feet up in the sunshine and just smoke this puppy. I got sick as a dog, and everything else caved in on me and the day was downhill from there...

Now that I'm alone it is impossible for me to go out the back without seeing him lying there. And every single part of that image is still so clear in my mind's eye that I become physically ill.

I don't know how to live this. Losing Aubrey was different.. he didn't leave me on purpose, he died because of an illness and he regretted that he would have to leave me more then anything else he was leaving behind.

Rick chose to leave me with these memories and this void. And even tho I know I will never get answers every part of me takes apart every single shred of that evening, attempting to figure it out on my own. I've come to the conclusion that he was simply more fragile then I knew - I'm not blaming myself - I refuse to take any blame - so even this knowledge doesn't help because it is as if nothing about my love or our life could keep him anchored here and happy. I will never understand nor accept that he didn't turn TO me with whatever was hurting him instead of turning away by taking his own life.

John and Susie came over yesterday evening and we talked and talked and talked and nothing helped other then that I was not alone. John is the friend you all prayed for last September that had that stroke so bad no dr would treat him until one came along and said I'd like to try and did surgery and saved his life. They had three sons until their youngest was shot during a drug deal gone bad, and feel that they are best able to help me deal with this tragic kind of grief... John showed me how to start the mower and put in gas, and where to put the oil, then he mowed the front. He'll come back to mow the back today - he needs to do this - he and Rick roomed together at the rertreat, stayed up almost all night talking, and he says the feelings will hit him any day now and he knows that doing these things will help him deal with them.

I forgot today is a holiday so called the lawyer and left a message if he was not planning on having his office open before I asked for an appt today to call me and we'll reschedule. I hope he gets the message on time.

The dogs won't eat. They smelled Rick out back when the boys forgot and let them out that door. Ruby immediately ran and sat all huddled over near where the kids were sitting by the campfire Allen built, ears back and shaking.. Rusty smelled all over then marked the spot. Neither has eaten since except for a bit of table food here and there that the kids shared with them. I can't feed them something from the table because they get upset tummies and mess on the carpet.. I had to pay to have the carpets shampooed last time it happened and do not have the money for that now.

Since SS pays a month behind I transferred all but a pittance of money from Rick's account over to the household account and then the bank called saying they had a wire - SS wanted the money back so the kids had to drive me in so I couple deposit the money right away. The next day SS deposited Obama's $250 and then pulled that out later in the day. I'll have to have the lawyer get in touch with them.

Today is our town holiday. Town is packed with thousands of people for the holiday yard sale that happens every year.. there must be 500 vendors with stalls selling everything imaginable. I can't bring myself to go in - I can't even go after the mail. I can't go to the store. I can't get gas. The kids did that for me while they were here because all those people Rick saw and spoke to on a daily basis and I don't know how I feel and can't get through the three miles in and the three miles back if I'm going to have to contend with their condolences.

So I just stay here.

Rea, my heart cries with you, :cry::cry:I am so very sorry. But what you have said here is so important. You are getting it out, which means you are grieving. I know you have grieved before, all losses are specific to the person who died, we lose a part of ourselves. And there is an effort to try to find that part of ourselves again. I am not sure if that is possible. We are bonded by love and you feel like that love was stolen from you... I remember saying over and over,"how am I suppose to live with this"

All my love and prayers to you honey:pray:

[rhet 2]

I spent most of yesterday alone. Rick's sons left about 10 a.m. and my kids left about 11. Allen and Heather dropped Shannon off at the airport on their way through Portland.

I'd started some things before they left, so had some things to do that kept me going (hanging out laundry, etc) - I even smoked the one cigarette someone left on the table on the deck.. thought to myself I'm going to get a cup of coffee and put my feet up in the sunshine and just smoke this puppy. I got sick as a dog, and everything else caved in on me and the day was downhill from there...

Now that I'm alone it is impossible for me to go out the back without seeing him lying there. And every single part of that image is still so clear in my mind's eye that I become physically ill.

I don't know how to live this. Losing Aubrey was different.. he didn't leave me on purpose, he died because of an illness and he regretted that he would have to leave me more then anything else he was leaving behind.

Rick chose to leave me with these memories and this void. And even tho I know I will never get answers every part of me takes apart every single shred of that evening, attempting to figure it out on my own. I've come to the conclusion that he was simply more fragile then I knew - I'm not blaming myself - I refuse to take any blame - so even this knowledge doesn't help because it is as if nothing about my love or our life could keep him anchored here and happy. I will never understand nor accept that he didn't turn TO me with whatever was hurting him instead of turning away by taking his own life.

John and Susie came over yesterday evening and we talked and talked and talked and nothing helped other then that I was not alone. John is the friend you all prayed for last September that had that stroke so bad no dr would treat him until one came along and said I'd like to try and did surgery and saved his life. They had three sons until their youngest was shot during a drug deal gone bad, and feel that they are best able to help me deal with this tragic kind of grief... John showed me how to start the mower and put in gas, and where to put the oil, then he mowed the front. He'll come back to mow the back today - he needs to do this - he and Rick roomed together at the rertreat, stayed up almost all night talking, and he says the feelings will hit him any day now and he knows that doing these things will help him deal with them.

I forgot today is a holiday so called the lawyer and left a message if he was not planning on having his office open before I asked for an appt today to call me and we'll reschedule. I hope he gets the message on time.

The dogs won't eat. They smelled Rick out back when the boys forgot and let them out that door. Ruby immediately ran and sat all huddled over near where the kids were sitting by the campfire Allen built, ears back and shaking.. Rusty smelled all over then marked the spot. Neither has eaten since except for a bit of table food here and there that the kids shared with them. I can't feed them something from the table because they get upset tummies and mess on the carpet.. I had to pay to have the carpets shampooed last time it happened and do not have the money for that now.

Since SS pays a month behind I transferred all but a pittance of money from Rick's account over to the household account and then the bank called saying they had a wire - SS wanted the money back so the kids had to drive me in so I couple deposit the money right away. The next day SS deposited Obama's $250 and then pulled that out later in the day. I'll have to have the lawyer get in touch with them.

Today is our town holiday. Town is packed with thousands of people for the holiday yard sale that happens every year.. there must be 500 vendors with stalls selling everything imaginable. I can't bring myself to go in - I can't even go after the mail. I can't go to the store. I can't get gas. The kids did that for me while they were here because all those people Rick saw and spoke to on a daily basis and I don't know how I feel and can't get through the three miles in and the three miles back if I'm going to have to contend with their condolences.

So I just stay here.

Oh, precious.

John has the right of it, of course: stay busy with chores that occupy your mind, bury your heart in physical labor.

There's no way past something like this except to not stop doing what has to be done to just stay alive yourself.

And DAMN the SS. I hate bureaucracy in the worst way: "Rules, after all, are RULES! We obey the rules at all costs. To hell with common sense, mercy, compassion, and actually HELPING people. RULES must be obeyed, because the RULES count, and people don't."

You are very wise to disregard the guilt crap that Satan's world would throw at you.

There was not one single thing you could have done to stop this. It is Rick's life: he alone could make the decision to either resist or yield to temptation. He yielded and sought the easy way out. And the LORD respected his creaturehood, accepted his decision.

Just as He will surely respect your own, accept and reward your own decision to stay and fight to help the innocent and helpless.

Like the dogs. Ruby and Rusty are helpless victims of the misery with which this world is entirely too filled. They love without the capacity of rational and logical decision making, controlled by their instincts, not by a brain made like the LORD's to "have dominion over the earth" as He commanded. So you, who are made in His image, do it for the poor darlings, because of compassion, because you walk the "Path of Righteousness for His Name's sake."

And such wisdom is surely the first of God's rewards for your diligence, for your willingness to carry the heavy cross of responsibility for the well-being of others.

I pray He give you financial solutions, too, just to ease the burden of that cross.

But, above all, I pray He ease the grief, replace the image of Rick's body lying still and breathless on the ground with images of his face laughing at you, lying in the snow with the dogs bounding around you, making snow angels instead of tears. May He replace the agony of why Rick could abandon you with thoughts of how much Rick would have enjoyed seeing this or that done in the home you shared with such joy -- and some pain, like heaters that didn't heat and lights that stayed dark, lacking the energy to shed light upon their part of the world -- but with laughter, too, and with love.

May He cause the memories of the joy, the laughter, and the love abound to replace the doubts and fears, the sorrow and the questions.

And know this: Rick didn't abandon YOU -- he abandoned himself. You he loved and trusted. But he abandoned all trust in himself. For one moment too long he thought himself beyond even the help of the LORD Almighty. And in that moment, Satan struck.

Now, you must live with the results of that one moment too long. Even as Christ endured Peter's fear, Peter's own distrust in Peter: three times Peter thought only of defeat and denied the Truth, failed to understand that the LORD always gives His children the strength to endure whatever this world throws at us, including Roman rulers with slaughter in their hearts and minds.

It happens, for which of us is without such weaknesses of heart and mind?

Only Christ is perfect.

And the beginning of wisdom and courage is to know ourselves weak and helpless and flawed beyond measure.

When we know we can and have and will screw up, then and only then do we turn to the Source of our strength to endure and the Wisdom to not screw up after all.

Peter was too young in his faith to have discovered the Strength and Wisdom required to stand and endure the evils of this world. So, too, Rick was just too young in his faith to have discovered that same truth.

You have learned that truth the hard way. You know your strength lies in Christ our LORD and not in yourself. You'll get through this mess, too, because you don't rely on yourself. You rely on the ONE Who IS, yesterday, today, and tomorrow, always there when you seek Him, always has the solution, solutions for even lawyers and rule-thugs like SS 'crat rats.

I pray the Strength and Wisdom of the LORD abound that the weaknesses of little rea's and even smaller rhets may count for nothing on this earth.

Together, dearest, bound together to the ONE Who IS, we shall see victory, that His Name shall be glorified through us.

:hug:

[blazer]

I love you sis Rea! Praying for you! :hug:

[jwil59]

I spent most of yesterday alone. Rick's sons left about 10 a.m. and my kids left about 11. Allen and Heather dropped Shannon off at the airport on their way through Portland.

I'd started some things before they left, so had some things to do that kept me going (hanging out laundry, etc) - I even smoked the one cigarette someone left on the table on the deck.. thought to myself I'm going to get a cup of coffee and put my feet up in the sunshine and just smoke this puppy. I got sick as a dog, and everything else caved in on me and the day was downhill from there...

Now that I'm alone it is impossible for me to go out the back without seeing him lying there. And every single part of that image is still so clear in my mind's eye that I become physically ill.

I don't know how to live this. Losing Aubrey was different.. he didn't leave me on purpose, he died because of an illness and he regretted that he would have to leave me more then anything else he was leaving behind.

Rick chose to leave me with these memories and this void. And even tho I know I will never get answers every part of me takes apart every single shred of that evening, attempting to figure it out on my own. I've come to the conclusion that he was simply more fragile then I knew - I'm not blaming myself - I refuse to take any blame - so even this knowledge doesn't help because it is as if nothing about my love or our life could keep him anchored here and happy. I will never understand nor accept that he didn't turn TO me with whatever was hurting him instead of turning away by taking his own life.

John and Susie came over yesterday evening and we talked and talked and talked and nothing helped other then that I was not alone. John is the friend you all prayed for last September that had that stroke so bad no dr would treat him until one came along and said I'd like to try and did surgery and saved his life. They had three sons until their youngest was shot during a drug deal gone bad, and feel that they are best able to help me deal with this tragic kind of grief... John showed me how to start the mower and put in gas, and where to put the oil, then he mowed the front. He'll come back to mow the back today - he needs to do this - he and Rick roomed together at the rertreat, stayed up almost all night talking, and he says the feelings will hit him any day now and he knows that doing these things will help him deal with them.

I forgot today is a holiday so called the lawyer and left a message if he was not planning on having his office open before I asked for an appt today to call me and we'll reschedule. I hope he gets the message on time.

The dogs won't eat. They smelled Rick out back when the boys forgot and let them out that door. Ruby immediately ran and sat all huddled over near where the kids were sitting by the campfire Allen built, ears back and shaking.. Rusty smelled all over then marked the spot. Neither has eaten since except for a bit of table food here and there that the kids shared with them. I can't feed them something from the table because they get upset tummies and mess on the carpet.. I had to pay to have the carpets shampooed last time it happened and do not have the money for that now.

Since SS pays a month behind I transferred all but a pittance of money from Rick's account over to the household account and then the bank called saying they had a wire - SS wanted the money back so the kids had to drive me in so I couple deposit the money right away. The next day SS deposited Obama's $250 and then pulled that out later in the day. I'll have to have the lawyer get in touch with them.

Today is our town holiday. Town is packed with thousands of people for the holiday yard sale that happens every year.. there must be 500 vendors with stalls selling everything imaginable. I can't bring myself to go in - I can't even go after the mail. I can't go to the store. I can't get gas. The kids did that for me while they were here because all those people Rick saw and spoke to on a daily basis and I don't know how I feel and can't get through the three miles in and the three miles back if I'm going to have to contend with their condolences.

So I just stay here.

My heart breaks with you and for you sis. I am praying hard for your comfort and peace. may God bless you richly on this memorial day. Our whole family will be in prayer for you today. hang tough my dear friend.

[bella-day]

Rea,
I wish I had the words that would relieve the grief and pain you carry with you.

You are in my thoughts and prayers dear friend.

[jwil59]

Rea I am praying for you tonight

Hang tough dear sister

[USMCmom]

Rea...
You are in my thoughts and prayers everyday.:pray: If there is anything...anything at all that I can do please let me know.
God Bless:hug:

[Trinka]

One Day at a time...Sweet Jesus...

