Prayers for Itsrea, Please!

[bella-day]

Rea,
I dropped into the forum to check in on you and rhet.

I'm so sorry to read of all the insurance and tax problems that are interfering in your life at the moment. You would think these companies and government entities would have the simple respect and consideration that it would take to delay this attempt to extract their pound of flesh from you at this point in your life.

You have much more important issues with which to deal without this headache being added to the mix.

I hope your heart is healing. I pray each day for you will be easier than the day before.

You have not left my prayers dear friend.:hug:

[doodle5]

The Insurance will prorate from x day of month x day to even it all out. They do this a lot in Real Estate when a buyer purchases property and moves in early. This is done while all the documents are still in Escrow.They figure or prorate the number of days.

It sounds like the Insurance does the same thing when a situation like this occurs, only it's Insurance.

How is your health? Eating a balanced meal?

It is soooooooooooooooo cold here last night!! all of May and now June. We have three blankets on the bed, I am still wearing sweats.

Love

Carlene

[USMCmom]

Rea,
Am praying for you my friend...:hug:

[JenyEliza]

Thinking of you this morning, Rea.

Hope God will bless you with a good day today.

:hug:
Jeny

[Rhonda]

Rea, honey, you are in my thoughts and prayers all the time

*gentle, HUG* for you

[itsrea]

Rea,
I dropped into the forum to check in on you and rhet.

I'm so sorry to read of all the insurance and tax problems that are interfering in your life at the moment. You would think these companies and government entities would have the simple respect and consideration that it would take to delay this attempt to extract their pound of flesh from you at this point in your life.

You have much more important issues with which to deal without this headache being added to the mix.

I hope your heart is healing. I pray each day for you will be easier than the day before.

You have not left my prayers dear friend.:hug:The insurance is straightened out - the guy that did the prep work didn't research far enough - they are going to use the last benefits change. The regular guy (who was on vacation) was very gentle, very nice, and very helpful.

thank you for your prayers Bella.

[itsrea]

The Insurance will prorate from x day of month x day to even it all out. They do this a lot in Real Estate when a buyer purchases property and moves in early. This is done while all the documents are still in Escrow.They figure or prorate the number of days.

It sounds like the Insurance does the same thing when a situation like this occurs, only it's Insurance.

How is your health? Eating a balanced meal?

It is soooooooooooooooo cold here last night!! all of May and now June. We have three blankets on the bed, I am still wearing sweats.

Love

CarleneLife Insurance is different then term insurance.

[itsrea]

I'm on a sulfer antibiotic, a steroid, and a decongestant for a massive sinus infection - I can't even handle brushing my teeth they hurt so bad. It was bad enough with the cottenwoods blowing cotten all over, but the County began burning the trees that came down in all those landslides and the smoke traveled up the river canyon on the wind and I couldn't get away from it even with the house sealed up.

I'm smoking again but the dr said don't worry about it - he'll put me on the pills when life is less stressful. I noticed that I'm not craving them when my first reaction was to go sit on a chair and wait instead of go have a smoke.. but they keep me busy from time to time, so I'm not going to consider stopping for awhile.

I've really worked hard at staying away from all the "couldas" and the "we-were-gonnas" because every time one of them popped into my head the next image is of him laying there on the ground.. but maybe it's because I'm not feeling well staying away has been hard to do today. I've tried to keep busy but these images of his doing things around the property kept pushing in. The fish tank needs cleaning and I have to figure out how to use that stooopid pump thingie. The carpets need vacuuming. Makes me sad because the very next image is of him laying there. I don't know that I'll ever get past that to being able to remember what he was like alive. My heart is locked down except for the tears and the 'oh ricks' - I went out back yesterday evening and softly said "I'm selling the house Rick" and turned on my heal and came back in.

Please don't discuss politics here - this is not about politics - it's about how they affected Rick:: I usually/regularly email weather/outside pictures to the morning weather lady at the local foxnews affiliate - she posts them on the air because she says I have a good eye - she's even posted pics of Rusty and Ruby playing in the snow. I haven't sent any since Rick died so had to email her today and tell her about Rick. She's just so shocked and so caring about it. When I responded with what Rick was dealing with (and with some thoughts of my own about it), she replied the station manager is considering doing a story on Rick if I can handle it.. the story would be about how the economy took his IRA and how our priorities are so messed up we are voting for door bells and money for Ireland and not attempting to help these these men who served our country and who worked hard and paid their dues their entire lives. She's a TERRIFIC lady and was very gentle, wondering if I could handle talking about Rick and what happened - I told her to let me think about it. I'd like his story told, but am not sure about doing it. I'd appreciate your prayers about it.

The dogs have come around. Church kids using the pool helped, then some of the guys formed another work group and came up and pulled up the deck and fixed it, then poured a new step and the dogs liked having the men here.. Ruby is eating good but is over protective, barking at neighbors and jumping up in the middle of her sleep to bark. Rusty has settled down to minding again. They want in the pool 100 times a day, but we've had so many electrical storms I can't take them in on those days even if it's warm enough, so both are disgusted with me on that aspect. I'm going to call the Toyota dealer and see if I can take out the back seat without setting off any alarms on the dash so I can take them around with me sometimes. (Ruby still wets from time to time and I won't have my new car seat ruined.)

The house went on the market yesterday. The pastor's wife is listing the pool table and TV armoire on Craig's list for me - I should list the BowFlex too.. it's only had one payment on it. John comes regularly and mows, and the ladies keep in touch, coming for coffee or calling and driving me if I have to go further then the three miles into town because my legs still shake all the time. Jo, the lady who sang the special at church came up for coffee and told me the Lord told her to sing it, and she is so glad she obeyed.

I've had some bad dreams about one of Rick's sons.. the one that's angry. I'd appreciate if you'd pray for me about it - it's very troubling.

Thus has become my life. The paperwork is done, it's wait for things to happen now.

[JenyEliza]

:pray: for you!

:hug:
Jeny

[itsrea]

:pray: for you!

:hug:
JenyThank you :hug: Jeny :hug: in fact thank you :hug: all :hug:

I don't know where I'd be without the prayers being said for me.

[JenyEliza]

I'm happy I can pray for you. It's not much. If I were closer to you, I'd come help watch your doggies and let you get away from the place for a while. You really do need to get away. Memories are taunting you and that's gotta be hard.

At any rate, I can't come watch doggies, but I can pray and in tough times prayer can do amazing things. Jeff's son is a prime example of how prayer brought about miracles.

You will be OK again--one day. You've been through loss and grief before, so I don't have to tell you that. It's just really hard for you to see "ok" or "normal" just yet. But it will happen in due time....meanwhile, lean on us and God (even if you yell at Him from time to time, He loves you in spite of yourself and your faults).

Hang in there....you're amazing me with all you've managed to do so far!

:hug: and :pray:

Jeny

[rhet 2]

I'm on a sulfer antibiotic, a steroid, and a decongestant for a massive sinus infection - I can't even handle brushing my teeth they hurt so bad. It was bad enough with the cottenwoods blowing cotten all over, but the County began burning the trees that came down in all those landslides and the smoke traveled up the river canyon on the wind and I couldn't get away from it even with the house sealed up.

I'm smoking again but the dr said don't worry about it - he'll put me on the pills when life is less stressful. I noticed that I'm not craving them when my first reaction was to go sit on a chair and wait instead of go have a smoke.. but they keep me busy from time to time, so I'm not going to consider stopping for awhile.

I've really worked hard at staying away from all the "couldas" and the "we-were-gonnas" because every time one of them popped into my head the next image is of him laying there on the ground.. but maybe it's because I'm not feeling well staying away has been hard to do today. I've tried to keep busy but these images of his doing things around the property kept pushing in. The fish tank needs cleaning and I have to figure out how to use that stooopid pump thingie. The carpets need vacuuming. Makes me sad because the very next image is of him laying there. I don't know that I'll ever get past that to being able to remember what he was like alive. My heart is locked down except for the tears and the 'oh ricks' - I went out back yesterday evening and softly said "I'm selling the house Rick" and turned on my heal and came back in.

Please don't discuss politics here - this is not about politics - it's about how they affected Rick:: I usually/regularly email weather/outside pictures to the morning weather lady at the local foxnews affiliate - she posts them on the air because she says I have a good eye - she's even posted pics of Rusty and Ruby playing in the snow. I haven't sent any since Rick died so had to email her today and tell her about Rick. She's just so shocked and so caring about it. When I responded with what Rick was dealing with (and with some thoughts of my own about it), she replied the station manager is considering doing a story on Rick if I can handle it.. the story would be about how the economy took his IRA and how our priorities are so messed up we are voting for door bells and money for Ireland and not attempting to help these these men who served our country and who worked hard and paid their dues their entire lives. She's a TERRIFIC lady and was very gentle, wondering if I could handle talking about Rick and what happened - I told her to let me think about it. I'd like his story told, but am not sure about doing it. I'd appreciate your prayers about it.

The dogs have come around. Church kids using the pool helped, then some of the guys formed another work group and came up and pulled up the deck and fixed it, then poured a new step and the dogs liked having the men here.. Ruby is eating good but is over protective, barking at neighbors and jumping up in the middle of her sleep to bark. Rusty has settled down to minding again. They want in the pool 100 times a day, but we've had so many electrical storms I can't take them in on those days even if it's warm enough, so both are disgusted with me on that aspect. I'm going to call the Toyota dealer and see if I can take out the back seat without setting off any alarms on the dash so I can take them around with me sometimes. (Ruby still wets from time to time and I won't have my new car seat ruined.)

The house went on the market yesterday. The pastor's wife is listing the pool table and TV armoire on Craig's list for me - I should list the BowFlex too.. it's only had one payment on it. John comes regularly and mows, and the ladies keep in touch, coming for coffee or calling and driving me if I have to go further then the three miles into town because my legs still shake all the time. Jo, the lady who sang the special at church came up for coffee and told me the Lord told her to sing it, and she is so glad she obeyed.

I've had some bad dreams about one of Rick's sons.. the one that's angry. I'd appreciate if you'd pray for me about it - it's very troubling.
Thus has become my life. The paperwork is done, it's wait for things to happen now.

I've been buried in my own trials and tribulations, but you remain in my heart and mind, constantly lifted up before the LORD in my prayers.

Like Jeny, I'd fly to your side in a nanosecond, if the LORD would just provide a way to do it.

I tell myself that if Rea can survive so horrible a test of her own faith, surely I can survive my own far less heavy griefs.

Tell Ridk's story when you can. The world needs to hear it. But only when and if and how you can -- for his story is your's, as well.

Rick's kids are in my pryaers, too -- especially the one eaten up with anger. there's nightmare enough in this world without that, too. May the LORD lead him to peace instead.

:hug:

[itsrea]

I've been buried in my own trials and tribulations, but you remain in my heart and mind, constantly lifted up before the LORD in my prayers.

Like Jeny, I'd fly to your side in a nanosecond, if the LORD would just provide a way to do it.

I tell myself that if Rea can survive so horrible a test of her own faith, surely I can survive my own far less heavy griefs.

Tell Ridk's story when you can. The world needs to hear it. But only when and if and how you can -- for his story is your's, as well.

Rick's kids are in my pryaers, too -- especially the one eaten up with anger. there's nightmare enough in this world without that, too. May the LORD lead him to peace instead.

:hug:Someone once told me that God doesn't see sin in varying degrees, as in telling a lie is not as bad as thieving. He simply sees all sin as sin.

I think that applies to the tests we experience too.. God doesn't see my test as worse then the one you are experiencing.. he just sees his children hurting. Your heartache is no less then mine Rhet. My test is not worse then yours. We are both in pain, both confused about the actions of the people we love, both angry at the heartache those actions caused, both determined to set our worlds straight again. And both of us needs to remember that setting the world straight is not our burden, but the Lords.

I miss Rick. I am confused that his answer was a hole in his head. Your family is rendered, a rip in it that seems to be irreparable... for both of us our heartache is so new, the wound so painful, the world so raw right now that remembering God is the one that will do the work is the hardest part to live.

Did you get today's Word of Encouragement yet?

Today's Verse
"The LORD hears his people when they call to him for help.
He rescues them from all their troubles.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted;
he rescues those whose spirits are crushed."

—Psalm 34:17–18
view in context (http://lists.christianitytoday.com/t/14274886/8040113/170933/0/)
Encouragement for Today
Where is God when it hurts, when our hearts are broken? Close by, these verses say. If we don't feel God's presence, could it be because we're so overwhelmed by our pain that we can't feel anything else? Yet at such times, these verses say we can trust that God is close and that he watches over us. He does hear and he will rescue! Try to turn from your pain to God … and see if that becomes the starting point for rescue by him.

[bella-day]

Rea,
You have not left my thoughts and prayers for a moment.

You will make it through all of this.

Sending up more prayers in your behalf and sending cyber hugs to you my friend.

:hug: :hug:

[itsrea]

Rea,
You have not left my thoughts and prayers for a moment.

You will make it through all of this.

Sending up more prayers in your behalf and sending cyber hugs to you my friend.

:hug: :hug:Thank you Bella

[itsrea]

Last night I thought about all the times I lost patience with Rick lately, about how I pulled at him to try to get him to move back closer to me because it was so incredibly lonely to be left out here, outside of his grief and confusion. I remembered the roller coaster and how, out of the blue, while walking to get my coffee refilled, I broke down in the middle of the kitchen a couple of months ago and telling him as he came running that we had to find a way off this roller coaster of emotions we were living on, and how, as he held me tight to him as I sobbed I told him I just want a normal life back.

I asked the Lord to defend me to Rick, to explain the whys and the hows of my own grief and pain and lonelineses.

Know what God softly replied?

No.

I have to give it up. Rick's concern about our life, about any mistakes we made with each other, about the pain we may have caused each other is gone now... he is free and the Lord will not trouble him with my burden.

That's between God and I - where it should have been all along.

[rhet 2]

Someone once told me that God doesn't see sin in varying degrees, as in telling a lie is not as bad as thieving. He simply sees all sin as sin.

I think that applies to the tests we experience too.. God doesn't see my test as worse then the one you are experiencing.. he just sees his children hurting. Your heartache is no less then mine Rhet. My test is not worse then yours. We are both in pain, both confused about the actions of the people we love, both angry at the heartache those actions caused, both determined to set our worlds straight again. And both of us needs to remember that setting the world straight is not our burden, but the Lords.

I miss Rick. I am confused that his answer was a hole in his head. Your family is rendered, a rip in it that seems to be irreparable... for both of us our heartache is so new, the wound so painful, the world so raw right now that remembering God is the one that will do the work is the hardest part to live.

Did you get today's Word of Encouragement yet?

Dead right on.

And, yes, I thank you for that link.

Today, I'm fiercely claiming that promise to be close to those crushed in spirit -- for my heart is surely crushed this day ........ again.

Be with me, my friend. And I with you. Because it is through such love and wisdom as yours that the LORD ministers to many. :hug:

[itsrea]

Dead right on.

And, yes, I thank you for that link.

Today, I'm fiercely claiming that promise to be close to those crushed in spirit -- for my heart is surely crushed this day ........ again.

Be with me, my friend. And I with you. Because it is through such love and wisdom as yours that the LORD ministers to many. :hug:You got it.

[itsrea]

The insurance company just called - the health department (the dept that issues the death certificates) has Rick's SS wrong. They won't issue new ones, I'd have to pay for them.. they want me to bring down the originals and they'll fill out the back.

This is the SECOND mistake these people have made on that certificate, and the second time I'm going to have to find someone to drive me down because my legs won't hold up for that long a drive, they're trembling like crazy now from just the phone call from the insurance company, and the second time I have to pay for the hour long drive down the mtn and the hour long drive back.

I'm ticked.

[rhet 2]

The insurance company just called - the health department (the dept that issues the death certificates) has Rick's SS wrong. They won't issue new ones, I'd have to pay for them.. they want me to bring down the originals and they'll fill out the back.

This is the SECOND mistake these people have made on that certificate, and the second time I'm going to have to find someone to drive me down because my legs won't hold up for that long a drive, they're trembling like crazy now from just the phone call from the insurance company, and the second time I have to pay for the hour long drive down the mtn and the hour long drive back.

I'm ticked.

With cause, ticked off!

Stupid, incompetent, idiotic dumb ass IRRESPONSIBLE bureaucrats. The essence of a recipe for social disintegration into total chaos, these gov'mit goons we're stuck with.

Don't you just love knowing you're helping to pay their salaries so they can screw up repeatedly and never get fired for being the world's most WORTHLESS incompetents?

[JenyEliza]

Stupid government employees get paid whether or not they do their job correctly. They get to keep their job whether or not they *even do their job*. Surely we can't expect them to get something important like a death or birth certificate correct on the 1st try, huh?

My kids birth certificates have the wrong doctor listed. The doctor they listed is in a whole entirely different OB/GYN practice than mine, and I never once saw this doctor either before, during or after my preganncy. In fact, I haven't ever seen this doctor in my life.

The Dept of Vital records refused to correct their birth certificates unless I paid $300 each. I said forget it. Not for a stupid doctor's name. Now, if it was the kids names, yeah, I'd have had to bite the bullet and find $600 to fix the mistake of an unconcerned government employee. But since it was only the delivering doctors name, no biggie. I've told my kids the doctor's name on their birth certificates is incorrect.

But dayam....you'd think the idgits who type this stuff up would be able to get things right the first time, no? :wall:

Sorry you have to drive an hour each way -- again -- because the government bozo didn't bother to check and double check before issuing the certificate.

:hug:

[jwil59]

I'm on a sulfer antibiotic, a steroid, and a decongestant for a massive sinus infection - I can't even handle brushing my teeth they hurt so bad. It was bad enough with the cottenwoods blowing cotten all over, but the County began burning the trees that came down in all those landslides and the smoke traveled up the river canyon on the wind and I couldn't get away from it even with the house sealed up.

I'm smoking again but the dr said don't worry about it - he'll put me on the pills when life is less stressful. I noticed that I'm not craving them when my first reaction was to go sit on a chair and wait instead of go have a smoke.. but they keep me busy from time to time, so I'm not going to consider stopping for awhile.

I've really worked hard at staying away from all the "couldas" and the "we-were-gonnas" because every time one of them popped into my head the next image is of him laying there on the ground.. but maybe it's because I'm not feeling well staying away has been hard to do today. I've tried to keep busy but these images of his doing things around the property kept pushing in. The fish tank needs cleaning and I have to figure out how to use that stooopid pump thingie. The carpets need vacuuming. Makes me sad because the very next image is of him laying there. I don't know that I'll ever get past that to being able to remember what he was like alive. My heart is locked down except for the tears and the 'oh ricks' - I went out back yesterday evening and softly said "I'm selling the house Rick" and turned on my heal and came back in.

Please don't discuss politics here - this is not about politics - it's about how they affected Rick:: I usually/regularly email weather/outside pictures to the morning weather lady at the local foxnews affiliate - she posts them on the air because she says I have a good eye - she's even posted pics of Rusty and Ruby playing in the snow. I haven't sent any since Rick died so had to email her today and tell her about Rick. She's just so shocked and so caring about it. When I responded with what Rick was dealing with (and with some thoughts of my own about it), she replied the station manager is considering doing a story on Rick if I can handle it.. the story would be about how the economy took his IRA and how our priorities are so messed up we are voting for door bells and money for Ireland and not attempting to help these these men who served our country and who worked hard and paid their dues their entire lives. She's a TERRIFIC lady and was very gentle, wondering if I could handle talking about Rick and what happened - I told her to let me think about it. I'd like his story told, but am not sure about doing it. I'd appreciate your prayers about it.

The dogs have come around. Church kids using the pool helped, then some of the guys formed another work group and came up and pulled up the deck and fixed it, then poured a new step and the dogs liked having the men here.. Ruby is eating good but is over protective, barking at neighbors and jumping up in the middle of her sleep to bark. Rusty has settled down to minding again. They want in the pool 100 times a day, but we've had so many electrical storms I can't take them in on those days even if it's warm enough, so both are disgusted with me on that aspect. I'm going to call the Toyota dealer and see if I can take out the back seat without setting off any alarms on the dash so I can take them around with me sometimes. (Ruby still wets from time to time and I won't have my new car seat ruined.)

The house went on the market yesterday. The pastor's wife is listing the pool table and TV armoire on Craig's list for me - I should list the BowFlex too.. it's only had one payment on it. John comes regularly and mows, and the ladies keep in touch, coming for coffee or calling and driving me if I have to go further then the three miles into town because my legs still shake all the time. Jo, the lady who sang the special at church came up for coffee and told me the Lord told her to sing it, and she is so glad she obeyed.

I've had some bad dreams about one of Rick's sons.. the one that's angry. I'd appreciate if you'd pray for me about it - it's very troubling.

Thus has become my life. The paperwork is done, it's wait for things to happen now.

I am going to be praying about all of this Rea, you can count on it

hang tough sis

[itsrea]

I am going to be praying about all of this Rea, you can count on it

hang tough sisI forgot to tell you that we put up a ramp so the dogs could get out to go potty... I straddled the part the ramp didn't cover and Rusty, not liking the looks of the ramp, ran BEHIND me and left two 100 pound dog prints in the DEEP wet cement :)) I tried to smooth it out and was somewhat successful but felt bad for Vic, who worked so hard to make it smooth and pretty. I sure wish I had thought to ask him to leave the trowel.

Then I had to try to get him to come close to the hose so I could wash off his paws and he's rolled his collar off and I couldn't hold him. I walked the yard but didn't see the collar and dreaded that it was down a deck opening but John found it when he mowed later that day.

Darned dogs. lol

[rhet 2]

I forgot to tell you that we put up a ramp so the dogs could get out to go potty... I straddled the part the ramp didn't cover and Rusty, not liking the looks of the ramp, ran BEHIND me and left two 100 pound dog prints in the DEEP wet cement :)) I tried to smooth it out and was somewhat successful but felt bad for Vic, who worked so hard to make it smooth and pretty. I sure wish I had thought to ask him to leave the trowel.

Then I had to try to get him to come close to the hose so I could wash off his paws and he's rolled his collar off and I couldn't hold him. I walked the yard but didn't see the collar and dreaded that it was down a deck opening but John found it when he mowed later that day.

Darned dogs. lol

:))

I just had to pull the boxer -- Hestia -- off the fence again. She wants to eat the neighbor's sheltie -- and the sheltie wants to eat her. Trouble is, their favorite growl and bark site is right beside the Bear's newly planted lob lolly pine -- she breaks off Miss Molly Lob Lolly, she's gonna be sausage. Or so I tell her when I douse her with the garden hose.

Should have left the paw prints and written his name in beside them, like we used to do when we were kids. :))

Dogs are two year olds that never grow up.

:hug:

[jwil59]

I forgot to tell you that we put up a ramp so the dogs could get out to go potty... I straddled the part the ramp didn't cover and Rusty, not liking the looks of the ramp, ran BEHIND me and left two 100 pound dog prints in the DEEP wet cement :)) I tried to smooth it out and was somewhat successful but felt bad for Vic, who worked so hard to make it smooth and pretty. I sure wish I had thought to ask him to leave the trowel.

Then I had to try to get him to come close to the hose so I could wash off his paws and he's rolled his collar off and I couldn't hold him. I walked the yard but didn't see the collar and dreaded that it was down a deck opening but John found it when he mowed later that day.

Darned dogs. lol

:))

Ya gotta love those dogs Rea, man best friend and all.

[JenyEliza]

Rea.....how's today gone? Hope you had some small victories today. You're gonna make it afterall (cue Mary Tyler Moore theme song and hat toss). I have no doubt about it. You've got what it takes to get through this never ending nightmare.

Thanks for sharing the pics of your house. Absolutely beautiful. But I can see how the acreage would be too hard for you to care for. Thats a LOT of mowing, I don't think my 14 year old son could handle it, and I know I couldn't. Maybe with a riding mower, but certainly not a push mower.

Now that I've seen your fire pit, I can fully envision your (now) funny cigarette story. LOL. Yes, go ahead and send me to my room, I probably deserve it! :dance:

So, have you started looking for a new place in Cali? Here's a link I've used in the past:

www.realtor.com (http://www.realtor.com)

Maybe looking at new places online will help distract you and occupy your mind. Might even give you a spot of hope for the future. Or it might depress you. Sometimes looking at houses I really want (but can't afford) puts me in the doldrums. :(

Anyway....keep us posted about what's going on!

:hug: :hug: :hug:

Jeny

[tha malcontent™]

Okay, with Rea's permission, I now share what is known.

Saturday, Rick took his own life.

He had attended a Men's Retreat and returned in good spirits, cheerful and full of joy.

Rea went for a walk and came back to find him in their yard.

A memorial will be held at their church this coming Saturday, with an honor guard from the National Guard, the flag to be given to his eldest son.

His sons will take his ashes to the waters by San Clemente.

At this time, two of her sons have arranged to be there for Rea during the memorial.

She is understandably unable to post herself at this time, but I know that all of us who cherish her soul so dearly shall hold her in our hearts and minds, cushioned by our prayers and our loving devotion for the rest of time itself.

God has given Rick peace at last, his heavy sorrows laid to rest, his heart free to rejoice with the Saints whom he has joined.

May He now give to our dearest sister in faith His ever-strong support to see her through so heavy a trial and smooth her path through the days to come.

:pray: Be her Comforter and constant Companion, dear LORD, we pray. Let her tears fall gently, her heart be strong. Hold despair far from her, and let her know that she is not ever alone but cherished by the ONE Who Is, yesterday, today, and for all eternity, the ONE Who endured the agony of the cross to set us all free from the sorrows brought upon us by Adam's sin.

And let her see and know the love which is born in us by the Grace of Christ our LORD.

We are hers, and she is ours, for we are Christ's inheritance in the Saints, called according to His purpose, made one by His gift.

Amen and amen.

Until the Day of Victory when the KING shall take His throne, and death and sorrow shall no more walk this earth, as He Spoke, so let it be.

May the Day of the Resurrection come quickly, Father, that we may all be joined together to feast in His eternal love.

Rea... Damn.

I just Found this.

I am Profoundly Sorry for your Loss...

You are in our Prayers.

You have always been Concerned for me and my Family, and I Appreciate that.

If you Need anything, let us Know.

- Jeff

[itsrea]

Today was a rough day - I had to finally break down and call the company managing the trust to find out what happened to the paperwork that they were supposed to send me... they aren't happy with the beneficiary change that Rick made last year so sent it on to their legal department to find out if he had the right to make the change alone or if someone else was supposed to sign off on it. It'll be weeks before I know anything.

I had to email Rick's sons and tell them that the insurance has been held up because the county make mistakes.

