I need some advice regarding dating

[Remus Lupin]

I'm planning to move back to Jax Fla in a month or two. I been looking at some online dating sites.
Don't know where else to look.
I don't go to bars being I don't drink nor do I want to date someone who drinks either (being that drug and alcohol abuse runs high in my family)
I don't knoe where else to look.
Like I said, I been trying out a few free dating sites but I'm a bit concerned on who I might end up.
What would some of you all advise?
Problem with me I have Asperger Syndrome which social interaction downright difficult for me. I'm not using it to down myself or wanting pity but I know my weaknesses.
I'm concern that some woman might see someone as "Urkel like" as I am. People with asperger are usually seen as weird,odd,arrogent, you name it.
I just wonder if its extremely rude asking a woman you want to ask out if shes already seeing someone.
Whagt arfe you alls advice.

[peter45]

Light years ago (I am probably old enough to be your grandfather), I used to go to singles dances.

The greatest thing about the dances was that you got to ask a woman to dance, talk to her while you danced, talk a little between dances, then either keep talking, or either of you could just say; “Thank you for the dance.” And then, just walk away.
It was really much easier than a bar, since I never quite knew how to disengage once a conversation started (in a bar). The dances always allowed for everybody to move on, without hurting each other’s feelings.

My children were successful with speed dating (spend a few minutes at a number of different tables, talking to different women), and computer dating.

The other thing about the dances, however, was that I made friends with some of the “regular” women-the women who were always there. So then I had someone to talk to, even if it was a slow night.
The regular women liked to have men friends, in case they had some guy attempt to latch on to them, they could always come over and pretend that we were more than just friends. And visa-versa.

[peter45]

Another thing to keep in mind is that a woman may claim to have a boyfriend just to let you down nicely.

It is usually easier for a man to hear; “Oh, I am already seeing someone.”
Than hearing; “I just don’t like you.”

[rhet 2]

I met my Bear Who Cuddles at church.

We argued theology, argued politics, argued a lot of things sitting in a Sambos after services -- and I grew out of my Hippie Phase -- and I found a man strong and steady, who never lost his temper, always had a helping hand for somebody else, never said what he wasn't sure was true -- and had some flaws, too. He was my best friend long before we knew we were dating.

Look for a friend, first. Dating should be meeting a friend to see a movie together or eat a burger together or just walk in the park together, because having a friend is a good thing.

Don't go looking for a mate. Go looking for friends. The friendship will grow into true bonding of hearts and minds because it's free to be a growing friendship instead of getting warped into something else.

Just go wherever your interests lead you and BE A FRIEND to whoever else is going to the same place -- let the dating grow out of the befriending, because that's what your heart really yearns for -- a true friend who is not-you, different than you are, yet always there for you, no matter what, even when you intensely disagree with each other.

And you'll be dating without even knowing that's what's happening -- because dating = courtship = exploring the potential for a possible life-bonding called "marriage."

So just follow your natural interests, go somewhere you WANT to go, do what you WANT to do and NEED to do -- and when you meet others who went there for the same reason you did, be a friend -- and let them be a friend to you. If the friendship grows into dating, well and good -- and if it doesn't, you still have a friend, and the friend still has you for a friend, too.

But be very careful of those online dating services.

First, they've got the priorities upside down -- courting doesn't build friendships -- friendships build courting.

Second, they ARE haunted by perverts looking for a victim.

Third, they ARE haunted by not-friends, people who lack the capacity for simple friendship, looking for something to fill that dead not-able spot in their lives -- people fixated on their own selfish needs, unable to set Self to the side so they can focus on Friend instead.

Remus, you know I love you like the true friend you are -- I'm decades older than you -- yet you are my friend, and I am yours. We don't agree on everything, yet I can trust you to accept me as I am, flaws and virtues both, just as I accept and value you as you are, flaws and strengths alike. That's friendship, true and sound and healthy for us both.

Just go find someplace where you can have fun, meet people face to face, and form the same friendships with -- and let the dating grow out of those friendships.

[Remus Lupin]

Like I said I don't drink, or go to dance places. I'm not much into dating someone at my workplace.
Don't know where else to go.

[cbut1]

Church is a good place to go but the truth of the matter is you need to go there for God and let Him provide you a mate in His time.

If God is not your thing then I have 3 friends that have used E-Harmony and they each speak very highly of it.

[cbut1]

Oh snap far be it from me to forget to offer up our gracious hosts own Hannidate site.

