GOP_FAN
May 10th, 2009, 5:00 am
My Mother has always been a fun, outgoing, perky type. I visit her in Oklahoma once or twice a year, and she'd come here to Calif.(she loves California). My Mother didn't have much in the way of material things, her house, her friends, whom she cherished, and a little dog, one of those little hot dog guys :) She also had her children, me, the oldest, my younger sister, and the youngest, her long awaited boy. My Father died years ago.
Please indulge me a moment, and I'll tell you a few things about my Mom. I love sending my Mom things, anything, big or little, she has always expressed joy and pleasure over the simplest of things. We love the Indian Casinos, even if she won 20 bucks, you'd think it was a million. When we weren't doing the town(we're talking Dewey Okla, lol, not much of a 'town') we just watched something on TV, or I showed her something on the computer, simple things, that were made special things because we did it together. I'm like her in many ways, I love to go places, to laugh, and like her, I'm healthy, minimal number of colds, flus, viruses, we are lucky, even when I get a cold, it's short in duration. So, I thought nothing of it when she developed a pain in her shoulder, we bought patches, those heat things, and put the heating pad on it. I told her to see the doctor before I left for home, she assured me she would.
The pain persisted, then she said it seemed to be 'traveling' to her chest, the clinic referred her to an Orthopedic doctor in Tulsa(an hour away) after some x-rays, and consultations they diagnosed her with a pinched nerve. That doctor scheduled surgery, for a few weeks after that. By now it was mid December.
She was scheduled for a pre-0p a few days before the surgery. In the meantime, she went to the ER, alarmed by sudden shortness of breath. The ER doc said she had pneumonia, he gave her some antibiodics and told her he doubted they'd proceed with surgery, but that she could go ahead with the pre-op appt. and hope it would clear up. She went in for the pre-op, and they referred her to a pulmonary doctor because they said something was going on in her lungs, after they reviewed her MRI. She said the office told her they couldn't get an appt. with the pulmonary doctor until January 6th. This was before Christmas. While waiting for the appt. she had another trip to the ER, still having shortness of breath. For some reason they did another MRI, even though she'd just had one. an astute ER doc was determined to find out why she couldn't breathe well since the pneumonia was gone, and her lungs appeared clear. She walked into the room and told my Mother she had bad news for her, that there was a tumor. That was it, I took time from my teaching job and flew out to see her.
I was there January 5th, and could only stay until Sunday, because I had to get back to my job. I was shocked, my Mother had gone to casinos with me, and shopping, and lunch, the usual things, just 4 months earlier. Now she was weakened to the point where she couldn't even dress herself without help. She wasn't eating anything, in fact didn't eat much of anything the entire week I was there. She has pain pills oxi-codiene(something like that) and an inhaler, not the albuterol I use for asthma, something different. My mother had never taken anything more than Advil, when she first was given the meds, she couldn't take more than a half. Now I noticed she was taking one, sometimes 2, every time she could according to the RX. Even more disturbing the independent, happy go lucky Mom I left in August, was now very dependent on having somebody with her all the time. Her friends had been coming by, spending the night when they could, etc. She called me a few days before I left to see her and told me she was terrified of being alone. I was still in Los Angeles, all I could think of was Uncle Bill, he's 90, but incredibly still drives. I told her well, I know he drives you crazy, but I can call Uncle Bill, who lives just outside Tulsa, to my surprise, she said, "oh, well yeah! I can put up with him" this just wasn't like her, my Mother would never, EVER, ask anybody for anything, it's just not her way. I called him, fortunately, he agreed to stay with her.