[itsrea]

http://www.thisisreasplace.com/images/RICK%202.jpg
Richard Gray Osborne
12/20/1944 - 5/16/2009

[rhet 2]

http://www.thisisreasplace.com/images/RICK%202.jpg


Richard Gray Osborne

12/20/1944 - 5/16/2009


A fine looking manly man!

I wish I could have known him personally.

But, you'll know him when he greets you in the Throne Room of the LORD and shouts with all the others, "Well done, thou good and faithful sister in Christ!"

And I shall greatly cherish the moment when I get to meet my brother in faith -- and the day when I finally get to look into your own dearly beloved eyes and see the joy of faith sustained reflected in your own happy smiles -- if not in this Vale of Tears, then surely on the Day when we feast together because the Heel of the Second Adam has finally crushed the serpent's head to set right all that is now broken and in disarray because great-granddaddy tried to make himself into a god. :hug:

I do so cherish you, Rea.

[doodle5]

One day and minute at a time!!
Do manual labor,chores that haven't been done in a long time!!

I did some yesterday felt better. Today same.

I have a Webinar today for a employment.

Read a book that you have to concentrate, I'm studying to take 1-5 books for an Exam#1, not hard but I need to know it so I won't have to look so much... Open book internet Exam in Real Estate.

My MOM's favorite verse... Ro.8:28 God sees you as a secure believer in him and all eternity.

with love to our lady wrapped up in those everlasting arms.

Carlene

[USMCmom]

http://www.thisisreasplace.com/images/RICK%202.jpg


Richard Gray Osborne

12/20/1944 - 5/16/2009


What a great picture Rea...your in my prayers my friend.:hug:

[JenyEliza]

Sending hugs and love your way, Rea. :hug: :hug;

[JenyEliza]

Sending hugs and love your way, Rea. :hug: :hug;

[Hadassah]

Now that I'm alone it is impossible for me to go out the back without seeing him lying there. And every single part of that image is still so clear in my mind's eye that I become physically ill.

I don't know how to live this. Losing Aubrey was different.. he didn't leave me on purpose, he died because of an illness and he regretted that he would have to leave me more then anything else he was leaving behind.

Rick chose to leave me with these memories and this void. And even tho I know I will never get answers every part of me takes apart every single shred of that evening, attempting to figure it out on my own. I've come to the conclusion that he was simply more fragile then I knew - I'm not blaming myself - I refuse to take any blame - so even this knowledge doesn't help because it is as if nothing about my love or our life could keep him anchored here and happy. I will never understand nor accept that he didn't turn TO me with whatever was hurting him instead of turning away by taking his own life.


Oh sweetie. :hug:


It's ok to be angry. Scream, cry, throw things (just try not to put holes on the wall or windows. :eek:) Hey, if you need to, I can and will call you if you need someone to vent to. (My long distance is free.)


Please remember this, though. Rick was not thinking clearly. He was not in his right mind when he did this. He would not have chosen to leave you like this, and to dump all this pain and grief on you if he was thinking clearly. I'm sure that he would take it back if he could. I believe that down deep in my bones.


Love you, sister and am praying for you. :pray: :hug:

[jwil59]

http://www.thisisreasplace.com/images/RICK%202.jpg
Richard Gray Osborne
12/20/1944 - 5/16/2009

That's a very good photo, thanks for posting that. I almost feel like I knew the man.

I am praying hard for you today Rea. hang tough and keep trusting in the Lord. He will see you through sis.

[itsrea]

That's a very good photo, thanks for posting that. I almost feel like I knew the man.

I am praying hard for you today Rea. hang tough and keep trusting in the Lord. He will see you through sis.None of us knew him Jeff.. else we would have known how fragile he was, else we would have known how much he needed help. All I DO know is that life is unbearable without him. I do not see a future.

[mgifford]

None of us knew him Jeff.. else we would have known how fragile he was, else we would have known how much he needed help. All I DO know is that life is unbearable without him. I do not see a future.

Rea, you're so good to pray for and love everyone else, that I can't see how that happened to you. God alone knows why. I do know that it's difficult when a close family member does that, it's horrible.

You can go on because you're a delight to other people and they love you instantly. What I mean by that is that you will be kept alive by friends who love you. My sister did the same thing 4 years ago.

I will pray for you and always be thinking of you and your Christian life. Pray and go on. dear friend.


Giff

[doodle5]

Rea,

You are a delight to everyone here on this board!!

You are gifted at helping people anywhere and anytime.

Philip. 4:19 My God shall supply your every need according to His Grace through Christ Jesus. Paraphrased.

Take care of yourself eat balanced meals breathe deep and have some hot Tea.

We love you.

Carlene

[JenyEliza]

None of us knew him Jeff.. else we would have known how fragile he was, else we would have known how much he needed help. All I DO know is that life is unbearable without him. I do not see a future.

Remember when our dearfriend Rhonda lost her husband so suddently? She couldn't see a future without her dear one either.

And yet, somehow, with God's grace Rhonda has put her life back together and found her way in the world. And you will too.

Lean on God. Lean on us. Lean on others who have been in your shoes. If there is a support group in your area, go when you are ready.

If you need to get away from the house, go stay with a friend for a while. Do whatever YOU need to do to take care of you. There is no set "recipe" for this kind of loss and grieving.

You have to do whatever you have to do to take care of YOU. Make sure you let those around you know what you need.

We love you Rea. We are here for you and praying hard for you.

Please be good to yourself and keep posting here. Getting your feelings out here will help too.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

Love,
Jeny

[Trinka]

Is. 54:4-8

Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of they widowhood any more. For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called. For the LORD hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, saith thy God. For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee. In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting kindess will I have mercy on thee, saith the LORD thy Redeemer.

11-12
O thou afflicted, tossed with tempest, and not comforted, behold, I will lay thy stones with fair colors, and lay thy foundations with sapphires. And I will make thy windows of agates, and thy gates of carbuncles, and all thy borders of pleasant stones.

Hold onto the promises of God and let him carry you through this...with Him you have a Hope and a future...

May the God of peace shine on you today.

[rhet 2]

None of us knew him Jeff.. else we would have known how fragile he was, else we would have known how much he needed help. All I DO know is that life is unbearable without him. I do not see a future.

No, you don't see the future.

I don't, either.

But the LORD does.

Lean on Him, dearest. Let Him fill your heart with new visions of tomorrow, new goals and objectives -- He surely will, one tiny revelation at a time, moment by moment, day by day.

And I pray He right this minute shows you one thing -- just one tiny little thing -- that needs doing and is right there for you to put your hand to doing right this minute. Sink your heart's energy into doing just that one tiny little thing, letting that one doing fill your heart and mind. By the time it's done, He'll show you one more tiny little thing that also needs doing with your own heart's energy.

Thus He'll get you through these awful days of transistion, and one morning before long you'll look up and see a bigger vision of what needs doing where you can sink all your glorious Self-Ness into doing.

Thus, moment by moment and day by day, He'll lead you to the Doing He foresaw long before He permitted Rick to leave you behind.

The LORD knows your future. He knows exactly and precisely why He put you on this earth. And He surely knows what comes next for His beloved child, Rea.

Moment by moment, one task at a time, He'll put you exactly where He wants you and lead you to the service He asks of you and then give you the skill and the strength to do that service.

For you are His handmaiden, made in His Image -- and you're still with us for only one reason, because your labors in His service are not yet done. Your days on this earth are not yet complete.

Now, go see if you can get the dogs to eat. Or check to see if the elk have done any more damage. Or wash a dish. Sweep a floor. Scrub the bathroom. Dig a flower bed. DO something that will occupy all that wondrous heart's energy for just a tiny moment.

For I cherish your heart and know that many hurting souls need you still -- and you are the blessing the LORD has in mind for them to discover tomorrow.

:hug:

[JenyEliza]

No, you don't see the future.

I don't, either.

But the LORD does.

Lean on Him, dearest. Let Him fill your heart with new visions of tomorrow, new goals and objectives -- He surely will, one tiny revelation at a time, moment by moment, day by day.

And I pray He right this minute shows you one thing -- just one tiny little thing -- that needs doing and is right there for you to put your hand to doing right this minute. Sink your heart's energy into doing just that one tiny little thing, letting that one doing fill your heart and mind. By the time it's done, He'll show you one more tiny little thing that also needs doing with your own heart's energy.

Thus He'll get you through these awful days of transistion, and one morning before long you'll look up and see a bigger vision of what needs doing where you can sink all your glorious Self-Ness into doing.

Thus, moment by moment and day by day, He'll lead you to the Doing He foresaw long before He permitted Rick to leave you behind.

The LORD knows your future. He knows exactly and precisely why He put you on this earth. And He surely knows what comes next for His beloved child, Rea.

Moment by moment, one task at a time, He'll put you exactly where He wants you and lead you to the service He asks of you and then give you the skill and the strength to do that service.

For you are His handmaiden, made in His Image -- and you're still with us for only one reason, because your labors in His service are not yet done. Your days on this earth are not yet complete.

Now, go see if you can get the dogs to eat. Or check to see if the elk have done any more damage. Or wash a dish. Sweep a floor. Scrub the bathroom. Dig a flower bed. DO something that will occupy all that wondrous heart's energy for just a tiny moment.

For I cherish your heart and know that many hurting souls need you still -- and you are the blessing the LORD has in mind for them to discover tomorrow.

:hug:

Thank you for sharing that with our dear Rea. You know what? I needed to read this too this morning.

Dearest Rea.....as long as you are alive, there is hope. There is a future for you. For all of us. Please take heart and lean on God and dear ones around you, as well as this board.

Know you are loved--even when you feel most alone. Remember how many times you've encouraged others to put one foot in front of the other and put their lives back together. You helped them. You did.

You even helped Rick, though you don't think you did. Rick had many more happy years with you than he might have had if he'd never met you. You gave him joy. You gave him purpose. You gave him love.

I spent hours on your website. I read every page. I poured over every photo. Your website helped *me*.

I won't go into detail here, but I find myself without hope and like you I am also having difficulty seeing the future.

But somwhere, somehow, someway, I know if I have faith, it will be OK. It has to be.

It will be for you too. One day.

All my love to you Rhet and Rea, :hug:
Jeny

[itsrea]

I wanted you all to know that after speaking to the lawyer and thinking over what he said no matter who died first this home would still have had to be sold - the way Washington state law is written for unmarried couples the deceased person's ESTATE's interest in the property is up for grabs for their debts.. probate would still have had to happen, and whoever was left living would have had to buy out the deceased's interest in the house, or let it go for sale.

Because of the Marfan's I am unable to carry enough insurance for Rick to have been able to do that... there is not enough for even him to be able to pay off my own debt AND his, so there would not have been money for him to continue to live here. Had I passed first he would have had to sell too. I admit that I wouldn't have had to be dealing with this NOW had he not taken his own life, but I believe I'd have had to deal with it sooner or later because his health was worse then mine.


I spoke to the insurance yesterday and although she would not (or could not) tell me the specifics because the company that does the paying out has not finished their research, I know what the policy size is and if they pay out it is enough to allow me to pay off my entire debt and will also allow me to comfortably move back to California to be near my kids and grandkids.


I have had to start probate, costing me my last bit of cash, and once I sign the lawyer will walk the papers over for a signature and then I will be able to list the house. The realtor was out yesterday and gave me an estimate on what the sale price will be.. she sold it too us, knows the property, has sold in this area for 25 years and has clients she believes will be interested.. it should go on the market next week and she believes it will sell before winter. She also believes that if I want to leave now she can rent it for at least half the payment.


If I understood the lawyer half the money comes to me, the other half will reimburse me the costs (he said hopefully even 1/2 the payments I'll have to make while waiting for it to sell) of probate, then it will pay his cremation (if the insurance pays first I'm going to pay for that), then something called 'special costs', then the debtors get a dig at what is left.. once the money runs out it's gone, they can't come against me or my money for the rest. If there is any left after that I get it per his will. The insurance is not a probatable asset so it will be free and clear of any of his debts, and, depending on how the contract is written maybe even the anuity is free and clear of probate too.. if not I'm not going to let it bother me.. he always was responsible for his debts and he'd want them paid.


My future DIL is an insurance agent and although she only deals with the funeral aspect of it, she had to go to school to be lisenced and says the whole 'if they pay' is insurance lingo for they have to do the research and she is confident that they will pay the whole policy.


I've searched online and with the economy the way it is I can not only pay the cost of moving, but can move to a nice home at a cost and payment I can afford near my kids and grandkids in California. If there is a problem with me still owning this home the insurance would allow me to put some money in a trust that this payment could be taken out of.. that should help me look nice to a new lender.

I've decided that I need to try to make something good out of this tragedy and I'm going to try to do that. And prayer has left me needing to be grateful for what I can find to be grateful for - and I AM grateful that Rick carried enough insurance to make the changes I have to make possible... I now believe he changed his policy last year so I'd get the biggest share because after that first winter he knew that I'd never be able to live here alone.. although he would never have dared insinuate that I am not capable, he knew how much I missed the kids, he knew I'd HAVE to realize that I'd have to sell because the size of this property is just too much for me to care for, and he knew I'd go back to California. So he provided for that.

Knowing this doesn't ease my pain or my missing him or my confusion, but it does make me so very grateful for his care of me. And being even this little bit of grateful helps me face the fact that had I passed first he would have died soon after of a broken heart.. he could never have born having to deal with what I am as far as lawyers and paperwork, and he could never have dealt with having to leave his beloved property.

[JenyEliza]

Oh, Rea. My heart is so broken for you, but I am also very grateful Rick provided for you.

:hug: :cry: :hug: :cry:

It's very clear your Rick loved you very much. You've been quite blessed to have had him in your life for the time you did.