Then I had to get someone to drive me down to get the new death certificates.

And of course I got back too late to get one out in the mail.

I feel like I've been beat up - I started shaking when I got home and couldn't stop.

http://www.thisisreasplace.com/images/gifs1.1.jpg

About a half hour ago I went out on the deck and the cows are out of hiding and look sleek and pretty as throughbreds.. as I sat there watching a cow came out with twins (rare for our breed of elk) and they were halarious! I snuck in on my hands and knees and took a movie but because I had to hand-hold the camera I couldn't use the zoom.. if you move it on zoom it all goes fuzzy. I wish I knew how to compress it so I could post it on Youtube or something cause you'd laugh your heads off.

They ran and spared with each other, jumping in the air, bumping heads, racing around - one tried to play with the orange plastic around the baby trees and got it's nose pinched and jumped back on hind legs with it's front ones pawing the air, like a stallion would do - I had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing out loud and then I thought of how Rick would so have enjoyed this and on top of today it is just too much. I broke down.

I know I don't talk much about him - that's because I don't know what to say, don't know what to feel, don't know HOW I feel.

All I can think to say is I don't know what to do.

[JenyEliza]

Know what Rea?? ---we don't know what to say either. I am so out of my element trying to be of use and comfort to you. No clue what to say. Many a time I have written posts and PM's, only to erase and start over again, repeat ad nauseum.

Go ahead and send me to my room for this--but I would give anything for a video of you puking into that fire pit and dragging your fanny back into the house. Good blackmail material! ;)

Just keep on keeping on. This is not the 100 yard dash. This is cross-country, marathon, tri-athlon type work. You won't get there quickly, but you will get there eventually.

Don't beat up on yourself too badly, ok? Just get through one day at a time. That's all you can do!

:hug:
Jeny

[tha malcontent™]

Then I had to get someone to drive me down to get the new death certificates.



I have Mailed my Parents Death Certificates more times than I could have ever Imagined since last Fall...

Still doesn't Seem Real...

Thought about Calling them today... Was going to tell them about a Project I am Working on... Wouldn't Interested them.

Not there anymore.

I am Praying for you, Rea...

:)

peace...

[rhet 2]

I know I don't talk much about him - that's because I don't know what to say, don't know what to feel, don't know HOW I feel.

All I can think to say is I don't know what to do.

Like Jeny, I'm at a loss, too.

The only thing I can thnk to do is "Lie still upon your bed and KNOW that I am GOD" -- wait.......... hold your heart in your hands and offer it up to Him ........... for surely He treasures you with all His might. And surely He shall hold you safe until the Day of His Deliverance.

And thank God for silly dogs and dumb elk and the laughter they bring.

For even one minute without the despair and sorrow is a precious gift -- even if the misery comes crashing back down again so fast and hard, crushing your heart again, at least you had a brief moment when you could laugh at the wonders of the LORD's own handiwork.

Only Christ can make does and their calves. And send them into your range of vision that you should share His almighty wonder-working with Him. And only He can make a Rusty to be the bane/joy of your daily doings, concrete and missing dog collars and all.

Lie still, dear one. Lie still and wait upon the LORD, for surely He will deliver you.

This I do know with every fiber of my being. He WILL deliver exactly as He promised.


And I so pray you see His deliverance from all these stupid and unnecessary dumb jerk hassles from rule bound freaky 'crats who can't actually do something reasonable and compassionate and civilized until after they've made a total mess of the simplest tasks. :wall:

[itsrea]

Know what Rea?? ---we don't know what to say either. I am so out of my element trying to be of use and comfort to you. No clue what to say. Many a time I have written posts and PM's, only to erase and start over again, repeat ad nauseum.

Go ahead and send me to my room for this--but I would give anything for a video of you puking into that fire pit and dragging your fanny back into the house. Good blackmail material! ;)

Just keep on keeping on. This is not the 100 yard dash. This is cross-country, marathon, tri-athlon type work. You won't get there quickly, but you will get there eventually.

Don't beat up on yourself too badly, ok? Just get through one day at a time. That's all you can do!

:hug:
Jeny:hug: Jeny :hug:

[itsrea]

I have Mailed my Parents Death Certificates more times than I could have ever Imagined since last Fall...

Still doesn't Seem Real...

Thought about Calling them today... Was going to tell them about a Project I am Working on... Wouldn't Interested them.

Not there anymore.

I am Praying for you, Rea...

:)

peace...:hug: Mal :hug: thank you

[itsrea]

Like Jeny, I'm at a loss, too.

The only thing I can thnk to do is "Lie still upon your bed and KNOW that I am GOD" -- wait.......... hold your heart in your hands and offer it up to Him ........... for surely He treasures you with all His might. And surely He shall hold you safe until the Day of His Deliverance.

And thank God for silly dogs and dumb elk and the laughter they bring.

For even one minute without the despair and sorrow is a precious gift -- even if the misery comes crashing back down again so fast and hard, crushing your heart again, at least you had a brief moment when you could laugh at the wonders of the LORD's own handiwork.

Only Christ can make does and their calves. And send them into your range of vision that you should share His almighty wonder-working with Him. And only He can make a Rusty to be the bane/joy of your daily doings, concrete and missing dog collars and all.

Lie still, dear one. Lie still and wait upon the LORD, for surely He will deliver you.

This I do know with every fiber of my being. He WILL deliver exactly as He promised.


And I so pray you see His deliverance from all these stupid and unnecessary dumb jerk hassles from rule bound freaky 'crats who can't actually do something reasonable and compassionate and civilized until after they've made a total mess of the simplest tasks. :wall::hug: Rhet :hug:































fyi

female elk are called cows - cows have calves
female deer are called does - does have fawns





city girl



:))

[rhet 2]

:hug: Rhet :hug:































fyi

female elk are called cows - cows have calves
female deer are called does - does have fawns





city girl



:))

:))

Make a deal with you. Come to Texas, and I'll take you out deer hunting. Then, I'll come visit you for some of the same with the COWS. 'Cause where I'm from, cows are for milking and calves for feeding out on winter wheat you planted out behind the barn just so they'll fetch more at auction.

:))

[itsrea]

:))

Make a deal with you. Come to Texas, and I'll take you out deer hunting. Then, I'll come visit you for some of the same with the COWS. 'Cause where I'm from, cows are for milking and calves for feeding out on winter wheat you planted out behind the barn just so they'll fetch more at auction.

:))We don't have to feed the cows where I live, and we still get better meat then you get off the cows you grow, and there isn't all those cow pies and the smell to contend with.

:))

[JenyEliza]

You eat elk, Rea? :sick:

[itsrea]

You eat elk, Rea? :sick::)) of course I eat elk..

It has the same texure as beef, and tastes a lot like it only more tender.

I cook and eat deer and pheasant and duck and goose too..

..and I've hunted for all of the above on my own.

[JenyEliza]

How in the world do you drag the deer and elk back to the house (?) to prepare? Do you have help?

I guess since I don't hunt my meat, I'm just a city girl too. :))

[itsrea]

How in the world do you drag the deer and elk back to the house (?) to prepare? Do you have help?

I guess since I don't hunt my meat, I'm just a city girl too. :))Not to be too graphic, if you're in hunting camp you gut, skin, and quarter a elk before even attempting to take it back to camp - if you're close to home you call for someone to go get the 4by and drive as close as they can and drag it up into the bed with a wench... the butchering/packaging is done either at the meat market, or in the garage.

Deer are easier - when I was younger I could gut it and scrunch under it so it layed over my shoulders like a shawl and stagger back to camp, but I never had to - I always hunted with family and the guys took care of that for me.

Aubrey/Rick always did the butchering, I did the wrapping and freezing. Been doing it since I was 19 years old.

[rhet 2]

We don't have to feed the cows where I live, and we still get better meat then you get off the cows you grow, and there isn't all those cow pies and the smell to contend with.

:))

Now, that's the truth.

Know how to tell the diff between a dude and a real rancher? The dude always builds his house downwind of the feed lot.

Never got to hunt elk. My BIL does every year and brings some of the frozen from LAST year for us. Not the same thing at all, at all. And it's been an eternity since I last had pheasant.

I miss the old homestead ......... a LOT!

BTW: ever build a sledge? two tree limbs with a tarp tied over them -- MUCH easier for dragging home supper. Never go hunting without rope, tie wire, and side cutters rolled up in a tarp. And an old pair of suspenders to form shoulder straps for the pack. Only trick is being REAL quiet when you set that pack down on the ground.

[ExDem]

Hi, Rea. I am praying for you and your family every day. Glad to see you on the boards.:hug:

[itsrea]

Now, that's the truth.

Know how to tell the diff between a dude and a real rancher? The dude always builds his house downwind of the feed lot.

Never got to hunt elk. My BIL does every year and brings some of the frozen from LAST year for us. Not the same thing at all, at all. And it's been an eternity since I last had pheasant.

I miss the old homestead ......... a LOT!My grandfather, the son of the Indian Agent married the daughter of the local banker (both were college educated). They borrowed $1000 from the bank, bought horses and a buggy (my grandmother was an R.N. and would be the local midwife), their land, built their home (and furnished it) and out buildings, bought their stock (my grandfather farmed plus raised throughbred horses), their farm equipment, seed, and had money left over. When Grandpa went to sink the well he did so up by the house instead of down by the barn... he figured the horses could handle walking for their water better then my grandmother and the hired girl having to tote it up from the barn. Every man in the country laughed at him. I told grandpa they laughed till they got home and were put out in the barn by angry wives that asked, "How come YOU didn't think of that???"

I never saw the place - my father got tuberculosis at the age of nine and they sold everything and moved to California so he could be in a sanitarium. But I heard many a tale from my father and grandfather about the ranch. I told grandpa once I wish I'd lived in your time - you lived in the best time of all - you went from horse and buggy to man on the moon and he jumped up, angry, and said don't go wishing you were back then! You grandmother worked harder then any horse!

Go look at the old cemetaries and you see headstones were this child died and days later another, and sometimes another, and close by is mother, who died of a broken heart. People think women were tougher then - but they weren't. They were hardier, but not tough, they had soft hearts.

BTW: ever build a sledge? two tree limbs with a tarp tied over them -- MUCH easier for dragging home supper. Never go hunting without rope, tie wire, and side cutters rolled up in a tarp. And an old pair of suspenders to form shoulder straps for the pack. Only trick is being REAL quiet when you set that pack down on the ground.I'm no good at sawing or hacking and would trip myself up carrying a hatchet anyway - in California people are allowed to take dead or downed wood from public land for firewood, so there is not often a lot of it laying around to make a sledge out of - but I've heard of the practice.

[itsrea]

Hi, Rea. I am praying for you and your family every day. Glad to see you on the boards.:hug:thank you

[JenyEliza]

Not to be too graphic, if you're in hunting camp you gut, skin, and quarter a elk before even attempting to take it back to camp - if you're close to home you call for someone to go get the 4by and drive as close as they can and drag it up into the bed with a wench... the butchering/packaging is done either at the meat market, or in the garage.

Deer are easier - when I was younger I could gut it and scrunch under it so it layed over my shoulders like a shawl and stagger back to camp, but I never had to - I always hunted with family and the guys took care of that for me.

Aubrey/Rick always did the butchering, I did the wrapping and freezing. Been doing it since I was 19 years old.

Thanks for giving me more info than I needed. :)) :doh:

Careful what you ask for, you might get it. :))

I think I'll stick with my local Kroger or Publix for my meat. Being I'm a city girl and all. :))

Hope your Saturday is going alright. If I were there, we'd go sit by the fire pit and have some coffee while you smoke your brains out. And talk about our kids, your grandkids, your new house that's waiting for you in Cali, and talk about...yes, Rick.

He loved you so much, Rea. When you feel up to it, go back to our NUCKABAR thread and read all those fun stories we told where you talked about your Rick, and I talked about my sister and nephew. O-M-G. That was such fun--when we went back and forth in our silly hick style. I laughed harder than I probably ever have while we were doing that.

When I think of Rick, I picture your house with Texas sized skeeters chasing him after the UPS man brings 'em to ya from Texas. LOL. That's what I think about. Or about you two dancing in the living room to music only the two of you can hear.

I also think about my sister passed out in her yard after swimming through the house, cuz little Petey flooded it. :)) :)) :))

Those were good times. Those were the days before all of us had our trials and tribulations. Your Rick was still alive. Mitchell had never been shot. Rhet didn't have all that's pressing on her. I didn't have my worries. Yeah, good days.

But....we've got better days ahead. They're coming. Somehow, someway, I *know* God has a plan for each of us. There's a reason we're still here. He wants us to keep slugging through this thing called life, because He has a purpose for us. A reason He needs us here, instead of there.

Now....how is your appetite? Has it started to come back? I remember after my ex left me with two babies to raise with no money, no job, and no place of our own--we had to bunk with family for 2 years. I couldn't sleep or eat for months.

It was a huge shock when he decided to leave us for our neighbor. Although not nearly the same as what you've been through, I went through a whole grief period and all the steps of someone who'd lost her husband to death. Except he was still alive, and right down the road living in our house with our neighbor and her kids. He moved her in lock stock and barrel, then married her as soon as he was free.

The whole thing discombobulated me badly. The "normal" stuff I did, I couldn't focus on. Food was disgusting. I stayed up for days crying, pacing and taking care of the babies. Finally I got some help from my doctor and things started to turn around.

How is your sleep? Do you still need help to get to sleep? If you do, not to worry. It will return one day, but right now you've been through one hell of a shock. Your body just does not know how to do things it used to do automatically. It's gotta relearn these things.

Anyway, that's enough of my rambling. I'm really glad you're finding the concentration to log on and post again--at least more often than you have since Rick left us. That's a good sign. A BIG step in the right direction.

You're gonna make it....afterall. < cue MTM hat toss>

Jeny :hug: :hug: :hug:

[itsrea]

I forgot today was Saturday

[JenyEliza]

You know what, Rea? After my ex left us, I lost track of my days too. There were times I didn't know the day, date and time. It was a really creepy time in my life, and I imagine what you're going through is 100 times worse. :hug:

Losing track of days and being "foggy" on some routine data like the date/time/month/year, etc is normal in the grief process, from what I understand. It's a protection mechanism. Your brain's way of shutting down some parts to protect you from the shock to your system. There well may be other things you just lose track of before this is over.

Stress of the magnitude you're experiencing taxes all of our body's systems. So don't be concerned about losing track of the days. It won't be like this forever.

:hug:

Jeny

[itsrea]

it was a month ago today, in fact about this time of the evening a month ago he was dancing me around the kitchen, telling me how great the retreat was

a hour later I found him

[curtis123]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Rea.

I pray for peace of mind for you.

[JenyEliza]

:hug: :hug: :hug:

I'm sorry if I brought you pain with that post. I should have thought it out better.

See what I mean? We really have *NO* clue what to say.

Dam, I'm a dunce. :wall: :wall:

[JenyEliza]

Would you like me to delete that post, Rea?

Just say the word and it will be gone.

[bella-day]

it was a month ago today, in fact about this time of the evening a month ago he was dancing me around the kitchen, telling me how great the retreat was

a hour later I found him


I'm sure sometimes it feels like yesterday and then other times it must feel like a lifetime ago.

I wish there was something I could do or say that would help take this pain from your heart.

I pray for you daily Rea. I have faith in you...you will survive all of this.

Loads of cyber hugs coming to you and tons of prayers for you.

[stoked]

it was a month ago today, in fact about this time of the evening a month ago he was dancing me around the kitchen, telling me how great the retreat was

a hour later I found him

I hate to ask this and it doesn't bring him back but did the police ever explore that it was something other than a suicide? It just doesn't sound like a guy who was ready to do this to himself, he sounded so happy from what you are saying.

[JenyEliza]

Sending you much love, hun!

Hang in there. You're in God's hands and you will be OK one day.

Keep taking those baby steps and lean on those around you when you can't take another step on your own.

:hug:
Jeny

[doodle5]

We have been so busy, mostly cleaning the Kitchen and picking up in our bedroom, before I knew it it was time for a walk at the park, toooooooooooooo many people. It has been so cold here and damp since January, unusual for Southern California.

Came back home peaceful everyone has gone somewhere.

I will begin studying again.

Rea,

I experienced a sawmill when I was 2-5 years old, More experiences, smells, more animals more common sense. My mothers brothers hunted and fished besides their logging.

Rea,

please give this time.

Interesting what you said you did when you were 19.

Healing is happening even thou you don't realize it yet.

Carlene

He will come with healing in His wings. Malachi I think.

[USMCmom]

Rea...
I know it isn't much, but you are always in my prayers.:pray: Everyday I ask the Lord to please bring you strength and to carry you through when your minutes are the darkest. :hug:
Take care & God Bless
Kelly

[itsrea]

:hug: :hug: :hug:

I'm sorry if I brought you pain with that post. I should have thought it out better.

See what I mean? We really have *NO* clue what to say.

Dam, I'm a dunce. :wall: :wall:Your post was a good post.. it shows your caring and your thoughtfulness.. I woke yesterday glad to know we'd have sunshine before the thunder storms moved in again - in fact it might have been what's passing for a 'good day' all day had I not gone looking for something to do and turned on the TV to catch the noon news and realized there would be none because it was Saturday. Then I counted and realized he's been gone a month.

I think I have a flu bug - I was nauseated all day, and towards evening I had an excruciating headache. And I'm going to have to quit taking the medications the dr gave me for the sinus infection because my kidneys became to throbe on top of it all. I still have the body aches and headache this morning, and was up at least five times during the night. I probably picked it up when I had to go to the county offices for the new death certificate - there were kids there with running noses.

Then the phone started ringing and I could see it was the same business that called several times last week and won't tell me why they are calling Rick. I told them he has passed, that if he owes them money to turn it over to their legal department and have them mail me the paperwork at Rick's address. They keep on calling. Only yesterday their computer didn't hang up right and left my recorder on dial tone several times. Finally I picked up the phone and when a real person came on the line I didn't even give them a chance to talk - I asked is this about Rick owing money or is this a sales call? He said I can't say, are you Mrs. Osborne? - I screamed into the phone MRS. OSBORNE DIED DECEMBER 16TH, 1999, And I'm damned tired of your computer messing up my recorder so this is the way it's going to be: Rick blew his friggin brains out on the 16th of May and I'm the one who found him so needless to say I'm a tad grumpy and your persistance is not helping that any. IF this is a call in regards to a bill then turn it over to your billing or legal department and have them mail him the bill to his address in the name of 'The Estate of ....' and it'll become part of probate. If this is a sales call I'm hanging up and calling the FCC this minute. Which is it going to be? You going to stop harrasing me or I'm going to call the FCC?

He hung up and the phone was blissfully silent the rest of the day.

We had the electrical storms earlier then we have all week, and closer to home so I had to unplug the computers - everytime I thought they were done they'd come back and so I finally gave up till late in the evening. Then I tried to transfer some money over to the household account and miss-typed the password and am now locked out.

I still can't get my head around it. I'm still trying to figure it out, trying to find some way to let it sink in, to accept it. I don't even know how to say he's dead. Do I just say he passed and hope to God nobody asks what happened? Or do I slap people in the face with he committed suicide? A mutual friend, one of the people we met every Friday night for dinner last summer ran into me in the post office Friday and just kept saying that's weird, that's weird. I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying oh for gawd's sake, expand your vocabulary!

By 10 last night, combined with the headache and nausea I was a crying mess.. wandering the house asking why rick? why?

I still have the headache this morning, so am going to go for awhile.

[itsrea]

Thank you all for your prayers.

[JenyEliza]

Oh Rea....my post did set you off and ruin your day. I am SO SO SO VERY SORRY!

Even though its not the same, I remember all it took was some small thing to set me off on a crying jag asking "why, why, why did you leave me for her?" and "What did I do to deserve this?".....oh god, just typing that out makes my eyes water and makes me catch my breath. Those long days in a fog and the even longer very lonely nights when the babies were asleep, the thought of suicide *did* creep up on me, but then I would peek in on my babies and realise that now that I was a Mom, that option would be forever off the table. My children saved my life after their Dad left me.

The things you're dealing with sound oh so much like me in the early days after he left. The phone calls from a bill collector looking for him. I always loved telling them that he was shacking up with our neighbor and her 4 kids, and if he tracks them down, tell him "hello" for me. :doh:

I would stay up late outside on the deck smoking cigarette after cigarette. Downing Diet Coke and crying my eyes out. Looking for answers too.

And then....a few months later, I got sick. Really really sick. I had Pneumonia and Idiopathic Hepatitis (ie, which means I had Hepatitis and they had no idea what caused it). I couldn't take care of the kids OR myself. My Mom had to come stay with us--thank God she's a Nurse. At one point they were talking liver transplant. Scary days.

I got so sick from not eating and sleeping. Please don't let that happen to you. Make sure you're taking a good multivitamin to make up for the sudden lack of interest in food. Make sure you get plenty of water. And by all means, use the sleeping pills. I still have an Rx for Ambien that I use when I really really really can't sleep.

Sleep is the best way to restore your body to good health. At the cellular level, that's where all the repairs happen. Good sleep is key to good health. Sleep deprivation is dangerous to your health in so many ways.

You have my phone number--use it--when you have another night like last night. OK? I'll be there, and you can ask me WHY as many times as you need to. I won't have the answer, but at least you won't be alone as you ask.

You're an awesome caring person yourself. You didn't deserve to be left with this mess Rick created, and truth be known, he didn't think he left you with a mess. I thought he'd taken care of you quite well. He might have even thought (mistakenly) that you were better off without him.

If he knew the truth of what he's done, he'd ask God for a do-over. He's probably asked a million times already--please send me back and let me do this over again. I didn't mean to do this. Your Rick would never have *knowingly* destroyed you like this. Never. Not in a million years.

*sigh*

But, reality bites. You're stuck cleaning this mess up. And you jusrt have to muddle through the best you can. You WILL get through it. I know that with all my heart.

Well, I've babbled enough and I've probably sent you crying again. I'm sort of talented that way. :wall: :doh: (sorry)

Call me, anytime. I mean it.

:hug:

Jeny

[JenyEliza]

By the way, I like the way you handled the bill collector. Perfect. Stay with that if anyone else calls. You don't need to be hounded and harrassed by them. What you said to the guy will work with anyone else who calls. You probably shocked the **** out of him.

As for anyone else, like people you know--tell the truth, but not quite so harshly as you told the collections fella. Just tell them that Rick had been struggling for a while with depression and one night it got so bad he took his life and that you'll miss him terribly the rest of your life. That's the truth. Truth is always a good place to start.

This is not the 1950's where you have to keep suicide hush-hush and a deep dark secret. It doesn't have the same stigma attached that it used to. Nowadays, you can tell the truth.

Just my 1.50's worth. You should go with whatever is comfortable for you. ;)

:hug:
Jeny

[itsrea]

You didn't set me off.. I was fine till I realized it had been a month and that had nothing to do with you Jeny.

I make homemade soups and keep them in the slow cooker till they're gone or I'm tired of them and I eat something when I can. If nothing else I skim out some broth and drink that. I started with a traditional chicken soup minus the noodles. Then I made hambruger stew, then a real stew only with a clear broth, then taco soup, and now back to chicken but instead of carrots and celery and noodles I put in mexican corn with black beans, stewed tomatoes, green chilies, cilantro and sauted onion... with spices. The broth is in the fridge so the fat can set on the top.

I can't take vitamins. I'm allergic to the base they use in them plus to all vitamin B's because the B's trigger migrains. I have to get my supplements the natural way - fresh stuff.

I am sleeping. I take my pills at the same time every night and crawl into bed at the same time, and provided something doesn't wake me, I'm sleeping at least five-six hours a night. I wasn't getting much more then that when Rick died - the osteoporosis and arthritis wakes me. And I take a nap after I take the osteoporisid medication in the afternoon - the dogs lay down beside me - if I forget Ruby comes and gets me.

I do what I can hun - I assign myself some things to accomplish every day - if I dont get to them all I don't beat myself up about it. I just do what I can.

Now stop fretting. :)

Hugs,
Rea

[doodle5]

You still having cold weather? that alone can make moods grumpy plus everything you have been through, I love the sounds of your soups!!

We see the sun here in the afternoon only warm unusual for here.

Carlene

[JenyEliza]

Rea....I'm glad you're making yummy soups loaded with the good nutrients you need. They sound delish--and like they go down easy. I don't know about you, but when I'm under this kind of stress, it's hard to eat. Food doesn't appeal, and if you have a day when you can eat--it's not much. But at least you're getting some good vitamins in you! :D

The nap every afternoon sounds right too. I like to stretch out in my recliner, dogs at my feet. Especially on cold rainy/gloomy days. And keep up with the same time bedtime. That's the way to do it. You'll beat off this bug you're coming down with and develop your routine at the same time.

You're doing great--not just "what you can". It may not seem like you're doing as well as you are, but every day your broken heart heals a teeny tiny bit. Eventually you'll feel almost "normal" again, but Rick will always have a piece of your heart. You know the drill.... ;)

:hug:
Jeny

[JenyEliza]

ps. I don't need your permission to fret. I'm gonna fret whether you want me to, or not! :razz::razz::razz::razz:

[itsrea]

You still having cold weather? that alone can make moods grumpy plus everything you have been through, I love the sounds of your soups!!

We see the sun here in the afternoon only warm unusual for here.

CarleneWhat Southern Californians call 'sun' - you're talking to someone that was raised there - you have "June Gloom" right now.

:))

[itsrea]

ps. I don't need your permission to fret. I'm gonna fret whether you want me to, or not! :razz::razz::razz::razz:I'm gonna have to send you to your room young lady!

[JenyEliza]

When you send me to my room--will you send a tall, salt n pepper, handsome man. Somewhere in the mid 40's to mid 50's??

That'd be AWESOME if you could arrange that for me!!! :)) :)) :))

[doodle5]

This gloom has been since January and including May 31st, very unusual weather here!!

I'm ready for a usual southern California day more than ready.

It's colder in Washington right.

Carlene

[itsrea]

I got up this morning to find the back door unlocked. I locked in when I came in for the evening, then, after I lowered the shades, I got to worrying about it so went and checked it.

Spooked me.

As soon as the insurance money clears the bank I'm having all the locks changed.

[JenyEliza]

Could you have just forgotten to lock the door? I've done that before, even though I did my usual tour before bed. Get up in the am and find a door unlocked.

Not a bad idea to get the locks changed. No telling who might have a key.

Hope you're having a good (as possible) day.

:hug:
Jeny

[jwil59]

I got up this morning to find the back door unlocked. I locked in when I came in for the evening, then, after I lowered the shades, I got to worrying about it so went and checked it.