I wanted her to come and stay with me, that was NEVER an issue, I couldn't convince her to leave her home, and she wasn't in any condition by then, so the idea was nixed. My brother lives in Arkansas, a 2 hour drive, but he wasn't available very often(I'm being as diplomatic as possible) during the month of January and February, my sister and I took turns flying out to take care of Mom as much as possible. The last time I saw her was March 2nd, she was under Hospice care. I thought I was prepared, but nothing could have prepared me for my Mom's current condition, she was a healthy looking woman, who loved life when I visited her in July. She was in pain, and showing the signs of the disease physically when I went back, the first week in January, she couldn't get out and run around with me, but she was alert, still joking, and talking to me. The next time I saw her, about 6 weeks later, I barely recognized her. She had a grayish, pasty look about her(my Mother has always had the most beautiful complexion) she had the oxygen hose in her nose, of course, but her soulful blue eyes had lost their spark, and she had more of a blank stare. My Mom had always been meticulous about her appearance, she went to the beauty salon twice a week, now her hair was uncombed, flat against her head, it looked like she'd had it cut short, probably to make it easier for those 'caring' for her. About 90% of the time she was incoherent, and if she did mutter something, I couldn't make it out.
My Mother passed away from lung cancer on March 10th, at 7:10 AM.
The services were lovely, and I think my Mother would have been pleased. I would be lying if I didn't say it was one of the, if not the most difficult day of my life. I miss her terribly, I'll see something in the paper, or just think of something that we used to talk about and my first inclination is to pick up the phone and call her. I vacillate between anger and overwhelming sadness. I'm angry at the doctors for taking what I think was too long to diagnose and begin treatment. I understand the difficulty in diagnosing, she didn't have a cough or shortness of breath until the late stage, but I'm still wondering why it took so long to get appts. and why somebody didn't go the extra mile and do a more extensive exam, rather than assuming that all the pain was caused by a 'pinched nerve'. I don't know whether my anger with them is rational or not, I just know I want my Mother back. I'm mostly angry at myself, I should've have gone to see her sooner, I should've insisted she come here to Los Angeles when she was still able to, I should've done many things...."should've, would've, could've"
My most treasured possession is my Mother's gold chain with a Mother/child charm I gave her years ago, she always wore it. I had planned to wear it myself, so I'd have something of Mom's with me all the time, a connection, but I have been unable to just put it on, I can't bring myself to wear it, I don't know why, I just can't.
If I had a chance to do it again, I'd fly to Oklahoma and surprise my Mother on Mother's day, God, I miss her.
To the rest of you: Be extra nice to your Mother on her special day, and be very grateful you have her.
To my Mother: Happy Mother's Day Mom, I'll see you again one day :) I love you.
Please indulge me a moment, and I'll tell you a few things about my Mom. I love sending my Mom things, anything, big or little, she has always expressed joy and pleasure over the simplest of things. We love the Indian Casinos, even if she won 20 bucks, you'd think it was a million. When we weren't doing the town(we're talking Dewey Okla, lol, not much of a 'town') we just watched something on TV, or I showed her something on the computer, simple things, that were made special things because we did it together. I'm like her in many ways, I love to go places, to laugh, and like her, I'm healthy, minimal number of colds, flus, viruses, we are lucky, even when I get a cold, it's short in duration. So, I thought nothing of it when she developed a pain in her shoulder, we bought patches, those heat things, and put the heating pad on it. I told her to see the doctor before I left for home, she assured me she would.
The pain persisted, then she said it seemed to be 'traveling' to her chest, the clinic referred her to an Orthopedic doctor in Tulsa(an hour away) after some x-rays, and consultations they diagnosed her with a pinched nerve. That doctor scheduled surgery, for a few weeks after that. By now it was mid December.
She was scheduled for a pre-0p a few days before the surgery. In the meantime, she went to the ER, alarmed by sudden shortness of breath. The ER doc said she had pneumonia, he gave her some antibiodics and told her he doubted they'd proceed with surgery, but that she could go ahead with the pre-op appt. and hope it would clear up. She went in for the pre-op, and they referred her to a pulmonary doctor because they said something was going on in her lungs, after they reviewed her MRI. She said the office told her they couldn't get an appt. with the pulmonary doctor until January 6th. This was before Christmas. While waiting for the appt. she had another trip to the ER, still having shortness of breath. For some reason they did another MRI, even though she'd just had one. an astute ER doc was determined to find out why she couldn't breathe well since the pneumonia was gone, and her lungs appeared clear. She walked into the room and told my Mother she had bad news for her, that there was a tumor. That was it, I took time from my teaching job and flew out to see her.