Be good to yourself and know we're here for you! :hug:

Love,
Jeny

[itsrea]

The dogs are nibbing at the food I put down.. I believe Rusty (the golden retriever) somehow realizes Rick will not be back because he is attempting to move into the alpha male role and boss me around.. he has even attempted the luxury of sleeping on the couch - I'm dealing with it and he will learn I am still the boss, but it is a comfort to me that he's accepted what is. Ruby is still confused - when outside she sits on the front deck and stares in the window so she can see what I'm doing - when inside she shadows me, or she sleeps in her comfort zone - by the bed. But with Rusty's example she will come to accept what we cannot change.

I have a load of laundry already hung out, and another is waiting.. mornings I am not too bad. It is further into the day that I begin to fail because so much of that part of the day was spent in caring for Rick - maybe once I am moved that will ease some.

I have to tell you a funny story (don't let jwil see). My youngest smokes those silly cigar-cigarettes and a empty pack blew off onto the ground where I found it yesterday - when I went to put it in the trash I found a whole smoke it in. I thought I'm going to smoke this puppy.. I'm going to get me a hot cuppa and find a lighter and go out and stretch out in the sun and smoke this puppy.

And I did. It terribly painful to sit out back, in plain sight of where I found Rick so I cloesed my eyes and turned my face to the sun and took a half dozen drags... and puked straight into the firepit.. a action that sent me into raging coughs and started the tears, and sent me reeling so badly I had to CRAWL to the house because I literally could not stand up and walk.

Having suffered through this stupidity I can only warn any of you that throwing up into a fireput full of ash is not wise - fine ash has a tendency to take to the air and land on the closet thing - which just happened to be me.

And so I have another thing to be grateful for - I am soo very glad nobody was here to witness me covered in ash, coughing my guts out as I crawled to the house sobbing in misery...

[itsrea]

I am also very grateful for all of you.

[blazer]

:hug:

[JenyEliza]

:hug:

Your cigar story is hilarious. I can see it with my mind's eye. :))

I hate that you're having to go through this anguish and sorrow, but your sense of humor will help get you through the tight spots. Humor always makes things better. Even the worst life has to offer--as in your case.

I'm glad the dogs are starting to pick at their food. Its so sad to see a dog in mourning. It breaks my heart. My grandmother's yellow lab did the same after she passed. She went from room to room looking for her and took to whining incessantly and wouldn't eat. It took her quite a while to adjust. But somehow she did, and you and the dogs will too. Time will help.

After I read Rhet's post, I made some phone calls that needed to be made. And did something to improve the things I'm so worried about. It's in God's hands.

Thank you trusting us with your grief and loss. You've touched all our lives.

:hug:
Jeny

[itsrea]

:hug:

Your cigar story is hilarious. I can see it with my mind's eye. :))

I hate that you're having to go through this anguish and sorrow, but your sense of humor will help get you through the tight spots. Humor always makes things better. Even the worst life has to offer--as in your case.

I'm glad the dogs are starting to pick at their food. Its so sad to see a dog in mourning. It breaks my heart. My grandmother's yellow lab did the same after she passed. She went from room to room looking for her and took to whining incessantly and wouldn't eat. It took her quite a while to adjust. But somehow she did, and you and the dogs will too. Time will help.

After I read Rhet's post, I made some phone calls that needed to be made. And did something to improve the things I'm so worried about. It's in God's hands.

Thank you trusting us with your grief and loss. You've touched all our lives.

:hug:
Jeny

I didn't actually think it was funny until I told my sister on the phone and she started laughing so hard she couldn't talk and accidently hung up.. trust a sister to find humor in big sister's misery!!

But hearing her laughter was a balm that helped me for awhile :)

[JenyEliza]

I don't think I would have found it so funny had it been me either. I'm so glad your sister could give you a few minutes reprieve from your sorrow. Sisters can be handy to have sometimes, can't they? ;)

Will your sister be making a trip to visit? Or did you guys decide against that?

Sending tons of hugs your way..... :hug:

Jen

[Trinka]

I woulda found the cigar story funny....I've kinda been there...and I'm glad your sister helped you find the humor in it...laughter is great medicine....

I'm also very glad to see your gonna move closer to family with children...they are such a blessing and they grow up soooo fast...that's the reason we didn't move too far away when we had the chance a few yrs ago. I Love them grandbabies...though they aren't babies any more.

[rhet 2]

I didn't actually think it was funny until I told my sister on the phone and she started laughing so hard she couldn't talk and accidently hung up.. trust a sister to find humor in big sister's misery!!

But hearing her laughter was a balm that helped me for awhile :)

I'm rolling laughing with your sister!

Exactly the type of thing that would happen to me, too -- and I'd be just as glad not to have someone else witness my boo-boo! :))

YOU are a balm to my own soul, dear one. That you are.

Moving back to be near your kids and grandkids sounds like a plan to me! :clap:

[itsrea]

I don't think I would have found it so funny had it been me either. I'm so glad your sister could give you a few minutes reprieve from your sorrow. Sisters can be handy to have sometimes, can't they? ;)

Will your sister be making a trip to visit? Or did you guys decide against that?

Sending tons of hugs your way..... :hug:

JenI'm the big sister Jeny, she's the spoiled rotten baby...

It looks like she is being seriously considered for one of the jobs she interviewed for so she has to stick around to wait on that.. if she doesn't get it she may come up towards the last of June, after my grandson has left.

[itsrea]

I'm rolling laughing with your sister!

Exactly the type of thing that would happen to me, too -- and I'd be just as glad not to have someone else witness my boo-boo! :))

YOU are a balm to my own soul, dear one. That you are.

Moving back to be near your kids and grandkids sounds like a plan to me! :clap:Rhet, Justin called yesterday... a year and a half ago he lay so ill from alcohol withdrawal that we didn't know if he would live or die and yesterday he found out that the new baby is a boy... so my 42 year old son is going to be the father of his first son.

:clap:

[JenyEliza]

I'm the big sister Jeny, she's the spoiled rotten baby...

Check. ;)

Still, she sounds like she could be a good one to have around.

It looks like she is being seriously considered for one of the jobs she interviewed for so she has to stick around to wait on that.. if she doesn't get it she may come up towards the last of June, after my grandson has left.

Darn that timing! I hope she can find a way to visit, or that you could get away for a bit and maybe visit her once things settle down a bit.

I must have missed it, but where is your grandson going?

[blazer]

congrats! :)

[Trinka]

Rhet, Justin called yesterday... a year and a half ago he lay so ill from alcohol withdrawal that we didn't know if he would live or die and yesterday he found out that the new baby is a boy... so my 42 year old son is going to be the father of his first son.

:clap:


Oh! You just gave me some Hope here too with that...Our son is 35 and single....drinks alot, alot....lots of prayers over that...He thinks he's getting too old to settle down and have babies...Pffft...what do they know about aging! Bless Baby ..Daddy and Mommy...and Grand-Maw

[itsrea]

Check. ;)

Still, she sounds like she could be a good one to have around.



Darn that timing! I hope she can find a way to visit, or that you could get away for a bit and maybe visit her once things settle down a bit.

I must have missed it, but where is your grandson going?My 15 yr old grandson lives in Idaho with his dad (my ex-son-in-law).. he was coming to spend a week to help Rick rebuild the roof on the woodshed and to visit with me.. he'll be here not quite a week then his other grandparents (they are friends of mine) will pick him up on their way through from California and take him with them on their way to Bellingham to visit his other grandmother's sister.

[JenyEliza]

My 15 yr old grandson lives in Idaho with his dad (my ex-son-in-law).. he was coming to spend a week to help Rick rebuild the roof on the woodshed and to visit with me.. he'll be here not quite a week then his other grandparents (they are friends of mine) will pick him up on their way through from California and take him with them on their way to Bellingham to visit his other grandmother's sister.

That sounds good, Rea. Having a 15 year old around will keep you busy and on your toes (I know, my twins are 14 and driving me nutz already and we're only on day 2 of summer).

He's just the right age to help you with your "to do" list around the house. Maybe you can show him a thing or two? :D

I'm glad he's heading your way. Being alone with your thoughts (and other people's cigars) is probably not the best thing. ;) :))

:hug:
Love ya,
Jeny

ps. If you move back to Cali, can we host the next NUCKABAR there? ;)

[itsrea]

That sounds good, Rea. Having a 15 year old around will keep you busy and on your toes (I know, my twins are 14 and driving me nutz already and we're only on day 2 of summer).

He's just the right age to help you with your "to do" list around the house. Maybe you can show him a thing or two? :D

I'm glad he's heading your way. Being alone with your thoughts (and other people's cigars) is probably not the best thing. ;) :))

:hug:
Love ya,
Jeny

ps. If you move back to Cali, can we host the next NUCKABAR there? ;)Speaking of NUCKABAR, do you ever hear from him?

My grandson worked construction with his dad last summer.. he is going to be showing me lol

[jwil59]

None of us knew him Jeff.. else we would have known how fragile he was, else we would have known how much he needed help. All I DO know is that life is unbearable without him. I do not see a future.

God promises not to make things unbearable for us Rea. I pray you can see through the grief and heartbreak long enough to claim that promise for yourself. You are a woman of faith, I know you believe it, so now you have to claim it for yourself. You have basically been telling me this same thing sice December 20, 2008. he does not promise to take the pain, but He does promise the grace to see you through. I believe that with all my heart and I know you believe it too.

I am praying for you every day, all day sis. That isn't goin to stop.

[itsrea]

God promises not to make things unbearable for us Rea. I pray you can see through the grief and heartbreak long enough to claim that promise for yourself. You are a woman of faith, I know you believe it, so now you have to claim it for yourself. You have basically been telling me this same thing sice December 20, 2008. he does not promise to take the pain, but He does promise the grace to see you through. I believe that with all my heart and I know you believe it too.

I am praying for you every day, all day sis. That isn't goin to stop.Claiming God's promise the first time I was widowed didn't take away these feelings Jeff, and being widowed this time has not changed that.. I know there are no answers, and I know that God will work the need for them out in me - I do know His promises and I thank you for reminding me, and I thank you for your prayers.

[jwil59]

The dogs are nibbing at the food I put down.. I believe Rusty (the golden retriever) somehow realizes Rick will not be back because he is attempting to move into the alpha male role and boss me around.. he has even attempted the luxury of sleeping on the couch - I'm dealing with it and he will learn I am still the boss, but it is a comfort to me that he's accepted what is. Ruby is still confused - when outside she sits on the front deck and stares in the window so she can see what I'm doing - when inside she shadows me, or she sleeps in her comfort zone - by the bed. But with Rusty's example she will come to accept what we cannot change.

I have a load of laundry already hung out, and another is waiting.. mornings I am not too bad. It is further into the day that I begin to fail because so much of that part of the day was spent in caring for Rick - maybe once I am moved that will ease some.

I have to tell you a funny story (don't let jwil see). My youngest smokes those silly cigar-cigarettes and a empty pack blew off onto the ground where I found it yesterday - when I went to put it in the trash I found a whole smoke it in. I thought I'm going to smoke this puppy.. I'm going to get me a hot cuppa and find a lighter and go out and stretch out in the sun and smoke this puppy.

And I did. It terribly painful to sit out back, in plain sight of where I found Rick so I cloesed my eyes and turned my face to the sun and took a half dozen drags... and puked straight into the firepit.. a action that sent me into raging coughs and started the tears, and sent me reeling so badly I had to CRAWL to the house because I literally could not stand up and walk.

Having suffered through this stupidity I can only warn any of you that throwing up into a fireput full of ash is not wise - fine ash has a tendency to take to the air and land on the closet thing - which just happened to be me.

And so I have another thing to be grateful for - I am soo very glad nobody was here to witness me covered in ash, coughing my guts out as I crawled to the house sobbing in misery...

That's a funny story :))

You get a pass :lol:

I love you sister in Christ, hang tough

[jwil59]

Claiming God's promise the first time I was widowed didn't take away these feelings Jeff, and being widowed this time has not changed that.. I know there are no answers, and I know that God will work the need for them out in me - I do know His promises and I thank you for reminding me, and I thank you for your prayers.

I wish with all my heart this wasn't happening to you.

God knew this was going to happen, and He chose you instead of someone else to be a channel of His love for Rick. I know it hurts but I pray you can remember that God chose you for a reason and that purpose is perfect. He will see you through, like you have been telling me for 5 months or so now. Geez I wish I had some words of profound wisdom, all I can do is pray and pray some more, so that's what I'll do.

[rhet 2]

Rhet, Justin called yesterday... a year and a half ago he lay so ill from alcohol withdrawal that we didn't know if he would live or die and yesterday he found out that the new baby is a boy... so my 42 year old son is going to be the father of his first son.

:clap:

Talk about a cause for joy! :dance: :clap:

Congratulations, Grandma! And thank You, LORD!

[Hadassah]

Claiming God's promise the first time I was widowed didn't take away these feelings Jeff, and being widowed this time has not changed that.. I know there are no answers, and I know that God will work the need for them out in me - I do know His promises and I thank you for reminding me, and I thank you for your prayers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWxFjufgC24


Every Heart That is Breaking Tonight
Twila Paris

For the young abandoned husband
Left alone without a reason
For the pilgrim in the city where there is no home
For the son without a father
For his solitary mother
I have a message
He sees you. He knows you
He loves you. He loves you

Chorus
Every heart that is breaking tonight
Is the heart of a child that He holds in His sight
And Oh how He longs to hold in His arms
Every heart that is breaking tonight

For the precious, fallen daughter
For her devastated father
For the prodigal who's dying in a strange new way
For the patriot with no country
I have a message
He sees you. He knows you
He loves you. He loves you

[jwil59]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53pCcjIHeuU

[itsrea]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWxFjufgC24


Every Heart That is Breaking Tonight
Twila Paris

For the young abandoned husband
Left alone without a reason
For the pilgrim in the city where there is no home
For the son without a father
For his solitary mother
I have a message
He sees you. He knows you
He loves you. He loves you

Chorus
Every heart that is breaking tonight
Is the heart of a child that He holds in His sight
And Oh how He longs to hold in His arms
Every heart that is breaking tonight

For the precious, fallen daughter
For her devastated father
For the prodigal who's dying in a strange new way
For the patriot with no country
I have a message
He sees you. He knows you
He loves you. He loves youThank you

[itsrea]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53pCcjIHeuU:hug:

[itsrea]

Talk about a cause for joy! :dance: :clap:

Congratulations, Grandma! And thank You, LORD!Lord willing I will be there in time for his birth.

