View Full Version : Chuck Norrisms
ALcard
April 6th, 2009, 3:29 am
Ok, WITHOUT googling any list of common Chuck Norrisms, post your all time favorite ones :D
"You're only alive because Chuck Norris allows it!"
ALcard
April 6th, 2009, 3:31 am
Chuck Norris once had sex with a gas tank... the Transformers were then born.
dittoheadAZ
April 6th, 2009, 3:36 am
Chuck Norris is only alive because Sarah Palin allows it.
;) (a little blast from the past)
If you look over your shoulder and see someone following you, it is a stalker. If you don't see anyone, it is Chuck Norris. And you have only 10 seconds left to live.
ALcard
April 6th, 2009, 3:52 am
Every record in the Guinness Book of World Records are owned by Chuck Norris.
The people listed are merely the runners up!
James Juno
April 6th, 2009, 4:00 am
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
ALcard
April 6th, 2009, 4:04 am
Chuck Norris once took a trip to the Virgin Islands.
They just called the Islands now.
James Juno
April 6th, 2009, 4:08 am
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
ALcard
April 6th, 2009, 4:13 am
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
James Juno
April 6th, 2009, 4:15 am
^ :mrgreen:
Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.
ALcard
April 6th, 2009, 4:20 am
Chuck Norris counted to Infinity.. twice!
Talk2Bill
April 6th, 2009, 8:53 am
chuck norris doesn't have a chin under his beard...just another fist!
ALcard
April 6th, 2009, 9:31 am
Chuck Norris would never campaign for President. He'd simply tell the world how it's gonna be!
pinqy
April 6th, 2009, 9:46 am
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer.....If Chuck Norris ever cried.
pinqy
April 6th, 2009, 9:47 am
Monsters check under the bed for Chuck Norris.
ALcard
April 6th, 2009, 9:49 am
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably!
gwhughes
April 6th, 2009, 10:36 am
Chuck Norris clogs the toilet when he pees.
ALcard
April 6th, 2009, 10:41 am
Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion. Neo is now known as "The Two"
birdonawire
April 6th, 2009, 10:44 am
Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion. Neo is now known as "The Two"
:lol:
Claymore
April 6th, 2009, 10:50 am
Chuck Norris does not gamble in Vegas. He just collects cash while being entertained by the mortals.
ALcard
April 6th, 2009, 10:52 am
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia had to be applied to the doctors.
ALcard
April 6th, 2009, 12:28 pm
Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing it's chain and both tires!
Claymore
April 6th, 2009, 5:08 pm
Chuck Norris struck out The Mighty Casey, underhanded.
Wndrtch
April 6th, 2009, 5:47 pm
Ok, WITHOUT googling any list of common Chuck Norrisms, post your all time favorite ones :D
"You're only alive because Chuck Norris allows it!"
Chuck Norris dosn't do push-up....
...he pushes the World down!
Gaby77
April 6th, 2009, 5:55 pm
If you have five dollars, and chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you!
Gaby77
April 6th, 2009, 5:56 pm
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
ChristianDem
April 6th, 2009, 6:21 pm
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling corn to lay the hell down.
ALcard
April 6th, 2009, 10:15 pm
Many people have died from Chuck Norris giving them the finger.
blazer
April 6th, 2009, 11:36 pm
Chuck Norris can run so fast that he can run around the world and kick himself in the back of the head.
blazer
April 6th, 2009, 11:37 pm
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
blazer
April 6th, 2009, 11:39 pm
Chuck Norris clogs the toilet when he pees.
:))
Traveller
April 7th, 2009, 12:30 am
NASA does not lauch satellites. They get Chuck Norris to roundhouse kick them into orbit
ALcard
April 7th, 2009, 1:18 am
There is no such thing as tornadoes. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
ALcard
April 7th, 2009, 1:22 am
Chuck Norris speaks a language of karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
James Juno
April 7th, 2009, 1:58 am
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
ALcard
April 7th, 2009, 2:05 am
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
ALcard
April 7th, 2009, 2:10 am
Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
James Juno
April 7th, 2009, 2:25 am
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris.
James Juno
April 7th, 2009, 2:29 am
Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas to bed.
ALcard
April 7th, 2009, 6:34 am
Chuck Norris ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with the waitress.
Traveller
April 7th, 2009, 9:16 am
Land speed records are set by people fleeing from Chuck Norris
Traveller
April 7th, 2009, 9:18 am
Chuck Norris has been dead for years only Death is afraid to come and get him
murphy
April 7th, 2009, 9:55 am
Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.
murphy
April 7th, 2009, 9:58 am
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in three moves.
ALcard
April 7th, 2009, 10:15 am
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars... That's why there are no signs of life there!
gwhughes
April 7th, 2009, 11:01 am
Chuck Norris can burn asbestos fibers, he smokes them....REDS!
ALcard
April 7th, 2009, 11:33 am
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take **** from anybody!
WJStafford
April 7th, 2009, 3:29 pm
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris
ALcard
April 8th, 2009, 1:27 am
Chuck Norris is suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
dittoheadAZ
April 8th, 2009, 1:28 am
When you wake up tomorrow morning, it's only because Chuck Norris allowed you to live through the night.
ALcard
April 8th, 2009, 1:52 am
Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper then **** out 50 origami swans and Mister Miyagi from the Karate Kid.
Ardathair
April 8th, 2009, 1:57 am
You can tell Chuck Norris is amused by threads such as this because he hasn't round house kicked the OP.
ALcard
April 8th, 2009, 5:27 am
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability.
After the deal was finalized, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back.
The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming.
They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Traveller
April 8th, 2009, 11:58 pm
They say that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence ... unless Chuck Norris is on that side in which case the grass is soaked in blood and tears.
Claymore
April 9th, 2009, 12:00 am
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability.
After the deal was finalized, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back.
The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming.
They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
And,,, Chuck ALWAYS WINS.;)
Traveller
April 9th, 2009, 12:29 am
Chuck Norris was crossing the road one day when he invented the short bus.
ALcard
April 9th, 2009, 12:44 am
Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.