Work-from-home dad ousted by wife

[scottsox]

I've been a work-from-home dad for the past several years, primarily doing freelance editing work, teaching evening college classes, and substitute teaching for our local schools, along with several major home improvement projects in the last five years that I've done mostly on my own. I've been here for our three great kids, 9, 12, and 13, but the editing company I work for hasn't been getting paid by the publishers, so I haven't been paid for a couple months. They owe me over $2000 now for a couple months' work. My wife has insisted on controlling the checkbook since she made more than me, and now we're overextended. My wife got fed up with no income coming in from me (along with some other personal issues, but no infidelity or abuse), and she's filed for divorce. She makes three times what I make, so I can't really afford an attorney.

Are there any dads out there who've been through a similar situation and could offer some advice on what to expect in the divorce proceedings? I've spoken with an attorney for a one-time fee, so I've got some idea, but some real experience would help. I've also stepped up efforts to find a full-time job, but I've been trying that for a few years now in my field with no success. Thank you.

Scott in Illinois

[USMCmom]

My heart goes out to you Scott as I understand how tough it can be when everything hits at once. In all honesty I don't know much about the "divorce" part as I did my own...but there were no kids involved.

Is she willing to maybe try some counseling? I can't imagine how hard this is for you but there are some really good people in here who might be able to offer you some sound advice!

If you go to church I would suggest maybe talking to your Priest or Minister.

I am praying that you will find work soon...
Stay strong & God Bless

[scottsox]

Thank you. We've already tried talking to pastors. It's a done deal, pretty much. I've got two brothers in the service: one is National Guard, and the other is a full-time boom operator who refuels the fighters and the bombers in flight.
Scott

[stoked]

I don't know much about it but I have heard of people filing the papers and settling between themselves in the divorce and skipping all the attorney and ugly court proceedings.

[TheFallGuy]

Sorry to hear this Scott.

The only advice I can give is to step outside your field. If your field isn't hiring, get into another field. If you have to, go flip burgers for a while. Pick up a second/third job. It's hard to do, but sometimes, that happens.

As far as the divorce, my heart goes out to you. I've had a brother go through two divorces and a sister through a divorce. It's hard on all around. Make sure you let your kids know you love them no matter what.

[rhet 2]

My prayers too.

There's just too much hurt and too much pain going around this tired and sick old world.

I pray the LORD ease the hurt and give the healing a booster shot. :hug: :(( :pray:

[snow96]

You'll have a lot of issues in the divorce. If she was supporting you with her earnings, you might be able to get some alimony (it's not just for the ladies.) On the house, if it was bought in the marriage, any equity is supposed to be split between the parties (even if it means selling the house.) Don't know what state your in, but in Utah -- without a job don't even think of trying to get custody of the kids. Also in Utah, you would have to pay child support -- even if you claim you don't have a job -- my state has a set bare bones minimum of $20 bucks a month to the person who has custody.

If she can afford an attorney and you can't -- it will be well worth the money for a one time fee (hopefully) to have another attorney go over the paperwork and tell you what your getting into (or loosing). Even if you have to go to court and represent yourself (this isn't a criminal case so the court will not appoint an attorney to represent you). Just make sure if the judge wants something documented (say he wants to know what your monthly expenses are) get as detailed as possible.

If you think you'll have visitation problems in the future with you kids, get it spelled out in the decree when you get the kids. NEVER loose that paperwork and have a copy with you at all times when you have the visitations.

Use the internet and read your online state laws regarding divorce, child support and alimony as much as you can. It will give you the basics of what you can expect.

Good luck

(My divorce was a "good" one. My ex and I are better friends than husband and wife. I did all the paperwork on the divorce, explained it to her, was fair and equitable -- well except for the state guidlines on child support -- and everything worked out great. 5 years and not a single spat.)

[jwil59]

My prayers for Scott and family

[PredFan]

I don't have any advice for you, just heartfelt condolences. That's pretty low for someone to do to someone else if you ask me.

[scottsox]

Thank you all for your kind expressions and wisdom.

Scott

[peter45]

Be careful of lawyers. Some will pick a fight with you, just to be able to up their fees. Or tell you haw bad your soon to be ex is-for the same reason.

Don’t fight.

Be available for your kids. My official divorce arrangements were followed for a whole 2 weeks. Then my ex realized that she was hiring sitters, while I was home doing nothing. She realized that the obvious thing was to have me see the kids half of the time, which was the way it was until they grew up.

Don’t worry about finances. Your mental well being, if you are separated from your kids, will be much more important than mere money.

Good luck.

[blazer]

Praying!

[jwil59]

yeah me too

How are things Scott?