[JenyEliza]

How's your afternoon going, Rea?

I've managed to do exactly what you suggested in my thread today. Thank you for handing me my head on a platter. I needed it. Believe it or not, I received that miracle I asked for in my thread. But I had to take the steps needed to make it happen.

I do believe in miracles--even when we don't think we've been dealt the right hand in life. I know you believe deeply in God and His tender mercy. He knows how strong you are and how great your faith is. I know He is with you at this very moment, watching over you.

I have had my moments when I have actually yelled at God and demanded answers on the spot. But He is a wise and loving Father always. He knows our pain and what troubles us. Even when we're angry with him, He loves us. And He loves you. Always.

Congratulations on the new addition to your family! So glad to know there is a new little man on the way. Another one of God's miracles. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. He will show you the way.

Love,
Jeny :hug:

[JenyEliza]

Lord willing I will be there in time for his birth.

I hope you're there to share in this happy occasion! :D

Do his parents have any idea what they're going to name him? Or is it too early?

Jeny

[rhet 2]

Thank you, my dearest friends.

I've been feeling low all day -- and you folks have surely lifted my heart out of the mud so it can see the rainbows and hear the robins instead. :hug:

[doodle5]

CONGRATULATIONS GRANDMA!! You are going to love being Grandma!!

We have one Jamie 17 months and twins on the way. Still getting used to the twin part, October or November.

HAVE FUN!!

Carlene

[itsrea]

Thank you, my dearest friends.

I've been feeling low all day -- and you folks have surely lifted my heart out of the mud so it can see the rainbows and hear the robins instead. :hug:Don't know how anyone could be down after reading about me puking in the firepit Rhet.




Being where I am right now I completely understand laughter lasting only a sec or two :hug: my friend :hug:

[itsrea]

CONGRATULATIONS GRANDMA!! You are going to love being Grandma!!

We have one Jamie 17 months and twins on the way. Still getting used to the twin part, October or November.

HAVE FUN!!

CarleneThis will be my 11th grandchild Carlene, but thank you

[itsrea]

I hope you're there to share in this happy occasion! :D

Do his parents have any idea what they're going to name him? Or is it too early?

JenyI think it's too early Jen... mom is a only child who knows nothing about males and who didn't even know how to burp a baby on her first pregnancy - she's more worried about how to raise a boy at the moment then she is about a name.

She has done a GREAT job with their daughter, I know she will do great with this son too. She just needs to get used to the idea.

[JenyEliza]

Tell her boys are easier to raise than girls. (seriously)

My daughter is and always has been a high-maintenance baby, while her twin brother has always been very low maintenance.

She'll do just fine with a boy if she's already practiced on a girl! :D

Congrats.....this is some happy news to hang onto! :hug:

Jeny

[USMCmom]

Congrats Rea...I can only imagine the joy that you get from being a Grandma! I talked to Kyle last night online and he wanted me to pass on a message to you...he said he was so sorry to hear about Rick and that you & your family are in his prayers.

Not a day goes by when you are in my thoughts and prayers Rea...:pray:
God Bless:hug:
Kelly

[jwil59]

I am praying for Rea tonight.

[stoked]

Hang in there Rea, we love you lady. :hug:

[doodle5]

Eleven WOW!!!

My step Grandmother had 17 kids, wonderful lady and loving, very helpful when my Mom lost her mother when she was eight. They weren't married until I was nine. Beautiful couple!! Always helping everyone.

I was an only child, I knew all about kids and raising them, had lots of responsibility when growing up... four boy cousins.

How are you?

Carlene

[rhet 2]

I am praying for Rea tonight.

And every night. May the LORD in His infinite Love and Mercy shelter, defend, and provide for our dear sister in faith!

[bella-day]

We have not left you Rea, nor has God.

Lean on him in your time of need.

You are in my prayers.

[JenyEliza]

Rea....how are you doing today? I know it's early out your way, so hope you're sound asleep and resting.

Please keep us updated.

I know it's hard to focus right now. I remember how overwhelmed I was when my ex left me for our neighbor--and there I was with two preemie babies to care for and support by myself. I walked through the days in a haze of shock and devastation, going through the motions. Had it not been for the babies giving me a reason to do that, I would have stayed in bed and pulled the cover over my head. It's SO tempting to do that when life throws us these GIANT curveballs.

Repchick learned that term "black hole" from me.....that's where I went for awhile after my divorce. Right into a black hole. I visit this place from time to time, still. So does Repchick. It's not a nice place to go. We're all here to help you stay away from there.

One day in the distant future, you will go back and re-read this thread. You will have everything settled in Oregon and be safely in your new home in N. Cali. You'll be surrounded by your loved ones and you will be putting your life back together. When you do re-read this thread, you will be amazed at all you've done and how far you've come. You will be amazed at how strong you are, and how much God has helped you to recover from your loss.

You are a good woman and a faithful woman of God. He is with you always, and we're here for you too.

Please stay connected with us and lean on us. We love you and are praying for you.

:hug:

[Hoobeedoo Bejesus]

Wanted to let you know I was thinking of you.

We all miss you and are here for you!

[jwil59]

And every night. May the LORD in His infinite Love and Mercy shelter, defend, and provide for our dear sister in faith!

Amen!!!!!!

I am praying for Rea

[itsrea]

I'm sorry, I can't talk.

I wish I could wake up.

[Seanachie]

Hello Rea,

I know the feeling. Sometimes words escape me. Some folks I know consider that a Blessing for me and especially for them at times. Perhaps just reading along will give you some solace in knowing that we know how tough this situation is for you and that we will do all the Good Lord allows us to do in trying to offer you some comfort and support.

I was able to get to the Falls yesterday afternoon. I haven't been there in over two weeks. It was a beautiful Spring day with bright sunshine. The river was running a bit high after all the rain we've had. The roaring of the water plummeting 50 or 60 feet has a soothing effect upon my Soul for some reason. Perhaps it's just the small display of God's awesome power that He has graced me and many others with.

One might consider this a lonely place. I don't. It was tranquil today despite the roaring water and beautiful sunshine. It was just a wonderful day to have my 'talks' with God.

I asked the Good Lord to bring you some closure and peace of mind in dealing with Rick's passing. As the old adage goes; 'life is for the living, the dead have already found their peace'.

I also asked God to welcome Rick into His Home with loving arms. I have no idea why God allows the things He does or doesn't do; but, as Jeff has so wisely put it: It's all part of his 'perfect plan' for each of us.

I also made what many might consider a strange request. I asked My deceased Brother Ed to intercede on Rick's behalf with God if that is even necessary. Praying for those who have preceded us in death is somehow a priority for my Soul. I suppose I simply believe that every single one of us is interconnected through our Souls with God's perfect Soul.

I also asked God to allow Brother Ed to be sent as an Angel to watch over all the folks here in the OO. I have no doubt that Ed keeps watch over my Family. Perhaps he's around somewhere as I type these words.

My Brother Ed was a deeply Religious person along with his spirituality. He was in the Catholic Seminary at Seton Hall University in New Jersey when Pope John Paul II visited Newark, NJ back in 1995.

I used to bar-tend in another Brother's rough as rough can be Irish Bar on weekend day-shifts and Brother Ed would stop in from time to time. He came in one Sunday afternoon right after the Pope's visit to Sacred Heart Cathedral in Newark. Brother Ed knew well just how irreverent I can be and I asked him:

"Hey Ed, I heard you held the Holy Pole for the Pope and led him into the Cathedral. True?"

"Yep, it's true". He answered.

So Ed I say; "Tis it true that you waved the Holy Smoke around the Pope and the Alter after John Paul put in the incense"?

"Sure did", he answered. Ed knew how the smell of that stuff made me sick when I was a Choirboy in the Catholic School we all went to.

Ed simply ignored my irreverence and went on to tell me How he met the Pope in the Sacristy anteroom and what a down to earth man he was. The Pope offered him some cookies while they conversed and they both offered up prayers for our entire Family. I was really impressed by this. The Good Lord knows all too well just how much prayer my Family is always in need of.

Ed got a bit of a chewing out for taking the cookies and eating them from a Monsignor. Now Ed could be a wee bit irreverent himself and he told me his response: "What did ya want me to do? Tell the Pope to stick um in his ear? If he offers you some; I just know where you can stick um!" Brother Ed always cracked me up and I'm quite sure his language to the Monsignor was much more colorful than he let on.

Anyways, the reason for this long-winded post is my hope and prayer that even when you don't feel like talking; you might enjoy reading a tad bit. Perhaps you may find some laughter in your own Soul and the Souls of others who may wake you into some semblance of peace.

Be as well as you can be Lady,

Jim

PS: My screen name 'Seanachie' translates from Irish to 'Storyteller' in the King's tongue. Perhaps that's why I'm way too long winded. How I chose that screen name is quite another story when signing up for Hannity Forums. I'll spare you the details for now. Perhaps Ed is hanging about and is giving me the 'wahatfors' to shut up!

PSS: I was leaving Wangum Falls Road today and my cell phone rang. I usually keep the dang thing in my pocket and won't answer it while I'm driving. I was stopped at a stop sign so I answered it. It was my Son calling from his cell somewhere west of Dallas Texas. He's getting ready to begin construction on a wind farm there. I haven't heard from him in weeks and God Blessed me with his voice and a very nice conversation. I was ecstatic to hear from him. So...I turned back around about 15 minutes later and went back to the Falls to thank God for this Blessing. That 'Big Guy' up there sure does work in mysterious ways.

[itsrea]

(((My dear friends and prayer partners)))

I'm going to post this here instead of go over it over and over in pm's to you loving people. And I am going to hope and pray this is not a thread killer because I need each and every one of you very much.

I've been through this before. I was widowed in 1997 when the Lord took Aubrey home to him... and although each time is different this time more so because Aubrey was taken from me and Rick chose to leave me, even so there are only a couple of basics that are the 'needs-to-do' that apply to every grief and those are food and sleep.

Here are the basic Grief Rights:

I have:
#1. The right to experience my own unique grief.
#2. The right to talk about my grief.
#3. The right to feel a multitude of emotions including disbelief, sorrow, anger, lonliness and fear.
#4. The right to be tolerant of my physical and emotional limits.
#5. I have the right to experience "griefbursts"--sudden, powerful surges of grief.
#6. The right to make use of healing rituals such as visiting the cemetary, creating a memorial or starting a new tradition.
#7. The right to embrace my spirituality.
#8. I have the right to search for meaning in life and death..
#9. To treasure my memories.
#10. The right to move through my grief and to heal.

What that means is that the only 'need-to-do' is make sure I eat and sleep, and that if I get thoughts of ending my own life I get help. I do eat when I can. In fact I made the large slow cooker full of a nutritious soup and I grab what I know I can keep down as often as I know I can keep it down. I sleep with the aid of a sleeping pill and my doctor has prescribed a anxiety medication should I decide I need it - I don't take it because I lose all inhibitions on them, but his being involved in what's happening to me to this degree should reassure you that we both are aware of the dangers that follow the death of a loved spouse and/or companion.

The rest is all flak my friends. Instructing me to find things to keep busy works is not possible at this time because my 'everyday', that everyday when I'd have read or crocheted or watched a whole program or cleaned or visited with friends is forever gone and I cannot begin to rebuild a new one yet. It's too soon.

There is no normal. It went out the window the moment Rick pulled that trigger.

And none of those things would keep me from knowing he is gone anyway. None of those things answers the questions I have nor addresses the confusion I feel nor would heal me a moment sooner then my own particular make-up allows.

So, please, don't pm me and tell me what I 'need' to do... the way I grieve is not going to be the same as the way you think you would, or the way you did.

I'm heartfelt sorry if this sounds harsh... it is not my intention to hurt or alienate any of you because each and every one of you is valuable to me and if there was ever a time when I am attempting to establish value it is now, when being deliberately left behind like Rick left me shows me just how important it is for us to affirm each others importance and value TO each other.

[JenyEliza]

{edited to remove quotes}

Oh, sweet friend. I wish I could be there to help you.

I hate thinking of you up there on your own to handle everything. I ask God to watch over you every day.

Is there *anything* we can do that will help? I despise being so far away and so useless to you.

We love you...

:hug:
Jen

[JenyEliza]

{edited to remove quotes}

This is not a thread-killer, and you've certainly NOT run me off. It takes a whole lot more than that. ;)

I suspect everyone offering you the advice feels about as useless as a fish with a bicycle right now. We all want so desperately to fix this for you, and, dammit--the fact is we can't.

I have purposely not PM'd you, specifically because I knew you were being deluged with advice and messages of love that don't quite feel like it when you get them.

Everyone grieves differently, everyone experiences loss differently. You need to do exactly what you need to do when you need to do it.

If you'll just help us know when you need us--and when you don't, that would be great. Nobody wants to add to your load or magnify your loss, because it is already so vast.

I am here whenever you need me. If you want, I can send you my phone #, and I will listen. I won't offer advice, because I know how unhelpful it really is at this time.