Spooked me.

As soon as the insurance money clears the bank I'm having all the locks changed.

That's a very good idea. I am praying for you sis.

hang tough my friend

[itsrea]

Could you have just forgotten to lock the door? I've done that before, even though I did my usual tour before bed. Get up in the am and find a door unlocked.

Not a bad idea to get the locks changed. No telling who might have a key.

Hope you're having a good (as possible) day.

:hug:
JenyThank you Jeny... not too bad a day so far - my state has a law that says I can only buy one pkg of Sudafed at a time cause the dopers use it to make meth, so every five days I have to drive 66 miles round trip to get me a box... I did it by myself today and my legs didn't start shaking till I got home. I emailed my state senator and told him this is the pits, at a time when the government is trying to get us all to conserve and go green I have to drive 66 miles round trip to pick up the sinus medication that dr wants me to take.

John came over and we laid out all the hand tools on the garage floor and I picked out the ones I know are mine and have to inventory the rest now for probate.

It's starting to get to me some, but otherwise I did ok today.

[itsrea]

That's a very good idea. I am praying for you sis.

hang tough my friendJohn suggested I get a slider lock tomorrow so will do that.

Thank you Jwil

[JenyEliza]

Thank you Jeny... not too bad a day so far - my state has a law that says I can only buy one pkg of Sudafed at a time cause the dopers use it to make meth, so every five days I have to drive 66 miles round trip to get me a box... I did it by myself today and my legs didn't start shaking till I got home. I emailed my state senator and told him this is the pits, at a time when the government is trying to get us all to conserve and go green I have to drive 66 miles round trip to pick up the sinus medication that dr wants me to take.

We have a similar law here too. Damn those meth-heads. The rest of us are doomed to sinus infections, inconvenience and hardship because our government has decided to protect us all from those freaks by making the purchase of this medication difficult for those of us who need it, so those who don't need it but want to ruin their lives and health with Meth can't get to enough of it to cook a batch easily.

Grrrr. :evil:

But on the bright side, you drove almost 66 miles on your own, and your legs didn't shake. That hasn't happened in a while. That's a HUGE victory for you today! :dance:

See....you're getting there! I'm SO proud of you for getting your pseudophed today. That's a BIG DARN DEAL!!!!! :clap: :clap: :clap:

John came over and we laid out all the hand tools on the garage floor and I picked out the ones I know are mine and have to inventory the rest now for probate.

It's starting to get to me some, but otherwise I did ok today.

That's gotta be hard sorting through stuff and figuring how his/mine/probate. Damn. I wish I knew what to say.

Except this: Focus on your victory today!! You drove 66 miles on your own! No help, just Rea. That's so awesome!

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[doodle5]

1. Call your doctor any other medicine besides Sudafed? It wouldn't hurt to ask? 66 miles is the pits!!
2. Could you have a drug store deliver it? Might help.
3. Call Drug Store.
4. Make a list to do before you go to bed.

Have a great evening.

Carlene

[JenyEliza]

Thinking of you today while I work on my "to-do" list, Rea.

Just changed my garbage pick up company to one that picks up on Mondays! YAY ME!!!!! Woo-Hoo. Now I can clean out the garage this weekend and the crap won't have to sit on the side of the road until Wednesday (old pick up day). I HATE leaving my crap on the side of the road for 4 or 5 days, which means I have a tendency to let the crap collect in the garage rather than getting rid of it. Hence, I have a really disgusting garage right now.

I finally set up an appointment to have an epidural shot done to see if it will help with my chronic low back pain. I also have bursitis in my right hip, but for now they don't want fool with it. I just take pain relievers as I need them. Between the herniated disks in my back and the bursitis, I need them a little more often than I wish I did. *sigh* I guess my warranty is expiring--at the ripe old age of 47.

Kids are in summer school for three more weeks, which means I have to get up early and drive them cross town. They're getting a jump start on high school....to the tune of $450.00, but I'd rather have then using their brains than sitting on them all summer. ;)

My son is taking science and his twin sister is taking language arts/creative writing. Those are their favorite subjects, so thats what they decided to take. Both have A's in their classes. They've been pretty well behaved so far this summer, but they're starting to get on my nerves. I am really ready for the school year to get going and get our new high school routine started. I'm getting a teeny-weeny too much together time with them.

Anyway....just wanted to check in with you. Would love a phone call from you (hint, hint) whenever you're up to it! If you don't call me soon, I'm gonna haff ta sick mah Texas skeeters on ya!!!! :dance:

Take good care of yourself....and celebrate the little victories. Trips to town. Difficult phone calls made. To do list items checked off. All those things add up to bigger victories you can celebrate. And before you know it, a "new normal" will start developing in your life.

Until that happens--lean on God and us. Cuz we love you! :hug: :smooch:

:hug:
Jeny

[itsrea]

Until that happens--lean on God and us. Cuz we love you! :hug: :smooch:

:hug:
JenyI wrote emails to the alternates on our will to get them up-to-date on the legalities.. fed the dogs and the fish, played a couple of online games, other then that even the bed is not made... We had an afternoon of sun before the cold moved in in preparation for rain this evening and I'm stiffer and sorer then usual, but I'll set to it soon.

How old are you kids?

[johnrocks]

It's hard for me to post about things like this but I was so saddened to see this happen, you've been in my thoughts and my prayers, I smile every time I see your grand child in your Avietar, she's such a cutie. I hope she and others are there to help return your smiles.

[itsrea]

It's hard for me to post about things like this but I was so saddened to see this happen, you've been in my thoughts and my prayers, I smile every time I see your grand child in your Avietar, she's such a cutie. I hope she and others are there to help return your smiles.She will be able to when I am able to move down there John, and thank you for your prayers.

[stoked]

Ya, I love that little avatar, she makes my day!

[jwil59]

John suggested I get a slider lock tomorrow so will do that.

Thank you Jwil

John is right. My continued prayers for you sis

hang tough dear child of God

[JenyEliza]

I wrote emails to the alternates on our will to get them up-to-date on the legalities.. fed the dogs and the fish, played a couple of online games, other then that even the bed is not made... We had an afternoon of sun before the cold moved in in preparation for rain this evening and I'm stiffer and sorer then usual, but I'll set to it soon.

How old are you kids?

Well done! Doesn't it feel great when you finally get things accomplished? I'm the worlds worst about putting stuff off.

I'm glad you can concentrate well enough to play online games. Solitaire was a god-send to me after my ex left. There were days all I could do was take care of babies, and play solitaire after they went to bed, and that was a good day. ;)

Don't worry about the bed....you're just gonna go crawl back into it tonight. ;)

As for our weather, it's hotter than hell here....92 in the shade, with 95% humidity. Feels like a damned sauna. I could use a coolish day of 85, or at least humidity of less than 90%. ;)

Kids are 14 and heading to 9th grade. Next year they're old enough to get their learner's permits to driver (grades/behavior, etc permitted). Can't believe they're high school age already. Darn, they grow up fast.

:hug:
Jeny

[Calibabe]

Okay, with Rea's permission, I now share what is known.

Saturday, Rick took his own life.

He had attended a Men's Retreat and returned in good spirits, cheerful and full of joy.

Rea went for a walk and came back to find him in their yard.

A memorial will be held at their church this coming Saturday, with an honor guard from the National Guard, the flag to be given to his eldest son.

His sons will take his ashes to the waters by San Clemente.

At this time, two of her sons have arranged to be there for Rea during the memorial.

She is understandably unable to post herself at this time, but I know that all of us who cherish her soul so dearly shall hold her in our hearts and minds, cushioned by our prayers and our loving devotion for the rest of time itself.

God has given Rick peace at last, his heavy sorrows laid to rest, his heart free to rejoice with the Saints whom he has joined.

May He now give to our dearest sister in faith His ever-strong support to see her through so heavy a trial and smooth her path through the days to come.

:pray: Be her Comforter and constant Companion, dear LORD, we pray. Let her tears fall gently, her heart be strong. Hold despair far from her, and let her know that she is not ever alone but cherished by the ONE Who Is, yesterday, today, and for all eternity, the ONE Who endured the agony of the cross to set us all free from the sorrows brought upon us by Adam's sin.

And let her see and know the love which is born in us by the Grace of Christ our LORD.

We are hers, and she is ours, for we are Christ's inheritance in the Saints, called according to His purpose, made one by His gift.

Amen and amen.

Until the Day of Victory when the KING shall take His throne, and death and sorrow shall no more walk this earth, as He Spoke, so let it be.

May the Day of the Resurrection come quickly, Father, that we may all be joined together to feast in His eternal love.

Oh my Lord!!! I can't even imagine.....I am speechless.

I lost my cousin last year in May, the 26th to be exact, 5 days after the birth of his first child. He sent his wife to be with her family, called her on her cell phone which he knew would be out of commission due to it needing to be charged and told her that by the time she got the message he would be gone. Horrible way to find out.

I can't imagine how she must have felt when....

Rea, I am so, so very sorry. I can't imagine the depth and pain that this loss brings to you and your family.

I don't know what really else there is to say but that I will keep you and your family very close in prayer. I will also add your husband to my prayer list. I do believe that Our Lord understands why this happens and knows the state of mind of the person. Our Lord is with Rick and Rick is with Our Lord. I truly do believe that.

If there is anything at all that I can do, please, do not hesitate to PM me or ask on this board. I will do the best that I can.

God bless you and your family and my most humble and sincere condolences on your loss. I am so terribly sorry. :pray::cry:

[Calibabe]

Rhet posted something yesterday that struck my heart when I read it, something that I can provide a real life example of.

Everyone who has been in Mitch's tread from the beginning knows that my sister Joni is my hero. A woman of great faith who has dedicated her life to helping kids know, love, exalt, and obey Jesus Christ. By trade she is a chemical engineer who gave up a very sucessfull career. early in her career with 3M she met her first husband Randy, who died of Leukemia in his mid-twenties. They had been married a few years and she was expecting their first child when he was diagnoised. When they met, Randy had never even been to a Church in his life. God used Joni to call Randy to Himself, like he used Rea for Rick (as Rhet said). When Randy dies he was a strong Christian and a Bible student. His favorite verse was Nahum 1:7 and it is inscribed on his gravesite:

Nahum 1:7 (New International Version)

The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble.
He cares for those who trust in him,

The same can be said for Rick, as he was hungry for God's Word too. That is evidenced by his desire to go to that retreat, as well as other stuff that we have all read about in the past


I don't know why God choose for Rea and Joni to feel that pain for His purpose, all I know is that the purpose is perfect. Will either one of them or us know what that purpose is this side of heaven, probably not. He does teach us that purpose is good and perfect, and for our own well being.


Rea and Joni both chose to be a channel of His love for Rick and Randy, and for that their hearts were broken. Most of us Christians will never be called to endure that pain for His purpose. Rea and Joni are two of the true heros of the Christian faith.


Jeff,

Those words that you just wrote are the words my priest has always told me.

Even though we don't understand why things happen the way that they do, God in His infinite mercy does and that once we get to Heaven all will be understood. I trust in that. I truly do. So many times there have been questions and I have learned to stop questioning and just hand it over to Our Lord and say "One day I will know why this happened".

We all have a cross to bear. Some are just bigger and heavier than others I suppose. However we either choose to pick up the cross and carry it or tumble under it's weight. Either way Our Lord helps us. If we pick it up, he lightens the weight and if we tumble he pick both the cross and us up and puts us back on the path with his hand and arms around us for guidance.

[midatlantic]

Jeff,

Those words that you just wrote are the words my priest has always told me.

Even though we don't understand why things happen the way that they do, God in His infinite mercy does and that once we get to Heaven all will be understood. I trust in that. I truly do. So many times there have been questions and I have learned to stop questioning and just hand it over to Our Lord and say "One day I will know why this happened".

We all have a cross to bear. Some are just bigger and heavier than others I suppose. However we either choose to pick up the cross and carry it or tumble under it's weight. Either way Our Lord helps us. If we pick it up, he lightens the weight and if we tumble he pick both the cross and us up and puts us back on the path with his hand and arms around us for guidance.

So many wise words on this thread.

Rea, I have been thinking about you. God bless and comfort you.

Jane

[doodle5]

I heard Joni at Melody land quite an experience!! I had polio as a child with pain unbelievable. So I can relate to Joni as well as others that are ill. My doctor taught me everything he knew and more. His teachings helped me in raising our kids when small and growing up.

Praying for you Rea.

May Christ wrap you up with all His eternal love.

Carlene

[JenyEliza]

Good morning, Rea! Hope you slept well last night and are ready to handle today.

It's hot and muggy here in Atlanta and it's not even 10:00 am yet. It's gonna be another swealtering day here.

I'm sitting in the parking lot of summer school waiting for the twins to be dismissed from class. They go from 8:00 to 10:10 M-T. I am so blessed to have a wireless internet card and laptop! The wonders of technology! I just thought about bringing the laptop with me while I wait for the kids. The school is on the other side of town, which means driving back to the house is not practical. I have been taking naps in the car, but today I decided to surf the interwebs. :dance:

How are the dogs? Are they handling things better now? And you....is your head still full of junk? Is the PITA to get Sudafed working?

What's the weather out your way? More of the same cold/damp? That sounds so good right now....I'm already breaking a sweat sitting in the shade. *sigh*

Alrighty gonna scoot to get kids....I know it's early out your way and you're probably just getting up and having a cuppa coffee. Stay warm and cozy....

:hug:
Jeny

[jwil59]

I am praying for Rea today

[Calibabe]

I have Mailed my Parents Death Certificates more times than I could have ever Imagined since last Fall...

Still doesn't Seem Real...

Thought about Calling them today... Was going to tell them about a Project I am Working on... Wouldn't Interested them.

Not there anymore.

I am Praying for you, Rea...

:)

peace...


Mal,

I know of what you speak. This September it will be 5 years since I lost my Dad, three since I lost my Grandmother and I am going into the sixth year without my Mom. All three were always there for me to call. Now there is no one.

There have been many a time I have picked that phone up to make a call since then only to put it back down. For the first month, after losing my Mom, I would call her house just to hear her answering machine. Sounds weird I know. I just think it is something that you don't get over. I felt like an orphan in 8 months time. Literally. When Grandma finally passed (I think she just didn't want another anniversary of my Dad's passing to come again) that was the last time I was in NJ. I have always been proud of being from NJ. Now I don't have a reason to go back. No one to see really. I have some family. An uncle and cousins but that is it.

I had to probate two estates literally simutaneously and it was the hardest thing in my life I have ever done. I also had to have both executrixes removed. Both tried to conceal and hide money from me or lie about where this was or where that was. I felt like I was in a marathon for 4 years until all was settled. Now just Grandma's estate remains. Hopefully that will be done soon.

Rea, my heart just breaks when I have read what you have posted and gone through. I, like Jeny and Rhet wish I could be there with you. I love dogs, have three of my own. Even if nothing more than to just let you get away for 24 hours. All I can do is let you know that I am praying for you. I know that as hard as this has been and will be for some time to come, you will come through it. Remember there are 7 stages of grief: anger and denial, pain and guilt, barganing, depression reflections & loneliness, upward turn, reconstruction and working through, and finally acceptance and hope. It is going to take you time. Time to process what has happened and time to deal with it in your own way. That is what everyone needs to do. Each one of us has a unique way of dealing with tragedy in our lives and the loss of a loved one. No two ways are exactly the same. There have been times I have been mad as hell that my Mom, Dad and Grandma were gone and yet the person who treated me the worst in life, my ex, is still allowed to be here after having a bout of supposed brain cancer. It made me mad as hell. I would question it and my husband would say to me "Stop, don't go there". It still didn't make me feel any better, but I knew what he was trying to tell me. That despite my loss and my grief, God is the one who is in charge and to question otherwise is not what I am supposed to do. Even my priest has told me that. It is just sometimes hard not to question it.

God bless you. I will put you in my rosary until further notice and also in my prayers at Mass on Sunday along with your husband.

[Calibabe]

This gloom has been since January and including May 31st, very unusual weather here!!

I'm ready for a usual southern California day more than ready.

It's colder in Washington right.

Carlene

Carlene,

You noticed that too? It is really wierd for this time of year. Usually the weather is much warmer and my a/c bill is enough to choke a horse. This year it hasn't been bad, but I don't want to jinx it either.

Hopefully it will get warmer, not stinking hot like it usually does. Our bodies cannot adjust to that type of change from 60's to 90's in 36 hours or less.

I do admit though my garden is doing great. Have tomatoes, corn, peas, lettuce, radishes, cucumbers, peppers and all growing. Even have cantaloupe and honeydew that will hopefully be blossoming soon. My lemon tree is load to the hilt.

I like the fact that I know where the veggies and fruits are coming from. So if the June Gloom helps them grow a little better, then I am all for it. Especially since they put us on water alert and now we can only water our lawn twice a week. Neighbors are spying on neighbors and reporting them, if you can believe it. You would think people would have a little more to do in their life than worry about what their neighbor is doing.

Oh well, so goes life in SoCal. ;)

[jwil59]

I'm still praying for you Rea, hang tough dear sister

[itsrea]

I'm going to ask for special prayers for me.

I can't say why but I really do need the Lord's protection right now.

Thank you,
Rea

[doodle5]

Neighbors are spying on neighbors and reporting them, if you can believe it. You would think people would have a little more to do in their life than worry about what their neighbor is doing.

I am sooooooooooooo busy don't have time for that!!

We also have a garden tomatoes not growing like if the sun was out, we have japanese eggplants Swiss chard doing great radishes also.

Rea,

prayers my friend!

Carlene

[rhet 2]

I'm going to ask for special prayers for me.

I can't say why but I really do need the Lord's protection right now.

Thank you,
Rea

May He give His angels charge over you, that you be as Jerusalem when Hezekiah looked over the walls and saw an army of angels between him and his enemies! May He let no more evil come nigh you but shelter you like a little baby bird snuggled up beneath His own wings. May He be the Lion of Judah in your defense, fierce in His protection of the tiny bird He loves so very much.

:hug: and double triple quadruple :hug: and :pray: without ceasing, for you are so very dear to us!

[itsrea]

I had to cut one of Rick's sons off from all contact today.

I ask that you continue to pray for protection for me, that nothing else, or bobody is sent by satan to attempt to destroy the little balance I've found.

And I thank you for your prayers.

[jwil59]

You have my prayers Rea, all day every day.

I think about you often throughout my day each day. hang tough my dear sister

[itsrea]

You have my prayers Rea, all day every day.

I think about you often throughout my day each day. hang tough my dear sister
Thank you Jeff.

Would you remove the quote from your post? I've thought better of it and have removed the largest portion.

Thank you.

[rhet 2]

Thank you Jeff.

Would you remove the quote from your post? I've thought better of it and have removed the largest portion.

Thank you.

Like Jeff, I carry you always close to my heart, lifted up before the LORD.

Be very careful, dear one.

And I'm very glad you had the wisdom to shut off contacts that are so unnecessarily painful. I pray for him, too.

[itsrea]

Like Jeff, I carry you always close to my heart, lifted up before the LORD.

Be very careful, dear one.

And I'm very glad you had the wisdom to shut off contacts that are so unnecessarily painful. I pray for him, too.Thank you Rhet.. I have everyone I know praying for them all.. but as long as they don't listen then I don't have much hope of them improving.

[blazer]

:hug: thinking of you and praying for you! :hug:

[doodle5]

Hebrews first chapter Christ is underneath you carrying you through all of this! He will never leave you or forsake you ever!! Christ the same yesterday today and forever.

Carlene

My prayers dear one.

[rhet 2]

Hebrews first chapter Christ is underneath you carrying you through all of this! He will never leave you or forsake you ever!! Christ the same yesterday today and forever.

Carlene

My prayers dear one.

Truth, simple, pure and clean! :clap:

Prayers for our dear sister in faith this Sunday morning, that's for sure.

[itsrea]

He is attempting to harrass me again. I told him next time I report him to not only my server but to his too.

This young man REALLY needs prayer folks - my only option is to pit God against him - please pray God will put a Godly man or woman smack dab in front of him that can help him because this drinking it going to be the death of his relationship with his fiancee and with his brothers if he keeps it up.

Please also pray that he not be able to destroy one more second of the little bit of balance I've found.. after expecting it would be an awful day without Rick I actually had a good day.. I was able to help a friend with her anger about Rick's suicide, and that led me to be able to picture him as he used to be. I've been ok all day long then open my mail and there is another email after I specifically told him to not email or call me - my first reaction to such disrespect was anger, but I've been able to calm down now.. but I still need prayer.

Thank you all,
Rea

[Calibabe]

He is attempting to harrass me again. I told him next time I report him to not only my server but to his too.

This young man REALLY needs prayer folks - my only option is to pit God against him - please pray God will put a Godly man or woman smack dab in front of him that can help him because this drinking it going to be the death of his relationship with his fiancee and with his brothers if he keeps it up.

Please also pray that he not be able to destroy one more second of the little bit of balance I've found.. after expecting it would be an awful day without Rick I actually had a good day.. I was able to help a friend with her anger about Rick's suicide, and that led me to be able to picture him as he used to be. I've been ok all day long then open my mail and there is another email after I specifically told him to not email or call me - my first reaction to such disrespect was anger, but I've been able to calm down now.. but I still need prayer.

Thank you all,
Rea

Rea,

I am so sorry to hear this ugliness going on. I had a friend that I recently did the same thing with. Problem there is that she too while looking for the answers to question at the bottom of a bottle, isn't finding them. Finally told her that she needed to go to rehab and that the best thing for her would be the stay there for as long as it took to get herself clean. As you can guess that little suggestion didn't go over too well. She attacked me, my son and my family. She also has a similar situation with her back as I do but her's in her neck area while mine is in my lower back. I told her last year not to do surgery, but she didn't listen and the quack for a doctor that she had (in my opinion) saw that and took advantage of it. All she heard were his words "the only thing worse than what you have, is if I have to tell someone they have cancer". I took her to my neurosurgeon who is one of the top 3 in LA and he said there was no rush needed that anyone saying such a thing is wrong. However that didn't stop her from rushing in and doing it. Needless to say the surgery has complicated things even more and while being on medication for pain, she is following that with wine/beer/alcohol chasers. I could no more stand by and watch this and said so. I know that her doctors have no clue that she drinks, because if they did they would not prescribe what they do. It is just a vicious cycle.

You did the right thing in blocking his emails, and such. If he does attempt to call you, have the attorney for the estate write him a letter advising him that you wish no contact at this point. Also let the other son know in advance that you are doing this and for what reasons.

I kept you in my prayers yesterday at Mass. You are very strong and have done a wonderful job in coping with a situation that is very difficult to cope with. Your emotions of anger, frustration and all are normal. My cousin's wife went through the same emotions. The only difference is that she has a now year old child. I wish I could have spoken to my cousin prior to him doing what he did. I never thought he would do something like that. However he did. There aren't any answers in trying to figure out why. It is because it is not something that has a definition to it. There were probably any number of reasons why. So I leave it to Our Lord to sort out. I have to. It does me no good trying to figure out why people do what they do.

I just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you this weekend.

God bless you.

[rhet 2]

He is attempting to harrass me again. I told him next time I report him to not only my server but to his too.

This young man REALLY needs prayer folks - my only option is to pit God against him - please pray God will put a Godly man or woman smack dab in front of him that can help him because this drinking it going to be the death of his relationship with his fiancee and with his brothers if he keeps it up.

Please also pray that he not be able to destroy one more second of the little bit of balance I've found.. after expecting it would be an awful day without Rick I actually had a good day.. I was able to help a friend with her anger about Rick's suicide, and that led me to be able to picture him as he used to be. I've been ok all day long then open my mail and there is another email after I specifically told him to not email or call me - my first reaction to such disrespect was anger, but I've been able to calm down now.. but I still need prayer.

Thank you all,
Rea

You've got mine, that's for sure.

And so has Mr. Boozer-- right there beside my little bro, another Mr. Bottle Man. AA works good, though. My bro has been clean for years now. He got into AA, then got into the LORD -- and says he needs lots of prayers to stay that way. I pray Rick's hardheaded and obstinate one does so, too. Easy to pray for Rick's boy when I pray for my own.

[jwil59]

Thank you Jeff.

Would you remove the quote from your post? I've thought better of it and have removed the largest portion.

Thank you.

Ok my friend.

I am praying for you Rea.

[itsrea]

:hug: Thank you all for your prayers in regards to my safety and for Rick's sons. :hug:

Night before last the dogs were especially spooky, growling out the windows and when I let them out, barking their heads off over at the fence by my car... yesterday while John was here mowing he noticed a man hiding in the trees across the road from us... it was the neighbor's son. I figure there is a warrant out on him again. Later, driving back from picking up the mail, I saw him run from his mother's house, across the road and into the trees. Later in the morning he was out on the highway hitch-hiking. So John helped me clean out the garage and we moved the car into it before he left. This morning when I got up the back door was again unbolted - only this time the sliders were in place and held. Dick had put one in at the bottom, and one at the top, and the only way anyone is going to get in here now is to break glass.

This morning I got up to this bible verse in my email:

"With every bone in my body I will praise him:
'LORD, who can compare with you?
Who else rescues the helpless from the strong?
Who else protects the helpless and poor from those who rob them?'"

—Psalm 35:10You just have to love a Lord that protects us the way He does.

[rhet 2]

:hug: Thank you all for your prayers in regards to my safety and for Rick's sons. :hug:

Night before last the dogs were especially spooky, growling out the windows and when I let them out, barking their heads off over at the fence by my car... yesterday while John was here mowing he noticed a man hiding in the trees across the road from us... it was the neighbor's son. I figure there is a warrant out on him again. Later, driving back from picking up the mail, I saw him run from his mother's house, across the road and into the trees. Later in the morning he was out on the highway hitch-hiking. So John helped me clean out the garage and we moved the car into it before he left. This morning when I got up the back door was again unbolted - only this time the sliders were in place and held. Dick had put one in at the bottom, and one at the top, and the only way anyone is going to get in here now is to break glass.

This morning I got up to this bible verse in my email:

You just have to love a Lord that protects us the way He does.

Yes, indeed! :clap:

1) Call the cops and tell them he's been spotted at his mother's house -- and is acting very suspiciously, including hiding in the trees -- you are protected, safe in the Hands of the LORD of All Life, our Christ Jesus -- but others are not -- the worst that happens to you is a free ticket HOME where the LORD is -- not so others, just as physically vulnerable as you are.

2) Get those locks changed asap -- and be very careful NOT to enter the house when somebody has already broken in -- or to enter or exit your vehicle where somebody might be lying in wait -- if the dogs aren't barking in joy to see you return, RUN -- go to the nearest fire station of neighbor you TRUST -- always look to see who and what is around you before leaving a safe zone and moving to another safe zone -- and make sure your safe zone really IS a safe zone.