:D

[Dreamy]

I'm planning to move back to Jax Fla in a month or two. I been looking at some online dating sites.
Don't know where else to look.
I don't go to bars being I don't drink nor do I want to date someone who drinks either (being that drug and alcohol abuse runs high in my family)
I don't knoe where else to look.
Like I said, I been trying out a few free dating sites but I'm a bit concerned on who I might end up.
What would some of you all advise?
Problem with me I have Asperger Syndrome which social interaction downright difficult for me. I'm not using it to down myself or wanting pity but I know my weaknesses.
I'm concern that some woman might see someone as "Urkel like" as I am. People with asperger are usually seen as weird,odd,arrogent, you name it.
I just wonder if its extremely rude asking a woman you want to ask out if shes already seeing someone.
Whagt arfe you alls advice.


Great advice from many here Remus. Especially about women online. There are women who prowl the internet looking to fill their own empty "spots" in their lives more than they are about sharing with another. I was was wondering if there are Asperger Groups online that might point you in the direction of some local possibilities?

[jwil59]

I'm planning to move back to Jax Fla in a month or two. I been looking at some online dating sites.
Don't know where else to look.
I don't go to bars being I don't drink nor do I want to date someone who drinks either (being that drug and alcohol abuse runs high in my family)
I don't knoe where else to look.
Like I said, I been trying out a few free dating sites but I'm a bit concerned on who I might end up.
What would some of you all advise?
Problem with me I have Asperger Syndrome which social interaction downright difficult for me. I'm not using it to down myself or wanting pity but I know my weaknesses.
I'm concern that some woman might see someone as "Urkel like" as I am. People with asperger are usually seen as weird,odd,arrogent, you name it.
I just wonder if its extremely rude asking a woman you want to ask out if shes already seeing someone.
Whagt arfe you alls advice.

Like I have told you before mitch has Aspergers too. Since those meds can cause seizures, he isn't even taking anything for it right now. He also has had some problems socially so I know what you are going through. You can count on my prayers about that

I think you should get in a good strong Church with a singles group

Pray about it, and then pray some more, and then wait buddy

[CID_0687]

Remus listen to what everyone here is saying.

I met my wife at church.

Like JWil said....pray about it...

Don't rush it, when God wants you to be with someone He will make it so.

[RayMan]

Remus listen to what everyone here is saying.

I met my wife at church.

Like JWil said....pray about it...

Don't rush it, when God wants you to be with someone He will make it so.

Good advice there, young fella.

[CID_0687]

[/B]

Good advice there, young fella.
Well, I didn't just celebrate 8 years with the most beautiful girl in the world last week for nothing.

Props to Charlie Rich. ;)

[itsrea]

I'm planning to move back to Jax Fla in a month or two. I been looking at some online dating sites.
Don't know where else to look.
I don't go to bars being I don't drink nor do I want to date someone who drinks either (being that drug and alcohol abuse runs high in my family)
I don't knoe where else to look.
Like I said, I been trying out a few free dating sites but I'm a bit concerned on who I might end up.
What would some of you all advise?
Problem with me I have which social interaction downright difficult for me. I'm not using it to down myself or wanting pity but I know my weaknesses.
I'm concern that some woman might see someone as "Urkel like" as I am. People with asperger are usually seen as weird,odd,arrogent, you name it.
I just wonder if its extremely rude asking a woman you want to ask out if shes already seeing someone.
Whagt arfe you alls advice.Well, I am going to take this to heart as a prayer issue... it's not very often that I get to pray for fun things, and this seems to me to be one of those rare times.. and the Lord says where two or more are gathered in my name I will be there... so I know that others will join me in praying for you..

My first, gut reaction is church. It's a great way to get to know locals in a caring atmosphere where people are less likely to see you as wierd, and where they can get to know you.

My second reaction is to join a local charity or volunteer group.. be careful of those doing court ordered community service because they could turn out to be the real wierd ones..

My third suggestion is go back to school.. night classes should give you some people your own age..

and my last suggestion is a book club, art group, or acting group.

Stay away from online dating sites until you have exhausted all other avenues - I tried it and every single nice man turned out weird except for Rick (and I had friends that had already met him at widow and widower luncheons, bbcues and dinners and approved of him). The wierd people were not just wierd.. a couple were dangerous - one told m I'd have to drive to his place cause he couldn't leave his house (come to find out he had a ankle braclet on lol), one attempted to be extremely controlling (you'd have never guessed from how nice he sounded online and on the phone), tracked me down at my apartment and I had to call security to get rid of him, and asked if I'd pick him up for dinner and attempted to steal my car.. and one flew out from Ohio, I got to know him well enough to let him come over and log onto my computer so he could check emails and after he left I found porno in the download file.

:eek:

Whatever you decide to do the answer can be found in prayer.. asking God what HE wants is always the best.. then sit/stand/go about your normal life with a quiet heart, knowing God loves you and is at work, is the best way to wait... because Aspergers is just one of the situations God can handle given the chance... may take some time, but moving slow is GOOD when looking for someone special.

:)

[blazer]

Praying!

[jwil59]

How bout it Remus. What's happening buddy?