I will just listen and love you. Because you are Rea, and you are special.

:hug:
Jen

[itsrea]

Oh, sweet friend. I wish I could be there to help you.

I hate thinking of you up there on your own to handle everything. I ask God to watch over you every day.

Is there *anything* we can do that will help? I despise being so far away and so useless to you.

We love you...

:hug:
JenThank you Jeny.. I'm not always alone - friends, neighbors, and my sisters and brothers at church come by regulary and all call me, plus I get calls from family. It doesn't really matter whether I am alone or not - but I do thank you for your kindnesses.

[itsrea]

This is not a thread-killer, and you've certainly NOT run me off. It takes a whole lot more than that. ;)

I suspect everyone offering you the advice feels about as useless as a fish with a bicycle right now. We all want so desperately to fix this for you, and, dammit--the fact is we can't.

I have purposely not PM'd you, specifically because I knew you were being deluged with advice and messages of love that don't quite feel like it when you get them.

Everyone grieves differently, everyone experiences loss differently. You need to do exactly what you need to do when you need to do it.

If you'll just help us know when you need us--and when you don't, that would be great. Nobody wants to add to your load or magnify your loss, because it is already so vast.

I am here whenever you need me. If you want, I can send you my phone #, and I will listen. I won't offer advice, because I know how unhelpful it really is at this time.

I will just listen and love you. Because you are Rea, and you are special.

:hug:
JenRick didn't think I was special.

[JenyEliza]

Rick didn't think I was special.

Yes, hon. He did. Deep down you know this too.

And everyone here does as well.

Sounds like you're having a rough Sunday. Sundays were always the worst day for me after my ex left. I don't know why, but they were.

I'm gonna PM you my #. Feel free to use it if you want, ok?

:hug:
Jen

[rhet 2]

(((My dear friends and prayer partners)))

I'm going to post this here instead of go over it over and over in pm's to you loving people. And I am going to hope and pray this is not a thread killer because I need each and every one of you very much.

I've been through this before. I was widowed in 1997 when the Lord took Aubrey home to him... and although each time is different this time more so because Aubrey was taken from me and Rick chose to leave me, even so there are only a couple of basics that are the 'needs-to-do' that apply to every grief and those are food and sleep.

Here are the basic Grief Rights:

I have:
#1. The right to experience my own unique grief.
#2. The right to talk about my grief.
#3. The right to feel a multitude of emotions including disbelief, sorrow, anger, lonliness and fear.
#4. The right to be tolerant of my physical and emotional limits.
#5. I have the right to experience "griefbursts"--sudden, powerful surges of grief.
#6. The right to make use of healing rituals such as visiting the cemetary, creating a memorial or starting a new tradition.
#7. The right to embrace my spirituality.
#8. I have the right to search for meaning in life and death..
#9. To treasure my memories.
#10. The right to move through my grief and to heal.

What that means is that the only 'need-to-do' is make sure I eat and sleep, and that if I get thoughts of ending my own life I get help. I do eat when I can. In fact I made the large slow cooker full of a nutritious soup and I grab what I know I can keep down as often as I know I can keep it down. I sleep with the aid of a sleeping pill and my doctor has prescribed a anxiety medication should I decide I need it - I don't take it because I lose all inhibitions on them, but his being involved in what's happening to me to this degree should reassure you that we both are aware of the dangers that follow the death of a loved spouse and/or companion.

The rest is all flak my friends. Instructing me to find things to keep busy works is not possible at this time because my 'everyday', that everyday when I'd have read or crocheted or watched a whole program or cleaned or visited with friends is forever gone and I cannot begin to rebuild a new one yet. It's too soon.

There is no normal. It went out the window the moment Rick pulled that trigger.

And none of those things would keep me from knowing he is gone anyway. None of those things answers the questions I have nor addresses the confusion I feel nor would heal me a moment sooner then my own particular make-up allows.

So, please, don't pm me and tell me what I 'need' to do... the way I grieve is not going to be the same as the way you think you would, or the way you did.

I'm heartfelt sorry if this sounds harsh... it is not my intention to hurt or alienate any of you because each and every one of you is valuable to me and if there was ever a time when I am attempting to establish value it is now, when being deliberately left behind like Rick left me shows me just how important it is for us to affirm each others importance and value TO each other.

Who's alienated? Not me.

I love that list of rights. May I share it with someone else who just lost her own dear love?

And I'm glad, more than you can know, for the fire with which you speak -- it's a good and healthy, God-given fire of the heart and mind.

:hug:

And Rick does love you more than you can know this side of heaven's doors. He just couldn't endure any more. Has nothing to do with how much he loved you. The hurt just grew and grew and grew until it took over his brain and he literally couldn't think about anything else.

I remember hearing my Bear's voice when I was in agony once. I knew he was there. Couldn't understand one thing he or the paramedics before him or later the docs were saying because the pain was too big to hear through. There just wasn't any room left in my brain to think about anything or anyone except the pain and wanting it to stop. It had nothing to do with my Bear or anyone else, because the only thing in my skull was me and the pain. And the only issue I had room in my skull to think about was the pain. And, to tell the truth, I really didn't care which of us won, me or the pain, one way or the other, as long as the pain went away. And, yeah, I'd have accepted death in a nanosecond, without a thought one about my Bear or the kids, because the pain would have died, too, and there just wasn't room in my brain to think about anything except the pain stopping. God just wasn't ready for me to go home, though I'll be hung if I know why not.

For day after day after day, Rick fought off his own pain -- and struggled to stop it from taking over his brain -- and struggled for only one reason. He didn't want to leave you.

Then one night the LORD said, "Yes, son, your work here is done. Time to quit fighting and come on home."

Think the LORD would have called him home if the LORD knew you couldn't make it without Rick? Rick didn't quit on you -- and he didn't quit on the LORD, either. He got called home. Because his work on this earth was finished and the LORD did not supply the means to fight off the pain one more time. By his own hand, by a car wreck, by a heart attack, or by cancer -- the means doesn't matter. What counts is that the LORD Himself said, "Come home, son. Your share in the world's battles is done. Time for resting, now. Come on home."

[Hoobeedoo Bejesus]

Hang in there Rea.

The only thing I can offer is that what you are feeling today is not permanent, it will subside.

Many prayers for you kind lady. :hug:

[jwil59]

(((My dear friends and prayer partners)))

I'm going to post this here instead of go over it over and over in pm's to you loving people. And I am going to hope and pray this is not a thread killer because I need each and every one of you very much.

I've been through this before. I was widowed in 1997 when the Lord took Aubrey home to him... and although each time is different this time more so because Aubrey was taken from me and Rick chose to leave me, even so there are only a couple of basics that are the 'needs-to-do' that apply to every grief and those are food and sleep.

Here are the basic Grief Rights:

I have:
#1. The right to experience my own unique grief.
#2. The right to talk about my grief.
#3. The right to feel a multitude of emotions including disbelief, sorrow, anger, lonliness and fear.
#4. The right to be tolerant of my physical and emotional limits.
#5. I have the right to experience "griefbursts"--sudden, powerful surges of grief.
#6. The right to make use of healing rituals such as visiting the cemetary, creating a memorial or starting a new tradition.
#7. The right to embrace my spirituality.
#8. I have the right to search for meaning in life and death..
#9. To treasure my memories.
#10. The right to move through my grief and to heal.

What that means is that the only 'need-to-do' is make sure I eat and sleep, and that if I get thoughts of ending my own life I get help. I do eat when I can. In fact I made the large slow cooker full of a nutritious soup and I grab what I know I can keep down as often as I know I can keep it down. I sleep with the aid of a sleeping pill and my doctor has prescribed a anxiety medication should I decide I need it - I don't take it because I lose all inhibitions on them, but his being involved in what's happening to me to this degree should reassure you that we both are aware of the dangers that follow the death of a loved spouse and/or companion.

The rest is all flak my friends. Instructing me to find things to keep busy works is not possible at this time because my 'everyday', that everyday when I'd have read or crocheted or watched a whole program or cleaned or visited with friends is forever gone and I cannot begin to rebuild a new one yet. It's too soon.

There is no normal. It went out the window the moment Rick pulled that trigger.

And none of those things would keep me from knowing he is gone anyway. None of those things answers the questions I have nor addresses the confusion I feel nor would heal me a moment sooner then my own particular make-up allows.

So, please, don't pm me and tell me what I 'need' to do... the way I grieve is not going to be the same as the way you think you would, or the way you did.

I'm heartfelt sorry if this sounds harsh... it is not my intention to hurt or alienate any of you because each and every one of you is valuable to me and if there was ever a time when I am attempting to establish value it is now, when being deliberately left behind like Rick left me shows me just how important it is for us to affirm each others importance and value TO each other.

I am praying hard for you sis. Hang tough my friend

[itsrea]

Then one night the LORD said, "Yes, son, your work here is done. Time to quit fighting and come on home."Rhet, I know you don't mean that the Lord said it's time for you to come home, go get the gun and blow your brains out so that Rea can find you - I could not go on if I thought God would allow that for either of us... I may not be able to figure out why, but what I DO know with every fiber of my being that the God I know started out speaking softly to Rick's heart and then screamed nooooo as loudly as I did when I found him - Just as I know with every beat of my heart that God wrapped His arms around Rick and welcomed him home once he was there.

I know all the heartache that tormented Rick. And I know that God would have healed him had Rick been able to hang in there. He wasn't. Maybe you're right that the heartache drove him - maybe it was something more sinister.. whatever the cause I'd agree with you that in the end he was helpless to struggle against it.

That doesn't help any my friend. The knowledge that he was so absolutely and so suddenly destitute, so deeply impoverished, so unable to feel the love of so many people, including my own and let it be a balm to his heart, and that he didn't or couldn't reach out for help makes my heart clench up so tight it's hard to breath.

Maybe I can let myself heal from this someday - right now all I can do is continue to wail whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

[doodle5]

Rea,

None of us know why? Never will!!

I pray that Christ will pick up the pieces of your heart and pour His Spirit on each part and apply His Healing oil of peace in abundance!!

We look to Christ at all times, to see if we can learn something from this.
Looking unto Christ the author of our salvation.

To God be the Glory forever and ever.

Carlene

[JenyEliza]

Maybe I can let myself heal from this someday - right now all I can do is continue to wail whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

Oh Rea....

I would be *so* worried about you if you didn't ask "whyyyyyy" over and over and over and over again.

I had a dear friend do as did Rick many years ago. After the shock wore off, I was so very angry at him. All of our circle of friends were, actually. We'd all been out for drinks after work at the watering hole down the road for our apartment complex, which was our usual habit. This place was like "Cheers"....they knew all our names and had our beverage of choice on the bar, before we even sat down.

One evening after work, usual drinks, yada yada. Only our friend didn't show up. His roomate when to go check on him and found him sitting on their couch, gun still in his hand. He'd done the unthinkable--a horrific gunshot wound to his head. He was a detective. He'd used his service revolver.

We all asked WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? No note was ever found.

We had a memorial/wake for him at our watering hole. He was fond of playing his trumpet there....so we put his trumpet on his favorite barstool, in his memory and honor.

Sometimes--even more than 20 years later, I think I see him walking down the road, or out at the movies or at the gas station, but it's never him. Always someone who looks just like him.

The "why" may never be answered for you. It never was for us. But eventually we all accepted what was....grudgingly....we learned to live with the loss of our dear friend who couldn't bear this life one more minute, one more second, of one more day.

The anger subsides eventually, but it takes time. It takes patience. It takes God's healing love and the help of loved ones and friends to see you through the darkest days.

And there's no speeding up the process. It takes exactly as long as each person needs....and not a minute more or less. Each person has to go at their own pace.

You will deal with Rick's loss on your terms, in your time, at your pace. You are strong....and believe it or not, you will be OK again one day.

Meantime, when you need us, we'll be here for you.

:hug:
Jen

[itsrea]

I ask for supportive, extra prayer for today. I see the lawyer to start probate. And we are going to end up in a fight with a huge major insurance company because they are rejecting Rick's last changes, saying there is an irregularity.. the change was made over a year ago and they accepted it then, not notifying Rick so whatever it is (they're refusing to tell us what it is) could be corrected.

I told the lawyer that I've taken care of Rick for over eight years now and this is the last thing I'll ever be able to do for him and if I have to crawl on my belly to do the BEST job possible I'm going to do that.. he said lets get probate started and then we can legally deal with them.

I need the Lord's intervention. My heart is barren so while I talk to god any complete prayer escapes me... I start with something like our hevenly father (don't forget to feed the fish) I thank you for this day (better go do it now before I forget) I wish I could wake up (lol I wish I could sleep forever) thank you for the help you provided today (I wonder how hot it's going to be)....

I know the Lord is not upset with me about this but if you all would join in agreement in these efforts I's appreciate it.

[Hoobeedoo Bejesus]

I ask for supportive, extra prayer for today. I see the lawyer to start probate. And we are going to end up in a fight with a huge major insurance company because they are rejecting Rick's last changes, saying there is an irregularity.. the change was made over a year ago and they accepted it then, not notifying Rick so whatever it is (they're refusing to tell us what it is) could be corrected.

I told the lawyer that I've taken care of Rick for over eight years now and this is the last thing I'll ever be able to do for him and if I have to crawl on my belly to do the BEST job possible I'm going to do that.. he said lets get probate started and then we can legally deal with them.

I need the Lord's intervention. My heart is barren so while I talk to god any complete prayer escapes me... I start with something like our hevenly father (don't forget to feed the fish) I thank you for this day (better go do it now before I forget) I wish I could wake up (lol I wish I could sleep forever) thank you for the help you provided today (I wonder how hot it's going to be)....

I know the Lord is not upset with me about this but if you all would join in agreement in these efforts I's appreciate it.