3) Carry either a small can of hair spray or a little perfume bottle with you in your hand when leaving and returning to the house -- hair spray in the eyes is a superior deterent, just enough stopper for you to cut and run if attacked.

And I'm PRAYING for all I'm worth for that army of angels to stand guard around you 24/7, that's for sure.

[itsrea]

Yes, indeed! :clap:

1) Call the cops and tell them he's been spotted at his mother's house -- and is acting very suspiciously, including hiding in the trees -- you are protected, safe in the Hands of the LORD of All Life, our Christ Jesus -- but others are not -- the worst that happens to you is a free ticket HOME where the LORD is -- not so others, just as physically vulnerable as you are.

2) Get those locks changed asap -- and be very careful NOT to enter the house when somebody has already broken in -- or to enter or exit your vehicle where somebody might be lying in wait -- if the dogs aren't barking in joy to see you return, RUN -- go to the nearest fire station of neighbor you TRUST -- always look to see who and what is around you before leaving a safe zone and moving to another safe zone -- and make sure your safe zone really IS a safe zone.

3) Carry either a small can of hair spray or a little perfume bottle with you in your hand when leaving and returning to the house -- hair spray in the eyes is a superior deterent, just enough stopper for you to cut and run if attacked.

And I'm PRAYING for all I'm worth for that army of angels to stand guard around you 24/7, that's for sure.1.) Already did the first. Called after the dogs were all spooky. I live in an unincorporated area.. County Sheriff has to respond and it's an hour drive unless they are somewhere in the area already. But they'll keep an eye out.

2.) Can't afford getting the locks changed. Had two knobs that were getting sticky (and that sometimes I couldn't open from the outside) replaced last fall, and the deadlocks re-keyed - the locksmith was unable to work with that one lock.. it's one of those handle kind with the deadbolt/tumbler below.

3.) I don't come and go after twilight... have to come through the gated yard and to the garage door to get in, or further along the walk to the front door.

I'm taking care of myself, honest. And do not feel unsafe with the car (and the gas) protected inside the garage. And I ban satan and pray for protection if I get twinges. I figure they're warnings.

Thank you :hug: Rhet :hug:

[rhet 2]

1.) Already did the first. Called after the dogs were all spooky. I live in an unincorporated area.. County Sheriff has to respond and it's an hour drive unless they are somewhere in the area already. But they'll keep an eye out.

2.) Can't afford getting the locks changed. Had two knobs that were getting sticky (and that sometimes I couldn't open from the outside) replaced last fall, and the deadlocks re-keyed - the locksmith was unable to work with that one lock.. it's one of those handle kind with the deadbolt/tumbler below.

3.) I don't come and go after twilight... have to come through the gated yard and to the garage door to get in, or further along the walk to the front door.

I'm taking care of myself, honest. And do not feel unsafe with the car (and the gas) protected inside the garage. And I ban satan and pray for protection if I get twinges. I figure they're warnings.

Thank you :hug: Rhet :hug:

Good deal. Just checking to be sure. And make changing those door knobs a higher priority than you'd wish they were. If I can go to the hardware store and buy new ones to install myself, techno-klutz that I am, you can, too. Just make sure you get a knowledgeable person to advise you when you shop for one.

Which said, let the guys from your church earn another jewel for their crowns and do it for you. Makes them feel good about themselves -- more Ugh, Me MAN, sort of -- AND makes the crowns they'll throw at His feet someday a whole lot shinier and brighter.

What my own security advisors told me: trust those twinges because they ARE your own instincts yelping an alert. While the alert is often not justified, ignoring them sets you up for ignoring the one time when they're right on the nose.

Since I often teach in rough neighborhoods -- and frequently don't finish a lesson until way after dark -- I've had to learn to be extremely alert to potential threat zones -- especially after the one time when I did pooh-pooh those twinges and did get the snot kicked out of me by a psycho-freak with more drug garbage than blood cycling through his brain pan.

:hug:

[stoked]

Rea, you can test your window security by taking a small window and see if you can lift it off it's tracks. I realized recently that every window in our house could be lifted off it's tracks even in the latched position. It was an easy fix putting two sheet metal screws in the top rail (make sure to wear glasses in case there are any sheet metal shards). Replacing a porch light with a good motion detecting light (the 240 degree floods (Zennith?) from Home Depot are great). It's easy enough to do, you just have to make sure the power is off to that light and then match the wire colors, twisting the wires in the same direction as the wingnut so they don't become untwisted when twisting on the wingnut). Maybe you can get a friend to do a couple of these things for you, I'd be glad to if I could.

[stoked]

Here's what we got for the side and back (I know there's some crummy reviews for it but we've had very good luck with it; there are a lot of crummy motion sensing lights out there):

http://www.homedepot.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?storeId=10051&langId=-1&catalogId=10053&productId=100645179

We replaced the front carriage lights with motion sensors too.

[jwil59]

:hug: Thank you all for your prayers in regards to my safety and for Rick's sons. :hug:

Night before last the dogs were especially spooky, growling out the windows and when I let them out, barking their heads off over at the fence by my car... yesterday while John was here mowing he noticed a man hiding in the trees across the road from us... it was the neighbor's son. I figure there is a warrant out on him again. Later, driving back from picking up the mail, I saw him run from his mother's house, across the road and into the trees. Later in the morning he was out on the highway hitch-hiking. So John helped me clean out the garage and we moved the car into it before he left. This morning when I got up the back door was again unbolted - only this time the sliders were in place and held. Dick had put one in at the bottom, and one at the top, and the only way anyone is going to get in here now is to break glass.

This morning I got up to this bible verse in my email:

You just have to love a Lord that protects us the way He does.

yes we do my friend, yes we do. I believe praising Him in times of trouble reaps special blessings.

I am praying for you

[doodle5]

Wish you could afford a couple of boxers!! They are very dedicated to family members double time. We had some no one dare come near if not known by family!! Also excellent companions and very loving.

Carlene

[Hadassah]

Still praying for you, sweetheart.

[itsrea]

Thanks for your care, concern, advice, and prayers everyone.

It's been a rough week - the 24th was my 63rd birthday.

One of Rick's creditors (Household Finance) is calling 6-10 times a day trying to get me to pay the debt. I've told them on the phone there is no money, that the estate is in Probate, but they continue. I faxed the 'STOP CALLING' fax to them to two different departments. They tried to claim it wasn't showing on their computer but I flat out called them lairs because they verified that they could speak to me and that means the death dertificate, etc got to them - so they stopped asking for Rick and now just call and hang up on me. After four weeks on constant harrasement, I was finally put through to the correct department this morning and she promised to tell collections to stop calling and it was quite till 5:10 this evening and they called and hung up on me again.

The insurance is held up because the inept man who took over when the agent that was supposed to do the work was on vacation. The substitute (I'm being kind) sent out a beneficiary package to someone who is not a beneficiary and the form got processed with the rest of the real beneficiary forms and now the claims have gone on to legal so that they can spend 70 days denying the claim. I called the person and he called the company and sent a letter saying he is 'withdrawing the claim'.. so I don't know if this will keep it out of the 70 cycle or not.

The V.A. wants the money they sent at the first of May (and that Rick spent) back. They also sent a bill for a prescription they sent out AFTER notification of death, and that I returned to them when I found it in our P.O Box. One of his credit cards allowed more charges after notification of death and the account was supposed to be frozen till they recieved the paperwork. And his gasoline charge card sent a bill for the finance charge for the 16 days he was alive.

These people are trying to screw me. I spent the day typing letters to each and every one.

I feel tired to the bone.

[bella-day]

Bless your heart Rea, you are being tested to no end.

How long does the estate have to remain in probate? If you would rather not say...that's fine. I've never had to deal with anything like that before.

:hug:You are in my prayers. You will make it through this.:hug:

[rhet 2]

Bless your heart Rea, you are being tested to no end.

How long does the estate have to remain in probate? If you would rather not say...that's fine. I've never had to deal with anything like that before.

:hug:You are in my prayers. You will make it through this.:hug:

Now that's the truth!

What happened to common sense and basic compassion in this idiotic country of ours, anyway?

Did those basic human values die, too, when literacy and basic intelligence went bye-bye with the damned Hippies?

My prayers join with yours. Rea's got sense and strong personal ethics. And FAITH. She'll make it.

I just wish the LORD would ease the testing up a bit and force the yuckie-suckies to back off and make like semi-responsible human beings instead of ravening herd beasts of prey. :((

[itsrea]

Bless your heart Rea, you are being tested to no end.

How long does the estate have to remain in probate? If you would rather not say...that's fine. I've never had to deal with anything like that before.

:hug:You are in my prayers. You will make it through this.:hug:Thank you :hug: Bella :hug:

Probate lasts as long as it takes to sell this house, and for the courts (or my lawyer, or me) to pay the debts off from the proceeds.

[itsrea]

Now that's the truth!

What happened to common sense and basic compassion in this idiotic country of ours, anyway?

Did those basic human values die, too, when literacy and basic intelligence went bye-bye with the damned Hippies?

My prayers join with yours. Rea's got sense and strong personal ethics. And FAITH. She'll make it.

I just wish the LORD would ease the testing up a bit and force the yuckie-suckies to back off and make like semi-responsible human beings instead of ravening herd beasts of prey. :((I applied for a job with Household Finance in the '70's - and walked away from the interview - they send people to school to learn to be this mean!

Thank you for your prayers :hug: Rhet :hug:

[stoked]

I get enough junk calls now that I don't even answer the phone until my answering machine has had a shot at it first.

[jwil59]

Thanks for your care, concern, advice, and prayers everyone.

It's been a rough week - the 24th was my 63rd birthday.

One of Rick's creditors (Household Finance) is calling 6-10 times a day trying to get me to pay the debt. I've told them on the phone there is no money, that the estate is in Probate, but they continue. I faxed the 'STOP CALLING' fax to them to two different departments. They tried to claim it wasn't showing on their computer but I flat out called them lairs because they verified that they could speak to me and that means the death dertificate, etc got to them - so they stopped asking for Rick and now just call and hang up on me. After four weeks on constant harrasement, I was finally put through to the correct department this morning and she promised to tell collections to stop calling and it was quite till 5:10 this evening and they called and hung up on me again.

The insurance is held up because the inept man who took over when the agent that was supposed to do the work was on vacation. The substitute (I'm being kind) sent out a beneficiary package to someone who is not a beneficiary and the form got processed with the rest of the real beneficiary forms and now the claims have gone on to legal so that they can spend 70 days denying the claim. I called the person and he called the company and sent a letter saying he is 'withdrawing the claim'.. so I don't know if this will keep it out of the 70 cycle or not.

The V.A. wants the money they sent at the first of May (and that Rick spent) back. They also sent a bill for a prescription they sent out AFTER notification of death, and that I returned to them when I found it in our P.O Box. One of his credit cards allowed more charges after notification of death and the account was supposed to be frozen till they recieved the paperwork. And his gasoline charge card sent a bill for the finance charge for the 16 days he was alive.

These people are trying to screw me. I spent the day typing letters to each and every one.

I feel tired to the bone.

I am so sorry you are going through all this Rea. I am praying for you my dear friend, hang tough sis

[AmericanMuscle]

May you feel God's blessings upon you, Rea~

[doodle5]

I don't answer junk calls!! Our phone has a window that has the phone number name time of day.

We have a unison powerMax5.8qtz, you might consider this, answering machine included.

Carlene

[pattyk]

I'm thinking of you Rea.

[itsrea]

I am so sorry you are going through all this Rea. I am praying for you my dear friend, hang tough sisI have no other choice my friend.

[itsrea]

I'm thinking of you Rea.Thank you Patty

[jwil59]

I have no other choice my friend.

That's the sad truth in this case sis. His grace is sufficent Rea.

I am still praying for you all day every day

[itsrea]

I just found out that the couple (friends from church - he's one of our five Elders) that have been so caring and so helpful since Rick's death (John and Susie) were in a bad wreck yesterday afternoon.. their relatively new jeep hit a deer on a back country road and went over an embankment, hitting trees and logs, etc, on the way down to landing on all four tires in the creek bed 60 feet below the road. The jeep didn't overturn, so Susie says their injuries are not as bad as they could be.

John is the man everyone prayed for last September that had the stroke and that all the doctors given up on - but God didn't - he sent a surgeon who said she thought she could help when all other surgeons refused to even try, and he's alive today, and is healthy enough to come over once a week to mow my acre and a half.

They had two of their grandchildren with them - the paramedics released them to their parents (who were ahead in their own vehicle, waiting out of the highway for them) after checking them over.

John hiked up to the road and three campers passed right by him although he was standing there dripping blood.. finally a camper accompanied by two motorcycles stopped and one of the men was a paramedic.. in the meantime John had crawled back down and brought the boys up to the road and then went back down again and attempted to bring Susie up, but she only got halfway before she had to give up. The motorcyclists went down and brought her up... they spent from then (before dark) till three this morning in the ER.

Susie says she has whiplash and some pretty bad bumps and bruises, and so does John, plus he has puncture wounds on his arms - The boys are pretty shaken up but otherwise seem ok.

I'd appreciate prayers for all of them if you all would be so kind.

Thank you,
Rea

[doodle5]

Prayers for your friends!!

My what a life you lead, some of my life in the mountains not surprising tho.
The only threat were the bears, some friendly some not, you have to know which fits.

Thankful all that family wasn't seriously hurt!!

How are you these days?

Carlene

[jwil59]

I just found out that the couple (friends from church - he's one of our five Elders) that have been so caring and so helpful since Rick's death (John and Susie) were in a bad wreck yesterday afternoon.. their relatively new jeep hit a deer on a back country road and went over an embankment, hitting trees and logs, etc, on the way down to landing on all four tires in the creek bed 60 feet below the road. The jeep didn't overturn, so Susie says their injuries are not as bad as they could be.

John is the man everyone prayed for last September that had the stroke and that all the doctors given up on - but God didn't - he sent a surgeon who said she thought she could help when all other surgeons refused to even try, and he's alive today, and is healthy enough to come over once a week to mow my acre and a half.

They had two of their grandchildren with them - the paramedics released them to their parents (who were ahead in their own vehicle, waiting out of the highway for them) after checking them over.

John hiked up to the road and three campers passed right by him although he was standing there dripping blood.. finally a camper accompanied by two motorcycles stopped and one of the men was a paramedic.. in the meantime John had crawled back down and brought the boys up to the road and then went back down again and attempted to bring Susie up, but she only got halfway before she had to give up. The motorcyclists went down and brought her up... they spent from then (before dark) till three this morning in the ER.

Susie says she has whiplash and some pretty bad bumps and bruises, and so does John, plus he has puncture wounds on his arms - The boys are pretty shaken up but otherwise seem ok.

I'd appreciate prayers for all of them if you all would be so kind.

Thank you,
Rea


I am happy John, Suzie, and the kids are ok, they are in my prayers.

I am also praying for you Rea, every day sis

[itsrea]

I am so sorry you are going through all this Rea. I am praying for you my dear friend, hang tough sis

BEYOND TODAY

If we could see beyond today
As God can see,
If all the clouds should roll away,
The shadows flee ;
O'er present griefs we would not fret,
Each sorrow we would soon forget,
For many joys are waiting yet
For you and me.

If we could know beyond today
As God doth know,
Why dearest treasures pass away,
And tears must flow ;
And why the darkness leads to light,
Why dreary days will soon grow bright,
Some day life's wrong will be made right,
Faith tells us so.

If we could see, if we could know
We often say,
But God in love a veil doth throw
Across our way.
We cannot see what lies before,
And so we cling to Him the more,
He leads us till this life is o'er,
Trust and obey.


Anonymous


I could not have born knowing what was to come - and I can barely get through my days as it is.. I do cling to God - but I am becoming crabbier and crabbier.. and I know that that is defense against the depression that would take it's place.


I don't understand why everything is so hard - I don't understand why God didn't heal Rick of all that heartache when he was saved, or when so many people prayed over him so many times.. I especially don't understand why, when he went forward at the Men's Retreat, that God didn't heal him then either. Why God allowed this heartache to overshadow so much of out life, why he left Rick, a new Christian who didn't know how to hand off things to Him yet, to be so burdened with that pain is just beyond me.


I begged and begged God to unlock my heart so that I was free of my own heartache so I could help Rick, and He did not. I asked for the laying of hands and asked God to unlock my heart and He did not. And now I don't understand why He isn't helping me. Trusting and obeying has gotten nothing accomplished other then me sitting here, hurting from the pain of losing Rick, tired from the stress of dealing with Rick's creditors and Probate, and crippled from the arthritic pain and osteoporosis.. I asked for at least summer to set in so that I could at least quit hurting physically and what do we get? A week of clouds and moisture and weather bouncing in and out and me hurting more then I did all winter.

Over these last weeks, even in these tough times, I have worked and worked to trust and obey and what has it gotten me? The promise that when I DIE things will be better?

well, whoopieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[rhet 2]

I could not have born knowing what was to come - and I can barely get through my days as it is.. I do cling to God - but I am becoming crabbier and crabbier.. and I know that that is defense against the depression that would take it's place.



I don't understand why everything is so hard - I don't understand why God didn't heal Rick of all that heartache when he was saved, or when so many people prayed over him so many times.. I especially don't understand why, when he went forward at the Men's Retreat, that God didn't heal him then either. Why God allowed this heartache to overshadow so much of out life, why he left Rick, a new Christian who didn't know how to hand off things to Him yet, to be so burdened with that pain is just beyond me.


I begged and begged God to unlock my heart so that I was free of my own heartache so I could help Rick, and He did not. I asked for the laying of hands and asked God to unlock my heart and He did not. And now I don't understand why He isn't helping me. Trusting and obeying has gotten nothing accomplished other then me sitting here, hurting from the pain of losing Rick, tired from the stress of dealing with Rick's creditors and Probate, and crippled from the arthritic pain and osteoporosis.. I asked for at least summer to set in so that I could at least quit hurting physically and what do we get? A week of clouds and moisture and weather bouncing in and out and me hurting more then I did all winter.

Over these last weeks, even in these tough times, I have worked and worked to trust and obey and what has it gotten me? The promise that when I DIE things will be better?


well, whoopieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


"Be you angry -- and sin not."

Yeah, you've got cause for anger, that's for sure. More cause than most. :((

But this mess didn't come from the LORD.

It came from the LORD's enemies.

And the LORD allowed it because He knows you're strong enough in faith to endure and to see Our Savior glorified despite all that the enemies of Christ Jesus throw at you.

I Cor. 10:13
Roms. 8:28

Paul and Peter and James and John and all the others -- who all got stomped by the princes of this earth, including the Rotten Bastard whom the Caesars served -- may have been the first disciples who led the way.

But they weren't the last.

Every generation has some who lead the way, who Stand and Defend, who teach and show in words and IN THEIR ACTIONS how to fight and win for the Glory of the ONE Who IS the Way, the Truth, and the Life, the ONLY way back to our Father.

So, dearest, just keep on being that leader of the faithful He intended when He gave you the breath of life to begin with.

There's a war on, you know -- and the Army of the LORD needs all the Generals in Faith we can get to keep others from collapsing under all the vicious assaults the enemies are throwing at our Savior.

And know that every single temptation and sorrow and misery overcome moves you one step closer to that Day when He shall proclaim for all the universe to hear, including His enemies, including His friends, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant. Well done."

The victory over all this crap the enemy is throwing at you is yours. You just have to hold tight and keep fighting through the dark hours until His relief arrives.

And I pray with all my heart that the "way of escape that you may be able to endure" gets to you FAST!

Few have endured such horrific assaults as you have -- and for so very long. I honor your endurance and your fierce determination not to yield the battleground to His enemies. Your endurance and patience under assault keeps me going, too. Often and often I tell myself that if Rea can endure such hardship, I can endure my own far less heavy burdens.

I would that I could lighten the load of grief you carry.

But know that you do not suffer in vain, but that your courage and dignity and faithfulness surely show others how to endure ourselves.

:hug:

[doodle5]

Paul was taken for dead, he rose and went back to the location he was before the people stoned him. Acts I think.

Carlene

[jwil59]

I could not have born knowing what was to come - and I can barely get through my days as it is.. I do cling to God - but I am becoming crabbier and crabbier.. and I know that that is defense against the depression that would take it's place.


I don't understand why everything is so hard - I don't understand why God didn't heal Rick of all that heartache when he was saved, or when so many people prayed over him so many times.. I especially don't understand why, when he went forward at the Men's Retreat, that God didn't heal him then either. Why God allowed this heartache to overshadow so much of out life, why he left Rick, a new Christian who didn't know how to hand off things to Him yet, to be so burdened with that pain is just beyond me.


I begged and begged God to unlock my heart so that I was free of my own heartache so I could help Rick, and He did not. I asked for the laying of hands and asked God to unlock my heart and He did not. And now I don't understand why He isn't helping me. Trusting and obeying has gotten nothing accomplished other then me sitting here, hurting from the pain of losing Rick, tired from the stress of dealing with Rick's creditors and Probate, and crippled from the arthritic pain and osteoporosis.. I asked for at least summer to set in so that I could at least quit hurting physically and what do we get? A week of clouds and moisture and weather bouncing in and out and me hurting more then I did all winter.

Over these last weeks, even in these tough times, I have worked and worked to trust and obey and what has it gotten me? The promise that when I DIE things will be better?

well, whoopieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Rhet's post is spot on as usual.

He never promised us a rose garden Rea, and He don't work on our time schedule.

The trust and obey has gotten you much farther than you know and when you cross Heaven's door it will all be clear to you, if not before.

Your faithfullness has taught all of us a lesson and for that we are gratefull.

I am praying for you every day, and I know that God is revealing Himself to you through all this pain, you just have to hang tough with Him and trust Him. God bless you

[jwil59]

"Be you angry -- and sin not."

Yeah, you've got cause for anger, that's for sure. More cause than most. :((

But this mess didn't come from the LORD.

It came from the LORD's enemies.

And the LORD allowed it because He knows you're strong enough in faith to endure and to see Our Savior glorified despite all that the enemies of Christ Jesus throw at you.

I Cor. 10:13
Roms. 8:28

Paul and Peter and James and John and all the others -- who all got stomped by the princes of this earth, including the Rotten Bastard whom the Caesars served -- may have been the first disciples who led the way.

But they weren't the last.

Every generation has some who lead the way, who Stand and Defend, who teach and show in words and IN THEIR ACTIONS how to fight and win for the Glory of the ONE Who IS the Way, the Truth, and the Life, the ONLY way back to our Father.

So, dearest, just keep on being that leader of the faithful He intended when He gave you the breath of life to begin with.

There's a war on, you know -- and the Army of the LORD needs all the Generals in Faith we can get to keep others from collapsing under all the vicious assaults the enemies are throwing at our Savior.

And know that every single temptation and sorrow and misery overcome moves you one step closer to that Day when He shall proclaim for all the universe to hear, including His enemies, including His friends, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant. Well done."

The victory over all this crap the enemy is throwing at you is yours. You just have to hold tight and keep fighting through the dark hours until His relief arrives.

And I pray with all my heart that the "way of escape that you may be able to endure" gets to you FAST!

Few have endured such horrific assaults as you have -- and for so very long. I honor your endurance and your fierce determination not to yield the battleground to His enemies. Your endurance and patience under assault keeps me going, too. Often and often I tell myself that if Rea can endure such hardship, I can endure my own far less heavy burdens.

I would that I could lighten the load of grief you carry.

But know that you do not suffer in vain, but that your courage and dignity and faithfulness surely show others how to endure ourselves.

:hug:

I was sitting here trying to think of something profound to say, then I read this and realized you had said it for me. Thank you

[rhet 2]

I was sitting here trying to think of something profound to say, then I read this and realized you had said it for me. Thank you

Not me.

The LORD

Every last bit comes straight out of the New Testament

And Rea means the world to me, too -- she's a living, breathing, walking, talking -- and typing -- example to us all.

Which is truly the only reason any of us go through "hell times" -- she's "been there, done that" and can give to others less strong than herself the Truth to help them endure the unendurable.

So have you, my brother. So have you. :hug:

[bella-day]

You are in my thoughts and prayers Rea. I honestly wish I could offer more. Hang in there. This is a tough patch you are going through right now but brighter and better days will come.

:hug:

[doodle5]

We are praying not for Christ to remove the problem, but to make those everlasting arms stronger, his love more real and his peace surround you that passeth all understanding= His joy.

"Moses" told the children of Israel be still and see what the Lord does, good example for all of us.

Carlene

[blazer]

bump

[jwil59]

Rea I am praying for you on this Lord's Day Sunday.

I hope you are well

[itsrea]

I don't know what to say to all of you.

I spent all week getting ready for this first yard sale.. washing and polishing things, and sorting between his and mine. Thursday Susie and John and their son and another couple from church came over at 8 a.m. and started carrying things from inside out to the garage so everything just had to be set out. Friday and Saturday we were up by 5 a.m. and moving things back out, and sat in extreme heat until 5 p.pm, and sold almost everything worth buying. I went out the second day after we closed down and fell into the pool completely dressed. We were so exhausted, emotionally and physically, that a lady from church came over and boxed up what might sell at the next sale and threw the rest away.

While we were setting things out Friday John's son helped move big items out, then pulled up a table in the garage and started sorting through two years of Rick not caring where he put what and then threw the rest away - five large/huge boxes of trash - three of them from the work bench alone.

I found rat poison sprinkled in the bottom of the dish towel drawer when he knows I'm allergic to it. When we went to take the cover off the futon in his TV room (out in the garage) 100's of pellets fell to the floor - those little puppies have a life of their own and dodge the vacuum - it's taken me two days to vacuum it all up - vacuuming, going out for air, going back in. I do not know what he could have been thinking to spread that stuff in a kitchen drawer, nor on the couch where I would lay to watch TV with him, or he sometimes napped.

It just impresses me even more that he was so centered on his awful losses and his fears of losing more that he had little, if any, concern for anything else. It breaks my heart.

Except for a bookcase and a TV console, and a few boxes stacked on them, and some items friends bought and will pick up soon, the garage looks great. The livingroom is empty except for the couch and loveseat and TV armoir. The guest room just has the bookcase and the bed now. The little drop-leaf table and chairs that he bought last fall where we played board games by the window as the snow fell is gone too.. leaving that part of the room with nothing at all in it. This room now just has my computer table and the bowflex, and I had to move that into the space where his computer desk was because it hurts to look over there and not see him whispering his letters as he typed them.