I was there January 5th, and could only stay until Sunday, because I had to get back to my job. I was shocked, my Mother had gone to casinos with me, and shopping, and lunch, the usual things, just 4 months earlier. Now she was weakened to the point where she couldn't even dress herself without help. She wasn't eating anything, in fact didn't eat much of anything the entire week I was there. She has pain pills oxi-codiene(something like that) and an inhaler, not the albuterol I use for asthma, something different. My mother had never taken anything more than Advil, when she first was given the meds, she couldn't take more than a half. Now I noticed she was taking one, sometimes 2, every time she could according to the RX. Even more disturbing the independent, happy go lucky Mom I left in August, was now very dependent on having somebody with her all the time. Her friends had been coming by, spending the night when they could, etc. She called me a few days before I left to see her and told me she was terrified of being alone. I was still in Los Angeles, all I could think of was Uncle Bill, he's 90, but incredibly still drives. I told her well, I know he drives you crazy, but I can call Uncle Bill, who lives just outside Tulsa, to my surprise, she said, "oh, well yeah! I can put up with him" this just wasn't like her, my Mother would never, EVER, ask anybody for anything, it's just not her way. I called him, fortunately, he agreed to stay with her.
I wanted her to come and stay with me, that was NEVER an issue, I couldn't convince her to leave her home, and she wasn't in any condition by then, so the idea was nixed. My brother lives in Arkansas, a 2 hour drive, but he wasn't available very often(I'm being as diplomatic as possible) during the month of January and February, my sister and I took turns flying out to take care of Mom as much as possible. The last time I saw her was March 2nd, she was under Hospice care. I thought I was prepared, but nothing could have prepared me for my Mom's current condition, she was a healthy looking woman, who loved life when I visited her in July. She was in pain, and showing the signs of the disease physically when I went back, the first week in January, she couldn't get out and run around with me, but she was alert, still joking, and talking to me. The next time I saw her, about 6 weeks later, I barely recognized her. She had a grayish, pasty look about her(my Mother has always had the most beautiful complexion) she had the oxygen hose in her nose, of course, but her soulful blue eyes had lost their spark, and she had more of a blank stare. My Mom had always been meticulous about her appearance, she went to the beauty salon twice a week, now her hair was uncombed, flat against her head, it looked like she'd had it cut short, probably to make it easier for those 'caring' for her. About 90% of the time she was incoherent, and if she did mutter something, I couldn't make it out.
My Mother passed away from lung cancer on March 10th, at 7:10 AM.
The services were lovely, and I think my Mother would have been pleased. I would be lying if I didn't say it was one of the, if not the most difficult day of my life. I miss her terribly, I'll see something in the paper, or just think of something that we used to talk about and my first inclination is to pick up the phone and call her. I vacillate between anger and overwhelming sadness. I'm angry at the doctors for taking what I think was too long to diagnose and begin treatment. I understand the difficulty in diagnosing, she didn't have a cough or shortness of breath until the late stage, but I'm still wondering why it took so long to get appts. and why somebody didn't go the extra mile and do a more extensive exam, rather than assuming that all the pain was caused by a 'pinched nerve'. I don't know whether my anger with them is rational or not, I just know I want my Mother back. I'm mostly angry at myself, I should've have gone to see her sooner, I should've insisted she come here to Los Angeles when she was still able to, I should've done many things...."should've, would've, could've"
My most treasured possession is my Mother's gold chain with a Mother/child charm I gave her years ago, she always wore it. I had planned to wear it myself, so I'd have something of Mom's with me all the time, a connection, but I have been unable to just put it on, I can't bring myself to wear it, I don't know why, I just can't.
If I had a chance to do it again, I'd fly to Oklahoma and surprise my Mother on Mother's day, God, I miss her.
To the rest of you: Be extra nice to your Mother on her special day, and be very grateful you have her.
To my Mother: Happy Mother's Day Mom, I'll see you again one day :) I love you.