You got it!

I pray you find the strength to make it through this day in peace with your wits about you.

Hang in there, Rea!

[USMCmom]

I ask for supportive, extra prayer for today. I see the lawyer to start probate. And we are going to end up in a fight with a huge major insurance company because they are rejecting Rick's last changes, saying there is an irregularity.. the change was made over a year ago and they accepted it then, not notifying Rick so whatever it is (they're refusing to tell us what it is) could be corrected.

I told the lawyer that I've taken care of Rick for over eight years now and this is the last thing I'll ever be able to do for him and if I have to crawl on my belly to do the BEST job possible I'm going to do that.. he said lets get probate started and then we can legally deal with them.

I need the Lord's intervention. My heart is barren so while I talk to god any complete prayer escapes me... I start with something like our hevenly father (don't forget to feed the fish) I thank you for this day (better go do it now before I forget) I wish I could wake up (lol I wish I could sleep forever) thank you for the help you provided today (I wonder how hot it's going to be)....

I know the Lord is not upset with me about this but if you all would join in agreement in these efforts I's appreciate it.

Rea...am praying that the Lord will intervene on this and save you from having to deal with the insurance company. :wall:

You are always in my prayers:pray: and if there is anything I can do please let me know.
God Bless dear friend:hug:
Kelly

[JenyEliza]

Praying for you that the insurance company employees remove their heads from the place they've managed to stuff them, and the estate is quickly and smoothly probated.

Praying for you that you are comforted and have peace of mind, body and soul.

Praying for you that you are watched over by guardian angels every day as you walk through this horrible, horrible nightmare that won't end. They will carry you when the load is too much to bear.

Praying that all your needs are met...and then some.

Praying for our dear special friend, Rea. :pray: :pray: :pray: :pray:

Love,
Jen :hug:

[jwil59]

I ask for supportive, extra prayer for today. I see the lawyer to start probate. And we are going to end up in a fight with a huge major insurance company because they are rejecting Rick's last changes, saying there is an irregularity.. the change was made over a year ago and they accepted it then, not notifying Rick so whatever it is (they're refusing to tell us what it is) could be corrected.

I told the lawyer that I've taken care of Rick for over eight years now and this is the last thing I'll ever be able to do for him and if I have to crawl on my belly to do the BEST job possible I'm going to do that.. he said lets get probate started and then we can legally deal with them.

I need the Lord's intervention. My heart is barren so while I talk to god any complete prayer escapes me... I start with something like our hevenly father (don't forget to feed the fish) I thank you for this day (better go do it now before I forget) I wish I could wake up (lol I wish I could sleep forever) thank you for the help you provided today (I wonder how hot it's going to be)....

I know the Lord is not upset with me about this but if you all would join in agreement in these efforts I's appreciate it.


You might remember that there was a point in Mitch's recovery that I could not utter a complete either so I can relate to that. What I did was just tell God that I defer my prayers to others, like you guys here in the forum, and I let yall and others pray for the specifics for me. I can relate to that.

I am praying with you and for you sis, hang tough

[itsrea]

Rick's ex-DIL called this afternoon and while I was telling her all that Rick was going thrrough so she could better hellp the kids deal with what Grandpa has done she told me that when Jeff called her to tell her so she could tell his kids he told her 'Dad killed himself because of Rea'.

His oldest emailed me this evening to ask me how I am and to tell me she loves me. His son hasn't spoken to him in over a year and refuses to speak to him now. I don't know if the other two girls believed Jeff or not.

After his last suicide attempt, the attempt that pushed Rick over the edge by his having to face that Jeff WOULD succeed someday, Jeff's telling this lie to cover his own tracks is the biggest betrayal of all.

[JenyEliza]

Oh my.....you don't need this ****, Rea. You really don't. You don't deserve it either. Don't listen to it. Don't participate in Rick's family's drama. It's theirs, not yours. Don't own it. Don't buy into it. It's all ********. The dynamics and dysfunction at play with Jeff and the others have you as the loser, no matter what you do. Don't get in the middle of it. Don't.

And....Rick would tell you this too.

Do what YOU need to do to take care of yourself and deal with *only* what you absolutely must.

You don't have to deal with his family's ********. (please excuse my language)

Love,
:hug:
Jeny

[stoked]

God help you Rea, nobody loved Rick like you did. You took care of him for eight years, you did the best you could. No one can take that away from you. Jeny's right, steer clear of those influences. People want to go around and affix blame at times like this. It's bad enough when you were the closest to him. I'm sure Jeff is knocking around about his inheritance. God knows one of my own put me through the wringer when my Mom died.

[Hoobeedoo Bejesus]

Good Morning Rea!

Monday is OVER! Leave everyone else's garbage with it.

I pray you have the strength to tackle Tuesday just as well.

Many prayers for you, kind lady!

:hug:

[itsrea]

I got this in my email today. I sat here and shook before opening it praying let it be something that helps me to know I'm going to be ok.

Today's Verse

"We put our hope in the LORD.
He is our help and our shield.
In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name.
Let your unfailing love surround us, LORD,
for our hope is in you alone."

—Psalm 33:20–22

Encouragement for Today
These verses affirm the psalmist's trust in God alone for salvation and protection. We deeply yearn for this kind of protection. Only then can we have deep peace. How can you trust God in this way? Is there anything getting in the way of such perfect trust and hope? If so, release that to God, and ask him to replace it with trust and peace.

[bella-day]

Rea,
I pray that Tuesday is a better day for you.

Put the rumors and lies behind you hun. You do not need that burden. Let those be the burden of those who tell them.

You know what is in your heart as does the Lord. Lean on him in during this time of need.

[jwil59]

I am praying hard for Rea today.

[rhet 2]

I am praying hard for Rea today.

Prayer without ceasing.

I pray the LORD ease the heavy burden she carries so bravely: may He carry the cross for her.

[JenyEliza]

Just a few more hours left in the day here before nightfall. Hoping your day is going as well as possible.

Sending hugs, love and prayers your way! :hug: :pray:

Jeny

[jwil59]

Prayer without ceasing.

I pray the LORD ease the heavy burden she carries so bravely: may He carry the cross for her.

Amen to that

[doodle5]

Rea,

Always and forever trust in the Lord all of your life and forever!! I know it is hard!!

My mothers brothers and sisters loved the Psalms. They lost their mother when my mother was were eight... their mother taught them Psalms by memory. Trust in the Lord with all your heart in all you do acknowledge Him, He will bring it to pass. Ps. 37:1-7

Carlene

[Seanachie]

Hello Rea,

You continue in my urgent prayers to the Good Lord.

Please be as well as you can be Lady,

Jim

[Hadassah]

Oh dear Lord Jesus, please help Rea. To have this garbage from her husband's son is like pouring acid on an already raw, infected wound. Protect her, comfort her, heal her pain, and please, Lord, please smack that boy upside the head and give him what-for!


Amen. :pray:


I love you, Rea. :hug:

[rhet 2]

Oh dear Lord Jesus, please help Rea. To have this garbage from her husband's son is like pouring acid on an already raw, infected wound. Protect her, comfort her, heal her pain, and please, Lord, please smack that boy upside the head and give him what-for!


Amen. :pray:


I love you, Rea. :hug:

Amen and amen!

And, after the smack up beside the head, maybe a BIIIIIIIIIIG dose of wisdom injected in that boy's skull! With maybe some humility, sympathy, and simple love to season the new ability to think about somebody besides himself.

[jwil59]

I am in prayer for you today Rea

[itsrea]

Prayer has been answered in regards to the insurance policy - the man who sent out the packages did not research far enough and when the man assigned to handle the case got back from vacation he found that out and called me full of apologies. It's not the change Rick told me of, he made an adjustment afterwards, but it is plenty for me to clear my debt and move to California. I can rent the house once I'm gone.

I DO need prayer tho.

The first issue is that I filed bankruptcy after Aubrey died, in 1999. Although 10 yrs old it might affect me getting a loan.

Also I need to rent this home for as close to the payment I have to make on it or it needs to sell pronto.

Also, all three of Rick's sons are going to need a ring of protection around them as they stuggle to understand their father's intent in regards to the insurance.. especially Jeff, who is struggling still and in counseling.

I'd appreciate your prayers on these issues.

[rhet 2]

Prayer has been answered in regards to the insurance policy - the man who sent out the packages did not research far enough and when the man assigned to handle the case got back from vacation he found that out and called me full of apologies. It's not the change Rick told me of, he made an adjustment afterwards, but it is plenty for me to clear my debt and move to California. I can rent the house once I'm gone.

I DO need prayer tho.

The first issue is that I filed bankruptcy after Aubrey died, in 1999. Although 10 yrs old it might affect me getting a loan.

Also I need to rent this home for as close to the payment I have to make on it or it needs to sell pronto.

Also, all three of Rick's sons are going to need a ring of protection around them as they stuggle to understand their father's intent in regards to the insurance.. especially Jeff, who is struggling still and in counseling.

I'd appreciate your prayers on these issues.

I thank God for the first answer, and earnestly beseech Him to deal with the other three.

Especially to see you moved safely and comfortably, the house sold/rented, so that you may find new balances and restored peace and order in your daily life.

And REALLY praying for Rick's boys, especially Jeff. Such anger and bitterness needs to be dissolved and turned back into peace and tranquility of heart and mind.

[Hadassah]

Praise God for the answer about the insurance.


As far as prayer for the other issues, you've got them.

[blazer]

yes! :hug: :pray:

[JenyEliza]

You have my prayers, Rea! :pray:

:hug:
Jeny

[itsrea]

:hug:Thank you all :hug:

Yesterday I felt like a human being. A weak and shaky one, but human just the same.

The church formed a work party and came over in force.. the ladies cleaned and kept me company, driving me to in-town chores. The men mowed the back acerage, and cleaned the garage, and spent about six hours fixing the deck that had caved in because of too much snow being on it.. they used pier blocks this time so it it caves again there will be no getting out anyway. One of them will come back and pour concrete for a new step and then do some inside repairs for me. You can't believe how blessed I am by these people!

We bought fried chicken and pea salad at the store and one lady made a green salad from things I had in the fridge, and we sat on the back patio eating and talking... it was almost like normal except I know we ALL noticed the sparkle that was Rick was absent.

Today has been hard... my head has throbbed with every breath for most of the day and I've felt the awful burden of knowing Rick is gone more then any recent days - it's probably because I'm in pain - questions have run through my head until I have no peace - I've rebuked satan time after time... it was impossible for me to sit out back like I was able to yesterday. I carried lawn chairs around to the front, wearing myself out so much that I dumped them over the fence, breaking one. :( It's just plain stupid that I am so weak. I hope my strength returns soon.

I forgot to check caller I.D. and one of Rick's boys called to talk about the insurance but I had no answers for him. He'll have to contact the agent in charge. I'll never have any answers, but he keeps trying to get them anyway. Like you all told me, Pastor said I must move away from them - he says he's strongly felt it since before he met them and feels it ever more now. I know he's right. He says I can't help them, can't fix them, and trying would wear me out. And I know he's right about that too. He says it's time to stop taking care of Rick and time to stop trying to help his sons and time for me to start taking care of me.. but I feel that's what I HAVE been doing all along.

So I'd ask a prayer of protection around me too - I have a sense of uneasiness I haven't experienced before last night.

I wish I had the money to get away for a few now.

I miss Rick more tonight then I have in several days.

[JenyEliza]

Oh my.....you don't need this ****, Rea. You really don't. You don't deserve it either. Don't listen to it. Don't participate in Rick's family's drama. It's theirs, not yours. Don't own it. Don't buy into it. It's all ********. The dynamics and dysfunction at play with Jeff and the others have you as the loser, no matter what you do. Don't get in the middle of it. Don't.

And....Rick would tell you this too.

Do what YOU need to do to take care of yourself and deal with *only* what you absolutely must.

You don't have to deal with his family's ********. (please excuse my language)

Love,
:hug:
Jeny

Rea.....I'm quoting this in case you didn't see it.

The dysfunction in Rick's family was there long, long before you came into his life.

You will *never* be able to fix this. If they don't want it fixed, who the heck are YOU to try and do it for them? Think about that long and hard. It would seem they are quite happy to be this dysfunctional. Perhaps because that's all they know? Or maybe it's just what's comfortable.

Regardless of why, you need to accept that there is no fixing them--and even if there were--it's NOT YOUR JOB! It's theirs.

Don't own their dysfunction. It's not yours. It's not yours to fix.

Focus on YOU. Focus on settling the estate as quickly as possible and returning to YOUR family, where you are loved and needed and missed.

Steer clear of Jeff and his garbage. That is the most important thing you can do to take care of yourself right now. You can't fix him. He doesn't think there's anything wrong with him. He's satisfied just the way he is. Don't even try to fix him. You will only end up hurt for your efforts--this when you least need it.

It's OK to focus on yourself! Rick would want you to....yes, he would!

:hug:
Jeny

ps. Praying hard for you every day!~ :pray:

[doodle5]

I agree with your pastor. Take a break go to the mountains, it is so gorgeous there!!

Carlene

[rhet 2]

Rea.....I'm quoting this in case you didn't see it.

The dysfunction in Rick's family was there long, long before you came into his life.

You will *never* be able to fix this. If they don't want it fixed, who the heck are YOU to try and do it for them? Think about that long and hard. It would seem they are quite happy to be this dysfunctional. Perhaps because that's all they know? Or maybe it's just what's comfortable.

Regardless of why, you need to accept that there is no fixing them--and even if there were--it's NOT YOUR JOB! It's theirs.

Don't own their dysfunction. It's not yours. It's not yours to fix.

Focus on YOU. Focus on settling the estate as quickly as possible and returning to YOUR family, where you are loved and needed and missed.