I went forward at church today and the pastor demanded in Christ's name, on the blood of Christ, that those that taunt me with fear and anger be banned.. he prayed for protection for myself and my home. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel any Joy through all of this. I don't know how I am expected to thank God for any of this. I keep telling myself I'm going to be ok. I keep trying to trust God that he is stalling things for some reason. But every day a little more of my heart is chipped away.

[doodle5]

Rea,

Believe me you will survive this!! You may not think you will, you will survive this with all our prayers and His LOVING ARMS AROUND YOU MINUTE BY MINUTE EVERY DAY ALL THE TIME!!

Jer. 33:3 Call unto me I will answer you and shew you great and mighty things we do not
know!!

Eph. 3:19-20 He is able to do exceedingly above what we ask or think or imagine.

Ro.8:28 We know all things work together for good to those that are lead according to His purpose.

Rea,

He is able to do the impossible in your life!!

Carlene

[stoked]

Isrea, you have just the most wonderful church and friends. I can't believe it.

[bella-day]

Rea,
I'm so glad your church family has been there to help out. Just think of how unsurmountable that garage would have been without their loving help.

Sometimes we have to look around to find the flower among the devastation. Based on what you have written over the weeks it does appear your church family is that flower.

I pray that God mends your shattered heart. I pray that he brings peace to your soul and calm to your life.

:hug:

[tha malcontent™]

I don't know what to say to all of you.

I spent all week getting ready for this first yard sale.. washing and polishing things, and sorting between his and mine. Thursday Susie and John and their son and another couple from church came over at 8 a.m. and started carrying things from inside out to the garage so everything just had to be set out. Friday and Saturday we were up by 5 a.m. and moving things back out, and sat in extreme heat until 5 p.pm, and sold almost everything worth buying. I went out the second day after we closed down and fell into the polol completely dressed. We were so exhausted, emotionally and physically, that a lady from church came over and boxed up what might sell at the next sale and threw the rest away.

While we were setting things out Friday John's son helped move big items out, then pulled up a table in the garage and started sorting through two years of Rick not caring where he put what and then threw the rest away - five large/huge boxes of trash - three of them from the work bench alone.

I found rat poison sprinkled in the bottom of the dish towel drawer when he knows I'm allergic to it. When we went to take the cover off the futon in his TV room (out in the garage) 100's of pellets fell to the floor - those little puppies have a life of their own and dodge the vacuum - it's taken me two days to vacuum it all up - vacuuming, going out for air, going back in.

It just impresses me even more that he was so centered on his awful losses and his fears of losing more that he had little, if any, concern for anything else. It breaks my heart.

Except for a bookcase and a TV console, and a few boxes stacked on them, and some items friends bought and will pick up soon, the garage looks great. The livingroom is empty except for the couch and loveseat and TV armoir. The guest room just has the bookcase and the bed now. The little drop-leaf table and chairs that he bought last fall where we played board games by the window as the snow fell is gone too.. leaving that part of the room with nothing at all in it. This room now just has my computer table and the bowflex, and I had to move that into the space where his computer desk was because it hurts to look over there and not see him whispering his letters as he typed them.

I went forward at church today and the pastor demanded in Christ's name, on the blood of Christ, that those that taunt me with fear and anger be banned.. he prayed for protection for myself and my home. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel any Joy through all of this. I don't know how I am expected to thank God for any of this. I keep telling myself I'm going to be ok. I keep trying to trust God that he is stalling things for some reason. But every day a little more of my heart is chipped away.

You continue to be in my Prayers, Lady...

You are an Example of Strength in how you are Dealing, even if you don't Feel like you are. :hug:

:)

peace...

[itsrea]

Rea,

Believe me you will survive this!! You may not think you will, you will survive this with all our prayers and His LOVING ARMS AROUND YOU MINUTE BY MINUTE EVERY DAY ALL THE TIME!!

Jer. 33:3 Call unto me I will answer you and shew you great and mighty things we do not
know!!

Eph. 3:19-20 He is able to do exceedingly above what we ask or think or imagine.

Ro.8:28 We know all things work together for good to those that are lead according to His purpose.

Rea,

He is able to do the impossible in your life!!

CarleneMy head tells me that Carlene, but my heart is disconnected from everything around me, unmoved by anything other then the loss of the full and rewarding life we could have had, together, in Christ. It's disconnected from everything but the promises of what could have been had he just hung in there, faced his therapy, and let the Lord grow him.

There is nothing I have been able to find that is any kind of a balm to those losses.

[itsrea]

You continue to be in my Prayers, Lady...

You are an Example of Strength in how you are Dealing, even if you don't Feel like you are. :hug:

:)

peace...It's not strength. It's stubborness, pure and simple. From the time I was a small child the men in my life have attempted to beat me up and beat me down (except for my grandfathers, and then Aubrey and my sons, and, in the beginning, before his awful losses, Rick) and the only way I could survive was to become stubborn enough to outlast the beatings.

I'm tired of surviving. It's like spending ones life crawling up a cliff by ones fingernails.

There should be more to life then that.

[itsrea]

Rea,
I'm so glad your church family has been there to help out. Just think of how unsurmountable that garage would have been without their loving help.

Sometimes we have to look around to find the flower among the devastation. Based on what you have written over the weeks it does appear your church family is that flower.

I pray that God mends your shattered heart. I pray that he brings peace to your soul and calm to your life.

:hug:There is a part of me that says there would be no need for them to be doing this, especially not John and Susie, still in pain from their accident, if God had just healed Rick of his heartaches.. but I also know that you are right: I don't know what I'd do without them :hug: Bella. I just honestly don't know.

[itsrea]

Although in a way I feel betrayed by God for taking Aubrey and then for not healing Rick - a part of me says WHAT ABOUT MEEEEEEE???

But it's not God I don't trust.

Although I struggle against it because I know that losing one's self-confidence is a part of being widowed, especially at first. it's me that I don't trust.

I rested in the Lord all those years with Aubrey and he had a brain tumor growing that eventually took his life.

I rested in the Lord these last few months thinking things were going to get 'normal' now that Rick was saved, and he committed suicide.

You'd think I'd have known something was seriously wrong.

[bella-day]

There is a part of me that says there would be no need for them to be doing this, especially not John and Susie, still in pain from their accident, if God had just healed Rick of his heartaches.. but I also know that you are right: I don't know what I'd do without them :hug: Bella. I just honestly don't know.


Rea,
I so wish I could take away your pain or at least lighten your load a bit. Never are you far from my mind and you are continously in my prayers.:hug:

[jwil59]

Although in a way I feel betrayed by God for taking Aubrey and then for not healing Rick - a part of me says WHAT ABOUT MEEEEEEE???

But it's not God I don't trust.

Although I struggle against it because I know that losing one's self-confidence is a part of being widowed, especially at first. it's me that I don't trust.

I rested in the Lord all those years with Aubrey and he had a brain tumor growing that eventually took his life.

I rested in the Lord these last few months thinking things were going to get 'normal' now that Rick was saved, and he committed suicide.

You'd think I'd have known something was seriously wrong.

I am praying hard for you Rea. Hang in there tough sis

[doodle5]

Time Time Time!!!

Start a garden, that helps me.

Carlene

[itsrea]

Time Time Time!!!

Start a garden, that helps me.

Carlene(((Carlene))) I know you are trying to help but maybe you should go over the old/beginning posts to refresh your memory about what I can and cannot do? What I can and cannot afford?

Because maybe you have the energy neded to start a garden - I do not. Maybe you are physically able to start a garden - I am not. And maybe you can afford to start a garden - I cannot. I haven't grocery shopped since Rick died other then to buy a few fresh veggies.. I'm living off the pantry and the freezer. Even if I WERE able I could not afford to run the pump to water a garden, nor the electric fence to keep the elk out. EVERY-single-penny-I-can-save-means-I-can-make-next-months-mortgage-payment on top of paying the other exenses and bills.

I am not wasteful nor idle... I keep as busy as I can with what I have to work with.

[itsrea]

Rea,
I so wish I could take away your pain or at least lighten your load a bit. Never are you far from my mind and you are continously in my prayers.:hug:I am praying hard for you Rea. Hang in there tough sisI want you :hug: ALL :hug: to know that I acknowledge that on those days when I can't seem to actually get a prayer out YOU all, and my friends, and family's prayers are all that are holding me together. And on those days when I CAN pray I know that it's because each of you is lifting me up.

And I do thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[itsrea]

Has anyone seen Rhet around? How is she?

[Hadassah]

Although in a way I feel betrayed by God for taking Aubrey and then for not healing Rick - a part of me says WHAT ABOUT MEEEEEEE???

But it's not God I don't trust.

Although I struggle against it because I know that losing one's self-confidence is a part of being widowed, especially at first. it's me that I don't trust.

I rested in the Lord all those years with Aubrey and he had a brain tumor growing that eventually took his life.

I rested in the Lord these last few months thinking things were going to get 'normal' now that Rick was saved, and he committed suicide.

You'd think I'd have known something was seriously wrong.



And you're saying to yourself "Now what exactly did I trust God for? This pain? This ****? This evil? Is this what I get for trusting You, Lord? If it is, then what is the difference between trusting You and not following You?"

I completely understand that. I've been asking God the same questions myself, though for very different reasons. I don't have any answers. I just wanted you to know that people do understand. People do know what it's like to say to God, "If this is how You treat Your friends, it's no wonder You have so few of them!":hug:



I am continuing to pray for you. I love you. :hug:

[itsrea]

And you're saying to yourself "Now what exactly did I trust God for? This pain? This ****? This evil? Is this what I get for trusting You, Lord? If it is, then what is the difference between trusting You and not following You?"

I completely understand that. I've been asking God the same questions myself, though for very different reasons. I don't have any answers. I just wanted you to know that people do understand. People do know what it's like to say to God, "If this is how You treat Your friends, it's no wonder You have so few of them!":hug:



I am continuing to pray for you. I love you. :hug:awww (((Had)))))) I'm so sorry.

The thing is I don't want to die, so if I'm going to stay behind I'm gonna hurt over it. Just seems like if I'm willing to be here, to try to do what He tells me, it should be a LOT easier.

[rhet 2]

Has anyone seen Rhet around? How is she?

Alive and well.

And praying like fury.

Thoughts like these come from Satan -- his objective is to get us to turn away from the LORD in doubt, in accusation, in anger and frustration.

Sometimes he even wins, as he did with Eve, when he got her to doubt the loving kindness of the LORD, to believe Him selfish and greedy and hard, when He's not.

If He didn't love you with all His great and unmatched Heart, would He have endured hell on earth to set us all free from sin and even death itself?

He cares more than we'll ever fully understand, at least this side of our Going Home Day.

Every bite of food that goes into my mouth, every second my own joints don't tear me to shreds in physical agony, every bird song my barely functioning ears still hear, every cloud that floats over my head and bit of sunshine that falls on my heart to warm it -- that is the gift of God, a gift I do not deserve.

And then there are the hugs and the love I receive from my family and my friends -- and my brothers and sisters in faith -- the greatest gift of all, made possible by only one thing -- the Gift of Life bought at the price of His own death.

For surely, without that Ultimate Gift, how should we have the gift of love for one another, the gift that makes me so very much wish I could reach out to lift this burden from you, ease this testing time for you all.

Please, do not hear the words of the Adversary, the Accuser who blames the LORD for what the bastard rebellious power mad damned fool fallen rebel itself has caused.

God didn't bring death into this world: Satan did. With the full compliance of rebellious man.

And Christ died to reverse that nightmare once and for all, which He surely will do in His own time, when all who shall trust in Him shall have turned away from Satan's world and placed their hands in His.

And in that Day of Deliverance from all the evils that Satan works in this fallen nightmare world we're stuck in we shall surely rejoice in His absolute and unlimited perfect LOVE for our so very not worthy sinful and rotten selves.

[itsrea]

<snip>
And praying like fury.


And then there are the hugs and the love I receive from my family and my friends -- and my brothers and sisters in faith -- the greatest gift of all, made possible by only one thing -- the Gift of Life bought at the price of His own death.

For surely, without that Ultimate Gift, how should we have the gift of love for one another, the gift that makes me so very much wish I could reach out to lift this burden from you, ease this testing time for you all.


Dancing With God
When I meditated on the word Guidance,
I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word.
I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing.
When two people try to lead, nothing feels right.

The movement doesn't flow with the music,
and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.
When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead,
both bodies begin to flow with the music.

One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back
or by pressing Lightly in one direction or another.
It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully.

The dance takes surrender, willingness,
and attentiveness from one person
and gentle guidance and skill from the other.

My eyes drew back to the word Guidance.
When I saw "G: I thought of God, followed by "u" and "I".
"God, "u" and "I" dance."
God, you, and I dance.

As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust
that I would get guidance about my life.
Once again, I became willing to let God lead.

My prayer for you today is that God's blessings
and mercies be upon you on this day and everyday.
May you abide in God as God
abides in you.

Dance together with God, trusting God to lead
and to guide you through each season of your life.

This prayer is powerful and there is nothing attached.
If God has done anything for
you in your life,

Prayer is one of the best gifts we can receive.
There is no cost but a lot of rewards;
so let's continue to pray for one another.
And I Hope You Dance
author unknown
:hug: Rhet :hug:

[stoked]

Rea, I don't know if you have a Von's where you are but ours has been placing a shopping cart around the back every day full bread and cookies that didn't sell quickly enough. The food is fine because people are checking on that thing all the time (for charities and individuals). I'm only telling you because it might come in handy. I've been tempted myself but there are others who need it more than I do I'm sure (especially their delicious fat filled cookies).

Rhet's shining like a beacon, thank God she is here!

[doodle5]

Rea,

Christ never said it would be easy to live for God. We do know we can trust Him until the end. Christ the same yesterday and forever!! Hebrews last Chapter.

You have Grand Children Love them with all your might!!
There are people hurting pray with all your might.
People need God more today pray pray pray!!

Not by your might but by you Spirit thus says the Lord. I think it is in Zachariah. Miss Kuhlman used to repeat that over and over good to remember!! She taught a lot out of the Old Testament love it and New... We cannot appreciate the New until we understand the Old. It was especially comforting when I had a loved one have a brain tumor removed. She was in a cult, she left and found a good Bible teacher which I am so thankful!! The old Testament is so full of miracles love them!!

You my dear need a lot of prayers, strength and love!!

I am praying with all my might to make your life a beautiful creation set on a hill like a shinning light!!

May His love cover you from top to bottom!! now and forever!!

Carlene

[Rhonda]

Rea, I don't know what to say. Except to tell you that all you are experiencing is totally normal, and that I understand on the deepest ;level.

I have experienced many if not most of the same things that you have described here. It breaks my heart. I feel your pain and anguish, and your disappointment

no matter what anyone says or does. please try to remember ( I am sure I did not need to remind you of that) we live in a world of evil, and everything is perishable. We live in a world of choices, people make the wrong ones and it causes an avalanch of reprecussions and consequences

When my husband was stolen away from me, I felt exactly as you do, did, and will. I still deal with so much, I rarely speak of it.

I know that, many times when dealing with everyday survival, most things seem so trivial and stupid, and yet we have to muddle along. It makes us angry at certain situations, we do not understand the apathy and the condesending attitudes.

I can tell you that being a widow and being left to deal with EVERYTHING, all alone has made me so damned independent, that I feel like a freak. I served God with all my heart and soul and yet he allowed some ******* to to cause my husbands death, a terrible and awful way for him to die. I am still angry about that.

Just so you know, I hope and I pray to God this helps you somehow.

The day my husband was buried was not only our wedding anniversary, it was a day I was to speak on behalf of the unborn and victims of choice to the Ohio state legislators, about abortion. And the devil stole that from me, stole that from all those innocent babies and all those moms and dads. I am not sure of the effect that my speaking could have had, but I still wonder if that is why that happened to my husband. I blamed myself.

One thing that the Father Micheal said to me and my son, was probably the one thing that I took and ran with, for survivals sake. I will share that with you.
He said, " God gave a every man woman and child "free will, to make choices, and the man who made the choice on the highway the other day. Made his choice that caused others to suffer. While I know you will become angry with God, it is ok, that is why He died for you. You are allowed"

He did not pretend all would be rosey, he layed it on the table for me, and that is what I needed. Truth and reality from someone. not a lot of platitudes.

People started avoiding me, which was fine with me, because people wanted to say the right things, they always wanted me to be strong and pray, I did not want to do neither. I did not know what normal was. I still do not

I have learned to take each day as it comes, I take no **** from anyone. People tell me it is time to get on with my life. I tell them "what in the hell am I doing if not getting on with my life?" Geez, leave me the hell alone, and I will get on with my life the way I do it"

I have sold our business, I was worth about 2 million, now I am worth? What?, not much as before. I still have my home, my car, great credit. But not because I let creditors, goverment and others harrass me. I fought like a dickens, I got tired of fighting and felt like just giving up. But I have my son, to think about.He is the only reason I keep fighting and muddling along, he is the only reason I live and work and do all I do. He is very ill, and he needs me. Everyone else can either do as God says, and that is help the widows and the orpahns and the poor, or they can ignore them, that is their choice. And there will be consequences for "THEIR" choices

I love you Rea, and I understand, I think of you daily, and hope somehow this helps you. I would never ever want to say anything that hurt you.

PS, on another note, I use to sit and watch the birds. And wonder how they survive, sounds weird, but I did that ever morning for a year

Bless you dear, and May Peace shadow your every thought and movement now and always

[Hadassah]

awww (((Had)))))) I'm so sorry.

The thing is I don't want to die, so if I'm going to stay behind I'm gonna hurt over it. Just seems like if I'm willing to be here, to try to do what He tells me, it should be a LOT easier.

:hug::hug::hug:


I know the feeling. It should be easier. I wish I knew why it wasn't.

[Hadassah]

Rea, I don't know what to say. Except to tell you that all you are experiencing is totally normal, and that I understand on the deepest ;level.

I have experienced many if not most of the same things that you have described here. It breaks my heart. I feel your pain and anguish, and your disappointment

no matter what anyone says or does. please try to remember ( I am sure I did not need to remind you of that) we live in a world of evil, and everything is perishable. We live in a world of choices, people make the wrong ones and it causes an avalanch of reprecussions and consequences

When my husband was stolen away from me, I felt exactly as you do, did, and will. I still deal with so much, I rarely speak of it.

I know that, many times when dealing with everyday survival, most things seem so trivial and stupid, and yet we have to muddle along. It makes us angry at certain situations, we do not understand the apathy and the condesending attitudes.

I can tell you that being a widow and being left to deal with EVERYTHING, all alone has made me so damned independent, that I feel like a freak. I served God with all my heart and soul and yet he allowed some ******* to to cause my husbands death, a terrible and awful way for him to die. I am still angry about that.

Just so you know, I hope and I pray to God this helps you somehow.

The day my husband was buried was not only our wedding anniversary, it was a day I was to speak on behalf of the unborn and victims of choice to the Ohio state legislators, about abortion. And the devil stole that from me, stole that from all those innocent babies and all those moms and dads. I am not sure of the effect that my speaking could have had, but I still wonder if that is why that happened to my husband. I blamed myself.

One thing that the Father Micheal said to me and my son, was probably the one thing that I took and ran with, for survivals sake. I will share that with you.
He said, " God gave a every man woman and child "free will, to make choices, and the man who made the choice on the highway the other day. Made his choice that caused others to suffer. While I know you will become angry with God, it is ok, that is why He died for you. You are allowed"

He did not pretend all would be rosey, he layed it on the table for me, and that is what I needed. Truth and reality from someone. not a lot of platitudes.

People started avoiding me, which was fine with me, because people wanted to say the right things, they always wanted me to be strong and pray, I did not want to do neither. I did not know what normal was. I still do not

I have learned to take each day as it comes, I take no **** from anyone. People tell me it is time to get on with my life. I tell them "what in the hell am I doing if not getting on with my life?" Geez, leave me the hell alone, and I will get on with my life the way I do it"

I have sold our business, I was worth about 2 million, now I am worth? What?, not much as before. I still have my home, my car, great credit. But not because I let creditors, goverment and others harrass me. I fought like a dickens, I got tired of fighting and felt like just giving up. But I have my son, to think about.He is the only reason I keep fighting and muddling along, he is the only reason I live and work and do all I do. He is very ill, and he needs me. Everyone else can either do as God says, and that is help the widows and the orpahns and the poor, or they can ignore them, that is their choice. And there will be consequences for "THEIR" choices

I love you Rea, and I understand, I think of you daily, and hope somehow this helps you. I would never ever want to say anything that hurt you.

PS, on another note, I use to sit and watch the birds. And wonder how they survive, sounds weird, but I did that ever morning for a year

Bless you dear, and May Peace shadow your every thought and movement now and always

:hug::hug::hug:


I love you, sis!

[Rhonda]

:hug::hug::hug:


I love you, sis!

Dear sweet Haddie. Peace Sisiter. I love you dearly

[rhet 2]

:hug: Rhet :hug:

beautifully written exhortation, that is

especially this:


Dance together with God, trusting God to lead
and to guide you through each season of your life.

Now you survive the cold and rainy season -- just as you have before -- and wait for the sun to return

It is hard to say goodbye to the old way of life. It is even more hard to set the foundations for the new life yet to come, when all you see is barren dirt, emptiness with little promise of hope for what will be tomorrow.

Yet, the spring WILL come -- and there WILL be new blooms for your life, sunshine and birdsong -- and hugs from those you've yet to meet.

This I tell myself every single morning when my eyes first open to the graying light of dawn: this day brings a NEW thing out of the old -- and it's up to me to choose which new thing to cherish, water and feed -- and which to pull out of my heart as I would a weed.

Today is cold and rainy, barren in your world. Tomorrow is full of hope, new bloom times full of promised joys yet to be discovered, new beauties not even imagined now in this season of cold and misery.

And new weeds to fight away from the new blooms, oh, yes, for the weeds of this world are very persistent and invasive, reaching out to destroy the beauties. Not insurmountable, when confronted by a determined and fierce gardener, mind you.

Listen to Rhonda, for she speaks of wisdom learned by endurance.

It's okay to be angry, for a great wrong happened -- Adam sinned and the earth became corrupted, Death entered to lay waste all the beauty that God creates -- and Death reached out its horrid hand to wither and destroy what you cherished with all your heart.

Not by the Will of God: by the hate and anger and rage of Satan and by the greed and stupid rebellion of our grandfather.

For God did not make mindless slaves bound like gerbils on a wheel to dance as puppets to His strings. We are "made in the image of God" -- we choose how to tend our gardens, which blooms to nurture and which to pull from the ground as not worthy of existence in our own private worlds.

Forgive the mixed metaphor, but gardens and music work together, both operating in our hearts and minds, through our energies and our talents and our hearts' desires the same way.

We live like gardeners who plant and tend the world around us, making gardens bloom by singing songs of beauty, grace, and love for one another.

You play beautiful dance music to cause beautiful blooms to grow beneath your feet -- and He leads you always, showing you the Way, one day at a time, to get through the cold winter of this day and move into the warm spring of tomorrow's new variation on the dance tune His gardner Rea is writing even now.

Satan, the god of death and destruction, reached out to destroy your music, to wither and blast all the beauties of the garden you planted there in Washington -- in the hope that withering all you cherished there would wither and destroy your heart, too -- and in destroying your heart, he could wound the ONE True God who made you and cherishes you, who teaches you how to play glorious music and nurture the garden He provides for you to dance in.

His intention was to destroy one creature called Rick, which would destroy one creature called Rea and other creatures close to the one called Rick -- and in so doing to rip and tear and shred the ONE called Christ Jesus, the Son of God.

From that cold blast of death and destruction, of chaos and discord, there will come a new music, a garden renewed -- different, yet still, in many ways, the same -- for she who writes the music and dances in her garden to grace all the things blooming in it is the same wonder-working woman made in the Image of the LORD as she has always been -- the same Rea made just a bit stronger, a bit more mature, a bit more powerful in the way she writes her music, in the way she graces the blooms beneath her feet in a garden that grows wherever she walks to sing the Grace of God.

What Satan meant for evil will turn to beauty wherever you dance, dear one -- for the LORD Himself dances with you -- dances to the music that only you can write to delight His ears and make His own heart sing, music only you can write, a garden only you can plant and nurture -- despite the King of Death who reached out to rip not just your own heart to shreds -- reached out to rip the LORD's heart, too.

Why does this kind of crap happen? Because Satan hates Christ and reaches out to hurt Him by hurting us, whom He loves so dearly. And because we sometimes let the bastard angels of rebellion succeed. Same reason Christ went to the cross: to hurt the ONE Who IS by hurting what He cherishes, by destroying what He alone can create, a person made in the image of God with the right to choose for ourselves how to live -- and how to die -- and how to use our life force to make everyone and everything around us either live or die according to our own power.

Thing is, our power is weak and limited -- and His is not. Out of our weakness comes constant resurrections -- just as out of Christ's agony in our behalf comes the Resurrection and the Life, the seeds of our daily resurrection and constant renewal of our own life force -- despite the blasts of destruction that Satan blows across our little gardens, the discord and strife the bastard angel trumpets in its rage to sow discord and cause our feet to stumble in this dance of life before the Throne of Grace.

Spring blooms and beautiful harmonies come from the cold and discord the devils play in our gardens -- because the GARDENER dances always beside us, sowing Resurrection seeds wherever we dance together with Him.

Satan touches our bodies with the blast of death -- and cannot touch our souls, made ever new, again and again and again, by the Hand of Him who is in us, who gave us the new birth of His own Gift on the cross, in the first Resurrection.

You dance safe in His arms to sow the seeds of love wherever you step. The real you -- the inside you -- the heart and mind that is you -- for Satan cannot touch that inside garden -- CANNOT blast the real you, the inside you, with his hand of death and destruction.

The outside you is hurting -- but the inside you lives and sings and dances to music only you can hear, following the lead that only He Who IS in you to renew your heart and mind daily provides. Now the music is slow and somber, grave and sorrowful, the music of grief for what Satan wreaks across the face of the earth -- and, yes, angry, with good cause, angry -- but the spring bubbles beneath that song of grief to soothe the wounds and make soft the pain of rebirth and rewriting of the Song of Rea in the Garden of Rea that the LORD OF RESURRECTION cherishes and does most surely energize and lead in new variations on the Theme of Rea.

[itsrea]

Rea, I don't know if you have a Von's where you are but ours has been placing a shopping cart around the back every day full bread and cookies that didn't sell quickly enough. The food is fine because people are checking on that thing all the time (for charities and individuals). I'm only telling you because it might come in handy. I've been tempted myself but there are others who need it more than I do I'm sure (especially their delicious fat filled cookies).

