Your all-time favorite joke(s)

[Gray]

Lets' hear it. Some people need cheering up.

[rckirby]

Lol !!!!

[ThinkingMan]

Lets' hear it. Some people need cheering up.

Why are "blond" jokes so short?

[rckirby]

Funny thing is Gray, I have a great sense of humor. No matter what I'm feeling inside, I present to those around me happiness and humor.

I like my job....and I have a smile on my face most often.

That's not to say that I ignore the real world, which has me scared ****less.

I compare myself to Glen Beck. He can present the real possibility of doom and have me laughing while he's doing it.

If you started this thread just for me....thank you.

I will have to make a point of visiting General Interest......I normally don't.

When I get tired of politics, I visit Trivial Pursuits for its mindless threads.

Despite my buoyancy, I am really worried about our country.

But, once I took stock of where I live, and what I need to do to survive, I re-emerged with a new energy.

[sgdp]

Two golfers are on the course when one guy asks, "Have you got a pen I could borrow?"

So his friend goes over to his golf bag and pulls out a foot-long pen.

"That's a fantastic pen. Where did you get that?" the guy asked.

"Well, actually, I've got a little genie," his friend replied. "He lives in the bottom of my bag. I was granted one wish, and this is what I ended up with."

"Do you think I could have a wish?"

"I don't see why not."

So the guy goes over to the golf bag and sees the little genie looking at him. He asks, "Can I have a million quid?" And

*POOF*

A million squid fall from the sky.

"No! No! I said a million quid!"

His friend ran over and says, "I've got to tell you. The genie is a little bit deaf. Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch Bic?"

[Gray]

Why are "blond" jokes so short?

I'll bite, why?

[rckirby]

Why are "blond" jokes so short?

I give up...........

[ThinkingMan]

I'll bite, why?

So redheads can understand them.

:))

Where do generals keep their armies?

[rckirby]

Two golfers are on the course when one guy asks, "Have you got a pen I could borrow?"

So his friend goes over to his golf bag and pulls out a foot-long pen.

"That's a fantastic pen. Where did you get that?" the guy asked.

"Well, actually, I've got a little genie," his friend replied. "He lives in the bottom of my bag. I was granted one wish, and this is what I ended up with."

"Do you think I could have a wish?"

"I don't see why not."

So the guy goes over to the golf bag and sees the little genie looking at him. He asks, "Can I have a million quid?" And

*POOF*

A million squid fall from the sky.

"No! No! I said a million quid!"

His friend ran over and says, "I've got to tell you. The genie is a little bit deaf. Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch Bic?"

:)):))

PS: I still see the elephant !

[sgdp]

:)):))

PS: I still see the elephant !

Can you spare him some lotion? All this schizophrenic weather has his skin in shambles.

[rckirby]

So redheads can understand them.

:))

Where do generals keep their armies?

OK, I've been up since 5....I've had a "couple"......its midnite.......

So I can't even imagine............

(Dang TM, you are keeping me from going to sleep with your intellect, as well as Gray.....TGIF!)

[ThinkingMan]

OK, I've been up since 5....I've had a "couple"......its midnite.......

So I can't even imagine............

(Dang TM, you are keeping me from going to sleep with your intellect, as well as Gray.....TGIF!)

In their sleevies.

[Gray]

An archeologist finds an old lamp, he rubs it and Genie appears.....

"You have three wishes! But be warned! Whatever I grant you, your worst enemy gets twice as much!"

"Ok", says the guy, " I want 5 million dollars in my bank account."

"Granted", says the Genie, "But you worst enemy now has ten million!"

"I want a harem of twenty beautiful women!" Says the Guy.

"Done!", says the Genie, But your enemy now has forty beautiful women!.........And what do you want for your final wish?




" I wish I only had one testicle." says the Guy.

[Gray]

Dupont is coming out with a new color paint called......"Blond"



Because it is cheap, not to bright, and easy to spread.

[ThinkingMan]

OK, I've been up since 5....I've had a "couple"......its midnite.......

So I can't even imagine............

(Dang TM, you are keeping me from going to sleep with your intellect, as well as Gray.....TGIF!)

I like how you unwind. What are ya havin?

[sgdp]

:mrgreen:

[rckirby]

I like how you unwind. What are ya havin?

Vodka and whatever is available.......

OK here's mine:

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died."

The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.

"Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line.

"OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator ..."

[Gray]

snip

"OK, ."

:))

[ThinkingMan]

Vodka and whatever is available.......

OK here's mine:

snip."


AWP! :))

I did not see that one coming!

[sgdp]

Yay! The element of surprise!

[afather1st]

There was an older couple that decided late in life they wanted to have a child. After about a year of trying with no luckb they decided to go to the Dr. to see if the guy was "shooting blanks"

When they got to the Dr's office he gave them a small jar and led them to a back room and told the man to put his sample in the jar.

Shortly after they shut the door they started making a huge ruckus, lots of grunting, moaning, and banging around. This went on for about 20 minutes until they finally came back out.

Totally wore out, drenched in sweat, and so weak they could barely walk, they found the Dr. and told them they just couldn't do it.

"What do you mean you couldn't do it?" the Dr. said, "you guys sounded like a couple of teenagers on prom night. What happened"

"We just couldn't do it doc" the man said, " I tried, I tried with my right hand, I tried with my left hand. Then my wife tried, she tried with her left hand, tried with her right hand. She even tried with her teeth in, then with her teeth out. We just couldn't get that lid off that jar."

[Claymore]

Two idiots walk into a bar.


Tthey didn't see it.

[rckirby]

Can you spare him some lotion? All this schizophrenic weather has his skin in shambles.

Maybe he needs some bag balm :))

[jaggy]

vodka and whatever is available.......

Ok here's mine:

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "tell me about the day you died."

the man said, "oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so i came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So i went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, i got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and i died."

st. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "i was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when i twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily i landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"

st. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.

"tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line.

"ok, picture this, i'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator ..."


lol :))

[jaggy]

here's my old time favorite that made me laugh so hard.

May 2006 a british journalist Robert Chalmers on the independent on sunday conducted an interview with Ted Nugent.

Chalmers ask what do these deer think when they see you coming? here comes a nice guy who puts out dinner or there's the man that shot my brother.

Nugent answered: I don't think they're capable of either of that kind of thinking .all they care about is .

what am I going to eat next? who am I going to screw next? and can I run fast enough to get away. they are very much like the french .:D:)