Steer clear of Jeff and his garbage. That is the most important thing you can do to take care of yourself right now. You can't fix him. He doesn't think there's anything wrong with him. He's satisfied just the way he is. Don't even try to fix him. You will only end up hurt for your efforts--this when you least need it.

It's OK to focus on yourself! Rick would want you to....yes, he would!

:hug:
Jeny

ps. Praying hard for you every day!~ :pray:

Wisdom, pure and simple.

I'm with you in those prayers.

Especially for someone to go be with Rea 24/7, someone she loves and trusts.

And her physical strength. She's flat worn out with all the stress she's been under for months now.

You know that movie about the kid born with no immune system that the space techies put into a bubble? I want the LORD to put her into a bubble of His own personal protective grace, surrounded on all sides by His own total PEACE without end, so all these slings and arrows the world keeps throwing at her just bounce off, without leaving even a dint or a tiny scratch.

Rea, any way you could go visit a friend or relative for some time? Leave the property entirely to the folks from the church and the real estate lady?

If I could, I'd go to you or bring you here, that's for sure.

[bella-day]

:hug:Thank you all :hug:

Yesterday I felt like a human being. A weak and shaky one, but human just the same.

The church formed a work party and came over in force.. the ladies cleaned and kept me company, driving me to in-town chores. The men mowed the back acerage, and cleaned the garage, and spent about six hours fixing the deck that had caved in because of too much snow being on it.. they used pier blocks this time so it it caves again there will be no getting out anyway. One of them will come back and pour concrete for a new step and then do some inside repairs for me. You can't believe how blessed I am by these people!

We bought fried chicken and pea salad at the store and one lady made a green salad from things I had in the fridge, and we sat on the back patio eating and talking... it was almost like normal except I know we ALL noticed the sparkle that was Rick was absent.

Today has been hard... my head has throbbed with every breath for most of the day and I've felt the awful burden of knowing Rick is gone more then any recent days - it's probably because I'm in pain - questions have run through my head until I have no peace - I've rebuked satan time after time... it was impossible for me to sit out back like I was able to yesterday. I carried lawn chairs around to the front, wearing myself out so much that I dumped them over the fence, breaking one. :( It's just plain stupid that I am so weak. I hope my strength returns soon.

I forgot to check caller I.D. and one of Rick's boys called to talk about the insurance but I had no answers for him. He'll have to contact the agent in charge. I'll never have any answers, but he keeps trying to get them anyway. Like you all told me, Pastor said I must move away from them - he says he's strongly felt it since before he met them and feels it ever more now. I know he's right. He says I can't help them, can't fix them, and trying would wear me out. And I know he's right about that too. He says it's time to stop taking care of Rick and time to stop trying to help his sons and time for me to start taking care of me.. but I feel that's what I HAVE been doing all along.

So I'd ask a prayer of protection around me too - I have a sense of uneasiness I haven't experienced before last night.

I wish I had the money to get away for a few now.

I miss Rick more tonight then I have in several days.


Prayers of protection, peace, and strength for you my friend.

Your Pastor is a wise man. Time to move on and take care of yourself.

Peace by with you sweet Rea. :hug:

[itsrea]

I know Jeny, I'm not trying to help them, really.

[JenyEliza]

Good, Rea.

Your focus *has to be* on you right now.

There's nothing you can do for Rick's family. They'll have to work on their own issues themselves--if that's what they choose to do.

Meanwhile, it really IS OK to turn the focus to yourself and YOUR needs. Take the time to be good to yourself. Take it one day at a time, one step at a time, but take care of YOU first and foremost. The rest will fall into place.

I am *so* grateful the insurance settlement will be enough to get you resettled in California. You need to be surrounded by family that loves you and can support you emotionally while you rebuild your life, instead of sucking the life out of you--as Rick's family will do if you let them.

But--I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, am I?

Hang in there and keep posting--we're here for you.

:hug: :pray:
Jeny

[itsrea]

the bank came and got the truck today - I set up the appt myself, had the guys clean it out, had the keys ready and it's like I just saw Rick being toted down the road.. it hit me harder then I'd anticipated.

[rhet 2]

the bank came and got the truck today - I set up the appt myself, had the guys clean it out, had the keys ready and it's like I just saw Rick being toted down the road.. it hit me harder then I'd anticipated.


So I would anticipate. :((

Hang in there, dear one. We're all praying for you to survive these equivalents of aftershock following the most horrendous emotional earthquake imaginable. :hug:

[USMCmom]

the bank came and got the truck today - I set up the appt myself, had the guys clean it out, had the keys ready and it's like I just saw Rick being toted down the road.. it hit me harder then I'd anticipated.


That would be tough...Rea you are in my prayers, everyday I think of you and pray for the Lord to help ease your heartache & pain.
God Bless
Kelly

[JenyEliza]

Oh, Rea. That's rough. None of what you're dealing with right now is easy.

You're gonna be OK again one day. I promise! :D

:hug:
Jeny

[jwil59]

the bank came and got the truck today - I set up the appt myself, had the guys clean it out, had the keys ready and it's like I just saw Rick being toted down the road.. it hit me harder then I'd anticipated.


I am so sorry that caused you pain Rea. I am praying for you sis, hang tough

[itsrea]

ty everyone

[Hadassah]

the bank came and got the truck today - I set up the appt myself, had the guys clean it out, had the keys ready and it's like I just saw Rick being toted down the road.. it hit me harder then I'd anticipated.




:hug: :hug: :hug:

[Tucson Jim]

I won't go into details without her consent, but I got a pm with very sad news.

She needs our prayers, my friends. big time

The LORD knows the crisis. All He wants is our intercession on her behalf.

Our Father, Who IS in heaven,
Hallowed by Your Name,
On earth even as it is in heaven.

Give our Rea this day her daily strength,
In heart and mind and body

That she may endure with grace what is unendurable
To sustain her faith and trust in You her LORD
and find comfort where comfort seems gone forever.

Wisdom and loving arms to hold her close, companions to cherish her and care for her, that she may be served with loving kindness, rich and sure and never failing.

Comfort and sustain, protect and provide her every need.

Give her this day her daily bread, bread for heart and mind, body and soul.

And let her know the feel of Your Own Absolute and Perfect Love this day and forever.

For Yours is the Kingdom, now and for all time, without end, a pasture of still waters and green meadows for all our souls to shelter.

And in this Perfect Love and provision for our every need is Your glory and honor for all eternity.

Let Your Mercy and Your Compassion and Your Love abound for our sister, we pray.

In the Name of Your Son, Jesus the Christ, we pray.

Amen.

Wow! Yes, Lord, I agree in this prayer for our sister!!

[Tucson Jim]

Okay, with Rea's permission, I now share what is known.

Saturday, Rick took his own life.

He had attended a Men's Retreat and returned in good spirits, cheerful and full of joy.

Rea went for a walk and came back to find him in their yard.

A memorial will be held at their church this coming Saturday, with an honor guard from the National Guard, the flag to be given to his eldest son.

His sons will take his ashes to the waters by San Clemente.

At this time, two of her sons have arranged to be there for Rea during the memorial.

She is understandably unable to post herself at this time, but I know that all of us who cherish her soul so dearly shall hold her in our hearts and minds, cushioned by our prayers and our loving devotion for the rest of time itself.

God has given Rick peace at last, his heavy sorrows laid to rest, his heart free to rejoice with the Saints whom he has joined.

May He now give to our dearest sister in faith His ever-strong support to see her through so heavy a trial and smooth her path through the days to come.

:pray: Be her Comforter and constant Companion, dear LORD, we pray. Let her tears fall gently, her heart be strong. Hold despair far from her, and let her know that she is not ever alone but cherished by the ONE Who Is, yesterday, today, and for all eternity, the ONE Who endured the agony of the cross to set us all free from the sorrows brought upon us by Adam's sin.

And let her see and know the love which is born in us by the Grace of Christ our LORD.

We are hers, and she is ours, for we are Christ's inheritance in the Saints, called according to His purpose, made one by His gift.

Amen and amen.

Until the Day of Victory when the KING shall take His throne, and death and sorrow shall no more walk this earth, as He Spoke, so let it be.

May the Day of the Resurrection come quickly, Father, that we may all be joined together to feast in His eternal love.

I am SO sorry. This happened in my family too, to my stepmother when I was a teenager.

I pray the Lord will heal this pain as only He can.

His love has gotten me through this.

May His love surround you Rea and grant you His heavenly peace.

[jwil59]

I am praying for you tonight my dear sister. I pray you are resting now

[itsrea]

Today is not a good day.

[Hadassah]

Today is not a good day.

oh Rea. :cry: :hug:

[USMCmom]

Today is not a good day.

Psalm 18:2
The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

I am praying for you Rea...that you will get through today, tomorrow and the days to come with the knowledge that you are loved and that the Lord will help carry you through these hard times. :hug:
God Bless
Kelly

[JenyEliza]

Baby steps, Rea. Be patient with yourself and know there are better days ahead.

Take it one minute at a time if you have to, and remember that you are not expected to be perfect or to take care of more than you are able to.

Just one day at a time, one minute at a time....
:hug:
Jeny

[jwil59]

Today is not a good day.


I am so sorry Rea. May God bless and comfort you today.

I will not stop praying for you

[Samm]

Today is not a good day.

Please know we are here for you Rea... You will get through this... I know you will.


As Carlene suggested perhaps a break would help; yes, go to the mountains, be closer to God.


Just a thought... Several of the ladies are getting together in Spokane on the 20th... I know you had considered that before; it may be too soon for that, but perhaps, on the other hand it would help.

[JenyEliza]

A change of scenery might be a good idea, Rea. Maybe one of the folks getting together on the 20th can come by to get you and take you to the get together? I can't imagine it's easy living in the house now that Rick's gone. Getting away--even if it's just for an evening or a day or a weekend, might do you good.

Please don't be afraid to speak up and let others know what you need. We all want to help--but don't know how.

Sending love and prayers your way.
:hug:
Jeny

[itsrea]

I am unable to pray today so I hope you are all remembering to pray for Rhet the whole weekend.

[itsrea]

A change of scenery might be a good idea, Rea. Maybe one of the folks getting together on the 20th can come by to get you and take you to the get together? I can't imagine it's easy living in the house now that Rick's gone. Getting away--even if it's just for an evening or a day or a weekend, might do you good.

Please don't be afraid to speak up and let others know what you need. We all want to help--but don't know how.

Sending love and prayers your way.
:hug:
JenyThere's no money and the distances here in Wa would be prohibitive.. can't leave the dogs and birds and fish for as long as it would take either... no place outside for the dogs to stay without shelter, and after all everyone has done I couldn't ask them to spend that kinds of their own cash to come feed animals.

[itsrea]

Please know we are here for you Rea... You will get through this... I know you will.


As Carlene suggested perhaps a break would help; yes, go to the mountains, be closer to God.


Just a thought... Several of the ladies are getting together in Spokane on the 20th... I know you had considered that before; it may be too soon for that, but perhaps, on the other hand it would help.I can't get away. I don't even know where the next house payment is coming from.

And Samm, I live in the Cascades about a hour from Mt Rainier... I am already there. It's cold, overcast and miserable here anyway - back feels like I have glass grinding around in it, even my fingers are throbbing from the weather.

Someone told me Spokane is four to five hours away. I'd be doom and gloom for them anyway.

[itsrea]

I am so sorry Rea. May God bless and comfort you today.

I will not stop praying for youthe Feds are going to take 45% - $57,000.00 of the insurance.

Edited because I was in a foul mood

[JenyEliza]

God is going to take care of you. You're going to be OK one day. I know this with all my heart, Rea.

We will find a way for you to go away--if you want to.

If you want to move back to Cali, you will find a way.

I know you're having a hard time with God right now, but try to trust in Him anyway. He hasn't forsaken you. He is carrying you right now. One day you'll look back and clearly see that.

You have my ##. Feel free to call me, day or night. I am here for you.

:hug:
Jeny

[USMCmom]

I think that a break would be wonderful for ya Rea...just a chance to be with friends and sometime to get away from it all. If there is anything that I could do to help please let me know.
Your in my thoughts and prayers...
Kelly

[rhet 2]

the Feds are going to take 45% - $57,000.00 of the insurance.

Won't leave enough money for me to pay off bills and move.. so it looks like God is going to leave me here to pace the cold nights in pain and summers I'll not be able to do much but stare at the ground they dug up to cover Rick's blood.

wooooo hooooo

I'm beginning to wonder if God is EVER going to take care of me first instead of leave me to take care of the messes others leave me.

And Who do you think gives you the strength and wisdom to take care of the messes others make? :hug:

All I can say, luv, is THANK GOD for those He empowers to clean up after me.

And let me know when the Roman troops come to drag you out of the Garden of Gethsemane so you can go clean up the messes everybody who's ever lived and ever will live have made.

Which said, DAMN the feds to eternal hell -- zero common human civility, less honesty, and even less mercy and compassion -- and the worst caretakers in the history of the entire criminalized human race. News like this makes me want to vomit my guts out.

[mysticbeauty_nbeast]

the Feds are going to take 45% - $57,000.00 of the insurance.

Won't leave enough money for me to pay off bills and move.. so it looks like God is going to leave me here to pace the cold nights in pain and summers I'll not be able to do much but stare at the ground they dug up to cover Rick's blood.

wooooo hooooo

I'm beginning to wonder if God is EVER going to take care of me first instead of leave me to take care of the messes others leave me.

Satan is a coward...did you know that? He waits to prey upon us when we are at our most vulnerable. He try's to close down our hearts and spirit with thoughts of over burden financial realities...He try's to take away our rational belief in what's good and right in our day to day lives. In other words, Satan is a coward and a cheat.