Rhet's shining like a beacon, thank God she is here!(((Stoked))) I'm not going hungry hun. I had spent the winter stocking the freezer with meals and we had just shopped the month before and re-stocked the pantry, plus I have the frozen and canned goods I put up last fall. I haven't been able to eat 'real food' since he died anyway - nothing stays down and/or it hurts like the dickens - I'm making healthy soups out of everything, putting them in the slow cooker, and eating when I can. If I don't think I'm going to be able to keep even that down I make myself drink some of the broth, which is chuck full of healthy things. Please don't worry about that, ok?

[rhet 2]

:hug::hug::hug:


I know the feeling. It should be easier. I wish I knew why it wasn't.

Ah, the why is simple:

because Satan hates Christ and reaches out to smash at Him by smashing those whom He cherishes

By targeting us, the vicious little beast lord targets Christ, causing the LORD of Life great pain.

And Christ holds His Hand, refuses to destroy the beast lord, because He waits for just one more of His own beloved lambs to be reborn into the Kingdom of God

Simple to say -- damned hard to live through

Want to hasten Satan's final destruction? Lead just one more lamb of God to faith.

The moment the last of His chosen is safe inside His pastures where the wolves cannot feed on them, the beast lord gets chained into the pits of hell.

Until that Day, He weeps in agony for what He Himself told us would happen: we suffer because He loves us -- and the beasts of this world hate Him with unimaginable rage, striking out while they may to cause Him to feel as much agony as they can cause.

We suffer for His sake -- literally -- for every blow at us goes straight into His own heart.

"Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do" -- every blow at us part of His agony on that cross.

May that Day of Deliverance come quickly!

He is surely the Resurrection and the Life -- our resurrection and our life not yet complete, still in the making.

The cross you bear daily is only one tiny splinter in the Cross He bears always.

[itsrea]

<snipped> Rea, I don't know what to say. Except to tell you that all you are experiencing is totally normal, and that I understand on the deepest ;level.

I love you Rea, and I understand, I think of you daily, and hope somehow this helps you. I would never ever want to say anything that hurt you.

Bless you dear, and May Peace shadow your every thought and movement now and always((((((((Rhonda)))))))) A few months after Aubrey died (my husband of 28 years) some caring stranger came up to me and said "I'm so sorry for your loss". it just hit me wrong. I stepped up, right into her face, and bellowed at her, "HE'S NOT LOST!! IF HE WERE I WOULDN'T BE HERE TALKING TO YOU! (the old fool!) I'D BE OUT THERE LOOKING FOR HIM!!! HE'S NOT LOST - HE WAS TAKEN AWAY FROM ME!!!".

I got so tired of eating alone I packed a lunch and went and sat on his grave and ate lunch. I told my aunt it was a lot like when he was alive.. I did all the talking and he didn't say anything.

Having been through this once before you'd think I'd know how to 'do' this, but it's different. Aubrey WAS taken from me, Rick CHOSE to go. It seems it's too soon for real reason to set in - my thoughts are still full of telling him we would have been ok, his pain would have healed, once he learned how to let his losses go, and once he understood how to let God help him. I still start each morning whispering "I love you" and end each night by whispering "I love you" just as I did when he was alive. My dreams are still chuck full of me not taking that walk, of me being here to reason with him, to help him out of whatever caused him to slump. And my time is STILL taken up with taking care of him by way of his estate. I think that when/if I get moved and have nothing left to do things will set in and maybe there will be time to take care of me.

Until then I do thank you for sharing, and I am so sorry your husband was taken from you.

[itsrea]

:hug::hug::hug:


I know the feeling. It should be easier. I wish I knew why it wasn't.Today's email bible verse:

"Be still in the presence of the LORD,
and wait patiently for him to act.
Don't worry about evil people who prosper
or fret about their wicked schemes.
Stop being angry!
Turn from your rage!
Do not lose your temper—
it only leads to harm. . . .
The lowly will possess the land
and will live in peace and prosperity."

—Psalm 37:7–8, 11
And this went with it: Does it ever fry you when someone who has no regard for God's ways seems to get all the breaks and prosper, while you who are trying to do the right thing keep encountering roadblocks and hardships? This passage suggests that the way to deal with such feelings is to turn your eyes away from the evil person and what's happening, and place them on God. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him to act. Be "lowly," willing to serve others. This attitude of patient trust (rather than anger) will be rewarded—in God's timing.
Every day I get one of these bible verse and every day since Rick's death it either prepares me for something about to happen or it, like this one today, helps me realize that the Lord IS with me and DOES care, and that he's trying to find SOME way for me to hear the comfort He is offering.

I hope it comforts you some too.

[rhet 2]

Rea, I don't know if you have a Von's where you are but ours has been placing a shopping cart around the back every day full bread and cookies that didn't sell quickly enough. The food is fine because people are checking on that thing all the time (for charities and individuals). I'm only telling you because it might come in handy. I've been tempted myself but there are others who need it more than I do I'm sure (especially their delicious fat filled cookies).

Rhet's shining like a beacon, thank God she is here!

As I thank God for you, too -- for you make my own cross lighter and easier to bear.

One thing to add for those suffering economic hardships: if you go way late, just before closing, or way early just as the store opens, the stores are required by law to throw out yesterday's meat -- it's still healthy, but they'll sell it way cheap rather than toss it in the dumpster. The major pain is having to eat it -- or freeze it -- immediately, so you're always making still another run for more -- but it helps big time.

Same thing with fruits and veggies: not salable because they're slightly overripe -- but still healthy and way cheaper.

[itsrea]

beautifully written exhortation, that is

especially this:


Dance together with God, trusting God to lead
and to guide you through each season of your life.

Now you survive the cold and rainy season -- just as you have before -- and wait for the sun to return

It is hard to say goodbye to the old way of life. It is even more hard to set the foundations for the new life yet to come, when all you see is barren dirt, emptiness with little promise of hope for what will be tomorrow.

Yet, the spring WILL come -- and there WILL be new blooms for your life, sunshine and birdsong -- and hugs from those you've yet to meet.

This I tell myself every single morning when my eyes first open to the graying light of dawn: this day brings a NEW thing out of the old -- and it's up to me to choose which new thing to cherish, water and feed -- and which to pull out of my heart as I would a weed.

Today is cold and rainy, barren in your world. Tomorrow is full of hope, new bloom times full of promised joys yet to be discovered, new beauties not even imagined now in this season of cold and misery.

And new weeds to fight away from the new blooms, oh, yes, for the weeds of this world are very persistent and invasive, reaching out to destroy the beauties. Not insurmountable, when confronted by a determined and fierce gardener, mind you.

Listen to Rhonda, for she speaks of wisdom learned by endurance.

It's okay to be angry, for a great wrong happened -- Adam sinned and the earth became corrupted, Death entered to lay waste all the beauty that God creates -- and Death reached out its horrid hand to wither and destroy what you cherished with all your heart.

Not by the Will of God: by the hate and anger and rage of Satan and by the greed and stupid rebellion of our grandfather.

For God did not make mindless slaves bound like gerbils on a wheel to dance as puppets to His strings. We are "made in the image of God" -- we choose how to tend our gardens, which blooms to nurture and which to pull from the ground as not worthy of existence in our own private worlds.

Forgive the mixed metaphor, but gardens and music work together, both operating in our hearts and minds, through our energies and our talents and our hearts' desires the same way.

We live like gardeners who plant and tend the world around us, making gardens bloom by singing songs of beauty, grace, and love for one another.

You play beautiful dance music to cause beautiful blooms to grow beneath your feet -- and He leads you always, showing you the Way, one day at a time, to get through the cold winter of this day and move into the warm spring of tomorrow's new variation on the dance tune His gardner Rea is writing even now.

Satan, the god of death and destruction, reached out to destroy your music, to wither and blast all the beauties of the garden you planted there in Washington -- in the hope that withering all you cherished there would wither and destroy your heart, too -- and in destroying your heart, he could wound the ONE True God who made you and cherishes you, who teaches you how to play glorious music and nurture the garden He provides for you to dance in.

His intention was to destroy one creature called Rick, which would destroy one creature called Rea and other creatures close to the one called Rick -- and in so doing to rip and tear and shred the ONE called Christ Jesus, the Son of God.

From that cold blast of death and destruction, of chaos and discord, there will come a new music, a garden renewed -- different, yet still, in many ways, the same -- for she who writes the music and dances in her garden to grace all the things blooming in it is the same wonder-working woman made in the Image of the LORD as she has always been -- the same Rea made just a bit stronger, a bit more mature, a bit more powerful in the way she writes her music, in the way she graces the blooms beneath her feet in a garden that grows wherever she walks to sing the Grace of God.

What Satan meant for evil will turn to beauty wherever you dance, dear one -- for the LORD Himself dances with you -- dances to the music that only you can write to delight His ears and make His own heart sing, music only you can write, a garden only you can plant and nurture -- despite the King of Death who reached out to rip not just your own heart to shreds -- reached out to rip the LORD's heart, too.

Why does this kind of crap happen? Because Satan hates Christ and reaches out to hurt Him by hurting us, whom He loves so dearly. And because we sometimes let the bastard angels of rebellion succeed. Same reason Christ went to the cross: to hurt the ONE Who IS by hurting what He cherishes, by destroying what He alone can create, a person made in the image of God with the right to choose for ourselves how to live -- and how to die -- and how to use our life force to make everyone and everything around us either live or die according to our own power.

Thing is, our power is weak and limited -- and His is not. Out of our weakness comes constant resurrections -- just as out of Christ's agony in our behalf comes the Resurrection and the Life, the seeds of our daily resurrection and constant renewal of our own life force -- despite the blasts of destruction that Satan blows across our little gardens, the discord and strife the bastard angel trumpets in its rage to sow discord and cause our feet to stumble in this dance of life before the Throne of Grace.

Spring blooms and beautiful harmonies come from the cold and discord the devils play in our gardens -- because the GARDENER dances always beside us, sowing Resurrection seeds wherever we dance together with Him.

Satan touches our bodies with the blast of death -- and cannot touch our souls, made ever new, again and again and again, by the Hand of Him who is in us, who gave us the new birth of His own Gift on the cross, in the first Resurrection.

You dance safe in His arms to sow the seeds of love wherever you step. The real you -- the inside you -- the heart and mind that is you -- for Satan cannot touch that inside garden -- CANNOT blast the real you, the inside you, with his hand of death and destruction.

The outside you is hurting -- but the inside you lives and sings and dances to music only you can hear, following the lead that only He Who IS in you to renew your heart and mind daily provides. Now the music is slow and somber, grave and sorrowful, the music of grief for what Satan wreaks across the face of the earth -- and, yes, angry, with good cause, angry -- but the spring bubbles beneath that song of grief to soothe the wounds and make soft the pain of rebirth and rewriting of the Song of Rea in the Garden of Rea that the LORD OF RESURRECTION cherishes and does most surely energize and lead in new variations on the Theme of Rea.I love you Rhet

[rhet 2]

I love you Rhet

And I you.

The Theme of Rea truly does make my own theme song easier to write, my own cross easier to bear.

I should hate losing that beautiful music that helps keep my own dance steps smooth and straight and clean.

:hug:

[Rhonda]

((((((((Rhonda)))))))) A few months after Aubrey died (my husband of 28 years) some caring stranger came up to me and said "I'm so sorry for your loss". it just hit me wrong. I stepped up, right into her face, and bellowed at her, "HE'S NOT LOST!! IF HE WERE WOULDN'T BE HERE TALKING TO YOU! I'D BE OUT THERE LOOKING FOR HIM!!! HE WAS TAKEN AWAY FROM ME!!!".

I got so tired of eating alone I packed a lunch and went and sat on his grave and ate lunch. I told my aunt it was a lot like when he was alive.. I did all the talking and he didn't say anything.

Having been through this once before you'd think I'd know how to 'do' this, but it's different. Aubrey WAS taken from me, Rick CHOSE to go. It seems it's too soon for real reason to set in - my thoughts are still full of telling him we would have been ok, his pain would have healed, once he learned how to let his losses go, and once he understood how to let God help him. I still start each morning whispering "I love you" and end each night by whispering "I love you" just as I did when he was alive. My dreams are still chuck full of me not taking that walk, of me being here to reason with him, to help him out of whatever caused him to slump. And my time is STILL taken up with taking care of him by way of his estate. I think that when/if I get moved and have nothing left to do things will set in and maybe there will be time to take care of me.

Until then I do thank you for sharing, and I am so sorry your husband was taken from you.

I understand that...I have recently tried to simplifiy my life, with selling everything that was of no use to me any longer, and in some instances, giving many things away to charity and old friends. So that I can take care of myself. It has taken me 3 years to get to a place that I can actually start thinking of taking care of my own self. I still sometimes sit in the garage and cry, because I wonder why, did everything have to change so drastically. I often say "it is what it is". Whatever that is suppose to mean :rolleyes:

Setting in will be hard, but a good hard as you know. the part where you find out just who you are, in Spirit and in Truth. You are a shining example of Gods Love and will eventually come to accept that you have done everything that you were suppose to do.

To simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak. That is what I am still trying to accomplish...I decided NOT to listen to the cacophony of the world

Thank you for sharing with us

I hope this song help you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHdcyue0bSw&feature=related

Love and prayers

[itsrea]

And I you.

The Theme of Rea truly does make my own theme song easier to write, my own cross easier to bear.

I should hate losing that beautiful music that helps keep my own dance steps smooth and straight and clean.

:hug:You aren't going to lose me. Satan is not going to win this battle... I belong to the Lord.

[itsrea]

<snip>
Setting in will be hard, but a good hard as you know. the part where you find out just who you are, in Spirit and in Truth. I wrote this right after I met Rick.. it was on my website but I've taken the site down till I can better deal with it.


April 24th, 2002
Again, someone said something to me that made me stop and look back at my life, and, again, I see myself in a new light.

I have never been a person that let go of anything. I did try to learn once, when I first heard the word "terminal", understanding that at some point my being willing to give up or needing to hold on wouldn't amount to a hill of beans. It would be out of my hands. He would be taken away. My counselor told me that I had to continue to fall in love with him, just as I had done for the 30 years of our relationship. He said the pain I'd have to face once he was gone would be small compared to the guilt I'd feel if I backed away. So I tried to strike a balance, but I couldn't find it. I was too overwhelmed with the day to day battle of insurance companies, doctors and surgeries; weeding out what was valid and what was hype about diet, guarding him against exposure to infection, struggling with his family, my family, and tugging away (from him) the things that had always been his responsibility, and that he was no longer able to do, to spend any energy fighting myself and who I was by nature. And by nature I was a all-or-nothing person. Letting go felt like giving up, giving in, and I couldn't do that. I was fighting for his life, for the quality of his life. Maybe had it been my own life that was in the balance I would have been able to let go, but it wasn't, it was his. And his future had to be the best I could help him live, for however long that life would be. Living at that level of intensity affected every aspect of my life. So I held on to everything.

After his death I came to realize that I had fought for him for so long that I had forgotten how to live for myself. Forgotten how to plan, dream, wish, or hope for anything that was not tied to keeping him alive. So I simply tried to live the life he had planned for me, in the home he had insisted on buying for me, with the income he had provided for me. And in doing so I was holding on. To what I'm not sure. Maybe to him. Maybe to the life we had together. Maybe to what was left of myself. I'm still not sure, what I am sure of is that if finances hadn't forced me into filing bankruptcy I'd probably still be there, still trying to live the life he laid out for me.

But finances did force me into giving up that home, and my life there. And the new life that I was to lead felt somewhere down the road. The great unknown. A life that, on one hand I was not prepared to enter into, and that, on the other, I craved with all my heart. Crippled by fear and heartache I stayed there, in between. I held on to what I could take with me, of my possessions, and in my heart, and I began to walk the fine line between my past and my tomorrows. If it's possible I 'moved on' and held on at the same time. Sometimes that moving on was made in leaps, sometimes in baby steps, sometimes in desperation. However big or small the steps they were a constant struggle, but standing where I was felt safe, or more than likely, safer, for a very long time, so there I stayed. I told myself I was trying very hard to make myself a life, to live what he could not have, to BE someone in my own right. I don't think I was very successful. I floundered around a lot. I took most of my steps into my tomorrow looking back over my shoulder at my yesterdays. My heart still too full of yearning for the love I had lost to put all my effort into the life I had now. So my life felt like leftovers. Leftovers and fear are what I made my life to be, because I was afraid to go on without love to back me up, keep me safe. I did have some victories, but they always ended up feeling hallow, because, at bed time, when we had always shared our day, there was no him to share them with.

I don't know exactly when I began to experience real success at living. I know that I had times of being proud of what I was becoming, but each success felt short lived, because of where I stood. My heart aching for him to be alive, wanting our life together back, and trying to make today work, trying to be successful at being a Rea without Aubrey at the same time. Then, at some point over the last two years, I forced myself to not look back anymore. My heart needed to hope, my spirit needed to dream. But in taking this step I became confused. I felt guilt nagging at the choices I was making. I knew I had no reason for guilt, I didn't ask to be left behind, alive, but I did feel it. I forced myself away from that too, knowing that to delve into it would only serve to keep me tied to a yesterday that was gone forever. This life I am living is so vibrant, so full of laughter and goodness, that I felt I owed it to both of us to try and make a success of it. I kept telling myself HE would love to have life, and here I have it, and I am sorry that I do. I keep wanting my old life back when HE would give anything to have any life. It took all of my energy to live it, to deal with what was happening, so I put aside those feelings, and faced my today's with all the stubbornness that I could muster.

And I've been pretty much successful at it too.. I've gone on this way, refusing to accept any guilt for being alive, refusing to delve into why it's there, in the back of my heart and mind, burdening my spirit. And then I saw a friend say: He is spanning two worlds, one foot in yesterday, one in today. And all of a sudden I saw myself, standing with one foot in one world and the other in another. I was, for the most part, happy, but no wonder I tired so easily. No wonder I could not find peace and tranquility, no wonder I was not content. I became angry at myself for not being as far into my today as I thought I was, and frustrated at myself for not having seen why I'm not. Every since I saw those words I've been trying to work up the guts to take that final step into the world that is my today, all the while confused about why I have drawn back from taking it.

Walking home from the store today I had a moment of clarity. I realized that accepting this life that is my today conflicted with what I was hanging on to because somehow wishing he hadn't died (which I could not change) became the same as wishing for my life with him back (which was harmful for me to continue to do). All of a sudden I understood. That's why guilt burdened my days, that's why I had been hanging on to yesterday. I stopped right where I stood, out there on the street, and stared ahead, not seeing anything but that thought. I was filled with awe, and in my heart I said Thank You Lord, and the confusion that has been tormenting me fled.

It's a thought that keeps coming into my heart, making it swell, bringing tears to my eyes. It's OK for me to move on. It's OK for me to be content. I understand now that the biggest guilt was knowing that I wouldn't have this life if he were alive. I understand now that the biggest hurdle is accepting that my life isn't being paid for by his death. My life just is. Moving on doesn't mean that I give up wishing he were alive. Moving on doesn't mean I go into my life without his love. Understanding this shows me it's OK for me to live here, in my today, and accepting this is the biggest gift I could give us both. I can no longer stay where I was, between two worlds, half dead, half alive. By stepping into my today I bring memories of him into today unburdened by his death, and I take him into my tomorrows with all the love (and fun) he brought into my life when he was alive. By stepping into my today I give us both the gift of life. God was such an important part of out lives, so realizing this instantly brings the Lord back into my life in a more solid form.. He is no longer the God I pray to out of heartache, but a living, breathing presence in my life.

It is such a big moment that each time it comes to me I am overwhelmed. I sit here and stare at these words and I take a deep breath and hold it, almost afraid that if I let it out I will find some reason to not let this happen. And, finally, I let it out, and breath in again, slow and easy, and I let that breath out, and mentally I brace myself for what I believe is going to be an enormous step. I breath in some more, and out some more, stalling, afraid to let go, to make this final step into not comparing this life with what used to be. Can I do this? As if in answer to that question the late afternoon sun casts a ray of sunlight directly on me, sitting here at my computer, and it gives me strength.

And I breath out a sigh of relief.

I am here.

And, again, I say thank you Lord. Because without Him I don't know that I could have ever gotten to this place.

[itsrea]

Part Two


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I believe that everything that has happened in my life happened for a reason.. Life gave Aubrey who he needed to fight this battle for him, and understanding this, and accepting it, fills me with gratitude. I do not regret one single thing that prepared me for that battle. Sometimes I do get impatient with myself tho, and sometimes I do get frustrated, feeling that life is doling out the understanding I need way to slowly. But I am going to try to accept that this understanding came to me at the time it was supposed to.

I also understand that this may just be another step in healing. Each of us heals in our own way, and in our own time. The step I took was not such a big step after all. In fact, like most of my steps this last five years, it was a baby step. I also know that without my friends and family I wouldn't be who I am today, nor where I am. Because of who they are I am free to be who I am. To each of you that has helped me realize that I offer my heartfelt thanks. I feel as if a whole world's burdens has been removed from my shoulders. I am content.

We are the architects of our existence.
We can choose to spend the rest of our days on this earth full of pain and regret,
or we can choose to live a life we are proud of.
Building a life after the loss of a spouse isn't easy.
The loss itself robs us of the ability to see a tomorrow
because we cannot conceive even today without their love to support us.
But when we choose to live instead of die we honor those that have been taken away from us.
When we choose to live this life we find ourselves in with determination we bring our loved ones into our today's.
When we find we are able to live this life with joy we bring back to life the memories they helped build.
And, finally, when we are able to experience those memories with smiles and laughter
we give them what they shared with us:
Life.

[stoked]

(((Stoked))) I'm not going hungry hun. I had spent the winter stocking the freezer with meals and we had just shopped the month before and re-stocked the pantry, plus I have the frozen and canned goods I put up last fall. I haven't been able to eat 'real food' since he died anyway - nothing stays down and/or it hurts like the dickens - I'm making healthy soups out of everything, putting them in the slow cooker, and eating when I can. If I don't think I'm going to be able to keep even that down I make myself drink some of the broth, which is chuck full of healthy things. Please don't worry about that, ok?

Awkay. :hug: I thawt it wouldn't hurt to let people in on my 'little secret' behind the store (and my secret cravings for those yummy cookies, and they are good)!

[jwil59]

Rea I am praying for you today

[itsrea]

I've decided to look forward as much as possible. So I think it's time to start praying about my house hunting in California.

I've asked the Lord for a small house (I can care for all by myself) in a nice neighborhood (where I'll be safer) with a yard large enough for the dogs and grandkids.

I'd also ask that you all pray about funding.. I'm going to have to do some wheeling and dealing to get a lender to underwrite a loan for me that is NOT contingent on the sale of THIS property, because I need to be out of here BEFORE winter, and a contingency wouldn't let me move the new home until this one sold.

This property needs to sell soon, and the last home that sold was over two years ago, and WAS this property - so I need to be able to make this place attractive to some out-of-towner. Keeping in mind the probate court won't let me sell for less then 80% of the appraised value - the costs of probate, lawyer, and Executor costs rise daily - I don't want to have to sell so low that Rick's creditors file suit... I can't afford the lawyers fees. So the Lord is going to have to send the perfect person for this home.

LOL some deal, hunh?

Hugs,
Rea

[rhet 2]

I've decided to look forward as much as possible. So I think it's time to start praying about my house hunting in California.

I've asked the Lord for a small house (I can care for all by myself) in a nice neighborhood (where I'll be safer) with a yard large enough for the dogs and grandkids.

I'd also ask that you all pray about funding.. I'm going to have to do some wheeling and dealing to get a lender to underwrite a loan for me that is NOT contingent on the sale of THIS property, because I need to be out of here BEFORE winter, and a contingency wouldn't let me move the new home until this one sold.

This property needs to sell soon, and the last home that sold was over two years ago, and WAS this property - so I need to be able to make this place attractive to some out-of-towner. Keeping in mind the probate court won't let me sell for less then 80% of the appraised value - the costs of probate, lawyer, and Executor costs rise daily - I don't want to have to sell so low that Rick's creditors file suit... I can't afford the lawyers fees. So the Lord is going to have to send the perfect person for this home.

LOL some deal, hunh?

Hugs,
Rea

Good specific details to be asking for.

"Whatsover you shall ask in My Name, that will I do"-- Christ promised. :pray: Hear that, Father in Heaven? Will You allow Your Son to be made a promise breaker? I think not, for such is not in Your character -- nor in His. We're asking that Christ Himself see Rea's current residence sold asap, for more than enough to clear the debts and set her free, and a new home made ready for her to move into, one where she can snuggle down, companied by her beloved pets and by her beloved grandchildren, all safe and comfy long before the cold winter winds can again begin to blow. By His own Will, by His Word, let this be done as quickly and efficiently -- and lovingly -- as possible. For whatsoever He Speaks shall surely come to pass. And all who trust His Word of Life shall surely dance before His throne to praise and glorify His Name before the watching angels and all mankind. In His Name -- and for the sake of His eternal glory -- we ask. amen and amen, forever and a day, amen

That and your own safety while stuck in the old house. These are my prayers.

:hug:

[itsrea]

Good specific details to be asking for.

"Whatsover you shall ask in My Name, that will I do"-- Christ promised. :pray: Hear that, Father in Heaven? Will You allow Your Son to be made a promise breaker? I think not, for such is not in Your character -- nor in His. We're asking that Christ Himself see Rea's current residence sold asap, for more than enough to clear the debts and set her free, and a new home made ready for her to move into, one where she can snuggle down, companied by her beloved pets and by her beloved grandchildren, all safe and comfy long before the cold winter winds can again begin to blow. By His own Will, by His Word, let this be done as quickly and efficiently -- and lovingly -- as possible. For whatsoever He Speaks shall surely come to pass. And all who trust His Word of Life shall surely dance before His throne to praise and glorify His Name before the watching angels and all mankind. In His Name -- and for the sake of His eternal glory -- we ask. amen and amen, forever and a day, amen

That and your own safety while stuck in the old house. These are my prayers.

:hug:The pastor gave a sermon awhile back and I realized that not much of what I do is FOR the Lord, much less for His glory.. and not much since that realization either. I know the Lord knows that grieving is a very self-centered, self-absorbed process, but boy, I sure hope I can get past that soon because I need to start doing things so that they glorify His name instead of so that I get through the current mess.

So I say Amen and Amen to your prayer.

[itsrea]

Remember last winter about a third of the house was out of electricity for over six weeks and we'd had two other electricians up and then the one that finally found the problem and fixed it had to wait three weeks for the snow to clear some so he one could make it the 45 miles up the highway? Well he returned the call that I left him over a month ago... my call was the first he heard about Rick's death.