Try to remember all those times you unselfishly gave. How the spirit moved within you as you gave. Now, turn that around...it's your turn to receive...allow others to give to you. don't put a 'value' on it as in dollars and cents Rea...Don't refuse due to a thought that your not worthy to receive. You are first and foremost a daughter of God..worthy of every gift under HIS command.

I may not have much..but what I do have is a voice..a voice to pray...a voice to give advice and to look up for resources to help you in your time of need. I can give to you my time. Depend and lean on your church and it's members. There is no shame in doing so. Let them fill you and hold you up when you need it.

I posted in the Cancer thread earlier on today. I did not know and had not read within this thread for several days...almost weeks. I posted to you in the Cancer thread that where one door closes ..a window always opens. It's not until this very moment that I now understand why that saying popped into my head and why it pertains to you specifically m'dear. God does hear you..He hears our prayers for you...He is working in your daily life. Don't despair...for where God closes one door, he opens another. :hug:

Sending prayers up for you. For clarity of your future, for gentle help to present itself to you and a spirit of acceptance to descend upon you. Lord, hear my prayer....
Amen.

~Mysty

[doodle5]

Rea,

Is there a park outside of the place where you live? How expensive is a motel cost. Mountain accommodations are high!! It doesn't have to be far just away for awhile.

I'll pray you will come up with an idea.

I'll look at the map before I go to bed.
There has to be some resources where you are.

Carlene

[JenyEliza]

Rea....hope you got some rest last night. I'm praying for some answers to your needs today. God provides. He always does. Even when it doesn't seem like He does.

Hang in there and have faith. I know that's a tall order right now--but you can do it. Just for today.

:hug: and :pray: are coming your way.
Jeny

[JenyEliza]

{edited to remove quotes}

I think you'd be very surprised that friends would be more than willing to come feed the critters while you get away. At times like these, people want to be of use. Take people up on any and all offers while you have them! Seriously.

I also think you'd be very surpirsed at how your spirits are lifted by getting out and meeting new people. But....maybe its too soon? Only you can judge that.

Whatever the case, you have friends here and we care about you. You know that, right?

:hug:
Jeny

[rhet 2]

I think you'd be very surprised that friends would be more than willing to come feed the critters while you get away. At times like these, people want to be of use. Take people up on any and all offers while you have them! Seriously.

I also think you'd be very surpirsed at how your spirits are lifted by getting out and meeting new people. But....maybe its too soon? Only you can judge that.

Whatever the case, you have friends here and we care about you. You know that, right?

:hug:
Jeny

Truth and still more truth from a very wise friend!

Personally, I'd bounce with joy if I could do more -- and I know there are many in Rea's church who'd feel the same way. It's the Love of Christ, I think, spreading itself around through human hands and hearts.

I'm praying for the LORD to open a way for her to escape for a few days.

[itsrea]

Would you all take my quotes out of your remarks? My remarks are said in anger and are mean spirited.

[JenyEliza]

Rea....I've known you since you joined this forum. You are *anything BUT* mean spirited. Your comments have been made out of pain....a primal pain that none of us will ever experience, if we're lucky.

Mean spirirted...? NEVER! You're hurting, hon. We know that. And I'm sorry I've added to it. I will go back and remove your comments from my posts if it will help.

But just know that I don't see anything you've said as mean spririted. I just see your raw pain for exactly what it is...and I know there's not a mean bone in your body. Not one.

:hug:
Jeny

[itsrea]

And Who do you think gives you the strength and wisdom to take care of the messes others make? :hug:

All I can say, luv, is THANK GOD for those He empowers to clean up after me.

And let me know when the Roman troops come to drag you out of the Garden of Gethsemane so you can go clean up the messes everybody who's ever lived and ever will live have made.

Which said, DAMN the feds to eternal hell -- zero common human civility, less honesty, and even less mercy and compassion -- and the worst caretakers in the history of the entire criminalized human race. News like this makes me want to vomit my guts out.I'm thinking I just won't pay it.. I'll bury the money in coffee cans lol

Triple zips locks. That way a metal detector can't find it.

[itsrea]

I resisted church right up to the last minute - sat and listened to the hour of power as I curled my hair and made disparaging remarks or comments, then dressed drove down but told God all the way exactly where the boundaries are.

I left late so I'd miss the singing, bound and determined that nothiiiiiing was going to make me cry, touch my heart, promising God that I'd get up and walk out if he tried any crap on me. I snuck in and sat way in the back, past the foyer on a hard wooden bench they have back there that's probably a left over pew.. Ruebin was keeping a granddaughter busy but I ignored them - I sat down smack in the middle so the minister couldn't not see me and settled myself in for a loooong morning.

John (one of the elders) came and sat by me saying nothing. Then he got up and went and found his wife who came and sat by me saying nothing as John stood and fidgeted by the door, casting me worried looks. The Worship group sang anyway, and then there was a power point overhead show of our grads, put to music. Then Ruebin (another of the elders) sang a song for the grads.. never heard him sing before - he's a heavy man who wears exactly the same shirt every Sunday, over long underwear that's visible winters, and with suspenders holding up jeans that could sing in the opera in NYC or some place like that.. his wife Jo plays the accordian every Sunday and she harmonized.. Then the pastor said he felt we should all pray. They did. I didn't. Not going to ask this God for A--N-Y-T-H-I-N-G. I sat wooden and not going to give up my anger for anyone or anything. Then as the Pastor began to give his message Jo asked persmission to sing a solo of a song she wrote.. and he gave it. She has a lovely voice. And whatever has been sitting on my heart for days now evaporated.

But I still sat there, stiff and unyeilding.. In these days and times it's stupid to not have God in our lives, but not going where this God wants me to go emotionally.. THAT part of me is locked down because of what HE allowed Rick to do, and so my remaining remote is the price HE pays for making me hurt so much. AND by gawd He is going to remember that every minute for the rest of my life.

As the pastors wife hugged me her DIL came running up to her.. her grandson (a twin) Ethan was having a seizure.. as pastor's wife ran for the nursery her DIL ran to the front of the church for her husband (they are our youth ministers). Couple minutes later son comes almost running with the toddler in his arms and one of the elders moved to the front of the church and told pastor you need to pray, your grandson is having a seizure. Pastor didn't hear him clearly - only heard pray - and so stopped and said lets pray, I don't know what's wrong but God does.

And how could I refuse to pray for this baby? I cannot. Then pastor's wife comes and says the ambulance is ready to leave.. what do you want to do? And pastor said should we go too? And tears start running down pastor's wife's face and everyone in the church says yes, go!

So Kevin, the pastor who preached when we were shopping to replace the one that left and who baptised Rick, stood up and went forward as our pastor leaves.. and guess what? It's Communion Sunday. I amost left, but then I think of Ethan, and I know I have to rush to clean my heart of sin - I can't refuse Communion when I'm asking the Lord to heal and protect this baby.

The "Hour of Power" message today? About letting peace come into our hearts. The songs today? All about letting peace come into our hearts. The message today? About letting peace come into our hearts.

Maybe the block will come back. Maybe the anger too. I'm not worshiping the Lord. I'm not blessing the Lord. And I'm certainly not THANKING him. But right now I am still free of that awful burden that's been sitting in my chest.

[JenyEliza]

Rea....thank you for sharing that. :hug:

I will pray for baby Ethan....:pray: please let us know if you get word on how he is doing.

God knew what he was doing when He got you to church today. :D

:hug:
Jeny

[itsrea]

Rea....thank you for sharing that. :hug:

I will pray for baby Ethan....:pray: please let us know if you get word on how he is doing.

God knew what he was doing when He got you to church today. :D

:hug:
JenyI'm sorry, I should have said: he had come out of the seizure before the ambulance even got there - they took him to the hospital for overnight observation. His mom said she had seizures at that age... I'm sure they'll run some tests.

[jwil59]

the Feds are going to take 45% - $57,000.00 of the insurance.

Edited because I was in a foul mood

Goodness gracious Rea 45% is worse thah ridiculous. I am so sorry sis

I am praying for you hard, every day, all day

Hang tough child of God

[stoked]

That was a nice story Rea. You know that's so typical the way events can distract us from our sorrows. It took the Pastor's kid but it could be any kid, we never know, maybe our own, so we must be vigilant.

[rhet 2]

Would you all take my quotes out of your remarks? My remarks are said in anger and are mean spirited.

No -- your words are totally human and stem from a god-honoring emotional response to a situation that is so totally horrific as to beggar the imagination and turn even Christ's heart into twisted knots of sheer agony.

Besides which, I'm saying a lot worse to the LORD and the Bear about my own two EX-kids and what they've done to their families. I wish He'd delete the situation that gives me cause for such thoughts -- and delete the sheer horror I feel in my soul to boot -- so the words wouldn't be there to say what I really think and feel.

I wish He'd delete the situation that causes your own shattered heart.

But we cannot change the past. We can only move on to a new future, creating new visions and goals for a reality changed so suddenly and shockingly as to leave us lying flat on our faces in despair and hopelessness. So, we refuse to accept despair and hopelessness -- and use the anger to get back on our feet and defy Satan and his destructive viciousness -- and form new visions, new objectives that are even more centered on the Christ and all He Himself taught us than the old and now gone visions were.

All I can say is, if this mess hits you this hard, how much harder must it hit the LORD our Savior? Just imagine what HE is saying.

But, HE has a vision for your tomorrow that cannot be shattered and tarnished and turned into despair and desperation.

We shall trust His own vision and seek to discover what that may be, one day at a time -- and our words shall turn into praise and joy and thanksgiving as we discover the pathway that lies now in darkness, yet unseen, but still to be found as we walk it one step at a time.

As for me and my household, we shall NOT lie down in Satan's mud and be defeated. One step at a time, we shall find the victory which is the Christ's and not our own at all.

:hug:

And I thank God with all my heart for the godly men and women and children in your church. And for Communion Sundays to remind us all what living is really all about, what must be always the center of every vision dream goal and objective we form for today's footsteps on the "Path of Righteousness for His Name's Sake."

As Stoked comments, be vigilant to guard our hearts that we shall serve Him in all things, even in our griefs. :hug:

[jwil59]

I am in prayer for you today Rea.

[USMCmom]

Mornin' Rea...
I am praying for the little guy, my brother is epileptic and I know how scary it can be to watch someone have a seizure. I am also praying that this week will be a little easier for you...your always in my thoughts and prayers.
God Bless
Kelly

[itsrea]

As Stoked comments, be vigilant to guard our hearts that we shall serve Him in all things, even in our griefs. :hug:Did you see today's word of encouragement yet? Today's Verse from the New Living Translation (http://lists.christianitytoday.com/t/14232294/8040113/132102/0/)
"If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall. The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure."

—1 Corinthians 10:12–13
view in context (http://lists.christianitytoday.com/t/14232294/8040113/170927/0/)
Encouragement for Today
It's when we think we are standing strong that we may be most open to temptation. Why? Perhaps because we rely on our own strength at those times and not on the Lord. Verse 13 implies that we never really have any excuses. We will be tempted—everyone is—but God faithfully monitors it and shows us a way out. However, the trick is to look for that way out, which will happen only if we deliberately turn our attention from the temptation to the way out. What tempts you today? Where is the way out?
I can't for the life of me think what it is that I could be tempted with in my state of mind and heart.

[itsrea]

I am in prayer for you today Rea.Thank you Jeff

[itsrea]

Mornin' Rea...
I am praying for the little guy, my brother is epileptic and I know how scary it can be to watch someone have a seizure. I am also praying that this week will be a little easier for you...your always in my thoughts and prayers.
God Bless
KellySomeone finally told me what happened... He was sent home Sunday evening. They think it was a seizure related to a sudden fever related to a flu. He seems to be fine and dandy now.

[itsrea]

Goodness gracious Rea 45% is worse thah ridiculous. I am so sorry sis

I am praying for you hard, every day, all day

Hang tough child of GodI'm not going to have to pay any taxes on the insurance. And no death tax for Rick. If I am the beneficiary of the trust then there will be huge taxes on that, moving me into a different tax bracket. I hope the son that was left out of the insurance gets it tho, that way things will even out. In the meantime they continue to make deposits into Rick's account and that goes against his estate till the company does their paperwork - that gives me some money for house payments for now anyway. Social Security sent me a letter about them not paying in the death month and something about $541.00... all I can figure is that they paid Rick from third wednesday to third wendesday and want the remaining days left after his death back but he paid bills with it when he got it the third wednesday of last month. If they want the money back I'll call the lawyer and see if I can send them the probate paperwork and make them file against his estate.

And my tax guy told me that rich people DO pay 45% on insurance payouts and that they DO pay the state 10% - 19% death tax.

That's just wrong.

[jwil59]

I'm not going to have to pay any taxes on the insurance. And no death tax for Rick. If I am the beneficiary of the trust then there will be huge taxes on that, moving me into a different tax bracket. I hope the son that was left out of the insurance gets it tho, that way things will even out. In the meantime they continue to make deposits into Rick's account and that goes against his estate till the company does their paperwork - that gives me some money for house payments for now anyway. Social Security sent me a letter about them not paying in the death month and something about $541.00... all I can figure is that they paid Rick from third wednesday to third wendesday and want the remaining days left after his death back but he paid bills with it when he got it the third wednesday of last month. If they want the money back I'll call the lawyer and see if I can send them the probate paperwork and make them file against his estate.

And my tax guy told me that rich people DO pay 45% on insurance payouts and that they DO pay the state 10% - 19% death tax.

That's just wrong.

yeah that just wrong as wrong can be IMO.

Rea you are standing up to all this like a child of God should and we have all learned from that. Thank you for that lesson in faith. I cannot even imagine how hard this is for you

God bless you sis, I am praying for you all day, every day. hang tough my friend.