I told him that I had expected to have the insurance by now but that there had been a few mess-ups and that I couldn't make an appt till I got it and I had no idea when that would be.

He said the parts are going to cost you about $12 IF I can find them (they don't make these kinds of outlet boxes anymore), and I won't be there but about a hour, two at the most and you need that fixed if your house is up for sale. I'll be up tomorrow - you can pay me when you get the money.

:hug: Thank you Lord. :hug:

[stoked]

Good specific details to be asking for.

"Whatsover you shall ask in My Name, that will I do"-- Christ promised. :pray: Hear that, Father in Heaven? Will You allow Your Son to be made a promise breaker? I think not, for such is not in Your character -- nor in His. We're asking that Christ Himself see Rea's current residence sold asap, for more than enough to clear the debts and set her free, and a new home made ready for her to move into, one where she can snuggle down, companied by her beloved pets and by her beloved grandchildren, all safe and comfy long before the cold winter winds can again begin to blow. By His own Will, by His Word, let this be done as quickly and efficiently -- and lovingly -- as possible. For whatsoever He Speaks shall surely come to pass. And all who trust His Word of Life shall surely dance before His throne to praise and glorify His Name before the watching angels and all mankind. In His Name -- and for the sake of His eternal glory -- we ask. amen and amen, forever and a day, amen

That and your own safety while stuck in the old house. These are my prayers.

:hug:

Ahhh Rhet, you make me cry, sweeter more truthful words do not exist. :hug:

[doodle5]

There are so many nice people like your electrician, we don't expect them but they are there!!

Carlene

[jwil59]

I've decided to look forward as much as possible. So I think it's time to start praying about my house hunting in California.

I've asked the Lord for a small house (I can care for all by myself) in a nice neighborhood (where I'll be safer) with a yard large enough for the dogs and grandkids.

I'd also ask that you all pray about funding.. I'm going to have to do some wheeling and dealing to get a lender to underwrite a loan for me that is NOT contingent on the sale of THIS property, because I need to be out of here BEFORE winter, and a contingency wouldn't let me move the new home until this one sold.

This property needs to sell soon, and the last home that sold was over two years ago, and WAS this property - so I need to be able to make this place attractive to some out-of-towner. Keeping in mind the probate court won't let me sell for less then 80% of the appraised value - the costs of probate, lawyer, and Executor costs rise daily - I don't want to have to sell so low that Rick's creditors file suit... I can't afford the lawyers fees. So the Lord is going to have to send the perfect person for this home.

LOL some deal, hunh?

Hugs,
Rea

Ok Rea I am praying about all those house issues.

Hang toug sis

[itsrea]

There are so many nice people like your electrician, we don't expect them but they are there!!

CarleneHe didn't show up and didn't call.

[itsrea]

It's been a rough week - the check came and has been deposited - I ticked the bank manager off by refusing to open a savings account to deposit the check into - she wanted that because she has to do more paperwork for placing a hold on a deposit to a checking account and she wanted to leave in 20 minutes. Opening another account would have meant me waiting for the new accounts person to get back and the time to open it, and then I'd have to deal with four accounts, so I was firm - asking her please to deposit it to my checking acct. She didn't like it. I thought she was rude.. she sat at a desk about six feet away, half turned to me and discussed my business where anyone that walked in could have heard. When I asked her how long the hold would be she said ten business days. I asked why ten? She said because she had no way to verify the bank had paid the check. I asked you can't check it on the computer or something? She said no. She asked the teller if there was a phone number on the check, there was not, so she says ten business days. I said so if the check clears by Tuesday I still can't have access to that money for another eight days. She said no, you can't. I said I'll get you a phone number. She frowned and went back to her work.

I came home, called the insurance company, got two numbers and called them into the bank for her. The next day I get a letter saying the funds will be held for ELEVEN days.

I went on to the banks site, got the name and address of the bank President and emailed him.

Including the weekends involved that's a total of EIGHTEEN days I can't access that money.

My kids bought my plane ticket so I can still fly down to meet with the realtor and the lender.. but I won't have my bills paid off to show the lender like she and I planned, so don't know if we can sign the papers or not.

Just another thing to be angry about.

Today, getting ready for church, I watched the 'hour of power' as I curled my hair, and the minister's message really was aimed at me...

Using Psalm 29 as his base, he essentially said:

God is above the storm (there is nothing higher then God - or more powerful).
God speaks TO the storm I am in.
And God speaks to me while I’m in the storm.
Jesus is between the storm and me.

There has never, in the history of the world, been a storm that does not end.
So the storm is transitional and will pass over.
Then God will take me out of the storm to where I should be.

God is my salvation
What then do I have to fear?
In order to walk on water I have to get out of the boat.

I've been repeating that Jesus is between me and the storm all day long. I guess I've been sitting too long on this anger, too long on attempting to boss God around, arguing with Him too much, and responding in sarcasm too much.

If going ahead and flying down anyway is not the getting out of the boat, then I don't know what it is that God wants me to do so I ask that you all pray about that for me.

[doodle5]

Rea,

Need help in looking for a small house for yourself?

Daughter's aunt in Woodland a Realator for years and I know some here.

post me, what place are you thinking of in California?

You need to go one step at a time. Realtor's or Lenders are not in a hurry like the government.

Carlene

[blazer]

praying! :hug:

[itsrea]

Rea,

Need help in looking for a small house for yourself?

Daughter's aunt in Woodland a Realator for years and I know some here.

post me, what place are you thinking of in California?

You need to go one step at a time. Realtor's or Lenders are not in a hurry like the government.

Carlenealready have both. but thank you for the offer.

[rhet 2]

It's been a rough week - the check came and has been deposited - I ticked the bank manager off by refusing to open a savings account to deposit the check into - she wanted that because she has to do more paperwork for placing a hold on a deposit to a checking account and she wanted to leave in 20 minutes. Opening another account would have meant me waiting for the new accounts person to get back and the time to open it, and then I'd have to deal with four accounts, so I was firm - asking her please to deposit it to my checking acct. She didn't like it. I thought she was rude.. she sat at a desk about six feet away, half turned to me and discussed my business where anyone that walked in could have heard. When I asked her how long the hold would be she said ten business days. I asked why ten? She said because she had no way to verify the bank had paid the check. I asked you can't check it on the computer or something? She said no. She asked the teller if there was a phone number on the check, there was not, so she says ten business days. I said so if the check clears by Tuesday I still can't have access to that money for another eight days. She said no, you can't. I said I'll get you a phone number. She frowned and went back to her work.

I came home, called the insurance company, got two numbers and called them into the bank for her. The next day I get a letter saying the funds will be held for ELEVEN days.

I went on to the banks site, got the name and address of the bank President and emailed him.

Including the weekends involved that's a total of EIGHTEEN days I can't access that money.

My kids bought my plane ticket so I can still fly down to meet with the realtor and the lender.. but I won't have my bills paid off to show the lender like she and I planned, so don't know if we can sign the papers or not.

Just another thing to be angry about.

Today, getting ready for church, I watched the 'hour of power' as I curled my hair, and the minister's message really was aimed at me...

Using Psalm 29 as his base, he essentially said:

God is above the storm (there is nothing higher then God - or more powerful).
God speaks TO the storm I am in.
And God speaks to me while I’m in the storm.
Jesus is between the storm and me.

There has never, in the history of the world, been a storm that does not end.
So the storm is transitional and will pass over.
Then God will take me out of the storm to where I should be.

God is my salvation
What then do I have to fear?
In order to walk on water I have to get out of the boat.

I've been repeating that Jesus is between me and the storm all day long. I guess I've been sitting too long on this anger, too long on attempting to boss God around, arguing with Him too much, and responding in sarcasm too much.

If going ahead and flying down anyway is not the getting out of the boat, then I don't know what it is that God wants me to do so I ask that you all pray about that for me.

Aggravating, that delay is -- but it's the norm for large amounts, I think.

Praying for the perfect buyer to show up just craving your old home -- and for a safe, productive, Stepping Out of the Boat. :hug:

[doodle5]

Glad you will be meeting at least with Realtor/Lender.

I'm praying for a buyer that is what you need, it will take up to six maybe not that long so you have a down payment and sign the papers on house in California.

Lenders are more strict today so don't get discouraged.

Carlene

[jwil59]

It's been a rough week - the check came and has been deposited - I ticked the bank manager off by refusing to open a savings account to deposit the check into - she wanted that because she has to do more paperwork for placing a hold on a deposit to a checking account and she wanted to leave in 20 minutes. Opening another account would have meant me waiting for the new accounts person to get back and the time to open it, and then I'd have to deal with four accounts, so I was firm - asking her please to deposit it to my checking acct. She didn't like it. I thought she was rude.. she sat at a desk about six feet away, half turned to me and discussed my business where anyone that walked in could have heard. When I asked her how long the hold would be she said ten business days. I asked why ten? She said because she had no way to verify the bank had paid the check. I asked you can't check it on the computer or something? She said no. She asked the teller if there was a phone number on the check, there was not, so she says ten business days. I said so if the check clears by Tuesday I still can't have access to that money for another eight days. She said no, you can't. I said I'll get you a phone number. She frowned and went back to her work.

I came home, called the insurance company, got two numbers and called them into the bank for her. The next day I get a letter saying the funds will be held for ELEVEN days.

I went on to the banks site, got the name and address of the bank President and emailed him.

Including the weekends involved that's a total of EIGHTEEN days I can't access that money.

My kids bought my plane ticket so I can still fly down to meet with the realtor and the lender.. but I won't have my bills paid off to show the lender like she and I planned, so don't know if we can sign the papers or not.

Just another thing to be angry about.

Today, getting ready for church, I watched the 'hour of power' as I curled my hair, and the minister's message really was aimed at me...

Using Psalm 29 as his base, he essentially said:

God is above the storm (there is nothing higher then God - or more powerful).
God speaks TO the storm I am in.
And God speaks to me while I’m in the storm.
Jesus is between the storm and me.

There has never, in the history of the world, been a storm that does not end.
So the storm is transitional and will pass over.
Then God will take me out of the storm to where I should be.

God is my salvation
What then do I have to fear?
In order to walk on water I have to get out of the boat.

I've been repeating that Jesus is between me and the storm all day long. I guess I've been sitting too long on this anger, too long on attempting to boss God around, arguing with Him too much, and responding in sarcasm too much.

If going ahead and flying down anyway is not the getting out of the boat, then I don't know what it is that God wants me to do so I ask that you all pray about that for me.

You have my prayers Rea..........

[itsrea]

The bank called a half hour ago..

good news!

I had worried since Sunday and the sermon that writing that email to the bank President was the wrong thing to do and asked the Lord to please take care of it if I'd done wrong... I think He did. I'm hoping it got lost in the mail or something.

Stepping out of the boat is scary.. I'd been thinking all along that once the money was here maybe I could do some forward looking some.. but it doesn't feel that way - it's another shut door, just like settling the Estate will be the final shut door.

The thing is as much as that hurts I have some confidence back and that's the result of prayer and the Lord's doing.

Thank you all sooo much!

[rhet 2]

The bank called a half hour ago..

good news!

I had worried since Sunday and the sermon that writing that email to the bank President was the wrong thing to do and asked the Lord to please take care of it if I'd done wrong... I think He did. I'm hoping it got lost in the mail or something.

Stepping out of the boat is scary.. I'd been thinking all along that once the money was here maybe I could do some forward looking some.. but it doesn't feel that way - it's another shut door, just like settling the Estate will be the final shut door.

The thing is as much as that hurts I have some confidence back and that's the result of prayer and the Lord's doing.


Thank you all sooo much!

This is good news about feeling more confident in yourself: He doesn't create garbage, you know. Every single human being, regardless of IQ, wealth, race, social status, or education, is born with exactly the talents and personality He knows they'll need for all their lives -- and He's the ONE who arranges for them to learn the skills that are not genetic.

Which doesn't make that "stepping out" one shred easier, of course. Nor does it soften the hard slam of a door on past happiness.

But there's this too: can't walk through the door to new happiness while you've still got one foot stuck in the other one, now can you?

One day at a time, Sweet Jesus -- like the hymn says, He'll get you through the door and into new joys inch by little inch and penny by penny, if that's what it takes.

He's got a Plan for your life -- and no way, not no how, is anything or anyone going to keep you from fulfilling HIS ambitions for you.

Remember how lost and alone you felt before Rick. And HE Himself planned and directed you straight to the joy of Rick -- which was one door shut and another opened, all in God's good time, by His design, by His Wonder Working.

He knows exactly where He wants you now -- and HE -- not the banks, not the insurance company, not anyone or anything else -- is moving to get you there, right on time, not one second too soon, nor one second too late.

[itsrea]

This is good news about feeling more confident in yourself: He doesn't create garbage, you know. Every single human being, regardless of IQ, wealth, race, social status, or education, is born with exactly the talents and personality He knows they'll need for all their lives -- and He's the ONE who arranges for them to learn the skills that are not genetic.

Which doesn't make that "stepping out" one shred easier, of course. Nor does it soften the hard slam of a door on past happiness.

But there's this too: can't walk through the door to new happiness while you've still got one foot stuck in the other one, now can you?

One day at a time, Sweet Jesus -- like the hymn says, He'll get you through the door and into new joys inch by little inch and penny by penny, if that's what it takes.

He's got a Plan for your life -- and no way, not no how, is anything or anyone going to keep you from fulfilling HIS ambitions for you.

Remember how lost and alone you felt before Rick. And HE Himself planned and directed you straight to the joy of Rick -- which was one door shut and another opened, all in God's good time, by His design, by His Wonder Working.

He knows exactly where He wants you now -- and HE -- not the banks, not the insurance company, not anyone or anything else -- is moving to get you there, right on time, not one second too soon, nor one second too late.LOL I'm not feeling more confidant in myself :hug: Rhet :hug:

I'm feeling more confidant about the move.

And I agree that God will have to open this up for me - I can't do it myself.

Hugs to you

[jwil59]

LOL I'm not feeling more confidant in myself :hug: Rhet :hug:

I'm feeling more confidant about the move.

And I agree that God will have to open this up for me - I can't do it myself.

Hugs to you

You can certainly be confident that the Lord will take care of you. I don't see how people without that faith survive.

I am praying for you sis. Keep hanging tough, knowing that God will never leave or forsake you

[itsrea]

:hug: Hi everyone :hug:

I'm going to be out of town for awhile. I'll check in when I get back. I'll remember each of you in my prayers.

Hugs,
Rea

[rhet 2]

:hug: Hi everyone :hug:

I'm going to be out of town for awhile. I'll check in when I get back. I'll remember each of you in my prayers.

Hugs,
Rea

:pray: The LORD keep you safe on your journeying, both to and from -- and give you solutions that will lead to full joy tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. :hug:

[rhet 2]

bump

wonder how it's going for her>

don't forget to pray, please

[Hadassah]

bump

wonder how it's going for her>

don't forget to pray, please

Have not forgotten. Still praying.

[itsrea]

Hi all... I'm home - arrived around 6 Friday evening, hour later Rick's DIL and two grandson's arrived, had a great visit with them, and they are home again - and I'm making moving arrangements this morning while in LOTS of pain - dr thought I'd broken a rib and punctured a lung but luckily I hadn't - it's 'just' pulled muscles.. not taking the pain medications cause they make me sick to my tummy, so am crabbing it around this morning.

I can't show you the house I bought because the realtor already took down the site.. but it's a lovely LITTLE (woooohooo!!) remodeled 2 bedroom, 1 bath home in a retirement community - the property has just the best landscaping, small lawns I can take care of, and in the older section so I can have Ruby and a clothesline.

It was a hassle at first - the realtor I'd been dealing with online wasn't forthcoming with the info I needed to check out the properties and rule out any I didn't want BEFORE she came.. spent a whole afternoon riding around in the rental checking out the ones she sent me, then she shows up (late, leaving me standing in over 100 degree heat) with a completely different list, making my work useless.. and she shows me properties in the community I wanted to see SECOND and that are above my price range... then when she got back to her office calls a agent and says I'll be making a offer that evening when I NEVER told her that.. Justin and Allen had a hissy and insisted I get a list from her so THEY could check things out, and she was reluctant then sent me a list of short-sales that should be burnt down INSTEAD of the list I asked for.

I finally changed agents, had to extend my stay, costing me hundreds of dollars - but he had me in the car in a hour checking out what I wanted to see and in my price range. HE checked out ac, heaters, hot water, roofs, etc, taking notes on age, efficiency etc, went back to his office, compared notes, did computer checks to see if prices were fair for area and like homes, called me to come in, and we went over the comparisons. I made a offer that night, they countered with a small increase the next day, I accepted and if it passes all inspections (which have already begin), I'm on my way.

I'll have the movers in around the 5th of September so I can be down there for my youngest's wedding, sign papers on the 14th, get keys the 17th or 18th, and have stuff delivered that same day.

All I have to do is fence the back yard and buy a stove.

I slept like a log while there (am down to a size 14 from a size 20-22), did some clothes shopping, had so much fun with Aubrey, who is in those 'I can do it myself' months and a delight to watch.. Justin and Carla look GREAT - she is just darling looking at seven months pregnant, and he sounds strong and happy. Got to see Christian before he leaves for basic training, had great one-on-one conversations with all three grandsons, and got to spend a little more time getting to know my future DIL.


I'm tired, but feeling more up then I have in weeks. I can't say I'm looking forward to things any better.. Rick is still dead, it's only been ten weeks, and I'm doing all of this because of that, but I'm handling things better then I was.

My male lovebird died while I was gone... from the way she's eating now I don't think they were eating very much. I got them at 4 and 7 days old, hand fed them every three hours for three months, and have had them seven years.

She laid over on her side on my chest and just laid there for so long I thought she was dying too - then she got up and hid her head under my shirt and trembled for the longest time... lovebirds have a very strong bond, so I won't know for days if she will make it or give up out of missing him.

Anyway, got to move around and see if my side will ease up on pain some..

I don't even know where to start in giving God credit... I never had a moments doubt that He had the perfect home for me - even with the mess of the first realtor I just had a peace and assurance from Him, and thank him with all my being for taking such good care of me.

And I thank all of you for the time you've dedicated in prayer for me... I won't be around posting in the threads yet.. I'm not up to it, but I promise to keep you up-to-date, and will post in here... and I'll be back in the threads eventually.

:hug: I love you all :hug:

Rea

[rhet 2]

Hi all... I'm home - arrived around 6 Friday evening, hour later Rick's DIL and two grandson's arrived, had a great visit with them, and they are home again - and I'm making moving arrangements this morning while in LOTS of pain - dr thought I'd broken a rib and punctured a lung but luckily I hadn't - it's 'just' pulled muscles.. not taking the pain medications cause they make me sick to my tummy, so am crabbing it around this morning.

I can't show you the house I bought because the realtor already took down the site.. but it's a lovely LITTLE (woooohooo!!) remodeled 2 bedroom, 1 bath home in a retirement community - the property has just the best landscaping, small lawns I can take care of, and in the older section so I can have Ruby and a clothesline.

It was a hassle at first - the realtor I'd been dealing with online wasn't forthcoming with the info I needed to check out the properties and rule out any I didn't want BEFORE she came.. spent a whole afternoon riding around in the rental checking out the ones she sent me, then she shows up (late, leaving me standing in over 100 degree heat) with a completely different list, making my work useless.. and she shows me properties in the community I wanted to see SECOND and that are above my price range... then when she got back to her office calls a agent and says I'll be making a offer that evening when I NEVER told her that.. Justin and Allen had a hissy and insisted I get a list from her so THEY could check things out, and she was reluctant then sent me a list of short-sales that should be burnt down INSTEAD of the list I asked for.

I finally changed agents, had to extend my stay, costing me hundreds of dollars - but he had me in the car in a hour checking out what I wanted to see and in my price range. HE checked out ac, heaters, hot water, roofs, etc, taking notes on age, efficiency etc, went back to his office, compared notes, did computer checks to see if prices were fair for area and like homes, called me to come in, and we went over the comparisons. I made a offer that night, they countered with a small increase the next day, I accepted and if it passes all inspections (which have already begin), I'm on my way.

I'll have the movers in around the 5th of September so I can be down there for my youngest's wedding, sign papers on the 14th, get keys the 17th or 18th, and have stuff delivered that same day.

All I have to do is fence the back yard and buy a stove.

I slept like a log while there (am down to a size 14 from a size 20-22), did some clothes shopping, had so much fun with Aubrey, who is in those 'I can do it myself' months and a delight to watch.. Justin and Carla look GREAT - she is just darling looking at seven months pregnant, and he sounds strong and happy. Got to see Christian before he leaves for basic training, had great one-on-one conversations with all three grandsons, and got to spend a little more time getting to know my future DIL.


I'm tired, but feeling more up then I have in weeks. I can't say I'm looking forward to things any better.. Rick is still dead, it's only been ten weeks, and I'm doing all of this because of that, but I'm handling things better then I was.

My male lovebird died while I was gone... from the way she's eating now I don't think they were eating very much. I got them at 4 and 7 days old, hand fed them every three hours for three months, and have had them seven years.

She laid over on her side on my chest and just laid there for so long I thought she was dying too - then she got up and hid her head under my shirt and trembled for the longest time... lovebirds have a very strong bond, so I won't know for days if she will make it or give up out of missing him.

Anyway, got to move around and see if my side will ease up on pain some..

I don't even know where to start in giving God credit... I never had a moments doubt that He had the perfect home for me - even with the mess of the first realtor I just had a peace and assurance from Him, and thank him with all my being for taking such good care of me.

And I thank all of you for the time you've dedicated in prayer for me... I won't be around posting in the threads yet.. I'm not up to it, but I promise to keep you up-to-date, and will post in here... and I'll be back in the threads eventually.

:hug: I love you all :hug:

Rea

don't strain yourself, luv -- physically or spiritually

this is WONDERFUL news: windows on a whole brand new future opening up all around you by His Grace! :clap:

just post when you can, because you remain in our hearts and minds and we're as thrilled to "hear" your voice as your love bird is.

:hug:

[blazer]

so happy for you! :hug:

[stoked]

Thanks for checking in Rea. I loved the little lovebird story; it's amazing how much we can share and learn from them. Give her a cuddle for me. :hug:

[jwil59]

Great news Rea, you were due some good news sis.

I am still praying for you everyday

[Hadassah]

Good news, rhea. :hug:

[jwil59]

Rea you are still in my prayers sis.

[itsrea]

This is a form that's in my lender package that I got today... do you believe I am (NO this is NOT a Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac loan) supposed to give a credit card number or a my checking account number without even knowing what the charge will be?

LINK (http://www.thisisreasplace.com/do_you_believe_this.htm)

[rhet 2]

This is a form that's in my lender package that I got today... do you believe I am (NO this is NOT a Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac loan) supposed to give a credit card number or a my checking account number without even knowing what the charge will be?

LINK (http://www.thisisreasplace.com/do_you_believe_this.htm)

I've got computer glitches again, so I can't read the link.

But,

Are they out of their minds? :wall:

God give you wisdom, dear one. :hug:

[itsrea]

I've got computer glitches again, so I can't read the link.

But,

Are they out of their minds? :wall:

God give you wisdom, dear one. :hug:It says:

Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac entered into a regulatory agreement called the home Valuation code of Conduct to adopt certain polilies relating to the obtainment of appraisals for loan delivery to both agencies. This enhancement has been implemented to the integrity of the home appraisal process in the mortgage finance industry, and is effective for all conventional loan applications signed signed and dated by the borrowers on or after May 1, 2009.

The borrower is required to pay in advance for the appraisal to be completed by a third party service.

The following information will be required before we request the processing of your loan file. Upon completion, a copy of the apprisal will be provided to you for your files.

You may elect to pay for your appraisal by Credit Card or Check. Please complete the application process below. Below there are two boxes, one for me to give a credit card info, and one for my checking account info. And below that is a place for me to sign the 'application' and date it.

Do you believe this? I'm supposed to fill out and sign a blank document, leaving cost up to someone at Fannie or Freddie to determine.. and then they'll bill me. I won't know how much until it shows up on my credit card. And this isn't even a Fannie or Freddie loan.

:eek:

[itsrea]

Do not fill the form out, I read the form.
1. Know how much you will pay or don't sign.
2. They could charge a high price!!
3. Do you have a good faith estimate?
4. It breaks down all the items including appraisal.
4. This is sent at the beginning of you accepting the loan or not, you have three days to decide.
5. Something fishy about this!!

You need another agent!!

In 2003, the appraisers were charging $800-$900 per appraisal.

DO NOT SIGN!!

CARLENEGheeze Carlene of course I have a good faith estimate and it doesn't mention anything about this appraisal. And this is not an appraisal of them property - it's an appraisal of the LOAN PROCESS so Fanniie and Freddie 'can better regulate' that process.

My lender and I think the processor put it in my package accidently. THAT's not the point. The point is that Fannie and Freddie are reguiring a blank form be signed by borrowers that ARE attempting to get a fannie or freddie loan. And since when does the government CHARGE people so IT can put together some report? What RIGHT do they have to charge the borrower for info they are attempting to gather for reglatory purposes? Individual appraisals on how the LENDING PROCESS went??? ********.

Aren't fannie and freddie borrowers low-income people? How is this requirement cutting costs for those people?

The government should be paying for their own damned appraisals. I don't need it. I already paid for mine.

[jwil59]

I'm no expert but that don't seem right.......

I pray you arer well Rea

[itsrea]

I'm no expert but that don't seem right.......

I pray you arer well ReaI'm not doing too badly Jeff = stiff have the sinus thing, and suffered some when those storms moved in, but mostly I'm trying to build strngth for the drive to CA. Thursday I successfully drove Ruby to the vet.. a hour down and a hour back - and did good afterwards. Today a friend and I are going over to Puyallup (pew-all-up) so her grandddaughter can get school supplies. I'm driving (it's a little over two hour drive one way). I'm doing some shopping too (for things I can't get locally), then we'll have lunch and drive back.

She has offered to go with me to CA to help with the driving and I think I'm going to accept her offer. I'll pay her plane fare home.

I'm waiting to see if the sellers will accept doing the repairs the inspection reports say need to be done.. there are a couple of small areas affected by dry rot, A couple of areas that the electrical needs to be addressed by a professional (one area in the garage the romax needs to be enclosed in conduit per CA law - a ceiling fan needs to be wired correctly instead of using a extension cord - and the newly installed three prong outlets need grounding), a tree that needs trimming away from the electrical lines, none of which are very expensive to handle. The major thing is a new roof - the estimate is about $3800 for a overlay - I'd prefer the old roof be taken down to plywood, but the cheapest that can be done (my nephew is a roofer) starts at $10,000. Aubrey and I owned at least three homes with overlays and never had a bit of trouble, so, if done right, I shouldn't have any trouble with the roof.

IF the sellers will agree to it.

[itsrea]

The government should be paying for their own damned appraisals. I don't need it. I already paid for mine.

Agreed one million%!!!

I had no idea this kind of thing is happening now.

Be careful Does the real estate company have a lawyer?
You need some consulting from someone that really knows their a's and q's of Real Estate.

CarleneIf you were a loan officer then you already know that neither the lender nor the realtor are allowed to involve themselves in illegal activities Carlene. My realtor is both a Chrisitan and a employee of a very large corp. My lender is a Christian and my rep, not the underwriters.

And having purchased eight homes when Aubrey was promoting around the state and this home with Rick, I know how to read the papers.

God will take care of me.

[itsrea]

I ask for prayers for this young man's family. Although not well, I knew him. He responded to a neighbor harrassing Rick when we first moved here, and gave me his cell number to call if we had further problems. He'd also call from time to time to see how things were going. He also responded the night Rick shot himself. He was dedicated to helping the people of Lewis County, kind, caring, and the caliber that we all hope our police force will be.

The impact of his cruiser hitting the barn/building was so intense it shook our homes three miles away and had us all calling each other wondering if one of the volcanoes had blown. We didn't know till this morning who had hit the elk.

I've been emailing the local news station for updates all day - they've been answering as news was released. After fighting a valiant fight all night and all day we just found out that he had not won that battle. I don't know why this has hit me so hard, but it has.

http://www.thenewstribune.com/news/local/story/849358.html

[doodle5]

You should study the five exams I took and passed in July!! The real estate is full of cheats
and illegal activities all the time!! Not all do but still there are those that do!! The fine is huge
and taking away the real estate license or brokers license!! It is done if reported the attorney general of each state starts the procedure the court action.

A professional in the real estate industry knows this.
If not, study and get knowledge of this, it is done all the time.

This is why I check the companies name before I have an interview and type in their license to see if they really have their license or no. Brokers are the worse about this. Just for the buck they will do anything, I mean anything!!

I quit a workplace, broker politely kept four commissions, he pocketed himself!!

Stiff fine on discrimination for any reason BIG TIME also!!

Have a great day!!

Carlene

[rhet 2]

I ask for prayers for this young man's family. Although not well, I knew him. He responded to a neighbor harrassing Rick when we first moved here, and gave me his cell number to call if we had further problems. He'd also call from time to time to see how things were going. He also responded the night Rick shot himself. He was dedicated to helping the people of Lewis County, kind, caring, and the caliber that we all hope our police force will be.

The impact of his cruiser hitting the barn/building was so intense it shook our homes three miles away and had us all calling each other wondering if one of the volcanoes had blown. We didn't know till this morning who had hit the elk.

I've been emailing the local news station for updates all day - they've been answering as news was released. After fighting a valiant fight all night and all day we just found out that he had not won that battle. I don't know why this has hit me so hard, but it has.

http://www.thenewstribune.com/news/local/story/849358.html

When bad things happen to the young, it hits us harder, I think, than when they happen to us. We've endured so much, and so desperately want the kiddos not to have to endure the same. They are truly tomorrow's hope. :((

The family is most surely in our prayers. May the LORD Himself comfort and sustain them through the tough days ahead.

[itsrea]

You should study the five exams I took and passed in July!! The real estate is full of cheats
and illegal activities all the time!! Not all do but still there are those that do!! The fine is huge
and taking away the real estate license or brokers license!! It is done if reported the attorney general of each state starts the procedure the court action.

A professional in the real estate industry knows this.
If not, study and get knowledge of this, it is done all the time.

This is why I check the companies name before I have an interview and type in their license to see if they really have their license or no. Brokers are the worse about this. Just for the buck they will do anything, I mean anything!!

I quit a workplace, broker politely kept four commissions, he pocketed himself!!

Stiff fine on discrimination for any reason BIG TIME also!!

Have a great day!!

CarleneI had to take those same classes when I owned the property management business Carlene. The real estate market is no more full of cheats, or lazy agents, or inept agents then any other industry. I've quit jobs in other industries because the owner or a co-worker was crooked.

My point is that God is in control.

[itsrea]

When bad things happen to the young, it hits us harder, I think, than when they happen to us. We've endured so much, and so desperately want the kiddos not to have to endure the same. They are truly tomorrow's hope. :((

The family is most surely in our prayers. May the LORD Himself comfort and sustain them through the tough days ahead.The deputy is not the officer I thought he was. The deputy that died is however the one that, the night Rick shot himself, would come to me every so often and ask if I needed anything. I'd sob out yes, I need Rick. He'd say, "I know baby, I know", and walk away with his shoulders hanging. He'd come back in awhile and ask me again. Because of the other suicides that night the coroner didn't get here until around 10 or so, so he was here all evening too - and even tho it must have been awful for him to come to me with me begging him like that he continued to come all evening to ask me if he could do anything for me. He was incredibly kind and the memory of his kindness has stayed with me all these three months.

There'll be a news conference this morning so maybe we'll find out more about his family.

:hug: thank you so much for your prayers my friend :hug:

[rhet 2]

The deputy is not the officer I thought he was. The deputy that died is however the one that, the night Rick shot himself, would come to me every so often and ask if I needed anything. I'd sob out yes, I need Rick. He'd say, "I know baby, I know", and walk away with his shoulders hanging. He'd come back in awhile and ask me again. Because of the other suicides that night the coroner didn't get here until around 10 or so, so he was here all evening too - and even tho it must have been awful for him to come to me with me begging him like that he continued to come all evening to ask me if he could do anything for me. He was incredibly kind and the memory of his kindness has stayed with me all these three months.

There'll be a news conference this morning so maybe we'll find out more about his family.

:hug: thank you so much for your prayers my friend :hug:
'
Ouch.

Not only did we lose a kind and gentle citizen, we lost a devoted and dedicated LEO. :((

My heart bleeds for his family. Keep me posted, please, for surely they stay in my prayers until further notice.

[Hadassah]

The deputy is not the officer I thought he was. The deputy that died is however the one that, the night Rick shot himself, would come to me every so often and ask if I needed anything. I'd sob out yes, I need Rick. He'd say, "I know baby, I know", and walk away with his shoulders hanging. He'd come back in awhile and ask me again. Because of the other suicides that night the coroner didn't get here until around 10 or so, so he was here all evening too - and even tho it must have been awful for him to come to me with me begging him like that he continued to come all evening to ask me if he could do anything for me. He was incredibly kind and the memory of his kindness has stayed with me all these three months.

There'll be a news conference this morning so maybe we'll find out more about his family.

:hug: thank you so much for your prayers my friend :hug:


:cry::cry::cry:


They have my prayers.

[itsrea]

:cry::cry::cry:


They have my prayers.I'm sure they'd thank you :hug: my friend :hug: As I do.

[jwil59]

:cry::cry::cry:


They have my prayers.

Mine too.........

How you feeling Rea?

[itsrea]

Mine too.........

How you feeling Rea?Trying to not be stressed.. but am trying to also trust God is in control Jeff...

[rhet 2]

Trying to not be stressed.. but am trying to also trust God is in control Jeff...

Hang in there, dearest. Remember, "Joy cometh in the morning," and this darkness cannot last forever. Soon you will see a new dawning. :hug:

[stoked]

Thank God for you Rhet, you are a wonderful person.

[itsrea]

Hang in there, dearest. Remember, "Joy cometh in the morning," and this darkness cannot last forever. Soon you will see a new dawning. :hug:The encouraging word has helped me day in and day out but these last three days I just end up confused, trying to figure out what it is the Lord is saying to me... things used to be so clear, clear cut. Life was easier then.

Saturday was three months Rick has been gone (if my math is right) and yesterday was the 12th anniversary of Rick's passing... I miss them both. Both terrific men, both loving and kind and funny, Aubrey brought me such a feeling of safe.. he could wrap his arms around me and everything was ok - Rick would be silly and funny and laughter would burst out of me in surprised and pleasing rush... life is less without them.

[rhet 2]

The encouraging word has helped me day in and day out but these last three days I just end up confused, trying to figure out what it is the Lord is saying to me... things used to be so clear, clear cut. Life was easier then.

Saturday was three months Rick has been gone (if my math is right) and yesterday was the 12th anniversary of Rick's passing... I miss them both. Both terrific men, both loving and kind and funny, Aubrey brought me such a feeling of safe.. he could wrap his arms around me and everything was ok - Rick would be silly and funny and laughter would burst out of me in surprised and pleasing rush... life is less without them.

Yeah. I know what you mean. When I was younger, I worked like a fiend thinking about the days of "easier" that would come "someday." Now, I struggle like a fiend waiting for "someday" to get here. "Clear cut" and "easier" it's NOT.

Those words of Paul, "Now I see in a mirror darkly," never meant quite as much as they do now, that's for sure.

I don't know how -- or even if -- I could survive without my Bear Who Cuddles. I know I must prepare for that day -- and I don't know how to even start. Just the thought fills my soul with darkness.

How you manage the struggle to endure one day at a time amazes me. I see the Hand of God in your minutes, minute by minute, Him cutting you the Grace you need to "keep on keeping on" -- so I know the same will be for me, too, when my own time to endure without my Bear of Purpose who focuses and strengthens me.

Just one of the "good" things the LORD works through your struggles. You and Rhonda both.

And others.

You show me that it can be done and how: "lie still upon your bed and know that I am God." Trust and "wait upon the LORD," doing what you can do and letting Him do what you can't.

If He can and will see you through this darkness to a new dawn, then He will see me and others through their own night time griefs and sorrows.

And He will surely see me through the darkness that looms on my own horizons, held away from my heart only by that same hope, and trust, and faith.

:hug: for all eternity

[itsrea]

:hug: Rhet:hug: I love you my friend.

Don't forget the yelling (lol). I do that from time to time. I go out on the deck and yell at Rick. My bird would be alive if I hadn't had to go to CA to property hunt. Rusty went to live permanently at his new home two days ago. My home is getting emptier and emptier as Rick's belongings leave. I yell at him "is this what you wanted?"

I got word yesterday his son (Michael) is so far into street drugs and alcohol that he isn't even going into work anymore and I yell at Rick asking him if THIS is what he wanted?

Sometimes I think the Lord wants me to let go of the anger, and sometimes I think He understands - either way it bogs me down and I work at letting it go.

I work at being what I think is 'normal' because poor Ruby is so stressed she pees at the drop of a hat. I work at what I think of as 'normal' because I can't stay back there where I see him laying there with that hole in his head.. then something happens, like sitting in church realizing I have not let myself think even one time about leaving these wonderful people and what THAT is going to be like and I know that nothing I do is normal, and that it's going to take forever and a lot of hard work to try and find some sense of normalcy.

[rhet 2]

:hug: Rhet:hug: I love you my friend.

Don't forget the yelling (lol). I do that from time to time. I go out on the deck and yell at Rick. My bird would be alive if I hadn't had to go to CA to property hunt. Rusty went to live permanently at his new home two days ago. My home is getting emptier and emptier as Rick's belongings leave. I yell at him "is this what you wanted?"

I got word yesterday his son (Michael) is so far into street drugs and alcohol that he isn't even going into work anymore and I yell at Rick asking him if THIS is what he wanted?

Sometimes I think the Lord wants me to let go of the anger, and sometimes I think He understands - either way it bogs me down and I work at letting it go.

I work at being what I think is 'normal' because poor Ruby is so stressed she pees at the drop of a hat. I work at what I think of as 'normal' because I can't stay back there where I see him laying there with that hole in his head.. then something happens, like sitting in church realizing I have not let myself think even one time about leaving these wonderful people and what THAT is going to be like and I know that nothing I do is normal, and that it's going to take forever and a lot of hard work to try and find some sense of normalcy.

And I love you, too.

I HATE the drug culture something fierce. Michael just moved waaaaaaaay up on my prayer list.

Let the anger go ---- BECAUSE He does understand -- and doesn't mind one little shred about the yelling. I suspect He's doing more than a little yelling about a whole lot of stuff, Himself, if you want to know the truth. He creates this glorious new life only to have some slaughterer disguised as a medical lifesaver jab a scalpel into its brain: bound to infuriate the LORD of Life something fierce. and that's only the start of the Pre-Flood garbage He's got to be totally ****ed off about. So, yell away -- just do try not to scare poor Ruby and the neighbors more than you can help. The elk, on the other hand..............

I'm sorry about the empty-empty. I'll pray for the LORD to hurry up the full-full dawn, instead.

And, as to leaving your church behind, think how Paul felt when he had to journey on to some new place, full of heathens.......... if he can, you can, since this isn't good-bye, just another mission trip out into the back of beyond where new faces wait to be discovered, with the long-cherished still there, always in the back of your heart and mind -- and at the other end of an email and telephone call. Just like Paul kept in touch with his own long-cherished in Galatia and Corinth and Jerusalem and Antioch.

I know you don't want to leave........ but that is the nature of the Church. Missions aren't just for full-time missionaries in Africa, you know. Somewhere, there are new hearts and minds the LORD intends to touch through you.

Just as He's touched mine through you on the Internet.

:hug:

[doodle5]

I have been praying two days for you starting the 19th.

My peace I leave with you, not as the world give I unto you, His peace is worth more than all the gold and diamonds in the world!!!!

Prayers continue!!

How soon are you moving? Don't over do and get exhausted, that can cause problems.

Eat a well balanced diet and rest well.

Carlene

[itsrea]

Because as of May 2009 the feds took over ordering appraisals on houses (lenders are no longer able to order them themselves except on FHA loans - they have to go through some agency who then hires some unknown third party contractor/appraiser) we're still waiting on the appraisal - no money even begins to move till then.)

I was going to leave for CA the 7th because I need to be down there for my youngest son's wedding on the 11th, 12th, anfd 13th, then the plans are sign papers on the 14th, and get keys the 17th or 18th.. but we realized the 7th is a holiday weekend, so we're leaving the 31st instead. Straight through it's a 12 hr drive, but we have the dog, and neither of us are used to long drives anymore, so we'll stop (probably in Medford) for the night. I booked my hotel room for the stay until closing and Rose's flight home yesterday. Going to cost me a extra week of being in a motel but we don't want to be on the road on a holiday.

I'm almost ready for the movers. Spent last week taking down pictures, kinick-knack shelves, and cleaning them and all the knick-knacks, cleaned all the books, and all the silk flowers, and the baskets. Neighbors hauled the last of Rick's belongings to the Thrift Store (so the garage is cleaned and ready), and the senior center is going to take the pool table and bowflex for raffles to raise funds for supporting the senior center. The next couple of days I'll be doing the filing and then cleaning the computer room, which is the worst mess in the house cause it's been the dumping room since I started. Then I'll pack for myself, the dog and the bird. I traded some lumber that we had left over to a neighbor who will come in and fill all the holes.

Until I know the appraisal is ok I can't lock down scheduling the mover, but he's done the walk thru and is ready to go when I am. A good friend/neighbor will come and be with the movers when they get here. Her husband spent a summer working at his uncle's moving company so knows how to watch them to make sure they do a good job, and to make sure everything is taken. I've been ruthless in cutting back on belongings, so there isn't much to move - most of the things are boxed goods.

If there is a hang-up with the loan I'll go into a rental until I get a place that passes appraisal and the money changes hands. I'm glad to be going. It's almost Fall weather here and the cold nights and days is really getting to my osteo-porosis and arthritis, and I feel miserable.

All of this eats away at the inheritance, so I'd ask for prayer that God will lay His hands on the people who are holding things up and get them moving.

Hugs,
Rea

[rhet 2]

Because as of May 2009 the feds took over ordering appraisals on houses (lenders are no longer able to order them themselves except on FHA loans - they have to go through some agency who then hires some unknown third party contractor/appraiser) we're still waiting on the appraisal - no money even begins to move till then.)

I was going to leave for CA the 7th because I need to be down there for my youngest son's wedding on the 11th, 12th, anfd 13th, then the plans are sign papers on the 14th, and get keys the 17th or 18th.. but we realized the 7th is a holiday weekend, so we're leaving the 31st instead. Straight through it's a 12 hr drive, but we have the dog, and neither of us are used to long drives anymore, so we'll stop (probably in Medford) for the night. I booked my hotel room for the stay until closing and Rose's flight home yesterday. Going to cost me a extra week of being in a motel but we don't want to be on the road on a holiday.

I'm almost ready for the movers. Spent last week taking down pictures, kinick-knack shelves, and cleaning them and all the knick-knacks, cleaned all the books, and all the silk flowers, and the baskets. Neighbors hauled the last of Rick's belongings to the Thrift Store (so the garage is cleaned and ready), and the senior center is going to take the pool table and bowflex for raffles to raise funds for supporting the senior center. The next couple of days I'll be doing the filing and then cleaning the computer room, which is the worst mess in the house cause it's been the dumping room since I started. Then I'll pack for myself, the dog and the bird. I traded some lumber that we had left over to a neighbor who will come in and fill all the holes.

Until I know the appraisal is ok I can't lock down scheduling the mover, but he's done the walk thru and is ready to go when I am. A good friend/neighbor will come and be with the movers when they get here. Her husband spent a summer working at his uncle's moving company so knows how to watch them to make sure they do a good job, and to make sure everything is taken. I've been ruthless in cutting back on belongings, so there isn't much to move - most of the things are boxed goods.

If there is a hang-up with the loan I'll go into a rental until I get a place that passes appraisal and the money changes hands. I'm glad to be going. It's almost Fall weather here and the cold nights and days is really getting to my osteo-porosis and arthritis, and I feel miserable.

All of this eats away at the inheritance, so I'd ask for prayer that God will lay His hands on the people who are holding things up and get them moving.

Hugs,
Rea

Bureaucracy: rules and procedures, and ZERO common sense, MINUS zero compassion and responsibility for the well-being of PEOPLE on the other end of the Rule Bound Mule Train to Nowhere.

I'm praying for the jerks to get off their asses and actually DO something worth doing BEFORE their damned Rule Book gets you hurt more than it already has.

[jwil59]

Because as of May 2009 the feds took over ordering appraisals on houses (lenders are no longer able to order them themselves except on FHA loans - they have to go through some agency who then hires some unknown third party contractor/appraiser) we're still waiting on the appraisal - no money even begins to move till then.)

I was going to leave for CA the 7th because I need to be down there for my youngest son's wedding on the 11th, 12th, anfd 13th, then the plans are sign papers on the 14th, and get keys the 17th or 18th.. but we realized the 7th is a holiday weekend, so we're leaving the 31st instead. Straight through it's a 12 hr drive, but we have the dog, and neither of us are used to long drives anymore, so we'll stop (probably in Medford) for the night. I booked my hotel room for the stay until closing and Rose's flight home yesterday. Going to cost me a extra week of being in a motel but we don't want to be on the road on a holiday.

I'm almost ready for the movers. Spent last week taking down pictures, kinick-knack shelves, and cleaning them and all the knick-knacks, cleaned all the books, and all the silk flowers, and the baskets. Neighbors hauled the last of Rick's belongings to the Thrift Store (so the garage is cleaned and ready), and the senior center is going to take the pool table and bowflex for raffles to raise funds for supporting the senior center. The next couple of days I'll be doing the filing and then cleaning the computer room, which is the worst mess in the house cause it's been the dumping room since I started. Then I'll pack for myself, the dog and the bird. I traded some lumber that we had left over to a neighbor who will come in and fill all the holes.

Until I know the appraisal is ok I can't lock down scheduling the mover, but he's done the walk thru and is ready to go when I am. A good friend/neighbor will come and be with the movers when they get here. Her husband spent a summer working at his uncle's moving company so knows how to watch them to make sure they do a good job, and to make sure everything is taken. I've been ruthless in cutting back on belongings, so there isn't much to move - most of the things are boxed goods.

If there is a hang-up with the loan I'll go into a rental until I get a place that passes appraisal and the money changes hands. I'm glad to be going. It's almost Fall weather here and the cold nights and days is really getting to my osteo-porosis and arthritis, and I feel miserable.

All of this eats away at the inheritance, so I'd ask for prayer that God will lay His hands on the people who are holding things up and get them moving.

Hugs,
Rea

I got it Rea, prayers to get things moving from me for sure.

[CexEdgeld]

I care Blazer. My prayers to your and your daughter. I hope her doctors can help her live with this disease. It is manageable. A man I work with has had it since he was your daughters age and now he gets Remicade infusions and is feeling quite well. Please do keep us informed and as another mother I know how much you worry when your child is hurting.
_________________
Auto Europe (http://germany-auto.blogspot.com/)

[doodle5]

I'm sorry to hear your problems about your house your are buying has so many hangups.

The Real Estate business is screwed!!

I have been looking for other jobs!

May Gods Blessings be yours and a miracle occurs so you can move into your house.

Have fun at the wedding!!

Carlene

[JenyEliza]

Rhea....been praying for you the past month. I'm sorry I haven't been around to lend a prayer and a hand. Kind of over my head with issues on this end too.

Sending my love and prayers your way. It will all be OK. One day--you will find a new "normal". When it you least expect it, you'll discover it has happened. :hug:

Jeny

[itsrea]

I'm sorry to hear your problems about your house your are buying has so many hangups.

The Real Estate business is screwed!!

I have been looking for other jobs!

May Gods Blessings be yours and a miracle occurs so you can move into your house.

Have fun at the wedding!!

Carlenegood luck with that job hunting Carlene!

[itsrea]

Rhea....been praying for you the past month. I'm sorry I haven't been around to lend a prayer and a hand. Kind of over my head with issues on this end too.

Sending my love and prayers your way. It will all be OK. One day--you will find a new "normal". When it you least expect it, you'll discover it has happened. :hug:

Jeny:hug: Jeny :hug: I know you're struggling hun, don't worry about not posting! I've thought of you often, was going to pm Rhet to see if she had word of you yesterday but was busy most of the day with loan stuff... I'm happy to see you!

hugs,
Rea

[rhet 2]

Rhea....been praying for you the past month. I'm sorry I haven't been around to lend a prayer and a hand. Kind of over my head with issues on this end too.

Sending my love and prayers your way. It will all be OK. One day--you will find a new "normal". When it you least expect it, you'll discover it has happened. :hug:

Jeny

And so will you, dear one. And so will you.

Not necessary to say our prayers where others can listen in. Just that we "be there" for one another. And those who do not believe can chip in just as significantly with loving kindness and words of encouragement just as helpful and significant, too.

:hug: to you and to Rea

Neither of you are ever long absent from my thoughts and never for even a second absent from my heart.

[doodle5]

Rea :hug::hug:

I looked on hud last night... the FHA'S have alot of restrictions always did always will, the govt will find the appraisals hmmmmm.

My dear be prepared for anything to happen now. Can you financially wait for months or do you have another plan?

You own other houses....

I am thinking about being certified for Escrow officer or Notary.

doodle

[itsrea]

Rea :hug::hug:

I looked on hud last night... the FHA'S have alot of restrictions always did always will, the govt will find the appraisals hmmmmm.

My dear be prepared for anything to happen now. Can you financially wait for months or do you have another plan?

You own other houses....

I am thinking about being certified for Escrow officer or Notary.

doodleI don't own 'other houses' and I don't know where you get the idea that I do.

I have a 50% interest in my home, the Probate Court says Rick's Estate owns the other 50% - The Court has ordered that the property has to be sold to pay off his debt.

Even if the court had not ordered the sale, I couldn't stay. Snowfall here is extensive and due to the bank taking Rick's truck back, I no longer have a four wheel drive plus my health would not stand up to having to shovel snow so I could get to the wood stove, much less get the trash up to the road so it can be emptied, much less get to grocery shopping, or, snow-bound, be able to do any of the other myriad things that daily living requires.

I don't know why that's so hard to understand. And, to be honest Carlene, I'm not stupid. Over the years I've purchased and sold eight homes. I understand the process. I thank you for trying to help but on top of grieving for Rick, and struggling with the memory of him laying there, I am the Executor of his Estate, have this house for sale, and am purchasing another, so I have enough concerns to deal with on a daily basis without having to read alarmist posts too. The Holy Spirit is quite capable of warning me if I need warning.

[itsrea]

well :hug: folks :hug: the house is almost ready for the movers, tomorrow I pack the suitcases (Ruby gets one too), and Monday morning I leave for California. I'll have my laptop, and hopefully will be able to figure out how to make it access the internet from the motel, but even if I do I may not be posting much. We'll just have to see. If you don't hear from me, don't worry, ok?

I'd ask for your prayers that the rest of the process goes smoothly, and for traveler's prayers for both Rose and myself as we drive.

Thank you so much,
love and hugs,
Rea

[rhet 2]

well :hug: folks :hug: the house is almost ready for the movers, tomorrow I pack the suitcases (Ruby gets one too), and Monday morning I leave for California. I'll have my laptop, and hopefully will be able to figure out how to make it access the internet from the motel, but even if I do I may not be posting much. We'll just have to see. If you don't hear from me, don't worry, ok?

I'd ask for your prayers that the rest of the process goes smoothly, and for traveler's prayers for both Rose and myself as we drive.

Thank you so much,
love and hugs,
Rea

Safe journey, dear one.

May the LORD put up a BIG umbrella against the rain along the way -- and scatter nothing but roses in your path.

"See" you when you can get back to us.

And know our prayers travel with you always.

:hug:

[stoked]

well :hug: folks :hug: the house is almost ready for the movers, tomorrow I pack the suitcases (Ruby gets one too), and Monday morning I leave for California. I'll have my laptop, and hopefully will be able to figure out how to make it access the internet from the motel, but even if I do I may not be posting much. We'll just have to see. If you don't hear from me, don't worry, ok?

I'd ask for your prayers that the rest of the process goes smoothly, and for traveler's prayers for both Rose and myself as we drive.

Thank you so much,
love and hugs,
Rea

Well, you'll be getting here just in time to enjoy beautiful fall weather (still VERY hot though mind you). But anyway, the sunshine will do you good.

[doodle5]

two weeks ago you something about buying and selling house, sorry, maybe it was something else.

doodle

[Seanachie]

Hello Rea,

I hope and pray that all will go well with your travels and new home. An Irish Blessing that says it much better than I ever will;

May the power of God guide you,
The might of God uphold you,
The wisdom of God teach you,
The eye of God watch over you,
The ear of God hear you,
The word of God give you speech,
The hand of God protect you,
The way of God go before you,
The shield of God shelter you.

Adapted from the Lorica by St. Patrick (http://forums.hannity.com/../Poetry/StPatrick.html)


Be well Lady,

Jim